I overheard a colleague of mine talking about cheating on his wife. I only know because the woman he was talking about didn’t have the same name as his wife. Should I tell her? They have 2 small children. On the other hand he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with cheating on her.
What should I do???
Should I tell this woman her husband is/was cheating on her?
r/Advice
Comments
Tell her.
”… he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with cheating on her.”
That may well be true.
The question for you is, what do you seek to gain from getting involved in this sordid matter?
And have you weighed the cost and benefits of such involvement?
Regards.
See something, say something. Cheating has consequences.
[deleted]
If I would be if somebody I knew was being cheated on, I would tell them if they were someone that considered a friend. If I was being cheated on, I would want literally anyone to tell me.
Tell her immediately. She deserves to know.
Absolutely not. I have seen this completely destroy people when there was a discreet relationship that never would have been known. She never recovered from finding out, and she wishes she could have continued her life in blissful ignorance.
Whether it is right it wrong, it is simply not your place to be the catalyst of something so devastating in the lives of strangers.
I think you need to consider a number of things before you make any decisions. Can you please give us a little more information on your relationship with this colleague? How long have you worked with him? What is his temperament? Do you love your job & want to stay there?
Have you ever met his wife?
OP, please be careful & think about the consequences … people can become very unhinged.
Yes
You should not get involved.
Mind your business. Karma will get him.
If it was me, I would want to know
MYOB, no offense but you have nothing to gain here. This is someone’s private life that doesn’t involve you.
None of your business, particularly since you have no real personal connection there.
You should do what you would want a person in your position to do if you were that woman who’s husband is cheating on her.
I think most people would want that person to tell them.
If you are sure he did, do it. There is no scenario where telling isn’t ok. It’s just human decency. Poor wife doesn’t deserve that, and your actions will end up benefiting her. As some have said, just do it anonymously.
Yes, do the right thing.
More info needed. Maybe bring it up with him
First or ask the woman he was speaking with before u go to the wife.
As weird as it may sound, it’s just not your place. You have no attachment to the situation, no knowledge of the relationship is open or if there is a cuckqueen situation. There are all kinds of ways this could go bad all because you don’t really know the couple’s relationship. Just because you hear him talking about it with colleagues does not mean he’s actually doing anything or exactly what he’s discussing. So in this situation, stay out of it. It’s not your business.
Based on what you described, you overheard select information as a third party – the coworker was talking to someone else, and you had to put details together based on names, etc. You also don’t seem to know this coworker’s spouse personally outside of work.
I don’t think you have nearly enough information here to accuse this person of cheating to his wife. For one thing, It could be possible there’s another explanation. And also – why should she believe you. If I got a letter or phone call from someone who told me my spouse was cheating on them, why should I believe it? You need a lot more evidence here, and you need to be able to make the case with almost irrefutable certainty, before it would be prudent to rat him out to his wife.
If you have solid proof he was cheating, she deserves to know the truth so she can make informed decisions about her marriage. Those kids deserve a stable home, and keeping secrets about infidelity doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
Always yes. No need to protect the cheater
If you tell her, do a typed up piece of paper so no handwriting and make it as far removed from you as possible. And as always, be prepared for it to back fire on you if so. Just deny you having any intel.
Also, did the man/husband see you physically around when he was spilling his dirty laundry? If so, you’re a suspect of “who told my wife”
Why do people feel the need to meddle in other people’s business?
You probably have more important aspects of your life that you could do instead
Tell her, but with an anonymous letter.
Do not get involved in this.
Only if you can get evidence.
From my point of view it’s probably not worth it without evidence. If someone my wife kind-of knows told me what you are saying here, I wouldn’t believe them. I don’t know that person and I trust my wife. And my initial reaction to them would likely be pretty hostile.
At most maybe it makes me consider digging deeper to see if I can find evidence.
It doesn’t sound like you have enough information to even be certain of what is going on. You’re risking creating a problem where one may not currently exist. Mind your own business unless she actually approaches you.
Lots of woman don’t take on the husband’s name. If that’s all you’re going off of, then you need to mind your business. Imagine you say something and you’re incorrect, you potentially ruined their marriage forever. If I was the husband and you did that too me, I’d get you fired first and then hunt you down.
The only person who benefits from keeping this secret is the cheater.
Partners should be told due to sexually transmitted diseases. Wouldn’t you want to know?
To the individuals worried that I do not have enough information. He stated specific details during the conversation and it was quite a lengthy conversation. I feel that if I let her know, it will not be hard for her to find her own evidence. And from word in our office, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s done it to her.
