Let’s say you want to visit your sister’s house to say hi and maybe return a dish. Would you call before visiting, or is it culturally acceptable to just show up?
Let’s say you want to visit your sister’s house to say hi and maybe return a dish. Would you call before visiting, or is it culturally acceptable to just show up?
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Calling or texting first is better, but just showing up is fine for most, I’d say.
I would call or text to make sure they were home first.
My sister lives 6,000 miles away so I try to call first.
My family (and a lot of my friends/neighbors) just show up in situations like that.
I would be ok with any of my siblings just appearing (but also surprised and concerned as none of them live anywhere near me)
Unless you’re like, neighbors with the person, there’s basically no situation where showing up unannounced is fully culturally acceptable.
It depends on the family, but it never hurts to call ahead, just to see whether they’re home and whether they’re tied up with something. If you’re in the middle of giving the dog a bath, for example, it might be hard to answer the door.
My brother lives an hour away. We like each other and I am always happy to see him, but I would always call first to make sure he’s home before driving that far.
They would be fine with me just showing up, however, I would call in advance as it would take an hour or more to get to them and I’d be pretty pissed if they weren’t home.
Always call. It somebody shows up uninvited they will not be welcomed.
I’d want to call to make sure they would be home and in a state to receive company. It’s polite to say you’ll be coming.
20 years ago I would just show up. These days I would text. Though my sister lives a thousand miles away so that is about a 14+ hour car ride.
Depends on family…my family we call first…especially since I’m clothing optional at home. :).
I think part of it is a generational as well. I know my older family members are very much okay with having me drop by or dropping by unannounced, but it drives the younger members of my family crazy when it happens.
Me personally? I don’t care at all. Show up anytime.
just popping in is not something really acceptable here I don’t think… but my brother specifically lives in a different city so I would definitely call or text ahead if I was planning a visit lol
There’s no way I’m going all the way down to Georgia for a “quick visit” 🤣 they’re gonna be putting up with me for an entire weekend minimum.
I would probably text first.
I would text or call before showing up at anyone’s home.
I hate when people show up unannounced, so I don’t do that to other people. Calling (or texting) ahead of time is the socially appropriate thing to do.
Well, my sister has never lived close to me for many years now, so “quick visits” wouldn’t work. That said, if we lived close by, yes, we would give each other a quick call or text first before showing up.
50 50
If we actually had our own houses it depends on what im doing though most the time id probably text to be sure they are home
It totally depends on your relationship
I text them to let em know I’m gonna swing by for a bit probably an hour or so in advance. That way they got time to put clothes on or finish doing the deed. Lol. Or to make sure they’re even going to be there.
They live probably between 800 and 1,200 miles away from me, so nah. We typically just text
I’d text to make sure they’d be home. If someone was returning something to me, I’d appreciate a heads up, even if it’s “I’ll swing by sometime Saturday afternoon to return X.” If I wasn’t going to be home I’d just give them the code to my garage and tell them to leave it on the counter.
I would not stop by anyone’s house without warning, no matter how close we are.
I could just pop by, but I would absolutely call or text first.
This really, really depends on the family. That said I’m totally fine with my in-laws just showing up. Though a warning so I can make sure the dog isn’t going to get out is appreciated.
I would just pull up but I also have a key so🤷🏾♀️
Generally an expectation to call or text first, if only to know they’ll be home and expecting you.
But also, I think many people from elsewhere don’t realize how far away people often live from each other in the US. I’ve never been less than 4.5 hours from my sister since she graduated college, I’m now 2000 miles (3200 km) away from my sister. Yes, that’s an extreme example, but even the people that stuck around home often have 20+ minute drives to get to siblings’ homes. That’s not a huge drive but it’s also not something you just do on a whim without knowing someone will be there when you arrive. Which is why the phone call or text is as much for you as it is for them.
I loathe the unannounced drop-in.
Not in my family – we call first. I want 24 hours notice if I can help it, to pick up. We’re not too messy, but we don’t live “company ready” 24/7.
I would call or text
I would give them a heads up at minimum
I don’t live in the same town as my siblings. But if I did, I’d probably call/text first.
Growing up it was normal to go into a relatives house without even knocking, which is weird looking back. Considering that, I’m not sure they’d mind if I dropped by, but I’d definitely knock, not just walk in.
