Hi,
My husband and I had a disagreement last night. He’s in charge of cooking dinner, but he usually procrastinates and starts cooking two to three hours after I get home. I like to go to bed at a time that ensures I’ll get 6.5-8 hours of sleep, which he insists is out of the ordinary. I think he’s making up excuses to procrastinate and he’s upset that he can’t play video games or stare at his phone until 1am, cook, and then have two or three more hours to spend with me. For context, I get home around 11pm and the disagreement started because he started cooking late again and wanted to watch a movie with dinner. The last time I heard, 6 to 8 hours of sleep was normal for a childless adult. I do get up two and a half hours early so I have plenty of time to wake up, but he even paused mid-arguement to say that’s a good idea.
TL;DR: How many hours of sleep do you aim for?
Comments
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I aim to be asleep 7-8 hours before, but that is actually asleep and does not include things like my nighttime routine if skin care or anything.
I try for 7-8. My functioning deteriorates under that. ALSO women need more sleep, on average, than men. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-women-need-more-sleep
Your partner thinks that it is out of the ordinary to try to get 6.5-8 hours of sleep? How much sleep does he try to get in a night? I am going to guess it is at least 6 hours.
8-9 is ideal for me. But it doesn’t matter what’s “normal”, you need what you need and you shouldn’t have to prove it to your husband with statistics, he should respect that you want to be well rested.
Anyway, sounds like dinner being his responsibility isn’t working out. Maybe you can swap chores? Or just make dinner for yourself when you want it. He can eat whenever he’s done procrastinating.
I go up to bed around 9-9:30pm at the latest on a work night and wake up around 6:30-7am.
My partner works from home so he makes dinner and it’s usually ready by 5:30, 6pm at the latest. I need time to digest before going to bed or I have horrible heartburn and can’t sleep.
For my own digestive reasons, I don’t like to have dinner too late. I live with my teenage son. We meal prep on Sunday and he will get dinner started when he is home from school around 5. I am usually home no later than 6 and we have dinner on the table by 6:30 or 7:00 most nights. I like to be in bed by 9:00 and asleep by 10:00.
I’m asleep by 9-10. I sleep 8 hours. My husband functions on 5-6 hours of sleep daily. I havo no idea how he does that. I would be in a mental hospital if I tried that.
7+. I wake up at 5am so I sleep around 9-10:30.
I get 8-9 hours of sleep. What this translates to is going to bed around 8 to get up at 4 since I get to the gym around 6 AM and do other stuff before that. If I’m super tired, I might sleep in until 5.
While it is unreasonable for someone to ask you to cut into your sleep time to hang out during your work week when rest is most important, it is also a bit weird to be that dependent on one another when you have differing goals and needs for your evenings. If you need to eat earlier and he doesn’t want to, you can make yourself food and just go to bed. You don’t need to wait for someone else; your needs have to come first. If he wants to spend time with you he has to adjust to your work schedule. But also you can do things separately, you don’t need to spend that time together every day.
I mean, if he wants to eat later and you want to eat earlier, it sounds like maybe you should switch off who’s responsible for dinner? Is there another task you are responsible for that’s less time-sensitive that he could take over instead, and then you could be responsible for dinner?
Personally, 7 hours of sleep is like the minimum amount I can get and still feel human. I prefer 9 hours.
I stay up late reading or induging in other hobbies as revenge for my completely unsatisfying day of working. But I also have a baby, so I cook dinner while my husband puts the baby to bed. We eat around 9pm, then I go to bed around midnight, back up at 5:30am. The baby is usually up at some point during that time to breastfeed too.
I need like 8-9 hours I can function on 6 but not well.
Typically at about 11pm. I get up at 6am for work. This dynamic sounds so annoying and at this point, you should just accept that your husband is lazy.
I function the best on a full 8 hours. I am in bed by 10:30 at the very latest (I have a go to bed alarm set at 9:45pm) I wake up at 5:15am during the work week.
I go to bed around 11pm and wake up 6:30/7am. I get home from work around 4:30, and don’t usually eat dinner til 8:30/9pm (by choice)
I usually go to bed at around 12-1 am and I’m awake at 8ish. I try to get a minimum of 6.5 hours, ideally close to 8. When I used to work until 11pm I would be in bed by 1 am still most nights. Pretty strange that he thinks 6.5-8 hours of sleep is out of the ordinary….
Why don’t you make yourself dinner if he’s not willing to make it at a time that works for you? You don’t have to live by his schedule if it’s interfering with your sleep.
I go to bed at 9pm even though I really should get more sleep. But by the time I’ve done everything I need to do and get ready for bed it’s almost 8:30. We try to eat dinner no later than 7:30 for this reason.
