I’m (25f) pregnant with my first child and only a few weeks ago my estranged parents found out about my pregnancy from someone I know back in my home town. They reached out so excited to find out they were going to be grandparents and wanting to be involved but I ignored them and continued ignoring them until two days ago when I replied one time and made it clear they will never know my child or be in our lives and that I wanted them to stop contacting me. This was all via email btw.
Let me get into some background. I have an older sister Sam (28) and she had a best friend Luna. Sam and Luna met in pre-k and became fast friends. Luna was over at our house all the time and eventually she started saying really awful things to me and bullying me. She called me names, mocked me whenever I asked if I could spend time with her and Sam, threw stuff at me when she’d see me and even made a game out of spitting at me and seeing how many times she could hit me.
My parents knew and they did nothing but once I was 7 they sat me down and told me that Luna had a bad time at home and she was mean but she needed us and I needed to understand. And how Luna was so important to Sam and she would grow up into a better person if we didn’t abandon her.
She used to come along to extended family parties and dinners. I remember one time mom’s side was all meeting up and because my parents didn’t say Luna was coming we were a chair short for a bit. Luna took the chair and then said there was no room for me at the table just like there wasn’t room for me anywhere and I should cry in a corner somewhere. Mom’s family were horrified and I started to cry. I was like 9 by then. My grandparents ended up leaving the table and getting one for just the three of us and they spoiled me while they refused to pay for a single thing Luna consumed. They asked me what was going on too and I told them EVERYTHING. Afterward my parents got so much shit from mom’s side of the family and my mom’s parents contacted my dad’s parents and they were shamed by both sides.
When they had enough of that my parents told Sam that Luna needed to come over less or she needed to be nicer. They sorta stuck to that for a while. My grandparents checked in on me weekly to see if my parents were “letting that spoiled little madam into the house to abuse me” and I think that was the deterrent for my parents.
But then when I was 12 my parents let Luna move in with us. They said her home situation was worse and she was going to apologize and we were going to make sure she felt wanted and welcome with us. I got a “sorry, I guess” from her but I could hear her making fun of me to Sam whenever me and my parents weren’t around. She’d laugh about how I looked betrayed when my parents told me she was moving in. She found it hilarious.
I think you can see whose side Sam was always on.
I lived like that for a little over a year before it got to be too much and I told my grandparents Luna was living with us. They went ballistic on my parents and after weeks or months of fighting about it my grandparents insisted I was going to move in with them. My parents protested against it but my grandparents said they couldn’t be trusted to take care of me. My parents wouldn’t kick out Luna for me so yeah. I lived with my grandparents the rest of that time and I actually live in the same neighborhood as them with my partner now.
I actually had zero contact once I moved in with my grandparents. These emails were the first contact in more than a decade. My parents keep replying to that one email. I got like four within a few minutes about an hour after I sent it and they’re telling me I’m taking this too far and they said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore.
AITA?
Comments
I’m sorry you had to endure that. I’m glad your grandparents were on your side.
NTA. Actions have consequences, and now they’re finding out those consequences.
NTA. Your parents choose not to protect you so of course you can never trust them. You have your real bio family of your grandparents.
You know, I think your parents might be a little confused about the whole ‘family’ thing. It’s like they thought they were signing up for a family reunion, but ended up with a horror movie sequel instead.
Well well well the consequence train is right on time isn’t it. Guess Sam took the kicking after you left.
What is the saying f around and find out. Your parents have and you get to live a happy life without them
Good for you and your grandparents. You’re setting boundaries and that’s great. I would suggest documenting everything in a notebook and save all texts, emails, record calls, etc. in case you have to take legal action.
Check if grandparents rights are a thing where you live. Many states have none, some have them, but it’s more if one parent dies type of scenario. There are a few that are very permissive even if there is no relationship between grandparents and grandchild. So just for peace of mind, check it out so you know if you might have to take action.
NTA, how horrible.
Wait, why would anyone expect you to suddenly talk to these people just because you have a child.
I’m so sick of this “grandparents rights” shit. Just no.
NTA. Your parents pretty much tossed you aside for your tormentor. Fuck them. They chose not to communicate with their daughter for over a decade. They don’t deserve to play happy grandparents when they couldn’t even step up to be your proper parents. Congratulations!!!!
I’m curious though, what happened to Luna and why isn’t she in the picture anymore? Your parents had time to contact you before now.
NTA
Your parents showed you who their priority was when you were a child. They have made no effort to contact you until it would be to their benefit. They want to be the grandparents because grandparents. That is something you earn by being a truly loving parent. If Luna has been out of their lives this long, why have they not tried to reach out? What makes them deserving of a place in your life now because you’re pregnant??
