So, my boyfriend and I agreed to meet at a certain place in town. A few minutes before the time, he texted me that he was nearby. I live about 8 minutes away from the meeting spot.
When I got there, he wasn’t there yet. I waited, called him, sent messages… no reply for about 4 minutes. Since he had said he was “nearby,” I thought something might have happened or maybe he was taking longer than expected.
My house is literally on the same way to the train station (where he was coming from), so I thought there was a good chance I’d run into him if I started walking home. I texted him saying I was going home so he could just meet me there or in the way instead.
He ended up arriving at my house about 30 minutes later (which is strange if he really was “nearby”) and was really upset with me. He said it was super rude to leave without waiting and that I should apologize. I told him I didn’t understand why I should apologize. I had let him know where I was going and it’s not like I canceled our plans.
Instead of talking it out, he just left my house without saying where he was going and hasn’t come back yet. (We don’t live together but he was planning on staying the weekend at my house)
From my perspective, I didn’t want to just stand around not knowing what was happening. I told him where I’d be, and my house is really close to the original meeting spot, so it didn’t feel like a big change.
AITA for leaving the meeting spot and telling him to just meet me at home?
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So, my boyfriend and I agreed to meet at a certain place in town. A few minutes before the time, he texted me that he was nearby. I live about 8 minutes away from the meeting spot.
When I got there, he wasn’t there yet. I waited, called him, sent messages… no reply for about 4 minutes. Since he had said he was “nearby,” I thought something might have happened or maybe he was taking longer than expected.
My house is literally on the same way to the train station (where he was coming from), so I thought there was a good chance I’d run into him if I started walking home. I texted him saying I was going home so he could just meet me there or in the way instead.
He ended up arriving at my house about 30 minutes later (which is strange if he really was “nearby”) and was really upset with me. He said it was super rude to leave without waiting and that I should apologize. I told him I didn’t understand why I should apologize. I had let him know where I was going and it’s not like I canceled our plans.
Instead of talking it out, he just left my house without saying where he was going and hasn’t come back yet. (We don’t live together but he was planning on staying the weekend at my house)
From my perspective, I didn’t want to just stand around not knowing what was happening. I told him where I’d be, and my house is really close to the original meeting spot, so it didn’t feel like a big change.
AITA for leaving the meeting spot and telling him to just meet me at home?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for waiting too little. I could probably have taken the blame and apologized because of it, but i wanted to stand my ground.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: Where was he? Would you have been waiting at the designated spot for half an hour, or for just a few minutes?
INFO
How long did you wait before you left?
I would say 10 minutes is common decency. No more than 15 if you are being very generous.
nah you’re not the asshole you told him where you were going and gave him a chance to meet you you weren’t standing around unsure for no reason and you didn’t cancel plans you just moved the meeting spot closer to home it’s reasonable to protect your own time and safety his reaction is unfair
NTA
I’ll wait 5, maybe 10 minutes for someone (stuff happens), then I leave. I simply don’t tolerate unreasonable lateness.
If he’s got a valid reason for being late (fire/flood/earthquake/traffic accident/public transit fuckup) then he shouldn’t mind just meeting at your place, and he’ll explain that when he arrives, and it’s all good.
Otherwise, it’s just disrespectful and rude. People who do it think they’re the main character.
4 min seems like too short a time to wait, under the circumstances.
But “seen” but unanswered texts, and unanswered calls also seems like a problem.
ESH, but soft. It seems like neither of you did good that night, but this should be a small thing that passes, not something that tears you apart for all time.
He’s blowing this up and stalked off to avoid discussing where he really was. He’s gaslighting you totally.
NTA…You texted him where you were going. Surely he could have contacted you in some way within half an hour. Unless he has a compelling reason for not being there, or not texting you, it’s hard to know why he’s angry.
I hate latecomers but 4 mins? YTA.
NTA. I do think you should have waited around 10 minutes instead of 4 but if he should up 30 minutes after you got home, then he definitely was not “nearby”. There is no need to apologize, just tell him next time to let you know how many minutes he is away from the destination.
NTA. It was super rude of him to be late without communication.
Why didn’t he answer his phone ? that’s why we carry phones everywhere ! to com-mu-ni-ca-te.
NTA.
He was late.
You didn’t want to stand around. Wise choice, by the way…
You communicated you were on your way home.
He had a temper tantrum over it, and gave you the silent treatment. He is the AH. Then tries to blame you. Gaslighting.
Too much drama and craziness. He is not worth it.
Bye bye, bf.
ESH
He needed to give better communication if he was running late. But you bailing after about 5 minutes also seems excessive
Neither of you sounds mature here
ESH – your BF is acting like a 5 year old, he needs to grow up. But honestly, waiting 4 minutes before you started walking back because you thought he was “taking longer than expected”? Jeez Louise that’s cluelessly inconsiderate at best. Maybe his phone died and he didn’t see your texts so he waited there for 30 minutes.
NTA but your BF is acting like one.
Sounds like he was with someone else.
I swear there’s a Genesis song in there somewhere…
Nta. He was late and he didnt apologise and turned it around on you. Id have left too. Hes rude
You should have waited longer.
Why the hell is his phone on silent?
Why did he not come straight to the house? Why the meet up?
Immaturity on both sides.
NTA. He misinformed you by telling you that was nearby and then he had the absolute nerve, at 30 minutes late, to get upset with you for waiting “only 6” minutes.
Waiting around like a lost puppy isn’t romantic it’s annoying honestly
NTA. There’s no reason to apologize.
YTA 4 minutes? that’s insane.
I will wait 15 minutes max. If I haven’t had a call or a text, I will text that I’m leaving. The ball is in their corner from then on.
If someone would blow up like OPs boyfriend did, I’m done. My time is precious, I’m not an Amazon package waiting on the porch.
NTA.
He was late and you told him where you were going to be. If your house is between the train station and the meeting place, then I don’t understand why he didn’t want to meet you at your house. He arrived 30 minutes later, which means you would have had to wait 38 minutes at the original spot.
His attitude only makes sense if he was not coming from the train, but from somewhere else “nearby.” Regardless he had a very bad sense of how long it would take to get to the meeting place, as he would have been at least 26 minutes later than you in arriving (4+30-8).
In my opinion he has no reason to be angry with you. He apparently believes his time is much more valuable than yours, and in addition he is doing things he is not sharing with you.
The BEST case scenario here, is that he had some big surprise planned (birthday, proposal??), and some other people were running late, and the surprise was ruined. Otherwise he’s just being shady.
EDIT: I see in another comment that this is not the first time he has made you wait. So most likely this is just his behavior, and not a poorly-planned surprise. It also further justifies your not waiting more than 6 minutes.
Everything you did was reasonable. BF is a knob. NTA
You waited 4 minutes? Wow! How awful for you.
I don’t blame him for leaving and never coming back.
NAH
Making someone wait on you is much ruder than not waiting for 30 minutes.
This is who he is, open your eyes and decide if he has the character you want in a partner.