I get on average 6 hours of sleep but that’s only because my schedule literally has no wiggle room. Optimally I would get 8-9 hours a night lol. Your husband is being ridiculous.
Asleep by 10, up at 5:30. My partner and I have a bad habit of falling asleep on the couch together!
I wake up naturally after 6hrs of sleep so I go to bed 6hrs before an hour before my first meeting (I WFH) so it varies 😂 If I go to bed at 9 or 10pm though, Im for sure up at 2-3am and not able to go back to sleep cus I am wide awake.
I get in bed around 8:30, and am asleep by 9:30ish. Wake up around 6am.
so however many hours of sleep that is.
I get up at 6/6:30am so I aim to be asleep by 10pm, 11pm at the absolute latest, which means we eat dinner around 6:30-7:30pm.
I need 7-8 hours of sleep to feel my best and I will absolutely not compromise on that.
I don’t know where your husband is getting the idea that 6.5-8 hours of sleep is “out of the ordinary” but it sounds to me like he’s trying to justify his procrastination and the impact it’s having on your sleep, which would upset me if I were in your position.
Sleeping is a no negotiable for me. And house chores (and the time for them!) should be an agreement between you two. Your point is ABSOLUTELY right and you deserve to have some rest!!
Between 10-11 on average and wake up at 7! If I get too much sleep, then I’m a bit groggy and if I don’t get enough then I always have a midday crash. 8-10 hours is my sweet spot : )
Jesus, getting home at 11pm is wild, I almost never work that late. What are his hours like? If that was me, I’d be making dinner for a normal time of day, certainly well before 11pm and then you’d get to heat it up when you got home. What the hell is he doing after he gets off work that he’s still putzing around on his phone when you get off work!
There’s almost zero chance I’d be up at 11pm to say hi, lol, I go to bed by 10 pm ideally.
And yes, 6.5-8 hours of sleep is the norm for everybody, idk why he would disbelieve you on something so basic!
For adult women, the ideal amount of sleep per night varies from 7-10 hours, or 7-9 hours (studies vary), the upper limit changes however, the lower limit remains at 7 hours. Getting less than 6 hours per night can lead to living in a state of sleep deprivation.
Edited to clarify that these stats are for adult women! 18+. As younger ladies and girls, the hours may vary.
6.5-8h sleep is out of the ordinary? What? That’s the bare minimum. If I get <8h sleep for several days in a row, I barely function anymore, and you really don’t want to be around me then lol
If I work late shifts and don’t have anything else to do, I even try to get ~10h sleep because that’s when I actually finally feel well rested.
That being said, studies show that women usually need more sleep than men. Something something bigger mental load during the day or whatever (probably won’t surprise anyone here 🥲)
I go to bed around 9:30… I go to sleep around 10 or 10:30. In between, I’ll do something quiet like read.
I aim for 7-8 hrs of sleep.
I’m not a scientist, but I remember reading that women need more sleep than men.
I work from 1pmish to 9pmish. I go to bed about 1:30am and rise from my slumber at 10am. I am more of a night owl than a morning person, so even when I worked regular 9 to 5pm, I went to bed about 1am (and suffered for only sleeping 7 hours). Women often need more sleep because of estrogen (there is some science behind this, but basically it’s because estrogen), and because we often are doing more of the mental load of living (and often physical load – cooking, cleaning, etc). If your husband can’t let you sleep the hours you need to, you should tell him to go to hell about it, to be blunt. 😂 It’s nice he wants to spend time with you, but sleep is so important and necessary that he needs to figure out a different way to do that. Maybe he can swap his phone scrolling to after you go to bed, instead of before. He could also hang out with you while cooking for even more quality time.
Your husband is tripping. 8hrs is the recommended amount. If he can’t be arsed to tear himself away from his precious devices to cook food every night I’d suggest batch-cooking so you have something ready to go whenever you need to eat.
6-8 hours normal and 8 hours would be healthy. I go to sleep at 11 and wake up at 7. We sleep more on the weekends. Your husband is not talking your health serious, not enough sleep is very unhealthy.
I take a medication that knocks me out, and I’m pretty much walking dead by 9. If I take it any later, I won’t wake up in the morning.
In bed by 9, up at 6.
I try to get 8 but usually end up with 7. Less than 7 and I am dragging ass. Usually requiring an afternoon nap.
Sleep matters for health and I heard that you shouldnt eat too close to bed for brain health.
I understand him wanting more time with you but youll have more longevity if you take care of yourself
I have a kid and I still get 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
6.5-8 hours is completely reasonable and what I aim for myself. It is not out of the ordinary.
7 hours since that’s the requirement to be fully rested.
