My wife 35F told me she wanted a divorce last week but has since been very nice to be around. My wife 35F and I 35M have had issues over the past year. Starting with her being unhappy in our marriage and meeting with an ex-boyfriend that brought up feelings. I lied to her about money last week and she immediately said she wants a divorce. We have been married 10 years. She said she scheduled a meeting with a divorce lawyer. I asked her to wait before making and decisions and I am not sure if she met with a lawyer or not. The past week I have slept on the couch and have not attempted to even hug her since the initial day she said not to touch her. She did say she wanted to throw up when she looks at me the day this started. Right now I don’t think is emotionally attracted to
Me at all.
Over the past week she has been very nice to me though and we play games together and watch shows at night. She asks me for help with things and still asks how my day was and all that.
Do you think there is any chance here or maybe she is just faking it until we do divorce? Again, I am not even sure if she has started the process or not.
TL;DR; : can my marriage be saved after lying and my wife checking out?
Comments
She’s in a good mood because she now has something to look forward to.
Have a serious, sit down conversation with her and ask her if it’s worth saving? It could be that either she feels a huge weight off her shoulders and it allows her to be platonic with you, or she wants to see if this is salvageable.
Either way only she will be able to answer that question to you. Good luck 🤞
She’s being nice because the weight of telling you she’s done is off her shoulders. Your next step is figuring out what a divorce looks like for you – getting lawyers or mediators, etc.
No one who says they want a divorce should stay married. Either they’re actually done or they’re childish/poor communicators. I’m guessing your wife is the “done” variety.
Edit to add since OP didn’t include it in this post. She’s probably trying to be civil so your 4 and 6 year old kids don’t live in more chaos than your lies likely already caused the home.
While I’m at it since you didn’t answer anyone in your previous post – how much was the loan for?
No it seems like now that she made the decision she’s unburdened with trying to make a relationship work with you.
She’s beings nice because it’s easier. My first wife cheated on me and I filed for divorce. My attorney said to be as nice and amicable as possible so that it goes smoothly for me, and it did.
After divorce, wife said, “well I’m glad we are still friends.” I laughed in her face and told her the cold hard truth. We were never going to be friends. Hit her like a semi truck.
Point is, you’re about to be taken for a ride. Brace yourself.
I’d say she’s already well checked out and just trying to keep it civil right now. You say she met with an ex boyfriend and also that you make her nauseous. Do you really even want to save this? Think hard on it. I’d say ignore her as much as possible. Start focusing on what your next steps are and start doing things that make you happy, at least somewhat. It’s gonna be just you very soon, may as well start accepting it now.
Dude. It’s over. She thinks the grass is greener and has forgotten her vows. If you lied to her about something, that’s on you. Get a good divorce lawyer
Im sorry but I think you should move forward as if the divorce is a given. It sounds like she is happy with her decision. Divorce is difficult and it will be painful but you’ll come out in the other side in tact. Gather your emotional resources ( family, friends, counselor) and your legal resources (attorney and any finance people you might have).
Looks like your marriage is over, time to lawyer up (quietly) and learn your options.
Do you want to stay with someone well she had feelings for an old boyfriend?
She’s in a better mood because she is happily making plans with her ex boyfriend
I think it is more like she is now not burdened anymore. By with the info of her ex in the mix I wouldn’t be too surprised if that attitude changes again.
Could be her playing nice, too. Why? Could be a lot of things. Guilt? Relieve? A mix of things? I wouldn’t try to fix things
She asked for the divorce, it’s on her to call it off if she wants to mend things.
If I were you I would at least prepare for a divorce.
Nothing stopping you from asking if she is open to reconciliation / couples counseling. Nothing stopping you from asking when the meeting is with the lawyer, either. Don’t keep pretending she didn’t say it. Bring it up yourself.
I would assume my partner was 100% serious if they threatened divorce; that isn’t something we say out of anger. You either mean it or don’t say it. You should get a lawyer, ASAP, either way.
She got to blow off steam saying she wants a divorce
She may or may not be reconsidering her decision to divorce. Regardless, have you tried to do some of the things together that attracted her to you to begin with? Dinner out, movies together, romantic couples type things?