The answer to that is NOTHING. You owe them exactly what you got growing up – NOTHING.
Ignore the emails and live your happy healthy life. Congratulations from an internet Mama and “extra” gma for baby.
It took them 10 years to contact their daughter. What did they expect? They are not family anymore. NTA.
"they said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore." This is the part that rips my heart out. Luna isn’t even around anymore and they still didn’t contact you? That’s effed up. NC forever.
Glad you have good grands, of course luna isnt with them now, did she use them and then went NC?
NTA. Your parents made it clear a long time ago that they prioritized Luna and Sam over you. They weren’t really your parents—they were hers.
They let Luna bully you for years and ignored your well-being, and now that you’re pregnant, they suddenly want to reconnect? That doesn’t erase the neglect and hurt they caused.
You don’t owe them anything. Protecting yourself and your child is what matters, and setting boundaries is the right call.
NTA your child deserves to be in an environment without hostility. Your older sister sat there and went right along with the abuse she was giving you. Same with your parents. None of your immediate family is owed time with your child.
Keep documentation of everything they try to do or say. Sounds like restraining orders may be needed in the future. Won’t lie they will likely try and get your sister or other family involved. I’d make it abundantly clear to other family members that you don’t talk with your parents or sister and they don’t need to know where you live, work, or hang around. Also warn your friends, I’ve had too many instances of friends trying to help cause they weren’t aware of the situation.
NTA
I wonder what else went wrong for them that they think your child will be some sort of do over or consolidation prize?
They went more than a decade without contacting you, they are garbage parents, and they deserve the same amount of consideration they gave you these 10+ years, which is zero. If Luna pops back in, they’d abandon your child too, so don’t even give them the opportunity.
NTA don’t respond to them. Just ignore them.
NTA
Protect your peace. Being a parent is hard enough without adding toxic people in your life
Don’t allow them to establish any kind of connection with your child as that can help them gain grandparents rights if they live somewhere that recognises them.
NTA. Stay firm with your decision. How did they even find out about your pregnancy?
NTA. Your parents chose to throw you under the bus to play heroes, they chose virtue signaling over their actual duties and responsibilities. They threw their own child under the bus, you cannot trust them not to throw their grandchild under the bus.
Your grandparents are fucking legends!
If you can afford it, have a lawyer send a cease-and-desist letter.
Youre not wrong for setting boundaries. They put you second for years so they dont get to be shocked now that youre doing the same. Just bcs Luna’s gone doesnt mean the damage is. Why you believe they have really changed?
NTA. If they want to be in a grandchild’s life, they can go find Luna and be her kids grandparents.
NTA, question? Where was your sister during all this abuse? Did she try to stop it? Or was she involved too?
Maybe Luna will have a baby they can play with.
Yes document everything for restraining order and possible harassment suit.
Your parents are NOT your family. They are your relatives. There is an incredibly big difference between the two. Family takes care of family. Your parents failed at that in spectacular fashion. So, you want to continue no contact? I find no issues with that at all. You are definitely NTA, honey. Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your baby, enjoy your life. Don’t give those relatives of yours another thought.
They told on themselves.
‘Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore’.
That’s the only reason why they are reaching out so much (along with your pregnancy). If Luna were still around, would they really be pushing this hard for reconection? Probably not.
NTA
Could you imagine picking another child over your baby? No, me either but your parents did. I don’t think your child needs people like that in their life.
NTA. Your parents set you on fire to keep another child warm. I wouldn’t let them within a thousand yards of that baby.
NTA.
Your parents were trying so hard to be a hero to Luna (and through her, to Sam) that they were willing to sacrifice your peace, safety and wellbeing to satisfy their noblesse oblige.
They can’t have it both ways – to leave you on the altar of some broken girl’s wrath, ignore you for a decade (probably out of shame and guilt) then pretend your pregnancy is an opportunity for them to be forgiven and let in without having to do any work to make amends.
Hell no.
NTA. Your parents knew what they were doing. Everyone around them told them what they were doing. They gave zero effs.
As a parent, I’m absolutely mind blown by the complete callousness of your parents while they simultaneously made a big deal about how hard your bully had it and how awful her home life was.
WTF?
Please send your parents a link to this page so they can see how big of AHs they are. And if they see this: why on Earth would you think you get to be grandparents when you couldn’t even be bothered to be remotely decent parents?
Where is your sister and Luna in all of this now? And why didn’t your parents try to mend bridges when Luna stopped being in the picture? AND WTF TOOK LUNA OUT THE PICTURE!?