Honestly, I try for 9-10pm. I also do not eat at night. I have evolved to that point over the years. I cook and portion meals on the weekends. My husband can grab a meal and heat it up if he’s hungry. I have so much to do when I get home that I don’t have time to cook, clean, eat, etc. I work very long hours. He is not at all good at cooking. I’m ok with it. He does all the maintenance, car stuff, dishwasher, laundry etc. we have a pretty good system now.
I give myself 7 hours but average 6. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want that time to sleep, however you said that you get up two and a half hours earlier than you need to? That would push your bedtime up two and a half hours earlier? I could see that creating a timing conflict. Maybe you guys should just cook meals separately.
I go to bed at 9am and get up at 5. I don’t sleep well though so it’s quite broken
OP, his argument is stupid bc it takes the same amount of time to cook whenever he does it. he’s not gaining any more video game hours by cooking late unless he’s waiting for you to already be home. 6-8 hours is good. he can play games in the other room if you need to sleep. honestly, these gamers that put it before their relationships are ridiculous. I play games, but when my husband comes home, I focus on us.
I read some research a while ago that suggested women on average actually need more sleep than men which would average around 6-7 hours, and for woman more like 7-9 in an ideal world.
Your husband is nuts if he thinks 6 hours isn’t normal.
More importantly why is he trying to delay you sleeping when you’ve told him how much sleep you need? That isn’t normal behaviour.
You obviously have a very different schedule than I do or a lot of the people commenting. I go to bed at 930-10pm and wake up at 530. We do eat late, usually around 8pm. I cook usually and I try to have dinner ready earlier but I’m not usually preparing dinner until after 7. For me, it’s ok to eat that late and go to bed not long after. I don’t eat breakfast until like 9 the next morning.
My ex used to do this. When it was his night to cook, he’d START cooking dinner at 8:30pm and I’d be like.. dude. I’m not gonna eat that late.
When I used to work late shifts I didn’t expect to eat when I got home. I ate at work. So the only part that’s kind of weird is expecting everyone to eat at 11pm, but if that’s what everyone has agreed to then dinner should be prepped by the person who agreed to prep it at the agreed upon time lol
Getting 6.5-8 hours a sleep is recommended, and women actually need more sleep. I usually need 7-9 hours.
It’s literally recommended by doctors to get ~8 hours of sleep a night. I try to get to bed by 9 at the latest and then I’m asleep by 10. I wake up at 5:45 am. I get off work at 6 pm. Would it be nice to have more time in the evenings to just hang out with my family? Sure. But I’m not willing to compromise on sleep.
Normal sleep for an adult female 7-9 hours. Ideally, you need to stop eating a minimum of 2-3 hours before bed for digestion to not impact your sleep. I shoot for 7-8 and most nights hit that mark.
Can you make your ‘dinner’ your lunch break at work? Meal prep ahead something filling. That way if you are hungry when you get home you can grab something small and get ready for bed on your own terms.
He sounds disinterested in cooking and eating dinner in general.
8 hours or I don’t function well. Lack of sleep really stresses out your body. It personally makes me break out with acne.
I start winding down around 9 usually, try to be in bed by 930 or so, ideally asleep by 1030.
I need a solid 7.5 – 8 hours or I’m not at my best.
I get off work and am home by 430/5 and usually try to eat before 6 or 7.
when i was working, i’d go to bed between 11pm-12am and get 6.5-8 hours of sleep. although, on my days off, i’d get 9-11 hours. research has shown that women need more sleep.
i understand that you’re frustrated, and i don’t get why your husband thinks 6.5-8 hours is out of the ordinary lol, but i think the best way to problem solve the issue for now is to meal prep on the weekend so that the meals can be ready to eat/warmed up easily or make a big crockpot meal that can last for the entire work week. that way, you don’t have to be completely reliant on your husband.
Its been studied that LESS than 7 hours can be detrimental to your health negatively. 8 is recommended by most doctors. Your Husband sounds like a piss baby that doesnt want to do what you need. What’s he doing before 11pm when you get home? Who even waits that long to cook. What’s the trendy phrase for this right now?? oh yea weaponized incompetence.
Everyone else has already covered that 6.5-8 hours is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to sleep, so I’ll add — even if you were an outlier who needs more sleep than the average person, he should still respect and support that! He should not want you to attempt to live on an amount of sleep that makes your body feel bad.
I’m a 7-8 hour a night sleeper. If I stay up too late I push the boundary of arriving to work on time.
Whatever works for you in order to have an hour in bed to possibly have sex/massage/intimate conversation. If he games and goes to bed he is tuning the relationship into a friendship. Realty is relationships need couscous nurture and deciding to be a partner.
My (37F) bodies optimal is 7.
My actual is usually 5/6.
7-8 hours should really be the bare minimum for a woman. Is he dense?
At 9:30pm, my household shuts down, everyone in bed and lights out.
