Not the obvious stuff like taxes, back pain, or how hangovers last two days now. I mean the quiet surprises the little things about getting older that hit differently.
Maybe it’s how friendships slowly fade if you don’t put in effort. Maybe it’s realizing your parents are aging faster than you expected. Maybe it’s waking up one day and thinking, “Wait… is this it?”
I’m just curious What’s something about life after 30 that no one prepared you for?
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You can’t tell yourself you’ll figure it out, once you’re at the age it should be figured out.
That as my friends become more and more busy with their own lives I have less support. Mostly when I need someone to vent with, but the person I’m venting about is my partner, I feel terribly alone and trapped sometimes.
Noone wants to help you. Anyone your close to typically doesn’t want you to succeed better than they did and will try put down any idea you have. Want to get fitter? Want a new side hustle? Want to do anything? Don’t tell anyone, just do it. Otherwise you’ll think about what they said and never do it.
From hard experience:
Marriage is a contract, not some romantic gesture. It is an agreement on how future earnings are to be distributed. This contract is broken more than 50% of the time and usually to the huge benefit of the one that did contribute much less (which in my case was the woman who betrayed me and then got handsomely rewarded for it by family law – particularly because we have two kids).
If you must marry, think long and hard about how exactly that should financially work and also what should happen in the worst-case scenario.
I would advise never to marry someone who earns a lot less or does not have the same drive to “build a life and work (earn) for it”
That if you put in the time to do right by your wife and kids and job and chores, there’s nothing left. You’re just a very occasional visitor to your own life.
Loneliness.
Nepotism and who you know is probably more important than hard work (A lot of the time).
Networking means more than giving effort at work (sometimes).
Most of the people I know that are “successful” adopted a built family company, had a hookup from Dad, or just flat out got the foundation paid for while they figured out how to be successful on their own two feet.
There are a small that truly did the grind and came out the other side. Most that do the grind, still are grinding as hard as they did in their 20s or have given up.
It. Never. Gets. Any. Easier.
Everyone says “you’ll figure it out” but I’m pretty sure they’re just trying to convince themselves when they say it
Everyone said it would be bad for xyz, but I’m honestly loving my 30s.
Not always sunshine and rainbows, but I’ve been through most of the hardships before so I know how to cope, idgaf about fomo anymore so I do what I want with people I actually like, not strapped for cash all the time, kicked out the shitty girls to lock down a great one (I would argue the best), cut out all the toxic people, etc etc.
I am just able and secure to make the changes that support my happiness and commit to them now.
I grew up kind of poor tho so maybe it’s relative, but childhood was fine, I liked my 20s a lot (spent half partying, half working hard), absolutely loving my 30s.
It’s hard af to make new friends and also keep old ones if you aren’t willing to commit to going and getting drunk at least once a week.
That the three to four friends you have had for the last 10 years or so are the only actual friends you are likely going to have.
Everyone else gets compartmentalised.
Work colleagues.
Hobby people.
Those you see down the pub.
The gym people.
Parents of your kids friends.
That one person you seem to walk past way too often on route to the off-license.
And when those three to four friends disappear for whatever reason, they never get replaced.
It’s wierd..
The ongoing responsibility of becoming the head of your own family
Things hit harder. Maybe I was just a little sociopath growing up, but in my thirties and forties I found meaning and beauty and depth in so much more of life. Nothing prepared me for that.
There will be a day that will be the last time you said something to your grandma/grandpa, a last moment you spent with your dad, or a last conversation with your mom. Then, there are no more conversations, no more time to be spent, no more dinners shared, no more car rides taken except for the last ride in the big black car.
And you will be there, sitting on a small chair, with all the weight of your feelings and you will have to manage it. It will happen when you least expect it, and no matter how much you scream and rage and cry…you can’t stop it. Death runs on it’s own time and waits for nobody.
penis shrinkage. no one warned me that from age 28 until age 45, my 6.5″ would become 4.7″ (and still falling, i can only assume)
Something other than what’s been mentioned here.
In a general sense, the overall lack of any fairness/justice in many things and the effort it would take to resolve even the most basic problems at even say town/village level. So much works but just about works or is broken and working the best it can.
It’s realising my parents are getting old that gets to me. And it might not be too long before it’s me looking after them.
Something that’s obvious, but nobody mentions explicitly so you never think about it until you’re 30 and they’re approaching or already 60.
Thankfully both are active and in good health so hopefully more likely to be around and in relative good health for longer, but you never know what might crop up in older age.
How i take gravity damage in my sleep/wake up hurting regardless what i do. Yay im old.
Ha, mostly taxes, back pain, or how hangovers last two days now. That’s my 40s.
It’s mostly how fast time flies now that you can see there is a end.
Everything must be earned. When you leave home, you realise ife is unfair at the best of times and owes you nothing. Be self-reliant and earn because no one else will do it for you.
Life moves far faster than you think. I remember being 21 and my sister said, ‘you’ll soon be thirty’. It feels like last year. It was 33 years ago! Don’t hang about too long enjoying yourself or you’ll find yourself paddling upstream with nothing to show for it.
Look after your health. Seriously. Awareness is better nowadays than it was in the 80s and 90s, but still, some lads cane the ale, drugs and don’t do fitness or stick to a healthier regimen. Do it now and you’ll thank yourself later in life. Same goes for getting checked up by the docs. If something feels wrong, don’t shrug it off, get it checked.
If you don’t take care of your body, a lot of the problems and pain becomes permanent/irreversible. Multiple lower body surgeries in my 20s have put some permanent physical limitations on me for the rest of my life
You WILL start to think that the music on concerts is too loud and there’s too many people.
That you’re not some cool 23 year old, you’re that plus a 30 year old, a 40 year old, a 50 year old etc. You have to be someone all versions of you would be proud of. And you’re mostly someone 30+ (50+ years of that) then you are someone young and cool.
Getting into marriage without a prenup
Dick don’t work but I’m horny!
There’s no such thing as a potential partner coming out of nowhere
Your best chances are in your 20s and after that it just gets harder and harder
Perfection doesn’t exist. You just have to accept that good enough is good enough.
For me personally, that my family could be something that keeps me happy.
I never would have assumed I could be so happy from caring for my family and raising my children
You start to learn who you are. I think your 20s are for setting up a foundation for yourself. It’s the adult on training wheels era. In your 30s, you start learning more about your wants and needs and develope a plan for what the rest of your life will look like, often pivoting and changing as necessary. Im hoping that by the 40s, it will be an era of self reassurance.