Done it before. It’s rad. As long as you’ve got a healthy relationship with your friends, you should be fine. Cuddling isn’t inherently sexual, but I understand the hesitation.
My friends all know I don’t really like to be touched.
If they specifically need for me to cuddle I’d like to know why. If they’re feeling low, or scared and just need some human comfort I can put my own discomfort aside for a while to help a friend.
I’d tell them I can’t do it. There’s an intimacy starved monster I keep locked up deep down. If it ever gets off the hook, I don’t do well mentally. I’d get over attached and go from zero to a hundred. I’m old enough to fight it off, but it takes a lot out of me to hold it back. Don’t you fucking dare feed that thing. Don’t give me even the slightest sliver of hope because it’ll all just go sideways from there.
As long as there is a clear boundary first it’s fine.
A lot of single men never experience physical contact for extended periods of time. They may be very glad to do it, but that’s why there has to be a clear boundary first. Too easy to give the wrong impression.
The boundary is incredibly clear that this is a cuddle and nothing else. I don’t need my mind firing off into fantasy land of becoming a happy couple and figuring out all the complexities that come with that.
Try to ignore any cardiovascular reflexes. They don’t mean anything in this context.
If they have a partner, they need to be made aware, and their consent collected in writing (a screenshotted text message is ideal).
We discuss what’s ok and what isn’t beforehand. I have non-obvious no-go touch zones, you may have some too. Let’s make each other aware so everyone stays comfortable.
I was super high one time and at the end of a bender my friend and I (both single) simultaneously asked each other to cuddle. It was sweet and lovely albeit sweaty. Nothing sexual just psychological safety
Actually had this happen about two years ago when she was super drunk but I could tell she meant platonically. Cuddled for a bit, once she fell asleep I got blankets on her and stuck a water bottle next to the futon, and grabbed her bag and put it there too, a long with a plastic bucket (just in case).
Set an alarm to get me up before her, and made an easy-reheatable breakfast burrito, left it for her on the counter. Went to the gym, she was gone when I got back but I got a big hug the following day and a very heartfelt thank you. Went well, tbh. We don’t talk anymore but I think she’s doing better now.
Honestly in my experience this is a complete and utter headfuck and I’d be completely torn.
Most people do not say what they actually mean. In the past when I’ve been asked to “cuddle platonically” they really wanted to cuddle romantically but they were just testing me. I still don’t understand what the test was. All I know is there was no right answer and I always ended up feeling like shit.
But don’t go into anything assuming it’s a test because guess what? Then you’re an asshole. In your case this person might actually be a rare example of someone being completely honest and upfront and saying what they actually mean and then sticking to it.
So I think at this point in my life I’d respond with “do you need a hug?” Give them a quick hug, and leave it at that.
I think it really depends on the circumstances and on the person. I have several female friends that I’m very close to. Like emotionally. We don’t fuck. Or if we used to we don’t anymore and it’s like 30 years ago literally.
I think I can say if any of them were going through some crisis like a loved one dying or a cancer diagnosis or something very serious and they just wanted me to hold them I 100% would and I wouldn’t feel weird about it at all.
But I think if they just came to me randomly on a Tuesday and said hey can we just cuddle platonically? I might honestly think it was kind of strange and be mildly uncomfortable. I might or might not still do it but. I don’t know. I would have questions lol. Whether I asked them out loud or not.
This is also affected by the fact that I have a long-term partner and I’d have to juggle this idea of whether or not it was okay considering that I’m in a very explicitly monogamous relationship. If I was single and I didn’t have to worry about explaining it to anyone I might be more open to it but I would still have a lot of questions. Like what actually is this? If I came to understand that it was purely a platonic thing and it was not an attempt to establish or reestablish some romantic contact? Yeah I’d probably be totally okay with it.
People need hugs. It’s easy to get lonely in this fucking world.