I wake up at 5:30AM and make sure the kiddos are up by 6AM.
That way, no one is falling asleep at school or at work.
Adults need 7-9 hours of sleep for optimal health. Period. Habitually less and there will be cognitive and other health impacts.
Ha my partner is in trouble if I get any less than 10 hours
I aim for roughly 7 hours of sleep, and we rarely go to bed at the same time.
During early shift, I go to bed at 21:00. Late shift: 01:00- 02:00. Night shift: 07:00 in the morning roughly.
And of course is my husband adjusting cooking time to my work and sleep schedule.
I mean a quick google agrees with you, but even so why does it matter what’s normal for anyone else? It’s literally just a delay tactic so he doesn’t have to change anything, and you’re buying into it.
If YOU need 8 hours of sleep and he wants to watch a movie with dinner then he can get started earlier, otherwise eat a sandwich and go to bed by yourself. If he wants to hang out bad enough he will adjust.
I need over 7 at least but I try to get over 8
I like to be in bed by 10. May read something, may scroll Reddit for a bit, may watch something easy on the brain.
Wintertime I may go to bed even sooner.
Bed at 11-11.30pm, up at 7-.7.30am. I average about 7 hrs a night.
It doesn’t matter how much sleep we need.
What’s the real issue here?
Is he purposely failing so that you will take over and do it?
7-8 is good for me. But I can push through the day with just 5/6. 9-10 would be amazing
I’m tired just reading that. I can’t remember the last time I stayed up until 11:00 PM, much less ate afterward. I aim for 8 hours a night, and if I don’t get it, no one wants to be around me, myself included.
I have insomnia so I need like 8-9 hours in bed to maybe get 7 hours of sleep. My home time flu aged and can be between 8-11. Those 11 days are difficult because I’m more likely to get in bed at 1-2 and it throws off my whole schedule.
Honestly, it sounds like your husband is being purposefully obtuse so that he can just do what he wants. If dinner is his agreed upon chore, there’s no reason he shouldn’t have it ready when you get home (assuming he gets home at a more traditional time).
The other thing he could do is meal prep. I cook once, maybe twice a week. It’s way more left overs than I want but it’s the easiest thing for my schedule. If he planned out meals better, he could easily cook every other day or something like that and ease his own burden.
Same as every night: 1:30am
I need 7-8 hours and i usually go to bed around 12-1 on weekdays. My boyfriend also needs less sleep / goes to bed late and has been a bit annoying about it in the past. If we’re running late with work and other things, sometimes we don’t have dinner until 9 or 10. But I would be confused, hangry and have horrible digestion if dinner hasn’t even begun at 11!
I try to be asleep by 10:30 every night. I get up around 7 or so.
But it doesn’t matter what I do, it matters how much sleep YOU need, and what time YOU need to go to bed to get that sleep. I work from home and my kid handles himself in the morning, so my routine is very different than someone with a baby, or someone who works later hours, or someone who goes into an office.
I had a similar dilemma with my partner. If you say you’re going to do something- it should be implied that it will be done in a timely manner.
As in for the better good of all involved, not just what suits you.
For example: him doing the dishes after I cook isn’t really happening if he’s doing those dishes 1.5 days later..
Thankfully I found an amazing partner who is capable of evolving with little to 0 pushback.
I’m happy if I get 7hrs.
I wish I had the discipline to do that every day but reality is, usually 5hrs most days, unfortunately.
I don’t need a lot of sleep I’m good with 4-6 usually, anything more I feel groggy
If I didn’t like when my partner started dinner; I’d just make it myself whenever I wanted it 🤷🏻♀️
I need 7-9hr of sleep to function well.
Does your husband get, like, 4-5hr or something? How the heck is he surviving on that?!
Also, research studies show women need more sleep than men.
Hi friend. BTW 7-9 hours of sleep is recommended by medical professionals for ANY adults. Waiting that long despite what you’re asking of him isn’t cool. Its okay to speak up for yourself and state your needs. A meal upon arrival is not a big ask, and it provides more balance for your wellness. You’d think he’d be on board for you to live a balanced life with plenty of sleep. Him arguing might be because he feels defensive for being called out and not necessarily because he believes what he’s saying is true.
To answer your question, to prepare for the morning I do the math backwards. I start working at 8AM. It takes an hour to get to work but sometimes there is traffic. So I leave at 6:45AM to give myself that commuter traffic cushion. It takes me +/- hour to get ready and get out the door, so I need to get up around 5:30-5:45AM. If I want to get a solid seven hours of sleep, then I need to be asleep by 10-10:30PM. If it takes me 30-45 minutes to wind down, then I should do that around 9:30PM. The recommended time to cut off eating before bed is 2-3 hours, and some nights I go to the gym after work, so I should eat somewhere in the 6PM-8PM window. If I plan out home meals or agree to get takeout, then its already agreed upon in advance and we eat as soon as both people arrive home.
