I (31M) have a golden retriever named Max. He’s healthy, happy, and has always been fine with his high-quality kibble (vet-approved, not cheap stuff).
Recently, I noticed Max wasn’t finishing his food. He’d just stare at the bowl and act like he was waiting for something. I figured maybe he was being picky, but it kept happening.
Then last week, I came home early and caught my girlfriend (23F) in the kitchen making him a whole plate of salmon, rice, and some kind of veggies. She put it in his dog bowl like it was totally normal.
When I asked her what she was doing, she said, “He deserves real food. Kibble is basically junk food.” I told her I never agreed to this, and she admitted she’d been cooking for him behind my back for weeks. That’s why he’s been refusing kibble.
I asked her to stop, since Max is my dog, and I don’t want him eating human food regularly. She got upset and said I was being cruel, that she was “just trying to give him the life he deserves,” and that I should be thankful.
Now Max is spoiled and won’t touch kibble at all. My girlfriend thinks I’m overreacting, but I feel like she totally undermined me and crossed a boundary with my own pet.
So… AITA for telling her to stop and being upset that she was doing this behind my back?
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I (31M) have a golden retriever named Max. He’s healthy, happy, and has always been fine with his high-quality kibble (vet-approved, not cheap stuff).
Recently, I noticed Max wasn’t finishing his food. He’d just stare at the bowl and act like he was waiting for something. I figured maybe he was being picky, but it kept happening.
Then last week, I came home early and caught my girlfriend (23F) in the kitchen making him a whole plate of salmon, rice, and some kind of veggies. She put it in his dog bowl like it was totally normal.
When I asked her what she was doing, she said, “He deserves real food. Kibble is basically junk food.” I told her I never agreed to this, and she admitted she’d been cooking for him behind my back for weeks. That’s why he’s been refusing kibble.
I asked her to stop, since Max is my dog, and I don’t want him eating human food regularly. She got upset and said I was being cruel, that she was “just trying to give him the life he deserves,” and that I should be thankful.
Now Max is spoiled and won’t touch kibble at all. My girlfriend thinks I’m overreacting, but I feel like she totally undermined me and crossed a boundary with my own pet.
So… AITA for telling her to stop and being upset that she was doing this behind my back?
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> My dog is getting spoiled and I don’t want to keep him being fed expensive food, I can’t afford it, but I also know my girlfriend cares for him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH
NAH. She’s not wrong that kibble is basically junk food for animals, although feeding your dog behind your back may tip the scale. You’re not wrong in feeding what the vet recommends (nevermind that lots get incentives to sell certain brands). Fish, veggies and rice, assuming it’s not laden with salt and oil, is a very healthy offering for a dog as long as it doesn’t contribute to overeating.
She shouldn’t have done it without asking, but put Max first here.
What meals are good for him and also what is he enjoying?
NTA. Your pet, your rules, period. She is TA, specially for not even checking with you. I get that she also wants good for your dog, but she doesnt get to overrule you. She wants to cook for the dog? Fine, but only with your approval and not every day. As you said, he gets high quality kibble, which means that it has the addivtives and all the other stuff your dog needs. She is just simply over the line. Talk to her, but honestly I would not leave her alone with the dog anymora after this (would probably also reconsider the relationship if she does not stop).
NTA. A dog is not human (obviously, some would say) and what is good for humans might not be good for dogs. Kibble is the right thing for him. Is she going to feed him chocolate next, because „he deserves real food“? I mean did she even research how many calories a dog of his size should eat every day? I would say she’s naive, but tbh it sounds like she‘s a bit stupid.
While there’s nothing wrong with home cooked dog food when it’s done properly, if you don’t wanna do it, and there’s not a medical reason, kinda shitty of her to go against your wishes. Obvs with the info given we can’t even be sure she’s making a properly balanced meal for a dog. NTA
NTA. She went behind your back, changed your dog’s diet without asking, and now Max won’t eat what he’s supposed to.If she had concerns, she should’ve brought them up with you, not secretly fed him and created a problem
NTA she has done this behind your back. That’s the issue.
NTA, he’s your dog so you get to decide what he eats. It’s completely inappropriate for her to do this without asking. Also, kibble isn’t junk food so she clearly hasn’t done her research. I’d be worried about the nutritional quality of the human food she’s feeding him, as well as her potentially feeding Max something toxic.