You just asked a buncha guys on reddit who probably don’t cuddle often platonically or not if they’d like the idea of a female friend asking to cuddle, your answers are gonna be mad biased towards the answer you’d expect to get. Personally I think it’s weird, hugs are fine for like emotional moments but cuddling feels too intimate to be doing casually if you intend this to be purely a friendship bc it’s inherently sexual, you’re rubbing body parts close to each other in a place that people can generally have sex like a couch or bed.
There is nothing wrong with platonic physical cuddling between two consenting adults. Hugging a friend and holding a friend is a loving thing to do for another human being. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Of course, it could lead there but it takes two to clap for it to even get there 🙂
Know that this question is even a question because of the prevalent relational toxicity between men and women that’s permeated our culture and relationships for as long we can remember. Blame it on porn, purity culture and shame. As long as you know your boundaries and you’re comfortable with the intention of this friendship, you can cuddle away.
Gonna be a no from me. I mean there’s really no winning for me in that situation. Let’s be honest if I’m attracted to her I’m not going to be focused on straight cuddling. If I’m not attracted then I’m putting out a hell of a mixed signal by cuddling. Platonic or not cuddling is intimacy, and intimacy plays tricks on our feeble monkey brain. Somebody in the equation is likely to catch feelings.
No, anything beyond a hug would be crossing my boundary and it is highly probable for me to catch feelings if she has been kind, caring or affectionate towards me.
I did this. I said he can sleep in my bed and we can just cuddle platonically. He was my friend for 15 years, we became single round the same time and were enjoying being single together
Anyway, one year after that we became a thing ahahaha. It was platonic cuddling for about 49 seconds until he melted into me and it just all went uphill from there 🙂
lol i am a professional cuddler (cuddle therapy) with a company so men pay me to cuddle with them. yes, boners do happen. yes, some of the men ask me if i would do more (i do not do more). and yes, there are some men that are totally fine with it being just platonic because they really just crave the touch and want to talk about things. it really just depends on the person.
Im on the older side of reddit. Every single time this sort of thing has happened, it was just a dumb excuse to hook up. Some super obvious, some just bizarre.
When I was in my early 20’s, I lived at a place where we threw parties every weekend. Like a mini frat house without the college part.
Anyways, I had lots of female friends and they’d often spend the night in my bed just to cuddle and sleep off the drunk. Everyone thought I was hooking up with them all, but I wasn’t. Frankly I felt safer with them sleeping in my room cause the living room often had a few strangers we’d just met that night, and it felt unsafe. There were nights I’d share my bed with 3-4 girls.
I’ve heard from several of them years later that I was like a big brother for them in a way they really needed at the time.
I’ve experienced this with two different women in college. I figured they wanted intimacy but maybe weren’t sexually active. I didn’t push the subject, just obliged the cuddling. It wasn’t awkward for me, I was flattered they felt comfortable enough to ask such a thing.
I’m a woman in a relationship but I had a man ask me to cuddle platonically once. He was lonely, I was lonely (he said), and he thought it would be mutually beneficial. Seven years later I have years of trauma to unpack in therapy and I miss my dog.
Comments
I’ve done that. Cuddling is great!
I think it’s human nature to want to be held by another human.
Done it before. It’s rad. As long as you’ve got a healthy relationship with your friends, you should be fine. Cuddling isn’t inherently sexual, but I understand the hesitation.
My friends all know I don’t really like to be touched.
If they specifically need for me to cuddle I’d like to know why. If they’re feeling low, or scared and just need some human comfort I can put my own discomfort aside for a while to help a friend.
A simple no thank you would suffice here…platonically
I’d tell them I can’t do it. There’s an intimacy starved monster I keep locked up deep down. If it ever gets off the hook, I don’t do well mentally. I’d get over attached and go from zero to a hundred. I’m old enough to fight it off, but it takes a lot out of me to hold it back. Don’t you fucking dare feed that thing. Don’t give me even the slightest sliver of hope because it’ll all just go sideways from there.