ETA: If you’re hungry just make food for yourself and only yourself.
The issue sounds like it is less about sleep and more about your husband selfishly expecting you to adhere to his schedule whether it works for you or not. Your husband seems very childish.
I start work at 0730 and need 8 hours but can do it on 6.
Anywhere from 9 to 7 hours.
I would not tolerate someone procrastinating their turn to cook because they can’t get off a damn video game or want to be on their phone. And I love gaming!
Also, being completely nosey, what does he do that allows him to match your schedule like that?
My husband and I actually have separate bedrooms for this very reason. He’s a night owl, and the older I get the earlier I have to go to bed. If he comes in, then it will wake me up and I won’t be able to go back to sleep.
Don’t know if that’s an option for you guys, but it works really well for us.
8 to 9 for me! And I am hungry when I get home – preparing and eating a meal is part of my transition from work to home routine.
Reading the replies here has been so validating. I try to go to sleep between 9 and 10, but sometimes I end up staying up a little bit later, like maybe until 11. It’s not super frequent that I stay up that late, but it does happen. I aim for 8-9 hours of sleep. I often felt like a “boring” person for going to bed at like 9, but these replies show me I’m far from alone!
Minimum 8, but often more due to numerous medical issues. I prefer to be in bed by 10, even if I read until 11.
Less sleep and I’m not fully functioning. I also don’t drink caffeine so sleep is important to me. I’m actually in bed now after dozing since I got 6 hours of sleep and had to drive 2 hours this morning.
And I eat around 5 or 6pm. No way would I eat right before sleeping. Ugh, heartburn.
I’m presently not working, but I aim to make it to the bed by 9pm so i can be asleep by 10:30pm. My husband gets home between 7:30-10pm (average 8-9pm) and stays up until 2:30am. The cat gets me up anywhere between 4-7am. Husband has to be awake between 7:30-8am to head to work at 8:45am.
11ish most of the time but sometimes I “Oops I fucked up” and stay awake until I hear birds.
Then it’s a rough day.
I aim for roughly 7, but it’s usually between 6-7 hours. I head to bed around 10-10:45 and fall asleep around 11-11:30.
Between 8-12pm. I work at 6am, but in the winters I have a group sport that goes until 10:30pm. My sleep schedule is a mess and some days are really rough lol.
How much sleep would you be getting each night if he had his own way because it doesn’t sound like you’d be getting more than a few hours.
I go to bed by 1130 because I get up for the gym at 630, I CANNOT function on low sleep (I have severe ADHD and sleep deprivation makes it SO much worse). How old is your partner? The not wanting to sleep thing makes him seem young
lol I am childless and my bf and I have different sleeping schedules sometimes. I’ll be honest I like my 10 hours of sleep; this is why I don’t have children. I go to bed at 8:30 and wake up around 5:30am. He’s usually asleep by 10/11 and gets up at 5:30am.
Maybe be more flexible with dinner; it looks like it’s stressing you out. You could just pre-plan and understand that your work schedules are not in sync so dinner times will be different. Dinner should not be more important than your relationship. Maybe he doesn’t want to be in charge of dinner everyday; that’s understandable. You both can make dinner separately?
I get 8-9 hrs of sleep a night. I usually won’t eat after 7 pm as I’m in bed by 9 and asleep by 10.
You’re supposed to stop eating 3 hours before bed.
Regardless, I don’t get why you’re having to justify when it’s good for you to eat.
Sounds like a dud
looking at my sleep data, i average a little over 8 hrs a night. my usual schedule is in bed by 10 and up by 7. women actually need more sleep than men, on average. 7-9 hours a night is the general sleep guideline.
I work till 11pm often, and I eat dinner as soon as I get home. I would not eat dinner at 1am. I’m usually getting in bed around 1 on those nights. I get 8-9 hrs of sleep a night and prioritize it
I’m in bed by 9:15 p.m. and asleep by about 10:15 p.m. I wake up at 6:15 am without an alarm clock.
Uhhh .. what? I go to Bed at 9 usually, I’d cry if I had to get home at 11pm and dinner wasn’t ready.
10:30 pm is when I go to bed
8-9 hours of sleep for sure
I wake up at 5:30/6 without an alarm no matter when I go to sleep (thank you perimenopause!). My sleep cycle is about 3.75 hours so 7.5 is perfect, and I go to bed around 10 to achieve that.
Before I had a baby, I went to sleep around 11pm and got up at 9am! I aimed for 8 to 10 hours every day.