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I do like to treat my dogs to something every now and then, but if they are starting to refuse kibble that is going a bit far, also there’s a fair few things that people eat that dogs really shouldn’t.
Don’t worry too much though he will start eating kibble again when he gets hungry enough
Edit: nta
yeah she’s right, kibble is junk food that will ruin your dog’s joints, liver , skin quality, urinary tract infections and insulin resistance to name a few.
I’m not sure why you’re not thanking her for making him some real food.
he’s not spoiled …fresh food gives them what their body instinctively recognizes as nutrient-dense and biologically appropriate. Kibble is designed for shelf life and cost efficiency, not for taste that truly matches a carnivore’s instincts.
the same thing would happen if you gave him raw meat.
yes it’s highly expensive to feed a dog real food, so try mixing a bit of raw meat in with his kibble so he’ll eat it. if you’re too uptight for even that, mix in some wet food or switch to wet food.
also switch to law carb low processed kibble for his sake if you stay with it.
here’s a list of what you should avoid in kibble : meat by-products, animal digest, poultry meal (if not species-specific), BHA, BHT, ethoxyquin, artificial colors (Red 40, Yellow 5, Blue 2), artificial flavors, rendered animal fat, corn, wheat, soy, brewer’s rice, peas, lentils, chickpeas, potatoes, tapioca (when used as main fillers), corn gluten meal, wheat gluten meal, corn syrup, sugar, fructose, propylene glycol, cellulose, peanut hulls, bone meal, and ash.
NTA. She’s kind of right. That’s a much healthier diet for a dog than most store-bought kibble. But also you’re valid for not wanting your dog fed behind your back. Like what if he had an allergy and died because of her? You just don’t feed other people’s animals without asking. And the fact that he now won’t eat kibble is a problem. I doubt you can afford to feed him salmon and veggies every day, right?
NTA my dog is really sensitive to changes in diet, so I get it. I’d be livid if someone who was caring for my dog just threw her dietary restrictions to the wind. She NEEDS to have her prescription kibble, or she’s spewin’ out everywhere, like a busted soft serve machine.
Kibble isn’t “junk food” is specifically formulated FOR dogs.
Also, Salmon?! Damn, where’s she getting the money to throw salmon to the dog? Lmfao
No. Dogs literally cannot eat human food or they will die young. Way too much protein, carbs, etc. Your dog could get sick dude. Theres a reason why dog food was invented and made by vets. Dogs have very special needs and human food isnt one of them.
Info: Could you guys meet halfway and Max have kibble with an occasional dog safe approved cooked meal by your girlfriend? I imagine that would be a lot more cost effective for you and Max would get his yummy meal out of it too.
Unless this is something that would not be healthy of course, I’m not too well versed on if doing a set routine like this is possible and safe for dogs…
I make my dog special vet approved canine friendly lamb meatballs maybe once a month for a treat. At the same time, they’re at most 1/4 c so I add in a little kibble for a well rounded meal.
she should have talked to you before changing his diet
it should have also been discussed with a vet to make sure it was fulfilling his dietary needs
he’s your dog, you have the primary say on his diet.
If someone was altering how my dog is cared for, I would seriously reconsider the relationship because what other choices would they make behind my back.
I mean she comes from a kind place but I find it weird that she apparently never mentioned it to you before and just did it in secret? What kind of relationship do you two have that this doesn’t get brought up?
NTA for not wanting someone to secretly feed your pet a different diet.
NAH neither of you could have predicted that Max’s reaction would be to stop eating kibble altogether and that he wouldn’t be one of those dogs that eats whatever is put in front of him.
I think both of you seem pretty inflexible in your beliefs. Her believing all kibble is bad, which is not necessarily true, as you say you’re buying vet-grade brands. You believing that your dog cannot have any human food, he absolutely can as long as it’s unseasoned and cooked.
NTA. did she know max’s food was vet-approved? even if she didn’t, she should’ve asked you if it was alright to feed him something different and maybe discuss this with his vet.
anyway, do discuss this with his vet now that his meal plan and diet has been changed just to see how it affects max. in regards to feeding dogs human food, that’s what we’ve been giving to our dogs. they’re completely fine and satisfied, and their vet has no issues with it. though we’ve never actually had a golden retriever so i’d be best to check.
still, you asked if you were the asshole for asking your girlfriend to stop secretly cooking meals for your dog without your permission. you’re not. if she had a concern, she should’ve addressed this to you. this is a boundary you’ve seemingly never had to discuss before so it’s at least good that you’re talking about it now.
hope everything goes well.