I NEED ANSWERS!!! Updateme
Tell your grandparents they wont leave you alone 🤣
I wonder if they would have reached out to you if you had not not been pregnant, probably not. It sounds like there was little to no attempt to correct luna’s behavior beyond telling you to just take it. What crap parents.
NTA
Narcissistic people devalue their own children and dote on the grandkids.
Why?
Your own children see you when your mask slips because they live with you 24-7 and know your true character. Narcissists hate that.
Grandkids give unconditional adoration which narcissists crave. You only visit grandkids for a few hours when your mask is in place.
"They said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore"
Talk about totally missing the point!!
NTA. Your parents stopped being your parents once they let Luna torture you. They have no right to be anywhere near you, your family, and your child.
Nta
So…. they wanted to help Luna become a better person by allowing her to terrorize their own younger daughter?
Any attempt by them would be met with, you wanted Luna.
I would reply "well, neither am i" and block them. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this. Kudos to you for making sure your kids won’t have to.
Guarantee that if your sister has kids that bully yours, it would be the same shit again. It’s not worth it.
Your parents tried to save a child from an abusive home, but did nothing to try to stop the abuse that child was giving out.
NTA. Luna is going to be bullying your parents now if she wants something, and they will just give it to her because she had ‘came from a bad family and we have to buy her love."
NTA. In order to be a grandparent, you have to be a parent, first.
So now that Luna dropped them you are important now?
They choose….unwisely
NTA. Protect you child and your peace
Wait, Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore? But they were SAVING her!!!
I’ll bet Luna is still around somewhere.
What about Sam the sis? Do her parents still have contact with her? Does she have kids?
I’m sure we all want an update.
Stay strong Op.
Email your abusers back and tell them they need to go find Luna since Luna is their daughter now, and you are not. They chose her over you — your ENTIRE LIFE, and now they get to live with the consequences.
They FA now they are FO.
The old FA/FO came back to spank them in the buttocks.
did you or your family hear any updates at all since you left? or did everyone on both sides of the family go NC with your parents and sister? It seems crazy that you don’t know anything about them, your sister or Luna unless that’s the case!
I’m so sorry you went through all this but also so glad to read a story where shitty parents get called out by both sides of the families and cut off to protect the child.
NTA
updateme
NTA. If Luna is no longer in the picture why did they wait until now to tell you? Why didn’t they apologize earlier? Why didn’t they seek to restore y’all’s relationship? What changed?
Bottom line: they were more parents to Luna than they were to you. Luna can give them grandkids.
Subject: Final Response – Do Not Contact Me Again
Mom, Dad, and Sam,
This will be my first and last direct response to you. After more than a decade of silence, you don’t get to waltz back into my life just because I’m having a child. You forfeited your roles as parents and a sister when you made it clear I was nothing more than an afterthought in my own home.
You let Luna abuse me for years. You saw it, you knew it, and you chose to protect her instead of me. You justified her cruelty, made me swallow my pain, and even had the audacity to let her move in—proving once and for all that I was disposable to you. You forced me into a situation where my own safety and sanity depended on leaving. I was a child, and instead of defending me, you chose to stand by my bully.
You do not get to rewrite history just because Luna is "no longer in the picture." The damage was done. You let her break me, and when I finally had the chance to escape, you didn’t fight for me—you fought for her. That is who you are. And that is why you will never know my child.
Sam, you were no better. You stood by and let it happen, let her mock me, humiliate me, and treat me like I was nothing. You enabled her, and you were never a sister to me. So don’t pretend to be one now.
You may feel entitled to my child, but I will not expose them to the same neglect and betrayal I endured. My child will never wonder why their grandparents don’t love them enough to protect them. They will never have a sister who lets someone tear them down. They will never know any of you.
Do not email me again. Do not call me. Do not reach out through anyone else. You lost your place in my life a long time ago, and that will never change.
Goodbye.
[Your Name]
NTA
If this was their first contact in a decade, they don’t even know you!Did How can they think they are loving grandparents to your child? Is Sam not the wonderful person they hold she’d be? Who CARES if Luna is out of the picture?
In 10 years, they’ve never reached out to apologize, never tried to make amends? Just "Luna’s not around anymore so why are you still mad"?? Oh heck no
NTA but out of curiosity why isn’t she in the picture anymore?
NTA. Parents were vile and deserve no forgiveness unless you decide to initiate the process at some point.
But I need to ask, do you have any idea why Luna is no longer in the picture?
Have your grandparents, on either side, stayed in contact with your parents or also NC?