Now that I have a baby, I go to sleep when she does and desperately try to get every minute of sleep I can before I have to start work for the day.
Generally between 930 and 1030. I have my alarm set for 7am for work but I’m generally up before the alarm goes off (my start time recently changed, went from 715 to 830) so I tend to go to bed a little earlier so I make sure I get between 7 and 8 hours.
I aim for whatever sleep comes to me. I’ve always had sleep problems but currently my husband and I work differing schedules; I work part time during the day M-F and part time overnight Thu-Sat whereas he works a typical job full time 9-5 M-F. I do think it’s ridiculous for your husband to treat you that way though. He knows you like to eat sooner so it’s common courtesy. Whenever I cook it’s with the intention for it to be ready around the time my husband gets home from work because he’s always starving. Your husband is rude.
I need 9-10 hours to be good, 7-9 to be ok. Less than that I’m not a functional human being. I try to be in bed at 9:30 and get up at 7:30
I aim for 8-10 hours. 6-8 is doable short term but not ideal. Under 6, I’m a mess. I start winding down for bed around 9-10pm, and usually sleep from 11/12 until 8/9am. Ultimately, everybody has different needs and your partner should respect that and want you to get the rest you need to feel your best.
Why is your husband so insistent that you get less sleep just to appease him?
Out of curiosity, does your husband have a job?
I need 8.5 hours in winter and 7.5 in summer. I wouldn’t share a house with your man! Nuh uh
6.5 – 8 hours sounds about right! Bed at 10, lights out at 10.30. I get up either 5.30/6 if I’m going into the office or about 7.00 if I’m not.
Her husband sounds like he needs “proof” 🫠
7-8 is what I aim for too. You also shouldn’t eat right before bed. I usually aim to finish eating 3 hours before bed.
I eat dinner by 6:30 the latest, and am in bed by 9. I wake up between 5:30-6:00 every morning, so Ioveeee an early bedtime
Studies show women actually need more sleep than men. But 6-8 hours is completely normal for any adult. I think you’re spot on about him making excuses. Cooking doesn’t have to be elaborate or take a lot of time. With meal prepping or leftovers, that means not cooking every single day. So there is literally no excuse.
I try to be in bed by 10pm. Try to get 8 hours of sleep or more.
I’m usually asleep between 9:00pm and 10:00pm.
Are you guys routinely awake until 3am?
We really prioritize sleep in my house, so the early sleeper (my husband) gets priority in the evening and the late riser (me) gets priority in the morning. And by “gets priority,” I mean they get to make the rules about everything leading up to that!
I go to bed at a time where I can sleep up to 8.5 hours and still be ready for work on time. Most of the time, my body decides 7.5 is enough, but I allow for more because there are days I need it. I will always prioritize sleep because I’m not interested in the long term heath effects, aka increased healthcare costs.
I sleep for 8 hours. For context I get up at 6-7 and I try to go to bed around 10-11 for that reason. Also though I eat dinner within 1-2 hours of getting home, I would get so hangry if I had to wait 2+ hours to eat after working a shift.
If you can’t find a compromise, maybe try meal prepping diners on the weekend? We make a bunch of rice or pasta and the toppings on Sunday and then each dinner we can just reheat the food in the microwave.
In bed by 9:30PM, PTFO by 10PM. Alarm goes off at 6AM, three snooze cycles of 15 minutes each, get out of bed at 6:45AM (or 7AM on a work-from-home day). I’m an 8-9 hours of sleep girl. Anything less than 8 and I cannot function well. More than three nights in a row of <8 hours of sleep and I am basically guaranteed to get sick.
My husband usually watches a movie or his own TV shows after I go to bed; he rolls into bed around 1AM and gets up either at 6AM or 7AM depending on his workload. He thinks he can function on so little sleep, but trust me, he cannot. He’s a sluggish and sloppy disaster until he has his coffee and Adderall, and even then, the ADD is strong with that one.
The National Institute of Health and the Mayo Clinic both recommend”7+ hours of sleep per night” for those 13 and older, so his insistence that your sleep hours are “out of the ordinary” is totally unfounded. As another user linked below, women generally also need more sleep than men. Plus, you’re also not supposed to eat anything within two hours of going to sleep, so he’s putting your body in a tough place by procrastinating.
If your husband wants to dick around and play video games/watch a movie/putter around, make him do that AFTER you go to bed. If he wants to spend time with you before you go to bed, he needs to understand that bedtime for you is at a certain time, and his obligations to you need to be fulfilled before that. If he can’t do that, despite a tacit agreement that he would cook dinner, then consider those evenings “on your own” evenings and treat yourself to a lovely dinner out on the town or an elaborate meal that scratches YOUR itch.
10-12 hours a night. I joke that I’m a hypersomniac.