If that was you he was talking about, would you like a stranger to reach out to you
You use “they have 2 small children” as a reason not to tell her. It’s the opposite.
Remember, it’s not you who’s destroying their marriage or breaking the family apart. He is.
One urgent reason she needs to know is that he may give her an STI/STD.
IF you decide to tell, give your direct observations, not your inferences.
You are asking for trouble. Mind your own business.
No, you over heard something. If you caught this guy red handed then yes let the wife know.
Be prepared for her to not believe you. Know that her husband will say something about how you’re just trying to hurt him because you’re jealous. Unless you have video, or written signed evidence, it will likely go nowhere. Someone told me about my husband, I wish I had listened, but that’s just not the way we function.
Well if you say anything most likely you will be blamed for breaking them up, lies (I think you’re telling the truth, but you are getting yourself into a situation where telling the truth and having evidence might just not matter at all). I have a friend that I finally let him know his girl kept inviting me to a motel room and it was making me uncomfortable. We literally played online games together all the time and we would meet up for late night nachos and street fighter/mortal kombat/eternal champions matches and some other games too. Now he wants nothing to do with me since then (like 25 years later). But I still had to tell because I was stuck to having to tell or being blamed, still got blamed.
My personal policy when I see a steaming pile of shit is to make sure I don’t step in it. MYOB.
How sure are you that he is cheating? If you are confident, give his wife the information. The consequences are on him.
that’s a tough spot. honestly, unless you’re super close to her, stepping in could blow back on you hard. people don’t always want the messenger, they want proof. you can either stay out of it, or if you feel you have to, drop an anonymous hint so she can look for signs herself. but yeah, tread careful — messy business
I might be an outlier here, but if my wife ever cheats on me I don’t want to know about it, and would sooner not be told by some randomer who thought he was doing me a favour. I don’t expect everyone to agree with that stance, but since you only ever see the opposing view on Reddit, I thought I’d give an extra data point.
Ask him yourself . If he says yes. Tell him
If anyone asks I’ll have to tell the truth. Don’t volunteer.
Just mind your own business. It’s not cool what he’s doing, agreed but you should not get involved.
You overheard part of a conversation, you do not have enough information to do anything. And if you don’t know the wife as a friend then you don’t need to do anything. Leave it be.
Mind your business
Mind your business and stop eavesdropping? 🤷
If all that Original Poster has is what he/she overheard, it is better not to do anything.
Mind your business and leave it alone. It kinda sounds like you barely even know these people so getting involved is unnecessary and inappropriate.
You overheard him TALKING about cheating on his wife – which could mean he was making some type of joke or you maybe didn’t even hear it correctly?
Sorry, but that’s not enough to even know he’s actually cheating… that’s pretty weird to even consider trying to find his wife over.
What should you do? Don’t try to be somebody’s super hero and mind your own business. How do you know that they don’t have an open marriage? Mind your own business and focus on your job.
Don’t do it bro . I did that one time and it backfired me so bad . The wife convinced her husband that I was full of shit and that I was lying . I was shocked that she was able to pull that off haha . But she knows I have the evidence . I didn’t go any further with it . I left it alone and just continued life .
No. Just live YOUR life, not everyone else’s. It’s “This woman’s and her Husband’s” marriage to live and sort out.
As with most things, best advice to be given is to you know pretty simply stay in your fucking lane.
Not your pig not your farm.
You don’t sound like you’re close enough to anyone in that circle to really go and stick your knows in someone their shit. So, you know…don’t.
He may not even be cheating, they may be in an open relationship, they may be in the midst of divorce, maybe they are polyamorous. Then think about the number of people at your work that will no longer trust you to confide in, bosses will start seeing you as a troublemaker/meddler. All in all there’s no real upside other than your own self satisfaction. You Decide if it’s worth it, why ask random strangers on the internet who don’t have any skin in the game?
Aside from that conversation do you have proof, because this is someones marriage and family you’re messing with. Better have some hard evidence.
Not your circus, not your monkeys
It’s none of your business so stay out of it (and she’ll find out eventually).
Stay in your lane.
It doesn’t sound like you even know if he is actually cheating nor do you have a close relationship with these people. What’s your real angle?
None of your darn business. Mind your own life. Wtf
MYOB.
Sounds like you don’t really know them and don’t know all of what was said in the conversation. Do you even know anything about their relationship? It would be a real shame if you got it wrong. Are you willing to accept being responsible for the consequences of being wrong? If he is cheating it will come to light without your involvement.
Mind your business.
Stay. The. Fuck. Out. Of. It.
