My parents divorced when I (17M) was 5. Both have dated others but never had any serious relationships until now. In May mom told me she was dating someone and she was getting serious and wanted to introduce us but she was cagey about who she was dating. I asked questions like 100x before she told me she was dating someone I knew about because I was in school with his daughter. She still wouldn’t say who exactly and I ran through a few girls in my grade and none of them were the girl who’s dad she was dating.
It was a few days before mom planned the big introduction and I guessed it was the dad of this girl I’ve had issues with since the second grade and she wouldn’t say yes or no which told me without telling me. Mom told me not to overreact or be mad and to give it a shot because she wanted us to be a real family.
I told her I would NEVER be this girl’s family and I told her to go fuck herself for trying to make it happen.
Maddy’s the girl in question. We’ve known each other since kindergarten. In second grade we started fighting all the time. She got mad at me for refusing to help her cut something in class when it wasn’t even me, it was one of my friends, she claims she could never tell us apart. Maddy was a b_tch to me after that and I hated her back. Our grades tanked for some assignments if teachers partnered us for them. We’d just fail because we could not get along. She brought up that stupid first incident all the time until I was like just don’t talk to me and I don’t want to look at you. She told me I’d die a virgin because no girl would ever be with someone as ugly as me. I ignored her. But she didn’t give up so I started reporting her to teachers and the principal for the most stupid shit which got her in huge trouble last year but it got her out of my hair for her month long in school suspension.
Knowing my mom expected to make this girl my family? It was a hell fucking no from me and I asked dad if I could just live with him full time and not just 50% of the time. He said of course so I moved in and I haven’t met mom’s boyfriend and I refuse to spend time with him and Maddy. I don’t visit mom either and she complained about it. I told her to enjoy Maddy since she’s the only kid she has now and she better hope Maddy likes her. Mom told me Maddy isn’t her daughter and doesn’t like her but that she loves Maddy’s dad and she wants me to love her enough to try.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. Honestly, u’re allowed to set boundaries, especially with someone who’s treated u poorly for years. Mom can’t force u to be close with her boyfriend or his kid, and it’s fine to protect yourself.
Of the billions of men in the world, this guy is the hill she dies on…
NTA – you’re mom knew what she was doing.
your mom is full of contradictions about being a real family.
NTA I’m so sorry she chose someone over you but I’m so happy you have a great dad in your life and had somewhere to go. Your mom is crossing a serious boundary that you shouldn’t even have to set because what parent would really think this is okay?
If you’re okay and comfortable with it you might want to talk to your dad about seeing a therapist to talk about this and anything else you may have going on.
NTA – Your mom has not thought things through, and is now facing consequences for her actions.
Nta, boundaries matter even if ppl don’t like hearing them
You did the right thing. I wouldn’t want to be family with her either. I bet her and your mother don’t get along either
NTA
The audacity of your mother to try to manipulate you by asking you to love her enough to ‘try’ whole she doesn’t love you enough to not date the father of a girl who has bullied you … I’m sorry you have such a despicably selfish mother.
updateme!
ESH, partly everyone’s fault because your mom knew how you would feel and definitely hid it because she didn’t want you to know.
Are you being so for real? You sounds like you’re 13 pissed because you didn’t get the toy you wanted. I get it I seriously do it’s wasn’t the thing to hide but she’s your mom. She deserves more respect and she found someone who makes her happy. You’re 17 and going to college in a year, she will be alone so give her some grace.
NTA. She knows what this garbage girl put you through but doesn’t care. I’m sorry. Stay with your dad. If mom wants a relationship, she can meet you places, alone.
Nta updateme. Your mom choose to go after the guy who is the dad of the girl who has been a big trouble for you in your life so she will have to live with the consequences of losing her relationship with you.
She can say, ” I wish you love me enough to try.”
But in reality, she is choosing this guy over you
NTA
>Mom told me Maddy isn’t her daughter and doesn’t like her but that she loves Maddy’s dad (…)
…Does your mom not realize that – usually, in a healthy relationship – if you’re dating and consider marrying someone with kids, it’s always a package deal? If your mom doesn’t like Maddy, then I am afraid that her dad is not going to be there with your mom for long. What is your mom hoping for? Is she delusional or something? Does she hope that the honeymoon phase is just going to last forever? How does she even imagine making a family with Maddy’s dad, if she does not even like Maddy? Is she sane?
And out of all people, she chose a guy whose daughter tormented her son for years. Wow.
Stay with your dad. Your mom is clearly setting herself up for a catastrophic failure. I don’t know what’s wrong with your mom.
NTA.
NTA . Your mother made her choice. Choices have consequences. You can only hope this girl makes your mother‘s life a living hell.
Personally, I’d be worried she tried to retaliate against you and a few accusations could derail your life. Don’t ever be alone with this girl.
NTA, but your mom sure is, she expects you to deal with abuse from your bully at your own house, which should be your sacred place, because apparently your egg donnor values more sucking her boyfriend’s balls than her own son’s wellbeing, and expects you to accept the abuse just so she gets to be happy.
She chose her boyfriend over you, now she can live with the consequences of that choice, let her cry all she wants, she deserves it, and NEVER return to her.
YTA. I get you wanting to move in with your dad vs living with them. Dont cut your mom out over some girl that scares you. Your mom spared you a lot of potential bullshit in your youth, you owe her some respect for that.
