Around 13 years ago I got my then girlfriend pregnant. I silently wanted her to get an abortion, she was super excited to have a kid, and I didn’t want to bring it up so I just accepted that I was starting life a little early. I originally had no plans to even think about parenthood until my mid 30’s.
Anyway, we have the baby, move in together, get married, all the things you do in life. I got a job at a car dealership for the big money and it went very well, I made a lot. I did my absolute best to support everyone, and tried to be the best dad ever really just… faking it honestly. I still wasn’t there at all mentally, but I wanted him to have a great childhood and despite feeling super awkward and feeling like I was in prison, did everything I could.
5 years in I get a call while at work with my wife sobbing and freaking out saying my son was hit by a car and in the hospital. Turned out it was way worse than I thought, because when I arrived he was gone.
I remember that moment. It was kind of a blur. But buried under all of that was some absolutely sickening feeling of relief that I did my absolute best to push away. Like this giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. At this point I’ve just accepted it.
The wife and I broke it off a little less than a year later. No alimony or anything since she was working full time too. We sold the house and split everything and that was that.
I suddenly had way more money than I knew what to do with working the sales job and had never felt so free. I quit after a few more years of it with more money in the bank than I knew what to do with. Bought a tiny little 1000 sq ft house on a lake and have just been living an insanely fun life as a bachelor. I travel every few months, fish, kayak, hike, and joined an online group of fit people with a bunch of women i bring on as travel buddies who want no long term thing at all.
Deep down though I feel guilty that everything is so rosey and perfect now. My subconcious looks back at that parenthood portion of my life as jail time and I hate that so much. Like I was trapped and now I’m free. Kids of course have completely gone out the window. I have no interest at all in that now that I’m reaching my late 30’s. The wife still calls me up crying sometimes and I have to pretend like I’m not living my dream life now cause she’s completely miserable. She remarried once but it didn’t work out. She really wants kids. Always has. I hope she can find someone who isn’t a selfish asshole like I am. But man am I just so relieved my life didn’t go that route…
EDIT: For those that brought it up a bunch, no I’m not a psychopath. Believe me, this is something i asked in therapy. People are complex. My dog, for example, is everything. I would protect him with my life. Same with my parents and siblings. Even my ex, she’s kinda my best friend at the end of the day even if we live far apart now. Every time I’m in town I’m excited to visit her.
I just greatly dislike kids. I had no interest in having one and don’t like interacting with them. The “parent” gene everyone has is nonexistent to me. I never had the drive to protect or nurture him but did my best to do it anyway. I gave him the best life I could over those years since that was my duty. The little dude got to experience just about every environment offered in the USA. Car jobs don’t get a lot of off time, but every time I did get time off it was a car trip or a flight to somewhere cool. That’s one thing I love doing for everyone. Dragging them to places I think are neat.
Comments
Refreshingly honest
This is heavy but honestly? You weren’t meant to be a parent and that’s okay.
Happens to men and women alike- not wanting a child. I as a woman don’t want any children at all and if I had one I’d be devastated. Seems like you were upset when he passed- it wasn’t your fault. Glad you’re doing alright- your ex is in charge of her own healing.
‘Wow’ pretty much covers it as a response to this.
There’s something brutally human about admitting relief in the middle of tragedy like that, even if it’s the kind of truth nobody wants to say out loud. Heavy read, but I respect the honesty.
Well damn
Now THAT is a confession!
I refuse to believe this is real.
Brought to you by ChatGPT…
Did you get a vasectomy
You didn’t love the kid after 5 years?
Not everyone is cut out for parenthood. Now that you’ve confirmed it, get a vasectomy
I could never be happy again if I lost any of my children.. Especially one I’ve had for 5 years. Nothing could replace them. No house, car, vacation, nothing
Stories like this are why I truly believe parenthood should not be forced on everyone. I’m sorry for your ex, I’m sure she mourns him a lot, but maybe it was for the best. Most people can’t push shit like that down for a long time.