MYOB
Mind your own business. Especially if you don’t even know the wife
I don’t think you have nearly enough information, let alone proof, to be making that call.
Ask wife how her sister (insert affair name) is doing after she found out boyfriend was Married . Try to have conversation in front of cheating hubb
STAY. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. IT.
Tell him he has 24 hrs to tell his wife before you do. He will do it.
If you actually know the wife and you also know more details than you’re telling us to support the allegations of cheating then I would say tell her or confront your coworker about what you overheard unless you’re prepared to let it go. Even if he was talking about sleeping with another woman or dating another woman, that doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. Some people are swingers (married couples who sleep with other married couples), and some people are in a three or more person relationship. Years ago, there was a couple who approached me asking if I wanted to be part of their relationship. Basically date both of them together. I prefer to be with one person in a relationship but to each their own. I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me. However, I would also want some sort of proof before I begin to uproot my marriage. Also, some men… some women too, like to make up stories and brag with a lie to friends and coworkers. So I would just stay silent on this one unless you heard or saw more than you’re telling us. I really don’t envy you with the situation you’ve unwillingly have been put in.
I take it this is from your place of employment. In that case, mind your own business.
Definitely mind your own business. You don’t know this couple at all.
the answer is always no
Don’t tell anyone, you could get sued for slander. It’s none of anyone’s business except the people involved. She’ll probably find out anyway without you saying anything.
No. It’s not your business. He wasn’t even talking to you. Zip it.
Absolutely. If you were in her position, would you want to know?
I miss when the wealthy built parks, concert halls, public spaces, libraries to show off.
So you tell his wife, will you feel good you did the morally right thing as you watch a family implode, destroy kids futures and and of course absolutely know you have the 100% correct information and you know for certain nothing got misconstrued. Sounds like you want this guy to pay and feel the pain but remember everyone going to get the pain especially wife and kids too. So if you can live with that then go for it.
Is his name Zach?
Nah, this is third-hand information. If you had first-hand knowledge, that would be different, but you “overheard” someone else talking to someone else about something you are not directly knowledgeable about.
What if you are wrong and destroy a good marriage?
Based on hearsay? Wtf
If you want to intervene, intervene in a good way and in everyone’s best interests.
You know what they say, you put a negative things on the machine, it produces negative things.
You put good things on the machine, it produces positive things.
Try to be empathic and understanding, be in the other person’s shoe, seek first to understand… Say to the person something like this : “I felt like you were talking about cheating on your wife, and it must have been very hard for you to go to that route if it is true. Wouldn’t you be happier if you had the opportunity to take a divorce?”.
Maybe he have 2 wifes / open relationship?
The people that say mind your business or are suggesting a mix up with names are part of the problem. Let’s make excuses and mind our own business while this disgusting man cheats on the woman who gave him 2 children. No f that.
Nope, overhearing select information may not be the whole picture. Can’t act on that.
Depends. Do you want to be sucked into a maelstrom of drama?
Hmm
No
Unless you have hard evidence you should stay out of it. It’s a decent thing to want to make sure everyone is good, but it can also cause problems if it is just based on assumptions.
No you will suffer if you do keep away from it
She deserves to know but honestly as this man’s coworker, you should stay out of it. Think of the potential consequences for you if he finds out it was you that told his wife.
I know it suck’s, but I think you have to just stay out of it.
I wouldn’t go to her unless I had evidence. You could have been misunderstanding the conversation.
We need more details like what was said. What about the conversation and using a different woman’s name insinuates infidelity ?
Try to stay out of other people’s business unless it directly affects you or they are your family.
Totally reliable information. Sure, go ahead, spill the beans, see how that works out. And don’t forget to update us!
Keep your ears open, keep listening, collect more facts and information before ever saying anything. But also remember, sometimes the messenger berated because the person receiving the information can’t accept it. I’ve been the one that’s had to be the bearer of bad news 3 times. Two people perceived it well, one person did not.
Sadly I have known (and do know) people that cheat on their spouses.
I make it clear to them the first time they mention it (and it’s guys, it’s always guys that boast) that I want to know nothing as I will never lie to their spouse about their behavior.
This approach sobers up their thinking quickly.
I fucking hate cheating but don’t make me part of your lies as I won’t cover for you.
The men will say mind your own business, don’t be a busy body. The women will say “I would want to know”.
If you are sure he is cheating and not just a name confusion, I would send an anonymous note to the wife. Just like “I am not sure but your husband is cheating on you w/so and so. I would want to know if I were you but I’m not sure”.
Another partner maybe?
