I don’t mind kids or have anything against them. I just don’t want to have kids myself. I told my mom more then once. I have no interest in having kids. Even given her reasons why that include my health problems. The fact there is no way I can afford to have a kid. I can barely afford to live on my own.
But she never listens. She keeps saying things like ‘your to lazy to spread your legs and give me grandkids’ or she keeps trying to push me to watch videos of kids on youtube. And keeps telling me ‘oh kids are so cute.’ I one time brought up the fact that ‘hey you do know you have another kid right? He is only two years younger then me. And he doesn’t need to put his body through the whole carrying a kid thing to give you a grandkid. Why don’t you bug him over kids and get off my case.’ Her reply? ‘Your the older one. Your supposed to do more.’ Again I will say it. He is only two years younger then me.
Today she yet again started her ‘oh I watched this video of this cute kid on youtube’ I snapped and said ‘you know what? I think your the first parent to ever drive there kid into completely disliking kids.’ That gotten her to stop her talking about kids. And her saying that I’m a butthole and greedy for not liking kids. For they are the best thing on earth. Like why is she on my case about it so much? Is it because I’m in my 30s and she thinks that if she doesn’t push me to have a kid now. She wouldn’t have a chance because I’m getting up there in age? Or does she not respect me or care how I feel?
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No, she clearly doesn’t respect you and your life decisions. NTA, but you should most likely consider putting your mother on LC till she learns to respect your boundaries.
Like you said, you have a brother, but sounds like he doesn’t want kids either.
Are you female? A lot of the time moms like this try to push their daughters into having kids, because “women are more nurturing” or something. They tend to leave their sons alone. You’re NTA and I’d go LC your mom is old school toxic and you deserve to not have to deal with that.
If the mom likes kids so much, tell her to go adopt one for herself. There are plenty who need a home.
NTA. You’ve made your boundaries clear multiple times, and your mom is deliberately ignoring them. Pressuring adult children to have kids, calling them lazy, or trying to manipulate them into liking children isn’t respectful, it’s controlling. You’re allowed to make your own life choices, and snapping once to enforce your boundary is understandable.
NTA, but you sound like you’re spending too much time with someone who you don’t like and who you know doesn’t respect you and you don’t respect either.
Do you live with her still? What is the setup? Spend less time with her. There comes a point where you have to take some responsibility of what situations you knowingly put yourself into. A pity party won’t end the situation you’re in.
Stop wasting you’re time and energy on this before you’re the asshole, too. Do you like the person you become around her? It doesn’t sound like you would.
Your body and life choices are none of her business, but you can’t just jump in the same piranha pit every single day and every time scream in shock that you got bit.
NTA tell your mom the only way you would have a kid is if you are a millionaire because you cannot afford it at all unless she wants to pay for 18+years? Not only that if said kid inherited any health problems then that’s more money and care.
My solution is to get a dog and name him like a human name like Luke and invite your mom over to meet her new “grandkid” as a last resort tell her you are thinking of limiting contact with her because she won’t stop it’s your life not hers.
As a parent, kids sucked and kids in THIS economy is a nightmare. I LOVE my children but everything about raising them was ROUGH. I do not blame you. I am so glad they’re grown and gone. I had kids because that’s what you did you did. Tell her if she wants another child, she’s welcome to go to DCFS and foster.
NTA you do NOT “owe” your mother a grandkid. Your life is yours and you get to make the choices that work for you. Having kids is NOT “the best thing on earth” unless you truly want a kid. For the rest of us, it would be an absolute nightmare.
I’m 45 and I’ve never wanted children. I decided when I was 13 it just wasn’t for me. My in-laws used to hound us about having kids. It didn’t bother my husband because he’s heard this stuff his whole life and he lets it roll off his shoulders. Stressed me out to no end. Finally one day they said we had a lot of catching up to do when our friends announced they were pregnant with their second child. I said we are! I told them we were stopping at the humane society on the way home! That was mostly the end of it. It’s your life and you are entitled to live it the way that you choose whether that’s with or without children. I know that I would resent children if I had them. I have nieces and nephews which I love spending time with but they go home at the end of the day and they aren’t my responsibility. It’s okay to not want children and it’s okay to follow through with that. Your mom has a problem that she needs to deal with and that’s not your problem. You are not the asshole but sounds like she is, especially after the spreading your legs comment. Wtf!