Great confession. Made me dislike you immensely but im probably projecting thoughts of my own son. Couldnt imagine being happy he died
No shade, but it sounds like you are unable to have an emotional connection to, or bond with, other people. You don’t mention any emotional attachment at all, like even missing your wife. Like you’re a robot who only cares about money and “doing things”. Or this is fake.
You know what? I wouldn’t call you an asshole. Some people don’t want kids and abandon them to the other parent, leaving all that responsibility to them. Some people don’t want kids, and become abusive. You, at least stuck around,and provided for your family. At least you tried to be a good parent.That’s more than what an actual asshole would have done.
This is the most surreal thing I’ve read today and it’s been a fucking day here on the internet. I feel sick just imagining your loss but here we are…
The whole parenting feeling like jail thing hits home hard. And if you share any of these thoughts in real life your are looked at like an absolute monster
Holy shit. Probably fake and indescribably intense, if not. The only sliver of comparison I have is the relief I felt when I learned my mom finally committed suicide. She’d been threatening it since I was a child and she finally did it. Of course I was devastated, sad, confused, angry, but I was undeniably relieved, as well. No more little me sitting by mom’s bedside as she tells us she’s going to kill herself that night and to call the sheriff in the morning and then laying awake all night listening for a gunshot. No more adult me answering desperate calls in the middle of the night talking for her off the ledge for hours. It was a weight the size of the planet off my shoulders.
Fucking nailed the confession part.
You couldn’t waterboard this out of me.
I’d take it to the grave.
Wow. Wear a condom, folks.
I have no interest in kids. So I plan to never have them, nor waste anyone’s time who does.
Honestly, I am devastated for your ex. She wanted kids and a family. And she signed up for that with the absolute wrong person. That’s time and a life she’ll never get back.
r/regretfulparents
Moral of the story – don’t force people into being parents.
Just got a newborn daughter. Her birth was my definition of unconditional love. Never felt anything like it. If I lost her I’d be a bit of a zombie for a while. Don’t know if I’d be the same. I don’t care how much money I would make or what I gained. The world would be worse for me without her in it.
No judgement from me, everyone is different.
Dudes will do anything before going to therapy
yet i’m the jerk for being glad charlie kirk is dead smh
Wow if a woman posted this she would get death threats
Sounds like a sales guy to me.
Kids are not for everyone. But lets try and keep that hidden from your ex-wife shall we.
Not seeing the awful part; you accidentally made a kid, so you manned-up, married her, raised the kid despite it killing your soul & dreams; then through no fault of yours, that kid died, so you walked away from the family you never wanted.
You didn’t base your existence on that kid, or that woman.
What you DID was respectable. Your FEELINGS are yours. Nobody else is entitled to make you feel the way THEY expect.
It’s not like you send a singing telegram to your ex on the anniversary of his death.
I mean.. I wouldn’t say you’re a selfish asshole. Some people (men AND women) are not made to be parents, end of story.
Can I ask, were you relieved he was gone, or relieved you didn’t have to pretend to be an interested dad anymore?
You say at the end of the day your ex is your best friend. I can guarantee you she’d probably never talk to you again if she saw this.
10 years at a car dealership and now you’re some sort of set for life? fuck off fake story
This post made me realize, that I really really love my children and it would devastate me if something would happen to them. Today I would pick them up earlier from kindergarden / school and would spend the afternoon with them.
I see the human in you OP and you made the parent in me today a tiny bit stronger.
I’m sorry but this smacks suspiciously of rage bait for me. Even if thrown into parenthood unexpectedly, OP’s timeline would put his kid at around 6-8 at the time of the accident.
Even if not the most hands-on father, this is still a considerable amount of his son’s early years to be a minimum co-habiting with him until the accident. Yet the son doesn’t even get a bit part description in his old life.
I honestly think I grieved more when my rescue puppy, who I’d only sadly got to have in my life for ~1 year before he was knocked down. Not to dishonour OP – or indeed his deceased son if I’m wrong- but I find this one very hard to believe.