This seems hard. I’d let the guy know what you’ve heard and that if it happens again his wife might find out. Send this anonymously. Don’t include your info. This could make him think long and hard a repeated offense if he’s actually cheating.
My advise. Stay out of it !
Before you blow up a family, make sure u’ve got facts and not just workplace gossip. Changing lives over something overheard could backfire hard…
Can we normalize minding your own business?
As Taylor Swift says “A good wife always knows.” Not your mess, stay out of it.
None of your business. Stay out of it.
Mind your own business.
I may be biased, but I really don’t think you should tell my wife. Uh, I mean his wife.
Mind your own damn business is what you do
Unless you trust her and she trusts you, DO NOT get involved. It sounds like you’re an acquaintance of them at best, so you don’t know enough, and good intentions are no excuse to blow up somebody’s life. He might be lying, she might know, she might not care, she might have her own strategy in mind, and unless she trusts you already, your involvement will be rightfully seen as unwanted, risky and even hostile.
If you have a close enough relationship with them both to know the truth, you’d have some ethical position to make a judgement call about it. If not, you shouldn’t.
Nope mind your own business
My grandfather lived to be over 100 years old and still had all his teeth. When asked how he managed to do it, he replied… minding my own business… go have a glass of milk, it’s good for your teeth…
Are you friends with the wife? If the answer is no, then there is your answer.
I think when you “overhear” you have to use imagination. It’s dangerous. Get off that imaginary horse.
I was actually put into the worst position when someone told me.
It’s far different, either way I was going to lose a friend
And I did.
Not your circus, not your monkies
No
Mind your business
“Let him without sin cast the first stone.”
You could be totally wrong here. Think about it before you even think about saying something.
I’d find more facts about it then tell wife
Mind your business. Stay out of it. None of these people are your friend or family.
It wasn’t Don Draper was it
Mind your own business is the best course of action. Always. Keep it in mind.
Mind your own business
Mind your own business
It’s none of your business. It’s this third party interfering shite that really gets me. It doesn’t impact in your life so let people fuck up their own lives by their own hand.
Mind your own business. It makes your life better. If it’s my friend or a family member yes, but don’t involve yourself in someone else’s drama.
Stay the fuck outta that.
Leave it alone. It will come out in the wash. Don’t get involved.
Loose lips sink ships
How about you just sip your tea and mind your own goddamn business?
How about mind your own business. That is unless you want to see two small children grow up without a father in the house. Now if you’re really inclined to do something, then confront him, and explain that what he’s doing could lead him to ruin. Explain to him that whatever he might feel doesn’t compare to the joy that happens when comes home to his children and wife. And if he is planning on divorcing his wife, then do that, instead of looking like a creep.
Clearly the majority have never been cheated on.
My husband cheated on me and no one said a fucking word for months. The rage I feel when I look at all the people who thought I didn’t deserve to know I was married to a coward still gets my blood pumping.
But I’m in therapy now. Lol
Mind your business !!!
I’m all for not “minding your own business” when it comes to stuff like that. It’s crazy how we normalise letting people get led on like that while more and more people learn about it and they’re the laugh of the town. It’s horrible. We think saying something is overstepping our line and being nosy when I think that anyone in that situation would want to be told.
But the tricky part here is to not get involved more than you need to. It’s easy to get dragged right into the middle of this while just trying to help which is why many people don’t say anything.
Get downvoted That’s ridiculous This isn’t Mayberry circuit 1968 in some small town Someone heard Someone said -Want to broadcast your business …
Call it whatever you want You May get outed -Sorry but this is the new world – Nothing to stop someone from even recording your conversation- for kicks – Mind your buisness – Mind your own business first Keep your mouth shut in public
You heard a rumor or possible boast, you have zero evidence and or knowledge beyond you’re eavesdropping. No, I wouldn’t do anything if I were you.
Mind your business Karen.
Stay out of it,
Why is it any of your business? Are you the gate keeper of every g you hear? What if this isn’t true and you cause a rift in the relationship? Do you get to just wash your hands of the damage? Not your farm, not your pig.
I am somebody who reported a #MeToo situation and I lost my job for it. It was a fucking great job and it took me years to mourn the loss for doing what I thought was the right thing. I wish I stayed away from it. This isn’t like that, but… stay out of it. Just let it go
MYOB!!!
Yes
Nothing. You really have no clue. Talking about isn’t the same. MYOB.
Mind your business
Nope. Stay the fuck out of it. You have nowhere near enough information, you’re just a coworker, you don’t know the wife, you don’t know their situation. All you will achieve by contacting her is a hostile work environment.
Would you want to know???