NTA
No one is owed grandkids – period.
And any mother whose says something horrible about her daughter spreading her legs in order to give her a grandchild is a mother who should be on the No Contact List.
Jeesh, your mother sucks putrid, slimy eggs – what positives does she bring to your life?
She doesn’t respect Herself. She has No Faith in her Future, or any of Yours. She’s an insecure and over-anxious person who thinks that the more Persistent she is ,the more she’ll get her way. Life does’nt work that way.
Another reason why she’s so persistent over that is because, she, herself, is also at a Crossroads. Having gr.kids at age 50 , right when SHE, herself is in Menopause , supplies the answer to what to DO with her Own Life , rather than figure out any alternatives. She’s expecting You to supply the Solution for Her Life.
She doesn’t care about her Son having kids because she’d have to establish a Normal relationship with a DIL to gain access to the grandkids.
She Could consider adopting what with so many kids needing Homes, even at age 50 or up.
Or consider her adoption of a Pet ? A therapy dog that can escort her everywhere ? Perhaps training the dog would become a meaningful activity for her ? She could also take the dog to visit kids in need.
You don’t owe her grandchildren.
NTA I had to tell my own no contact mother to stop. I have one child and every time I asked “guess what!?” It was met with “YOUR PREGNANT!?”
“Ew no I’m more than a baby maker and that’s sad you only see me that way.”
“I’m just trying to be supportive.”
“Then assume more than a baby.”
This was before I cut her off.
NTA, I was in your situation, I told my mum to speak to my younger brother since he has a stable girlfriend after all. They ended up having my nephew and even if I love him to death I’m still not interested in kids. Luckily for me the questions stopped
The line about “too lazy to spread your legs” is kinda gross thb…
NTA 😆 the reason your mother is pushing you to have kids is because misery loves company😆
My son and DIL don’t want children either. He’s my only child, so I’m not going to be a grandma. I didn’t nag them like your mom because I want a relationship with them.
It took me a few years to get used to the idea, but IT’S NOT MY LIFE! They should live the life they want without any problems from me. I decided a long time ago that its my job to get along with them and support them. Besides, the last thing I want is a grandchild who is unwanted and unloved because life is already too hard, and being unwanted would be brutal.
So, tell mama to stfu. Maybe it’s not too late for her to get knocked up and just supply her own baby!
NTA. She has no respect whatsoever for you. Yes she is your mother, but you should still have some distance from her because she isn’t kind, supportive or respectful to you.
You know why she eats yo to have kids? Having kids is exhausting. Having grandchildren is easy.
Luckily my mom put very little pressure on me, and I never had kids. My sister however has two and O.M.G. my mom puts so much pressure on her. Three sports, art lessons, music lessons, straight As. It is never enough. If they’re home, “Why don’t you come visit?” If they are at a game, “you’re never home.”
It is exhausting for my sister.
Id throw a dictionary at your mother too and get her to look up the definition of greedy.
She told.you to.spread your legs? Gross.
NTA.
But my MIL had 5 kids. 4 girls and 1 boy.
NONE of the girls had kids.
So your mom isn’t the only or first, but she’s not the last either.
She doesn’t respect you or how you feel. You are only on this earth to fulfill her wishes.
I can’t even imagine saying something like “your to lazy to spread your legs and give me grandkids” to another human being.
She’s all kinds of messed up.
“Because I want grandkids” is, without a doubt, the worst reason to have kids. In fact, all the reasons your mother listed are terrible reasons for having kids. I hate people like her who think we’re selfish for not wanting kids. You know what’s truly selfish? Trying to force your daughter into completely changing her body and life to spend what little money she has to raise another human being for at least 28 years simply because you fucking want grandchildren. It’s disgusting.
If my mother ever spoke like that to me I’d never be around her again
Nta
NTA
I love kids and I would enjoy my own some day but I’ve decided I don’t want to bring more babies into this world when there’s so many unwanted babies I could love and give them a chance at a happy childhood
NTA but why do you disrespect yourself so much by talking to her?