So my parents invited my partner and I on a holiday for my birthday, they paid for the room. I haven’t spent a birthday with them in years as I’ve been living abroad.
I’ve spent the last couple weeks back home as my partner and I are travelling right now, and things with my mom were better than usual, I had been really trying to bond with her. Teach her yoga, communicate with her my boundaries, help more than usual around the house.
She has a history of commenting on my weight too much. She has her own weight traumas. I’m not obese, just a bit overweight.
Fast forward, night before my birthday. We’re all out having a nice time salsa dancing waiting for midnight.
I tell her I’ve lost my favorite orange skirt. She proceeds to respond with “oh well, didn’t you see how fat it made you look in your cousins instagram video?”.
This threw me. It’s my favorite skirt. She grabbed a nice family memory, made it negative, and made me feel watched and judged.
I proceeded to get immaturely drunk and ignore them and ask them to leave before midnight. My mom apparently had a panic attack and went to the hospital. This isn’t the first time she’s had a panic attack because I “mistreated her.”
My step dad has told me I need to try harder with her and I fucked up by reacting that way.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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So my parents invited my partner and I on a holiday for my birthday, they paid for the room. I haven’t spent a birthday with them in years as I’ve been living abroad.
I’ve spent the last couple weeks back home as my partner and I are travelling right now, and things with my mom were better than usual, I had been really trying to bond with her. Teach her yoga, communicate with her my boundaries, help more than usual around the house.
She has a history of commenting on my weight too much. She has her own weight traumas. I’m not obese, just a bit overweight.
Fast forward, night before my birthday. We’re all out having a nice time salsa dancing waiting for midnight.
I tell her I’ve lost my favorite orange skirt. She proceeds to respond with “oh well, didn’t you see how fat it made you look in your cousins instagram video?”.
This threw me. It’s my favorite skirt. She grabbed a nice family memory, made it negative, and made me feel watched and judged.
I proceeded to get immaturely drunk and ignore them and ask them to leave before midnight. My mom apparently had a panic attack and went to the hospital. This isn’t the first time she’s had a panic attack because I “mistreated her.”
My step dad has told me I need to try harder with her and I fucked up by reacting that way.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. AITA for asking them to leave before midnight my birthday, drunkenly?
2. They paid for the holiday stay, as a birthday present.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you don’t owe anyone perfection in handling insults.
NTA. She chose your birthday to make a cruel comment about your body, knowing it’s a sore spot, then played victim when you reacted. Yeah, getting drunk and ignoring them wasn’t the healthiest move, but you’re not wrong for being hurt and setting distance. Your stepdad saying you need to “try harder” ignores the fact that she needs to stop tearing you down.
It seems like if she’s the one who has panic attacks, she’s the one who should manage her mistreatment of others.
NTA. Your mom provoked you, and your dad is enabling her. My guess is this is their pattern. You can decide not to engage with it; then they get to decide if they’re going to keep acting shitty.
NTA, she deserved to be ignored by you and ruined your mood. Maybe your mother needs to work on herself not to bring up same old things straight in your face. You don’t owe her anything.
Seriously I don’t understand why people have to bring this up everytime they have a chance? No matter how big/small you’re, they will bring it up and when you do the opposite they are hurt..huh
If your friend had said that to you, you’d be pissed and tell her to not let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. NTA
NTA
Your mom is cruel and rude
NTA – beyond rude of her to say. Imagine if you could blame being sent to the hospital over something like that.
She needs to try harder to respect you or you need to go NC. You are definitely NTA
Tell her it’s too bad it wasn’t a heart attack…
Oh, wait, thats my risk, cause you like to tell me I’m fat… I guess you should have known it was just emotions… cause you’re the crazy one…
NTA
You’re a married woman with your own family. It’s time to give up the fantasy of having a non-abusive, emotionally mature mother.
She is not capable of it. You need to limit your contact with her to amounts that will not damage you.
She is not going to suddenly have emotional maturity. She is not suddenly stop saying hurtful things.
She is who she is.
I strongly urge you to go to a good counsellor to help you work through the damage she did. Also to make yourself strong enough to have some sort of relationship with her where she won’t have the ability to hurt you.
I think of my own mother as a damaged child. She is foolish and selfish and can be very hurtful, but she does love me and does not do things out of spite – just out of immaturity and foolishness. This reframing helped me. Perhaps a counsellor could help you reframe your own mother in a way that is helpful ?
Nta. Makes me wonder how she would have reacted if you had shot back, “like those pants are doing you any favors either.”
Imagine insulting your child and then faking a panic attack when they react to it. Lol. Mom is very dramatic. NTA.
YTA, if you look fat you look fat and the fact that nobody says anything doesn’t mean that it’s not true. Not because someone doesn’t talk about it makes it disappear.