The culture around this has changed, and I actually prefer the texting before dropping by thing.
I don’t talk to my siblings. 😅
But definitely call ahead.
The only person I’m ok with just showing up is the mailman, anyone else can fucking text first
It really depends on the people in the family. I would say most people would check if they’re home. My sister and I have never been close and though I live am hour and a half away, I’ve many times suggested either I come by with my daughter or meet up at a children’s museum near her, mainly because she has a kid 8 months older and I hoped as cousins they’d become friends. There was always an excuse so I finally stopped bothering. I wouldn’t ask to even drop something by because I feel she’d find a reason to be mad about it. I leave my nephew ‘s birthday present with my parents if we don’t see them at my parents in the month running up to it.
But most families aren’t like that, I think.
to include my in law siblings i have 11 siblings. theres only 1 i would just show up unannounced but sadly her work schedule makes it a roll of a dice if shed be home, but if her husbands home id still stay and hang out lol the others i wouldnt visit even announced lol
I would text to make sure they are home and not busy. But all my siblings live 1k+ miles away on the other side of the country so our visits are very coordinated.
Depends on the person. I would always call or text first just to make sure they are actually home or it’s a good time.
Neither my brother nor my parents live that far away but no way I would ever show up without calling first.
I might do either, except they all live a full flight away. Generally though, at least text and get an acknowledgment.
I would never show up somewhere unannounced. No idea what people’s plans are. I would hate someone doing this to me.
I grew up outside of the U.S. and it was so common to pop in on friends and family and visit each other often. I think this was because of a lack of mobile phones and social media. I now live in the Midwest U.S. and people seem to panic and get angry over the mere idea of being visited for no real purpose. It’s more common for people to want the person to leave the dish on the porch with no interaction.
My siblings live very close by. I’d just show up. I’m not returning dishes though. Those are mine now. If they want them back, they have to steal them
I think in today’s world where we’re all constantly glued to our phones, there’s no excuse for not sending a quick text before showing up to make sure they’re home/decent/up for company
Depends on family context a lot! My sister lives close to my parents and she or her husband will sometimes quickly pop by to return something or my brother-in-law will use their study for a quiet place to get work done since they have 2 young, loud kids. They don’t always give notice for that kind of visit, but they do if they actually want to VISIT, because otherwise they might show up to an empty house! Or my parents might be home but exhausted/not up for a visit.
For my siblings and I, none of us live near each other! So while I’d be happy enough to have them pop by without notice, it’d be a huge surprise, and I may not be able to just take the week off work to hang out or something. Very short visits with them (like a half hour) aren’t worth it because of the amount of travel and planning we have to do to visit each other. It takes 6 hours for the CLOSEST of us to come over for a visit. The equivalent for us might be calling to catch up, in which case if I want to be sure they’ll be free I call. But if not I will just call and they know to ignore it if they can’t answer the phone (I usually text when they miss the call, just so they know nothing urgent is happening).
I don’t live close to family, but in general I would always call/text beforehand. I would never knock on someone’s door randomly and expect to be asked in.
My friend Bill Gorky says that you should never show up at someone’s house unannounced.
Well, I wouldn’t visit my sister because I don’t like her. 😂
However, my brother works night shift so, sometimes I randomly call him and ask if he wants to grab breakfast when he’s off shift and before I go to my regular shift job. I would never just drop in since his sleep schedule is weird.
I have to drive over an hour to him. Usually we’ve planned something else if one of us visits the other.
My sister lives 2000 miles from me, so it would be weird to show up unannounced.
Growing up, it was very normal to go to someone’s house without planning it. Now, it is rare, and I almost always text first. But I still have neighbor’s stop by and ring the doorbell to hand me something, but they wouldn’t expect to be invited in.
I always called first. Waste of time if they weren’t home.
I call first. Even with my parents. I expect a call from them as well. I wouldn’t necessarily be mad if they didn’t, but I’d be thrown off by it & a little less hospitable (not intentionally).
My sibling lives 2,000 miles away so yes, other family members I would also check to make sure it’s a good time for them.
She has a young kid so yes I’d check in with her first.
If he were close enough to pop over for 30 minutes, I’d text first. I don’t just drop in on anyone unannounced.
Two planes and a car to get there.
I’m going to call first. Make sure it’s ok.
