When we first started dating, she told me she had never had an orgasm. She told me that she could not orgasm, and that multiple guys had broken up with her over it. I reassured her it wouldn’t be an issue. I tried at first to help, but she said she did not want to put pressure on it, and would generally avoid things that lead to orgasm. To this end she didn’t want cunnilingus, she has never masturbated, etc.
Almost a decade later and it’s still an issue. Frankly, I’m embarrassed about it, but there is not really anything I can do. Without masturbating, or oral stimulation, or toys, or finger stimulation, or clitoral stimulation, orgasm seems unlikely from penetration exclusively.
I will end on positive note by saying things have gotten better. We are seeing a sex therapist, and she is working on her own stuff while I’m here to support her. I’m very proud of her for everything she is doing, but have to vent and get off my chest that it still really does bother me.
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I guess when you’ve never experienced one, it really doesn’t seem like a big deal. I suppose it would be far worse to have had one and never get it again.
Are you saying she can’t orgasm at all? Or she can’t orgasm from PiV sex? Lots of women don’t orgasm from PiV, but they get off from oral (or other things)
Is she on anti depressants? She was honest about it from the start, and I don’t know your situation but I really hope this isn’t a thing where you told her it wouldn’t be a problem because you secretly wanted to give her the first one to boost your own ego, and now realize that isn’t gonna happen.
Why are you embarrassed about a problem she has with her body that she cant control that in no way effects you? You definitely need therapy alone to figure out why you are embarrassed by this.
Oh that poor woman:( Also I’m sorry for you too. It must be so frustrating and hard on you.
maybe she is just asexual? and not interested in sex at all?
or is it hormonal ?
obviously not the same ,as I used to enjoy sex and had a sex drive, but post menopausal I just don’t care. I have sex with my husband, and occasionally will have an orgasm, but if I never had sex again I’d be fine with that too
I know clitoral stimulation can feel physically overwhelming if not used to it. She has decided to not pursue it in the most logical way (clitoral) so do not beat yourself up about it. Maybe she enjoys the closeness to you, and how sex can be bonding.
I would suggest maybe in your sex therapy talking about how you want to explore her body more if she is open to it, and that it’s not about making her orgasm necessarily, but about exploring what she might enjoy with you, she can enjoy it without orgasm and you can do some sex acts you have been wanting to with her. Maybe it leads to orgasm, maybe it doesn’t, but it will have you both exploring and maybe feeling more connected.
This is my wife as well. We do get to a point where she tells me to stop, but not an orgasm as far as I can tell. She’s okay with it as long as I’m okay with it, but I’m not sure if I am.
Yeah that’s horrible I would lose my mind. I needddddd my partner to have a climax and satisfaction.
You better give her one
You’re not alone
Few glasses of wine?
Get your snorkel out when you
Figure it out
If she is not getting clitoral stimulation, how would she expect to be able to orgasm? Most women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. And if she is not asexual and doesn’t have trauma, why would she not try to masturbate?
I’m glad she is seeing a therapist and wish you the best.
Ditto, although my wife does masturbate. She just stops short because she struggles with the sensitivity. Giving her head is “for me”, she doesn’t like it. She’ll slap my hand away if I try to focus on her clit because it’s too sensitive for her, the only stimulation she can handle is rubbing over pants and dry humping my leg (lol)
I’ll admit it was also hard for me to come to terms with, because with sexual partners before her, I’d put all my efforts into getting them to the finish line. Obviously that’s something you’d expect to be shamed for if you don’t. Lots of foreplay and finishing them off manually or with toys if mine goes off first. Had to throw all that out the window. Just put it in and jackhammer, basically everything you’re told not to do.
It’s easier to come to terms with it after 9 years because frankly, it doesn’t bother her. She still physically enjoys P in V and the intimacy. Technically it’s less work for me, although I do really miss the feeling of getting someone there. Ironically, it upsets her if I can’t finish for any reason. Thems the breaks. All the best OP.
You’re not alone, my friend… My wife doesn’t want to orgasm either. She is able to orgasm, but does everything in her power to avoid it. She doesn’t like the overwhelming feeling it brings. During sex she loves to ge close to it, but doesn’t want the ‘release’ to happen.
What are you proud of?
I think you’re too concerned. Like, you’re forcing your opinion and desires on her. She doesn’t have to have an orgasm if she doesn’t want one. “Things have gotten better” does she feel that way or just you?
This is so wierd to me.
I had a friend growing up who had never had one, EVER till mid to late highschool or even possibly college. I remember her texting me, and she was like “IT FINALLY HAPPENED!”
I always felt bad for her, and would listen when she would vent about it. Sexuality can be so complicated sometimes.