I am my husbands only consistent friend at this point. When we were first together he would hang out with friends but we and many of our friends have moved to new places. He has social anxiety, add and depression but is very smart and generally successful in work. But all of this combined with his crazy work schedule makes it hard for him to maintain friendships. He is close with his parents but they are getting old. I have always considered this his issue and not mine. I am not here to fix him. But the problem is we are currently both going through legitimately difficult things in our lives. And while i have many people to lean on, he only has me. He has finally restarted therapy which I’m hopeful will continue to help him, but I am barely holding it together myself, and so is he, but I’m the only person he is sharing with while I can call a friend to vent to. I really am not up for helping him as I have been. It hit a wall last night. Any men out there who have been through similar things that have suggestions that have helped you? Maybe I can point him in the right direction. I love him so much and he is such a good person. I hate seeing him in pain but can only do what I can do. Most of my friends partners have friends so I can’t get practical advice from them. Thanks in advance. Pls be nice. 🙏🏼
I am my husbands only friend and we’re both struggling.
r/Advice
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Maybe he can make friends by doing sports with others.
If your husband has anxiety and depression, it seems to me that it might be helpful for him to go on some sort of medication. Otherwise, his therapy is not going to have much effect, for the simple reason that when a person is anxious and depressed, they will not be receptive to the work they do in their therapy.
Personally speaking, I was married to someone for many years, who was not merely depressed, but who had severe personality issues, and it was extremely difficult and painful. I had no choice at some point but to simply disengage, for my own sanity, and so that I could take care of our two small children.
I would very humbly submit that you have nothing to feel guilty about. We are all human and we are all capable of only so much.
And keep in mind that if you do not feel good, and if you do not take care of yourself properly, then you will be in no position whatsoever to do anything to help your husband should the time come when you are ready to be more active in supporting and assisting him in whatever way you can.
Best wishes to you.
Send him for gym or some sports like basketball, pickleball whatever. With time he will make friends. If he has some other hobby, then get him to those classes like cooking, pottery, wood works etc
After a certain age, men don’t really know how to make new friends. That can happen only when they r put together in a same place same situation. If he repetitively meets them in his own loved sport/hobby etc environment then he would want to spend time with them.
Hope u too will get better soon!
WOW that’s rough! I’m sorry about the troubles both of you are going through.
I was gonna suggest one of your friends partners, but you’ve explained that already.
Another thing you can do is direct him towards a club or a sports team (if he’s into sports). Joining a local team helps a lot!
I’m not sure what he does for work, but expanding his circles in relation to work also helps. I know you’ve mentioned anxiety but at least they have something in common.
Lately I’ve been attending a lot of social and networking events related (sometimes not so much) to my line of work. And that’s how I’ve been expanding my social circles.
It’s great that he’s in therapy though! Hopefully that helps.
One thing that might be worth looking into is the availability of any men’s groups within your area. As a guy who has experienced depression, I made myself attend a men’s group which sought to offer something to men experiencing difficulties. There were pool tables, free pizza – which gave us all a focus – and supportive one to one conversations were available. It’s not easy to go for the first couple of times – but I found it a bit of a lifeline in the end for a certain period of time. Please look into whether anything like this is available – as your husband needs contact with other men even if he does not fully realise this himself.
I am married to a woman who was, is still a little bit, co dependant and I didn’t recognize it for a while. At first I thought it was cute but over time I gave up hobbies, friends, events with certain people to keep her happy. So I became isolated and it took me some self reflection how I allowed myself to give up what I liked….but the interesting thing is that when my wife recently asked me what my hobbies are I didn’t have an answer. I was so far removed from my old self I forgot or really just lost interest.
I bring this up because it will take really work from him to find his fun and eventually friends. I hope he finds it.
Most men don’t actively seek out new friendships. It feels awkward, forced even….and when it’s our wives nudging us into it, the pressure only makes it worse. What he really needs is therapy, maybe even alternative treatments, something that actually addresses what’s going on inside. Suggesting he hit the gym or play pickup ball with a bunch of grown kids pretending they’re still in high school isn’t the answer. That’s a distraction, not a solution.
Men don’t need friends. They need a friend, and your husband has you. Men are different then women in that way.
I’m in a similar situation. I find it hard to make friends. I’m in my 4 days and some of my existing friends. Mainly my two besties are on the other side of the country and I’ve known them for 30 plus years at this point.
I try not to give myself expectations when meeting other adults and possibly being friends but it’s hard
Thank your friend, OP.
Then ask your husband to go to couples counseling, “to help us communicate better”. If he hesitates, tell him to talk about it with his therapist, because the therapist will probably be all for it.
Do you want him to have friends and go out with them or do you just want him to have other people he can vent to and get advice?
Does he have any hobbies, maybe he could join an online group or something and make friends that way. If his social anxiety is stopping him from having friends and going out.
Does he use reddit, can he come on here and vent and ask for advice?
I don’t have any friends and that’s my choice, friendships are hard to maintain and it’s very draining for me.
Does he want friends?
Interesting!