No. Cuddling is very comforting.
As long as there is a clear boundary first it’s fine.
A lot of single men never experience physical contact for extended periods of time. They may be very glad to do it, but that’s why there has to be a clear boundary first. Too easy to give the wrong impression.
I do this regularly. Its so excellent and really taught me how to divorce my want and need to touch and be touched from my sexuality.
Cuddles are the best.
If my friend needs a cuddle, they get a cuddle
No problem, with a few disclaimers;
I’m old. But I think I must be fucked up, because if a person asked to cuddle with me, platonically, male or female. I would say yes.
They have the fucking courage to ask to cuddle. And we’re friends. Fuck yeah, dude. You need this? I’ll take care of you. I have love for you.
I was super high one time and at the end of a bender my friend and I (both single) simultaneously asked each other to cuddle. It was sweet and lovely albeit sweaty. Nothing sexual just psychological safety
Actually had this happen about two years ago when she was super drunk but I could tell she meant platonically. Cuddled for a bit, once she fell asleep I got blankets on her and stuck a water bottle next to the futon, and grabbed her bag and put it there too, a long with a plastic bucket (just in case).
Set an alarm to get me up before her, and made an easy-reheatable breakfast burrito, left it for her on the counter. Went to the gym, she was gone when I got back but I got a big hug the following day and a very heartfelt thank you. Went well, tbh. We don’t talk anymore but I think she’s doing better now.
Honestly in my experience this is a complete and utter headfuck and I’d be completely torn.
Most people do not say what they actually mean. In the past when I’ve been asked to “cuddle platonically” they really wanted to cuddle romantically but they were just testing me. I still don’t understand what the test was. All I know is there was no right answer and I always ended up feeling like shit.
But don’t go into anything assuming it’s a test because guess what? Then you’re an asshole. In your case this person might actually be a rare example of someone being completely honest and upfront and saying what they actually mean and then sticking to it.
So I think at this point in my life I’d respond with “do you need a hug?” Give them a quick hug, and leave it at that.
I dont cuddle with friends unless i want to be with that friend romantically or maybe sexually.
I’m not single but… There is an intimacy with cuddling. I don’t know if I’d call it “weird,” but I’d say it’s not the norm
I don’t know that would be weird to me personally. As that nearly crosses the line of platonic.
My female friend asked me to cuddle one time at university and now we’re married with two cats and a house.
This is a very interesting question.
I think it really depends on the circumstances and on the person. I have several female friends that I’m very close to. Like emotionally. We don’t fuck. Or if we used to we don’t anymore and it’s like 30 years ago literally.
I think I can say if any of them were going through some crisis like a loved one dying or a cancer diagnosis or something very serious and they just wanted me to hold them I 100% would and I wouldn’t feel weird about it at all.
But I think if they just came to me randomly on a Tuesday and said hey can we just cuddle platonically? I might honestly think it was kind of strange and be mildly uncomfortable. I might or might not still do it but. I don’t know. I would have questions lol. Whether I asked them out loud or not.
This is also affected by the fact that I have a long-term partner and I’d have to juggle this idea of whether or not it was okay considering that I’m in a very explicitly monogamous relationship. If I was single and I didn’t have to worry about explaining it to anyone I might be more open to it but I would still have a lot of questions. Like what actually is this? If I came to understand that it was purely a platonic thing and it was not an attempt to establish or reestablish some romantic contact? Yeah I’d probably be totally okay with it.
People need hugs. It’s easy to get lonely in this fucking world.
You just asked a buncha guys on reddit who probably don’t cuddle often platonically or not if they’d like the idea of a female friend asking to cuddle, your answers are gonna be mad biased towards the answer you’d expect to get. Personally I think it’s weird, hugs are fine for like emotional moments but cuddling feels too intimate to be doing casually if you intend this to be purely a friendship bc it’s inherently sexual, you’re rubbing body parts close to each other in a place that people can generally have sex like a couch or bed.