NTA. I make dog food for my dog with allergies. It is actually quite A LOT of work to make sure they’re getting every nutrient they actually have to have. And it is NOT a human diet. Organ meats, bone meals, eggshells for calcium etc.
Lack of crucial ingredients eventually over time can cause organ failure.
YTA, this woman is taking the time of day to feed ur dog with more effort than just kibble, If you think human food is dangerous maybe you both can compromise and find actual food for dogs that is healthy for them.
Max the golden retriever goes on yet another whacky adventure.
Take her to a vet appointment with you ask the vet if he should have human meals or his dog food. Make her pay for the vet bill. Then dump her.
NTA.
NTA
Regardless of opinions about nutrition, she went behind you back, and tried to guilt trip you into doing what she thinks is right just because she wanted to.
After some years together, when my boyfriend started having opinions about my dog, I asked directly, do you want to also be her human? If so, we’ll start talking about decisions, share all costs and walks and both take responsibility for her health and well being. He said yes, and we only take decisions about the dog together. That’s what she should have done.
Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? Dogs are great. NTA but lol. You should compromise and let your dog have a weekend salmon or something.
NTA, but consider this , you have an incredibly kind hearted girlfriend who loves your dog too. Cut her some slack.
NTA
kick her out, and break up. She KNPWINGLY lied to you and did this behind your back. You can not trust her, you don’T know what else she is lying about.
She is very likely hurting your dog, and shortening his life.
I give my dog both. Chicken and rice, as well as top quality kibble. I give enough chicken and rice that if she’s not very hungry, she only eats that. Sometimes, if she’s very hungry, she finishes both bowls. I’m happy with that, because my kibble lasts longer and I make enough chicken and rice for both of us, anyway.
Maybe you can try? At least your GF likes your dog.
She still shouldn’t have done it without discussing with you first, of course, so NTA.
Op NTA here, at the end of the day it’s your dog and it should’ve been between you and a vet to decide what the dog should eat and how any changes in diet should be handled. Plenty of dogs eat kibble and still live long healthy lives. Personally I don’t think I’d stay with someone that made a decision like this about my pet both unilaterally and behind my back simply because I wouldn’t trust them to include me in important decisions going forward or to respect my opinion on those decisions as opposed to just doing what they want. Truly if I were you I’d be so damn pissed I don’t think I’d want that person near my dog again. She’s essentially put you in a position where you either have to keep paying for and making the diet she decided for your dog even if yall break up or go through trial and error and waste money on different kibble to find some he’d be willing to eat again.
Not to mention that when she started doing this, before the dog started rejecting all kibble, there would have been at least a few days where she was massively over feeding your dog by giving it 2 whole extra meals each day. It also doesn’t seem like she’s adding any sort of dog specific extras which means he’s likely been missing some vitamins necessary for dogs. Kibble is literally made to provide a balanced meal and while not all kibble is made equal there is definitely kibble out there that, while yes is a processed food, is still perfectly good and healthy for your dog to eat. If I were you I’d go to the vet, get a check up done to make sure things are going well digestion wise and create a plan with someone that’s actually done the work to know what is and isn’t healthy long term for your pet. I’d also make your girlfriend pay for the vet visit and anything necessary for the dog in the process of giving him a balanced meal every day again.
So real meat and vegetables are “human food?” Wolves, coyotes, and other related animals are killing and eating kibble in the wild?
Relatively speaking, kibble is not actual dog food. It’s highly processed man-made stuff that is not in any way, shape or form a dog’s natural diet. It was designed by humans for human convenience. So her take on kibble and calling it junk food is not wrong. Basic plants and meat are natural and part of the diets of animals all over the world. The only actual “human food” is the processed, unnatural stuff that we eat.
With that said, kibble may have its issues, but it has been designed to meet the dog’s base nutritional needs in terms of calories and nutrients, and in many areas, it is the “normal” diet for dogs, so she is not justified in replacing that diet without your consent,
NTA
NTA, she hid salmon meals and undermined you.