I go to bed at 9pm and get up at around 5:30am. I find I operate best on 9 hours of sleep, but everyone is different. Guidelines say adults need 7-9 hours a night.
We meal prep all of our chicken breast for the next 3-4 days in one batch, and cook sides like sweet potato/green beans etc so at dinner time we just heat up a plate. It’s healthy and consistent and easy.
If I had to “cook” every night I’d be very burnt out
6.5-7.5 hours 🙂
7.5 is my sweet spot for me, 6.5 – 8 is perfectly normal. Tell your husband he’s a weirdo and that he needs to do his chores like an adult.
Midnight or later. I work an 8-5 so it’s never enough sleep.
Sleep is very important to me. And I function best on 8-10 hours. Most nights I aim to be asleep before 9. Alarm goes off 4 days a week at 5:30, and in a perfect world id be asleep before 8.
I have no children and I am single for the record. I sleep at midnight to 12:30. I get 6.5-7.5 hours of sleep. I am currently aiming to sleep earlier because I am more energized when I do.
Anyway, this arrangement sounds like it’s not working out for you both. Maybe consider a new or different arrangement since you both have different schedules and expectations. It has to work for the both of you.
I usually aim for 5.5-6 hours on a work night. I could go to sleep earlier and get closer to 7, but I prefer to stay up late and watch TV / play video games. So when I get home at 11pm I usually go to bed around 2-3am, if I get home at 7pm I go to bed around 1-2am.
Also women need more sleep than men. While the “average is 8” it can be 6-8 for men but 8-10 for women. I got to bed at 9am. I’m in peri so sleep isn’t smooth sailing and my alarm is set for 6:20
I love 10 hours but 8 hours is usually okay.
What’s actually happening is that you are dead set on changing his behavior at the expense of your sleep. I would suggest that you stop waiting for him and just make dinner for yourself when you need to eat. If cooking in your own leads to an imbalance of household labor, then maybe it’s time to reassign tasks. This feels less like two people working out the problem and more of a power struggle to prove who is right.
What’s your normal schedule like? Is it “9-5”? Or do you get home at 11PM every night? I am shocked that any normal working person, unless they work odd hours is MAKING dinner at 1AM. When does his work day end?
I try for at least 9.
I don’t think the issue is the amount of time you’d like to sleep, but the fact that he won’t respect that and just make dinner earlier. It’s not like you’re asking him to wake up early to make you breakfast. He’s already awake, he’s just not cooking. Either trade chores or start cooking separately. That’s what we do when we disagree on chores.
My husband recently started going to bed two hours earlier than we used to because he just needs more sleep now. I said “okay” and shifted dinner back a bit (I cook), then do my own thing after he goes to bed.
I go to bed at 8 and get up at 4:15.
I need 8-9 hours of sleep to function.in a pinch i can get by on as low as six, but i will not be pleasant to be around.
Eat dinner by 6 usually.
I go to bed around 8:45pm to get up at 4:30am. I wish I had more hours for sleep I could use a bit more. Also I eat my dinner at like 6, I don’t like to eat too late.
Women actually need MORE sleep than men, like 8-10 hours so…
Go to bed. lol. I go to bed when I’m tired whether my husband does or not. I like to be in bed around 10ish and wake up around 6-6:30. Weekends? I’ll sleep till my kid wakes me. That was 9:15 on Saturday!
I turn off the lights by 9:45, but I’m usually in bed by 9:20. I wake up on weekdays between 4:30 am to 4:50 am. So that’s 7 hours each “school night”.
On Saturdays and Sundays, I sleep in till 8:00-8:30 am. Frequently I take an afternoon nap too–maybe as long as 1.5 hr. So I think by the time I get to the end of the work week, I am in a sleep deficient. But I make up for it by Sunday afternoon.
When I’m tired enough that the anxiety voices in my head won’t keep me up….
In bed between 8 and 9
Babe, this is how you buy yourself dinner every night and let him cook whatever, whenever suits his fancy. You can reheat it as your lunch. No coercion, goading, convincing. Just cancel that Xbox Live subscription to free up the extra cash first.
7.5 hours is the sweet spot but I can make do with 6. But btw he might think it’s weird becuase women need more sleep then men.
I don’t even go to work until 2 pm most days, and I’m in bed by midnight.
Girl, cook your own damn food, and go to sleep.
I try for 7-9 hours. I don’t always get it, but I start dragging ass after a few days of not getting at least 7.
I’d suggest that you just eat at different times, and try to move away from thinking of eating dinner as the together-time. Have enough food meal prepped enough that you can eat when you want and he can eat when he wants. This was a BIG hangup for me, dinner was always the time we spent together, it’s a “family” thing, it was important to me that we at together. Except it was more about the together, and less about the eating, really.