How is your friendship?
There is nothing wrong with platonic physical cuddling between two consenting adults. Hugging a friend and holding a friend is a loving thing to do for another human being. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Of course, it could lead there but it takes two to clap for it to even get there 🙂
Know that this question is even a question because of the prevalent relational toxicity between men and women that’s permeated our culture and relationships for as long we can remember. Blame it on porn, purity culture and shame. As long as you know your boundaries and you’re comfortable with the intention of this friendship, you can cuddle away.
Gonna be a no from me. I mean there’s really no winning for me in that situation. Let’s be honest if I’m attracted to her I’m not going to be focused on straight cuddling. If I’m not attracted then I’m putting out a hell of a mixed signal by cuddling. Platonic or not cuddling is intimacy, and intimacy plays tricks on our feeble monkey brain. Somebody in the equation is likely to catch feelings.
Depends on the friend. Some that is a normal request, others it is a special request, and others still it is a suspect request.
Half of you fuckers can barely hold anyone’s hands platonically, no shot you can cuddle platonically 😂
No, anything beyond a hug would be crossing my boundary and it is highly probable for me to catch feelings if she has been kind, caring or affectionate towards me.
Who are you?? How did you get into my home
If the homies can’t cuddle are they even homies
I would say no. Not because it’s wrong for platonic friends to cuddle, but because it would mess with my head and I just don’t need that.
Nah, friend and I always did it. Always ended in sex. Ruined the friendship.
Might be some out their with healthier relationships, but it has never worked out for me.
Being starved for physical interaction I would agree to it
Gimme that oxytocin
I’d absolutely be down. No questions asked.
Sometimes it’s nice to just be held. Even if it’s not sexual. Sometimes especially if it’s not sexual.
It’ll only be weird if you make it weird
I did this. I said he can sleep in my bed and we can just cuddle platonically. He was my friend for 15 years, we became single round the same time and were enjoying being single together
Anyway, one year after that we became a thing ahahaha. It was platonic cuddling for about 49 seconds until he melted into me and it just all went uphill from there 🙂
lol i am a professional cuddler (cuddle therapy) with a company so men pay me to cuddle with them. yes, boners do happen. yes, some of the men ask me if i would do more (i do not do more). and yes, there are some men that are totally fine with it being just platonic because they really just crave the touch and want to talk about things. it really just depends on the person.
Dude be careful. I caught feelings. It turned into a disaster. She just wanted to be held, nothing more
Ill take the bait and be honest.
Im on the older side of reddit. Every single time this sort of thing has happened, it was just a dumb excuse to hook up. Some super obvious, some just bizarre.
It’s not gonna feel platonic to me, but if she wants me to cuddle her and she’s cute I’m down.
If I’m not attracted to her, it would be awkward but I don’t mind doing it.
We both asexual, she asked, I liked it, she didn’t want to do it again lol
When I was in my early 20’s, I lived at a place where we threw parties every weekend. Like a mini frat house without the college part.
Anyways, I had lots of female friends and they’d often spend the night in my bed just to cuddle and sleep off the drunk. Everyone thought I was hooking up with them all, but I wasn’t. Frankly I felt safer with them sleeping in my room cause the living room often had a few strangers we’d just met that night, and it felt unsafe. There were nights I’d share my bed with 3-4 girls.
I’ve heard from several of them years later that I was like a big brother for them in a way they really needed at the time.
Weird? No. Confusing? Definitely
I’ve experienced this with two different women in college. I figured they wanted intimacy but maybe weren’t sexually active. I didn’t push the subject, just obliged the cuddling. It wasn’t awkward for me, I was flattered they felt comfortable enough to ask such a thing.
I’m a woman in a relationship but I had a man ask me to cuddle platonically once. He was lonely, I was lonely (he said), and he thought it would be mutually beneficial. Seven years later I have years of trauma to unpack in therapy and I miss my dog.