Broke up w this 20yr old guy (im 17), admittedly i was !S! active w him, and he would physically abuse me bc of his “kink”. I’ve blocked him off all contacts mid text convo because he called me “easy”, clearly attacking my insecurity.
He left an amp, bass guitar, cords, poncho, gap and gown, etc. I’m on an adrenaline rush and am in the process of selling all of his shit.
Is that too far? just right? or less?
Comments
Just don’t. It’ll feel good temporarily and it comes with a risk, you might feel shame later. You can also be a better person and yada yada
Nope. Sell it, and don’t contact him again. I wouldn’t say the age gap is necessarily always toxic because it’s only 3 years, but he’s obviously using his age and experience against you. “Kinks” are something that is consensual, not an excuse to abuse someone. Leave him while you can.
Your very much right to leave him and block him everywhere, but I’d wait before selling his stuff
Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but I’m more afraid of any legal repercussions when selling stuff you don’t own (not saying there are any, but I’d ask someone with more knowledge about this stuff before doing so)
Also, to be clear, he can go fuck himself
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Do not sell his stuff. You wouldn’t want someone to do that to your stuff. Give him his stuff back. You can just leave it somewhere and tell him where its at and have him pick it up from there. This could also lead to legal consequences if you do go through with this.
Dont do it, just be the bigger person. You obviously liked/loved this guy enough to let him inside of your body…so have a little bit of Grace.. and at least see where this plays out.. And dont let him calling you “easy” affect you that much… To be honest, Every single woman I have ever been in love with has technically been “Easy”… like we banged on the first date type of easy… and some of those relationships lasted for years … They never tell you this… but when two people are HOT for each other, and are madly feeling each other… they are ALWAYS easy… being easy is the most normal thing in the damn world… means you are YOUNG and ALIVE.
You are definitely making the right decision to break things off. It’s not too far for you to go, but if you decided to be nicer about it, you could leave it at the curb. That’s totally up to you. It’s not like he’s going to call the cops on you, he’s not even legally supposed to be involved with you….. that’d be like telling on himself. Fk him. Do what ya want.
Do it while you are 17, he is not going to call the cops.
You’re just gonna bring more toxic drama upon yourself by doing this. Get ready.
You’re over-reacting because you’re hurt.
I’m not saying don’t sell his stuff, I’m just saying don’t do it right now.
Give it 48 hours, see how you feel then. Use this as a learning experience. You’ve got nothing to be insecure about, nothing to be ashamed of, and this might easily be the first time someone has broken your heart (big hugs to you. It sucks and I’m sorry. We’ve all been there and we know how much it hurts). Just because you dated one dick doesn’t mean all guys are dicks.
Also, his kink sounds weirdly like he thought he was Clint Eastwood (it’s the poncho), so he sounds fucking weird. Date someone normal for a bit. And hugs again. You’ll get through this.
Sell it
As much as I feel he deserves it you could and probably would be charged with theft, don’t let him get a legal blow on you too after breaking free, if possible, allow a friend of his you trust, or feel more comfortable around than him anyway, to pick up his shit, regardless of how it’s done, to be safe maybe have a few of your own friends over at that time.
I’d say send him a message first using all media you can think just to make sure he receives and reads it. Said message is about gathering his things and leaving them outside by the gate (to/of a house) so they can come for them
Ngl, I barely understood what you just said…. spelling wasn’t great…
Before you get in another relationship please love yourself first
You’re not “fucked up” at all. He abused you and attacked you cutting ties and getting rid of his stuff is just you reclaiming your space and moving on.
Exactly what you did is healthy and normal. Cutting ties and removing his things is a way to protect yourself and take back control, not something to feel guilty about. You’re prioritizing your safety and well-being, and that’s the right move
Not worth the repercussions dump his stuff outside and tell him it’s there, don’t be about when he collects it. If you sell it he could use it as an excuse to maintain contact and keep bothering you.
Don’t sell his stuff. Send him an email (yes email, I know) if you have one for him:
Dear So and So,
I have these belongings of yours. I would like to arrange for you to pick them up at the Local Town PD parking lot. I can meet you (offer a couple days and times).
Thanks
OP
Reasons: emails are more likely to be admissible communication. It is also much harder to get sucked into a back and forth exchange vs. text. Meeting at the PD is a neutral public place where you are pretty much guaranteed in and out of the parking lot without altercation.
If he is unwilling to meet you there, tell him you will leave them with a mutual friend if any exists, but you will not be meeting him in another location. You also might be willing to leave them outside your home for him to get without you there.
If he doesn’t respond, wait 14 days and then sell his shit.
ETA: addressing the specific comments about him not being likely to involve police: We cannot know that. People lie all the time. He could easily get police involved by telling them you are a friend and you stole them. That just starts a slinging match. You don’t want the drama. Try and return this stuff and move on with your life.
You could, alternatively, report his abuse to the police and ask them what to do with these things.
Bottom line, don’t bank on him just walking away because you are under 18. It doesn’t mean anything. Especially depending on the consent laws in your jurisdiction.
Tell you father and have him and friends have a little chat with the ex… I know if my daughter told me that a ex was abusing her some goodwill donations would be the least of his concerns.
A fetish is only fun when you’re BOTH HAVING FUN. I learned that in the 80s. Love and dating isn’t about serving the other. It is about what you have together. Don’t forget that.
Tell him to collect his stuff by email. Don’t worry about him after that.
drop his crap with one of his family members
It sounds sooo gratifying to consider selling his crap but you need to realize there are legal ramifications to your actions. Try to see past your emotions and do what you can to be as amicable as possible. Be safe.