Last night, I (20F) got very incredibly drunk. The night was nice and fun but I did become quite a mess by the end. I crashed at one of my friends’ (we’ll call her C, 30ishF) house and there was this guy (also 30ishM who we’ll call O) that was also staying who me and a couple of others were told was a bit strange with women, especially younger women.
He seemed nice enough at the party and I was too drunk to put a lot of thought into it. Though, later found out C didn’t want him to stay but didn’t really have a choice.
Unfortunately, I kind of got why later in the night. He was quite handsy with me on the walk back to C’s house and very frankly, I had become a liability. I was too drunk and could barely stand. He was grabby on my waist and hips I remember but I didn’t say anything.
Fortunately, C was there and a couple of other’s, W (30sM) and D(late 20sF), who were also staying who helped, held my hand, made sure I drunk water etc. I don’t remember too much of when we first got back but from what I do, he again tried to get handsy and C said to him “You’re not going to touch her”. From that point, I began to clock on that this was probably more serious than him just being a little too touchy. Yes, late, I know.
When we’d set up the sleeping arrangements (blow up beds on the living room floor), they made sure to keep him on one side of the room and me on the other and C slept on my bed with me. I got a little teary because they were very obviously worried about me and I could feel the overwhelming tension in the room. But also I’d never really been cared for like that before. At least, I can’t ever remember being cared for like that.
C hugged me, W held my hand, kissed me on the head and told me it was okay, D stroked my hair and told me to sleep. It was honestly the most loved and cared for I think I’ve ever felt in my life and I can’t get over it. My parents never did that for me, even when I was little.
Anyway, now I feel just as the title says. I have this hole in my heart that I never knew was there until last night. I always thought I was averse to that kind of vulnerability and care but last night just showed how desperate and starved I am for it. I don’t know how to remedy it or what to do.
Comments
It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it. We all have holes in our hearts to varying degrees.
The fact that she’s letting this man sleep over with drunk women when she knows he’s a predator says way too much about her, distance yourself from that whole group of people
You have the foot in the door now, congratulations. Next, ask yourself in how far these people can be useful to you.
Wait, why was he there in the first place?
Harsh truth: alcohol has a way of distorting and even romanticizing everything. Maybe it exposed a hole in your heart, or maybe you were a drunken mess who’s drunken condition demanded such dear attention from your obviously very good friend. Certainly be grateful for such a dear friend, but just as certainly beware of the dangers of alcohol and getting wasted like that.
The guy should have been put on on the street if he really needs all those measures to keep him to himself.
Um, why are they friends with and hanging out with and drinking with a guy they actively know is a threat to women?
🥰🥰
Let your friends know how much you appreciate it and tell what you shared here.
Tell them you’ve never felt that kind of love, support and caring at any point in your life up to that point.
Don’t feel starved and alone, We all want to feel this. Feel lucky you chose the right friend group, and be smarter next time. 🙂
How big was that air mattress that 4 people were on it?
Find friends with whom you can be affectionate with, without the need for alcohol. I have a couple close friends and we will give each other a cuddle or extra long hug from time to time when needed. It’s nice.
Hey. I’m glad you got that experience, everyone deserves to feel loved. Let those friends know how important they made you feel. A little note would be nice of a dinner if you like to cook.
too drunk to drive? There is uber. On his card. Learn to deal with consequences young 30M.
Glad your friends were there to help you, let them know that you really appreciated what they did. Love doesn’t need to manifest just in such a situation where you are in need, love is you all spending moments together and cherishing good memories. Focus on that and you’ll find many more moments full of love like that.
Why was this guy even allowed to stay if he’s known within your circle for being weird with younger women? This whole thing is bizarre, he should’ve been made to get a taxi home the second he got handsy and weird with you instead of being allowed to sleep across the room from a very clearly highly intoxicated and vulnerable young woman who he can’t keep his hands off. How can you and your friends be sure that he won’t try again once they’ve passed out asleep, because I assume you’ve all been drinking not just yourself? Not to mention you’re a lot younger than the people you’re hanging around with, plus they’re all super handsy too (Kissing your head? stroking your hair and holding your hand? you sharing a bed with these grown people??), These women are late 20s mid 30s it’s ringing alarm bells. please be careful in the future, because mr handsy could’ve woken up at any point during the night and done something to you.
You’re young enough to be my kid…
I’m glad you’re safe
Mr Handsy should have been kicked out and sent home in an Uber
I’m glad you have good people around you
consider limiting your alcohol intake
I recommend you seek a therapist.
When a child is (emotionally)neglected, being self-sufficient can become a coping technique. Over time it can be harmful. If that describes your life therapy could help you unpack this.
Women helping women is always the best feel good story I can ever hear, no matter the circumstances. Now you know exactly what to do when one of your friends are the vulnerable one. ❤️
That hit me hard. It’s crazy how just a little bit of genuine care can open up such a deep need inside. You’re not weird for feeling this way—everyone wants to be cared for like that. I hope you find more people in your life who make you feel safe and loved.
It’s been a few decades but the one time this type of situation happened in our group we had another handsy fucker like this get handset with a drunk girl in the group. Needless to say he got throw out on his ass at 0330 in the morning. We threw him a blanket and told him to sleep on the couch in the separated garage.
One of the best remedies for feeling unloved, is to love. So volunteer to cuddle babies, volunteer at pet rescues, volunteer to spend time with lonely old people. Give the love your craving. It helps.