Depends on the situation, but no.. I call beforehand. This isn’t anything super new to cell phones. When I was a kid the only other house I would just confidently waltz into was my grandparents, and I didn’t want to run over to anyone else’s house just to find that they aren’t there.
The closest brother to me right now lives 30 minutes away with his wife. same thing. If I was over there all the time they would probably be okay with me showing up spontaneously, but for right now if they aren’t expecting guests there’s a good chance they either have other stuff going on, and if they’re both in the house chances are they’re in their underwear.
As with everything about America, the answer is that it depends on the exact people involved.
Personally it’s not even an option to me. I live about a 6 hour drive from my closest blood relative. But no, nobody stops by my house unannounced. It’s something that my wife’s family very much had to get used to when we started living together.
Her family would straight up just always show up unannounced. It was especially bad because we live in the same neighborhood as 2 of her cousins and her parents stay in a condo nearby for at least one week per month sometimes 2.
They didn’t like that I wouldn’t just straight up drop my plans and hang out with them and i wouldn’t let my wife do it either.
In my immediate family, we just show up – parents, sister, partner’s mother.
My parents still just show up at the houses of my aunts and uncles, as well, though I would call or text for that level of family. In that case, it may only be a few minutes ahead of time.
I have a large extended family. Mother has eight brothers Dad has four brothers and four sisters. Almost all of them have grown children. They not only stop by without warning but won’t take a hint and leave without explicitly telling them to go and the whole hurt feelings routine with other family members about how rude we are. We left the state rather than continuing this ‘tradition’.
I would call or text before going over. Even though I have keys to my brother’s apartment, and he has keys to mine, I wouldn’t want to interrupt him, my sister-in-law, or my nephew.
It would be courteous to call or text just like it would be with anyone else. My sister has a life…she’s busy…she may not be home…she might have plans…she might be getting ready or just getting set to head out the door. I would not like it if any of my family just showed up unannounced.
My wife’s cousin once showed up at our door unannounced, bypassing security. To add to the excitement we had just moved 2000 miles to where we thought we didn’t know anyone, and we didn’t know he existed. It turned out he worked the same place I did. Wife’s mom told him how to find us. It was funny, but frankly we wouldn’t let anyone else get away with this.
They live 5 1/2 hours away, so no. When they visit, I provide accomodation and it would be a minimum of 2 days, unless they are just passing through to somewhere else.
I’d text first just to let them know that I am coming. Never show up unannounced.
I have keys to their place and vice versa. Most of the time we let each other know (text) when we’re visiting but sometimes we just show up. If there’s an emergency, they are over in a jiffy.
I call. At one time I lived downthe block from my MIL, she NEVER showed up at my house without calling and seeing if it was convenient. I have tried to emulate her.
I usually text to make sure she is home but not always. She lives about 7 minutes from my house. But we don’t knock on each other’s doors… we have keys if the door is locked. Same with parent’s house but no text/call first because he is always home.
People stopped showing up at other people’s homes unannounced around 2002.
I would NEVER show up to anyone’s house unannounced. Not even my parents.
And I would not want anyone showing up unexpectedly to my house. What if I’m still in my pajamas (if I’m at home, I most likely am in my pajamas)?
No one just drops in unannounced at my house or the houses of friends and family. My siblings all live in other states, but my m-i-l lives less than a mile away. She would never just show up without calling or texting first.
It depends on the family. Even if you’re in a family where people show up unannounced though, it’s still better to call in advance to be sure they don’t have any plans.
My sister and I lived 5 blocks from each other and even though I could just go knock on her door and she could mine. I would also call or text first. Sometimes even from the corner before I walked down her block. Even if I had to borrow or return something or pick something up.
I call or text to make sure he’s home and in the mood for visitors. (and wearing pants.) If I’m just dropping something off, I make sure it’s ok to enter his place if he’s not home.
I have one sibling that live a 4 hour drive away and another than is a 4 hour plane ride away, so no.
My sister works inconsistent hours and my brother travels a lot for work and they both live about an hour away from me, so I’d call first to see if they’re home. My parents live close by and sometimes I’ll just stop by when I’m in their town running errands.
Absolutely would text/call first.
My family is very big on not answering the door for unexpected
guests.
I’d have to get on a 10 hour flight to see my brother but sure, I’d show up unannounced. That would be hilarious
Would usually text to see if it’s okay. But I’ve had people show up before, it’s okay if it’s family and there is a reason. But texting beforehand is nice.