NTA. Your Mom knew how you would react but still chose her boyfriend and his daughter over you if she’s willing to do that this early in the relationship just imagine what it will be like after years of them being together. The one bright spot is that Maddy seems to hate it also so if she decides to put up as much resistance as you her Dad may back off. It’s great that your Dad let you move in with him, stay there and let your Mom deal with her New Family drama by herself.
This is the big fu from Maddy and her dad. 😂 Probably not, but still. He has to know you got his daughter suspended. 🤦🏼♀️
Your mother has made a choice. She chose Maddy and her father over you, so that’s that. There is no reason to have contact with her. As the saying goes, she made her bed, now she can lay in it—or live her life without you as part of it. You told her-“go Mother Maddy now.” She wants it all -both you and Maddy and her Father, and she has treated you totally disrespectfully when she wouldn’t tell you who she was dating. She knew what your reaction would be and proceeded full speed ahead in her new relationship regardless of your feelings, so, let her have them-but not you too.
Nta
Ya see, mom, it’s not about me loving you enough. It’s about you loving me enough.
Your mom is letting the hamsters loose on the wheel.
I am so sorry. Your mom should love you enough to make you happy.
Did Maddie move in? Either way, you could schedule a meal out every now and then. Bc I don’t think her bf will last long.
NTA. If that’s your boundary. That’s your boundary. It’s reasonable not to want to be around people who make your life more difficult. Makes me wonder if she’s putting in the same effort to get Maddy to “become family” with you.
Updateme
NTA.
If the two of you have really had so many problems with one another and the schools have been involved for years, now, there’s no way that she didn’t know who he was before she started messing around with him, so her terrible behavior is just compounded by how she knew in advance to look elsewhere.
NTA.
Your mother knew what she was doing and did it anyway.
I love it when people think love comes with such ridiculous conditions like ” if you love me you’ll do…”
How about if you love me you won’t ask me to be friends with someone who bullied me and traumatized me? How about that, mom?
NTA Your mom is though, and as a mom of 4 the idea of FORCING a relationship of ANY kind on my child with thier bully makes me physically ill. Fell free to share that with your egg donor
Nope fuck that.
Nah you good.
NTA. Tell her it’s never going to happen and she’s making her own bed here. She can lie in it.
UpdateMe!
NTA your mom doesn’t understand the horrible history there? Thankful you can live with your dad, your mom needs to get a clue. She will lose her daughter over a boyfriend? It’s obvious Maddy will not be on board either.
NTA! But as a mother myself I can’t help but wonder how long she knew this guy was Maddy’s father… like was it rather recent to when she was ready to introduce that she found out who his daughter is or did she know the whole time? If she knew the whole time, then that’s a really shitty thing to do to your kid! There is way too many people in this world for her to settle for your enemies father.
NTA you shouldn’t have to deal with someone who’s done nothing but bully and harass you for years. Just because your mom picked Maddy’s dad doesn’t mean you have to suck it up. You’re allowed boundaries, and to be heard. You can still see your mom just make a condition that Maddy and her father can’t be there if your mom can’t do that at bare minimum then well that’s on her.
The fact that she hid Maddie for any length of time means she knew what she was doing.
Until Maddie apologizes and shows remorse, you can’t have a relationship with your mother. You said your mother and Maddie dont get along, there’s another red flag.
Your mother is choosing herself over you.
Really? Of all the hundreds of single men around, and she chooses him. Wtf. This girl would just start digging her nails in every time you had to see her. Glad you removed yourself. Good luck.
NTA. Your mum can meet up with you minus her ‘new family’ if she wants to see you. She knew fully well you and Maddy don’t get along. To expect you to try ‘because you love her’ is manipulation. Stay with dad. Let her make the effort yo see you (alone).
NTA… saying she’s family is ridiculous as they are only dating.
Being as you are both teenagers , you don’t need to spend time together in order for your parents to date. Unless they get married .. you don’t have to socialize with her at all.
Your mother loves this man. I assume you want her to be happy ? Set boundaries with Mom.. tell her you love her , but will not be playing Brady bunch any time in the near future.
NTAH
She even admitted to you that she didn’t like Maddy either but just wants her daddy’s “p”.
NTA, and I’d go so far as to tell your mother that if she ever talks to you again while she’s dating that guy, that your dad will sue her for child support, you’ll have criminal harassment charges placed against her, her bf’s daughter, and anyone your mother or her bf’s daughter try to sick on you, and the like. Tell her the only way you’ll ever willingly talk to her again is when she breaks up with that guy and he and Maddy are never a part of her life ever again, and that she’s made it abundantly clear that she cares more about having sex than her own child’s health and safety (both physical and mental), because she could literally date and fall in love with just about any man, and she chose to do that with the ONE man she KNEW you’d have a problem with, and that that’s why she hid it from you.
Updateme!
You’re 17. Go live where you want.
NTA and make it clear to mom, you will not go to her house as long as she’s with the dad bc if Maddy is in the picture you don’t feel safe. She wants you to love her enough to try? It’s her job to love you enough to not put you in that position
She should never have even entertained a first date with this guy. As a mother, I can’t imagine putting my child in the situation she has chosen to put you in. She knew there was a chance you would respond this way and she chose to do it anyway. I have zero empathy for her.
Does she deserve love and a romantic relationship? Absolutely. There are 8 billion people on this planet. She is choosing her boyfriend over you bc you’ve made it clear you will not be in this family and she still chose him.