Hello. I recently graduated and started working, and I have not given this much thought until these few months. But in college, the sheer number of causes to meet a stranger – whether for friendship or dating – was so high that I feel I got spoiled: classes, clubs, events, just walking outside, etc. I have not succeeded at finding a person I’d match with, and also I just had to study (and work) so much in college I had nearly no time to date.
Now I live in a new city that I love and work 9-7. There recently was an org-wise meeting, and I just looked around the room where my whole floor was sitting. Among ~60 people, there were 3 women, all 15+ years older than me. I go to dance classes – not necessarily with this purpose in mind, just for fun – but most girls there already came with boyfriends, if I was to approach this situation from this angle. I tried using dating apps (both Hinge and Bumble), and it was fruitless. I asked my friends (girls) to help with the profile, and even in combination with that and paying premiums, it’s not only near to useless (I was able to get a whopping 1-2 matches/month), but also very depressing. I feel like playing an endless slot machine at best and shopping for a person at worst swiping through those, and I’d be ready to throw away all the beautiful ideas how this sh*t is supposed to happen if that worked, but it doesn’t.
How do people meet each other past high school/college?
Thanks in advance.
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Hello. I recently graduated and started working, and I have not given this much thought until these few months. But in college, the sheer number of causes to meet a stranger – whether for friendship or dating – was so high that I feel I got spoiled: classes, clubs, events, just walking outside, etc. I have not succeeded at finding a person I’d match with, and also I just had to study (and work) so much in college I had nearly no time to date.
Now I live in a new city that I love and work 9-5. There recently was an org-wise meeting, and I just looked around the room where my whole floor was sitting. Among ~60 people, there were 3 women, all 15+ years older than me. I go to dance classes – not necessarily with this purpose in mind, just for fun – but most girls there already came with boyfriends, if I was to approach this situation from this angle. I tried using dating apps (both Hinge and Bumble), and it was fruitless. I asked my friends (girls) to help with the profile, and even in combination with that and paying premiums, it’s not only near to useless (I was able to get a whopping 1-2 matches/month), but also very depressing. I feel like playing an endless slot machine at best and shopping for a person at worst swiping through those, and I’d be ready to throw away all the beautiful ideas how this sh*t is supposed to happen if that worked, but it doesn’t.
How do people meet each other past high school/college?
Thanks in advance.
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Dude, there’s plenty of ways: hobbies, social groups, friends-of-friends, community events, volunteering, gyms, professional networks. Apps can supplement, but only ones that encourage real life face-to-face e.g. Meetup.
I’m gonna suggest gym but keep in mind you can find some narcissistic folks in there as well
Bars
Growing up brock from pokemon use to drop to his knees and profess his love to random women all the time. If he can do it, so can you.
The internet. Apps
I’ve had dating apps work. I’m currently married to someone I met on a dating app, but that’s not the only time it’s worked for me.
I’ve also had social hobbies, meetup groups organized around mutual interests, and volunteering events directly lead to happy naked times.
Other people’s experiences may vary, but for me it was always just a matter of forcing myself out of the house, which wasn’t always easy for me, because I’m a socially awkward dork and an introvert. But if I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and into situations where I was pretty much forced to meet and interact with new people, it always felt pretty inevitable that I’d end up in bed with (at least) one of them.
Hobbies usually, sometimes online or through friends
For me I say music festivals or malls
Bars, hobbies, events, group meetups.
You don’t.
Women have made it perfectly clear they want to be left completely alone for a good amount of time now. Don’t approach anyone in any store because they are just there to do their shopping for whatever. Definitely not at the gym because they are there just for their workout and want to be left alone. And for sure not at the bar because they are there just to have a good time with their friends and not be bothered by random men. That covers 90%+ of all places.
I didn’t just make that up either. Women I’ve been friends with for well over a decade have told me all that. Yet they are all simultaneously frustrated that they let their 20s fly on by and are all in their 30s, single and are pissed that men don’t come up to them. Hell just last week we went to a brewery to watch a game and hang out. All they talked about was being single and how much it sucked.
I think it’s that they just want that one in a million dude to approach them and are pissed it hasn’t happened.
I meet Women all over. The gym, work, bars, fuck I met one girlfriend in the hospital.
I just talk to people. Like everyone.
Dating apps. I’m a fairly average looking guy and can get a date pretty regularly if I actually make the effort. The only caveat is it’s a numbers game, you probably have to buy the unlimited swipe package, and you can’t live in a small town. You also have to prepare for the fact that 90% of your convos are gonna be duds that don’t go anywhere. But I met my last 3 ex’s on an app.
I don’t understand the people that say “the gym”. I’ve been lifting regularly for 15 years and never met a girl at the gym. It just seems awkward…headphones on everyone, no natural opportunity to start a convo, and if it goes poorly you have to see the girl regularly or change gyms? Idk..
I met my wife in a bar. It’s 31 years in November.
I second the suggestion to get out to community events/ festivals. Particularly look for ways you can volunteer so you can interact with people of all backgrounds.
Your objective isn’t to try to date everyone you meet, but to be friendly and engaging to them so you can become or stay confident in various social situations while demonstrate your own work ethic & problems solving skills. In a festival situation I can 100% guarantee on personal experience at least someone will be interested.
Once I got settled in to my first Real Job, I started going to in-person meetups once a week. I made a lot of friends and eventually one of them introduced me to my first Serious Girlfriend (which took a few years, but it was worth it).
Honestly, I think we’d be better off as a society if more people did it this way.
Craigslist.
I recommend taking classes at local college, not just to pick up but to learn stuff. Join clubs at college. Go to the college gym, etc. When girls ask your age if you’re older, say “old enough that when you call me daddy, you can meant it.” with a wry smile. If you don’t have model looks but decent with good personality, your stats will be better IRL than dating apps. I have me a few dozen girls in real life, but didn’t have to make thousands of tries to get them. Swiping for me is maybe 1/1000 chance to meet someone, I’d rather spend my time outside.
A volunteering group would let you meet people that typically aren’t assholes (since they are into volunteering). I don’t know if I would join a volunteering group with the explicit purpose of dating, but at least it can put you in touch with decent men and women.
Dating apps are the answer despite how much flack people give them. The developed world is increasingly too atomized and anti social to rely on organic meetings doing day to day activities and hobbies to be your principal method for finding romantic connections
!remind me 2 hours
My answers
*Work (preferably different department)
You don’t
Focus on work and yourself, dude, and leave the beehive to itself
Oh, you don’t.
You got 1-2 matches a month?! Jeez Casanova don’t gotta rub it in to the rest of us
You have to see someone so beautiful that you don’t care about rejection, being creepy, or embarrassing yourself and just go talk to her.
I feel like you’re already on the right path. You said you were doing group activities like dance classes. Even if you don’t find someone there it’s good to interact with new people.
I’ve found the best way to meet potential partners is through friends. Maybe continue going to dance, but instead of focusing on the women try to befriend their boyfriends if they are likeable people. If you hang out outside of dance class you are bound to encounter other people in their social circle.
Last year, I met a girl at a friendsgiving I went to. It didn’t really end up going anywhere, but it was a refreshing experience after my dating app dry spell.
Also if you’re religious, try going to a church or temple that caters to young people. Being a recent graduate you can even go to one that has some college students without it being weird.
Keep expanding your social circle. When you meet new people through your current friends, start hanging out with them. Theyll in turn, introduce you to even more people. Eventually youre going to meet someone whos as interested in you as you are in them.