We both worked late shifts at one point, home at 11pm or later, and eating then. But, jobs changed and we were on totally different schedules – I’d be at work at 5am, wanting to have eaten dinner by 5 or 6 at the latest, so I could be in bed by 8pm, while he was working overnight and wanting to eat dinner at 8-9pm, or even later, before his shift started.
I did almost all of the dinner-cooking, but it just wasn’t possible for me to cook for both of us and keep us both happy with the timing. Either I’d be eating too late or he’d eat too early. It was constantly stressful, and I was getting burned out having to cook a new, fresh meal every night.
I started making/freezing batches of gumbo, or fried rice, or vindaloo, stuff we both like, or stuff that he likes and can eat when he wants, and I’d eat that or cook what I wanted when I was ready to eat. We sometimes have stacks of pre-made sandwiches, or a big container of roasted veggies or plain rice, frozen potstickers, Red Baron individual-size pizzas. Just anything that makes it easier to let everybody eat at the right time.
Of course, since the cooking is on your husband, you’ll both have to figure out if something like that will work. Maybe if he can do the cooking on his own schedule, it won’t be such a procrastination issue? There just always has to be stuff that you like ready for you to pop in the microwave or on the stove when you’re ready to eat, no excuses.
I want to sleep at 10, but usually it’s 12-1am. I wake up for my alarm at 6:30, but often get up around 7-7:30am
I do intermittent fasting (IF), so I try not to eat after 8p. I’m in bed at or around 10p, but I might not actually sleep until 11p. I wake up around 5:30a and my fitbit says I average 5-6h of sleep during the work week.
9 and try to close my eyes and lights off by 10:30 at the latest
I start winding down between 9 and 10 and am generally in bed with the lights off by 10.30. I get up at 6.30 for work, so it’s 7-8 hours sleep, depending on when I doze off. I don’t think that’s abnormal at all.
I aim for 6.5-8, depending on what is going on that night. I also like to wake up 2 hours prior to what is necessary, to hit the gym for an hour and be able to come home, shower, and get myself ready for the day without rushing (ex: I wake up at 4:15am most days, to be home by 6:30am, and work by 8am. So I’m usually in bed by 8/9/10).
I was in a previous relationship that had a similar situation, where we both worked opposite/late schedules. We ended up finding that meal prepping in advance helped for the both of us, as one person could grab what they needed during the time they needed it, vs waiting for the other to get home. We usually shared the cooking responsibility, and stuck to a simple “you cook all the proteins, I’ll cook all the carbs/veggies” routine.
We saved more elaborate dinners for weekends/non-work nights to enjoy that extra time together, stress-free 🙂
Compromise is key!
5 is a good night, 6 is a great night and 8 means I’m probably sick. I have much lower sleep needs than my husband, he needs a solid 8 every night.
6.5 to 8 seems like a normal amount of sleep for most people.
I am part hibernating bear and need 10 hours sleep. Women typically need more sleep than men so you may want to take that into consideration when you’re figuring this out
In order to be up by 6:30am (I work from home but need to do the usual stuff in the morning, breakfast, hygiene, dress my body, make my bed) well in order to get up I need to be in bed as early as 10pm and as late as 11pm. I find getting into bedtime mode by 9pm I’m asleep before 10pm I tend to wake up rested.
I prep dinner by 6pm so everything is done n’ dusted by 8pm. My schedule for eating is such I’m usually starving for chow by 7pm. I have to keep things on a schedule due to medications and vitamins et al. I get off work at 4:30pm so I have a walk, some downtime and usually a planned dinner which helps.
I couldn’t live around a man’s schedule. He’s on his own.
I personally prefer 8-10 hours basically in bed. Aiming for 8 hours of sleep but I often have physically taxing days at work so sometimes I get in bed early with a book or a movie and hang out for an hour or two. In what world is it not normal to want 7-8 hours of sleep? What does your husband do for work?
Aim for sleep by 11, awake around 7, its often more like 11:30 to 6:30, but 7-8 hours sleep is good for me. We eat around 7, I loathe going to bed on a full stomach, I never sleep well.
If I don’t get 8+ I’m going to be really pissed off the next day.
And this is why some of us are single .
My husband and I get in bed a minimum of 8 hours before we need to wake up. We wake up at 5:00 on weekdays, so we are always in bed by 9:00 at the very latest. We eat dinner as I get home from work around 7:00.
I get 8 hours every night, I don’t mess around with sleep, it’s so important for your body and mind!
I go into bed at about 9-9:30 then read til about 10:30. Then wake up around 5. So 7ish hours.
I’d drop dead if I only got 6 hours of sleep. But if left to my own devices, I will sleep 12 hours easy. It’s usually 8-9. Love my sleep.