I don’t live near family. We are military and spread out because of it.
For the most part, my sister and I would come and go freely from each other’s homes if we lived nearby. My husband and his sister would strictly be “ask first”. It depends on the relationship.
My sister lives with my 89 year old dad, where it has always been acceptable to show up whenever. Even now, my cousin stops in every morning for coffee with him, and doesn’t knock, just lets himself in and hangs out. My siblings who live in their own houses? I would 100% call. I don’t show up at anyone else’s house unannounced.
I’d call because I want to make sure they’re home, and because it’s polite.
Of course I would call or text, first. What if she’s not home, or busy? Is that a cultural thing to just show up at someone’s house unannounced for a 30 minute visit? I mean, as kids we used to go to friends that lived in the neighborhood, but most of us didn’t have access to phones back then. But as adults – you call (or text), first.
My family all lives within a 15-minute drive. If i had something to drop off, I’d probably just show up (but not at an inconvenient time, like if it’s probably dinnertime, for instance). They would do the same. Sometimes we’ll text each other to let them know we’re on our way. But we have keys/codes to get into each others’ homes, or live where it’s not an issue to just drop something off on the porch/garage if they’re not home.
My brother lives over an hour away. I have a key to his house. I text first.
I always call first. It’s not a quick visit. She’s 2,000 miles away.
In the past, that was fine, but with the advent of texting, there’s no reason not to text first, even if just to make sure they’ll be home.
None of us would care if the another showed up out of the blue. But we do usually give a quick text or call to make sure the sibling is home.
I’d call. It’s considered rude to just drop by. Not everyone is “polite”. People are naked, or sick, or sleeping, or with friends, or are busy, or are out of the home. I’d never ride 30 minutes to drop off a dish- unless you are prepared to leave it on the front doorstep. With cell phones- there is never a reason to just show up. Call first.
My SIL comes over maybe three or four afternoons a week or so to help entertain the toddler so my wife and I can get basic chores done. Usually doesn’t text us but we don’t mind
I live far from my sibling. And I don’t often go to their houses when I visit.
We make plans in advance.
Mine aren’t close enough but always ask first. Otherwise you might walk in on them wearing underwear or nothing, arrive to a kid having a meltdown, someone sick, a locked door with no one home etc.
My father-in-law lives almost a mile from us and we always text each other before we go to his place or he to ours. We have good boundaries and a healthy relationship.
My sister? Yes. My mom? Absolutely not I will be busting up in there like I own the place.
Yes I live 25 min from my brother, I wouldn’t show up unannounced. I am like 5 minutes from my in-laws, I don’t show up there unannounced either.
I call just to make sure that they’re home but it wouldn’t be an issue if I simply came over though. But I do have an amazing relationship with my brother though.
My mother’s family were all about the “just walk right in” culture. I always found that to be weird/rude.
“Hey, I was thinking of stopping by, will you be home?”
No…. She lives out of state. 5 hour drive for 30 minute visit.
If people just randomly show up at my house, I pretend I’m not home. 😆 Only partially kidding, though. I would never just show up without contacting someone and would prefer they do the same.
Texting only takes a second or two, so it’s kind of rude now to just show up at people’s houses with no warning. Things have changed since I was young and that was normal.
I have a key to his house and know his security code, I’ll just show up and drop it off and go.
But it’s probably a good idea to call first. Or at least text.
This isn’t really an American thing. This is going to come down to vicinity (USA is large and many wont live near their siblings) and individual relationships.
My siblings and I won’t call/text and won’t even knock. We just walk in like we live there. I’ve come home from work to my sister sitting on my couch because she can’t by for whatever reason and got there before me so decided to wait for me to get home. This isn’t the norm.
I’d say most people will call/text first just to make sure they’re not interrupting something or that the sibling will be there. There’s going to be a large spectrum here and I doing think American cultural norms will factor in much.
Call, always. And since we live about an hour drive apart, when we visit, it’s for several hours to make the drive worth it.
Depends on how close y’all are. I can drop in on my parents or brother without notice but not my sister.
If I lived close enough, it would be a quick call or text.
Me: You busy?
Them: No, why?
Me: I’m coming over for a bit.
My sister lives on the other side of town. If I’m coming over, I’ll text to let them know. I don’t really have to “ask,” if there’s a reason she don’t want me there, she’ll tell me
I pull into my sister’s driveway and text “what are you doing?” And proceed from there lol
Yes. We live an hour and a half apart so want to make sure he’s around and not busy. He has a lot going on, kids, work etc.
I would check first even if he lived in my town. It’s not because he wouldn’t welcome me, it’s just showing respect for his time.
Definitely text to make sure they’re home
I would if I could.
I’ve 2 brothers. One shows up whenever. Raids my refrigerator so I keep it stocked with his favorites.
The other texts and says “I’m on my way.” We ask when and the answer is usually “5 minutes.” He lives 30 minutes away.
I just drop by. Very often. She does the same. I might call if it was something that I needed her to be home for, but that doesn’t happen too often.
My family is pretty relaxed. We are rural and TN. Most people here walk in family, knock with neighbors.
I would just walk in, but yell “knock, knock” to let them know I’m walking in. I recently knocked at my sister’s house and she was offended 😆
My brothers don’t even live in this timezone so I’d expect them to call. My in laws live ~15mins away and they let us know if they’re stopping by to return something to make sure we’ll be home and just for courtesy’s sake. Most people would consider it a little strange and maybe even rude to just pop in unannounced unless you live very close and just walked over or we’re stopping by on the way somewhere. If they came unannounced I’d expect them to be literally dropping something off/picking something up, not hanging around for half an hour. My husband is known to stand around and chat in these cases, I generally don’t.
I text to see if she’ll even be home. Stopping by without notice usually means something is very wrong, or I’m returning something that can be left outside her door.
I grew up in a no boundaries house in the 90’s. All our family lived close by and we were the only ones who had a pool so especially in the summer it was an unending cycle of visitors. Even when we weren’t home all the important people knew that the basement was unlocked so if they came to swim they could use the bathroom down there. My sister and I both had to adjust to different norms when we married and moved out. Now I live about 400 miles from family so nobody is just popping by
I would text to make sure she was around
I only have one sister that lives nearby, but she’s over for dinner at least bi-weekly. I probably see her more than I see my mom and she lives literally 2 blocks away. But yes, calling (texting) first is proper form. The only people I wouldn’t be totally weirded out by showing up unannounced are my boomer relatives.
Haven’t spoken to my brother in 3 years. Sister I talk to every single day via text and I would never show up at her place without calling/texting first.
If they lived close by I would. Make sure they are home and it was a good time. The only person I show up unannounced is my parents
Even if my sister lived next door, call or text me before showing up and get the green light from me first or I won’t be available.
My brothers live on the same street as me and I just text their wives. I’m closer to them anyway.
Back when my sister and I were on speaking terms we would occasionally go to the others house for a quick visit.
I would call because one sister is always busy and might not be at home and another sister lives on the opposite side of the country.
It’s not a culture thing, it’s a practical thing. I would check before if they’ll be home.
I’d never come without a text or call first.
Depends on your relationship. Some are comfortable and encourage stopping by, some like their privacy and want heads up if someone stops by.
My brothers and all stayed in State, but it is still a 2 hoyr drive to one and a 3 hour drive to the other. So yes, i generally call ahead. On very rare occasions, if i am traveling through, i might make an unannounced visit to my parents, 1 hour, but usually we just check in no matter what.
If we were closer, an unannounced visit would probably be acceptable. My husbands sister is close enough that i occasionally pop over. They have come by our house occasionally too. Though usually we do call first and it is rarely the only reason we are there, they live 15 minutes away.
My brother lives next door. 50 feet away. I just walk in
Anyone with any manners either texts or calls first. It’s rude to just show up, no matter who the person is.
If my sisters still lived in dropping in distance I would text first. So would they.
As an introvert, I really appreciate the cultural shift to calling or texting before showing up.
It’s so easy to text. Why wouldn’t you? It would be annoying to come over if they aren’t home.
It takes 10 hours of driving to see my brother, but I have other family nearby who would welcome me if I just showed up, but I wouldn’t want to without telling them first.
I usually text to say I’m headed over, we both have crazy schedules with work and kids.
He lives a block away.
We would arrange it via text.
Every family is different. I don’t live close enough for a pop over, so it would be unusual. I would at least send a text. I would love it if any of mine dropped by.