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Because they don’t look for them. They think “can I gel with this person” rather than “omg does this person like me”. Applies to career, dating, basically everything
One of my good friends has a huge group of utter assholes that all hang out together in the city they live in. On the surface they look like a great group of friends, always posting photos of them partying together, adventuring together, etc.
What they don’t tell you is how they all gossip about one another, are constantly being dicks to each other, asking for money without intending to pay it back and just generally being jerks. One of the worst in the group owes everyone individually a minimum of several hundred dollars. I’ve asked my buddy why he hangs out with them and he simply said “they’re always down to hang”. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
I’m much happier with my two best friends, my partner and a few of our really good friends scattered across the country that would do anything for us and vice versa.
I think it’s willingness to talk more with others and to give your time to friends. If I have a work friend, I see if they are willing to meet outside of work. I have also used bumble BFF and I gained some friendships there too
Never really had but two really solid friends in my lifetime and they both died. I’ve had plenty of people that played the part of a friend very well until there was nothing more they could gain from me before disappearing. Now after moving across the country several times in the last few years I’ve no time or patience to try and wade thru all the fake people that wear great masks to find one or two real ones. My wife is my best friend and I hers and since we are both introverted that’s enough for us on any kind of real level. We both talk to people at work and get along fine if we have to be in a social situation but prefer our own company in our private time.
After work I want to be home with my wife, before I met my wife I was just lonely at home but going to work filled my social need. I enjoy being home on my own or with my wife but work gets in the way for it so I have to take advantage of the time when I’m not at work.
I heard a talk from a team of psychologists and sociologists who were studying popularity. They wanted to answer a seemingly simple question- what makes people popular? They studied thousands (tens of thousands?) of high school kids and friend groups to try to figure out what it was ? They came up with as many possible characteristics as they could to try to find out- was it height? Various physically attractive traits? Was it sportiness, smarts, academics? If I recall correctly, none of these correlated to popularity, (counter-intuitively) . But there was one metric that revealed itself as almost universal among the most popular kids they studied – the kids who were the most popular were the ones who genuinely liked the most other kids. It was that simple.
Some people possess a higher degree of charisma than others. So they have significantly larger social circles, and many more friends. They don’t really do anything on the conscious level, they just have more charisma which makes many more people want to reach out and go out with them or befriend them. Yet it doesn’t really matter, that level of charisma still can’t build a true strong friendship, just basically attracts others around a person, yet the moment a person needs help, or falters see them all disappear.
One of my friends is like that. He got literally hundreds of friends, his phone never stop ringing, he can get invited to 10-20 events every single day. Like some kind of celebrity basically. But in the end of the day, when he wants to travel or confide in someone or anything important I’m always at that top of the list. If I ask him why don’t you wanna go out with the others or why you keep ignoring them all.
He’ll say, “Dude these people they’re noise, if something happens, they’ll bounce in a heart beat.”
So the key is not really making friends, what you’re looking for are genuine friendships with authentic people. And that’s very rare, where you know a person has your back 100%. That’s just priceless, even if you got just one, that’s worth more than a 1,000 people.
Some people put more effort into it than others, some are just naturally more sociable or socially capable than others, some people who have no friends don’t actually go looking for ones, some people are introverted AF whereas others are very outgoing… there’s many, many different answers to this and not the ONE answer to it all.
I lost most of them as I moved a lot… left italy at 19, moved to Portugal and then Ireland and then Netherlands… And then back to Italy again. This did not give me much opportunity to maintain stable relationships with others.. I am in touch with some of them on WhatsApp though.
Only positive thing is that all the experiences I made abroad gave me a good paying job here in my native country, which is not bad at all… And I am only 27 btw
I don’t know man I am too busy minding my own business Instead of meddling or questioning with what people have or don’t have. Life is much simpler this way.
Some people (me) got sick of being used by their “friends,” and once I stopped reaching out, I realized I was always the one initiating. I was always the one making plans. It seemed like those friends never made an effort. I’ve also been told my expectations are too high 🤷♀️
Lowkey? Social stamina. Some people just have the energy to keep texting, hanging out, remembering birthdays. Others (like me lol) disappear for weeks and wonder why no one’s around.
As I get older my circle of friends is much smaller. I’ve even lost people I thought were my best friends. I really only have 2 friends I believe will be lifelong. I think I’m good at socializing and getting to know people but I just think it’s too much of an effort to actually build strong, new friendships at my age now. It just doesn’t interest me.
Making friends is: 90% going out, making effort, proximity, spending time with people regularly. 10% your actual personality.
Trust me, if you find people you have an excuse to talk to or meet up every week, you have a friend group. That’s it. That’s the secret. No one believes me “Nooooo it can’t be that easy, must be some secret technique I don’t get” but it’s just it.
Had the same group of friends from around 10-18- then as soon as my mum passed they all stopped bothering with me. Now I have 2 friends I see once every couple months. Adult life is both boring and lonely
I used to think it was very unfair and was bitter about not having many friends. But I slowly learned that some people put in the effort. They ask about you, they remember stuff about you, know your birthday, were there when you needed them, don’t make you come up with all the plans but also don’t dominate and demand if you see them it has to be on their terms. They know the right balance of talking about themselves and talking about you. They never blow up at their friends. These are skills any motivated person can learn.
It’s easier if you’re rich and good looking, sure, and if your partner is also charming and socially adept and willing to put in the work. But everyone can make themselves a better friend.
F 28, I don’t tolerate liars and rude people, and Lord knows and I can’t hide on my face how much I hate fake people. And I think I’m the problem I don’t have that many friends.
But idk y when I try to be nice (like naturally not going overboard or anything..) and find someone I think I’d get along with and we share mutual interest, it always ends on “yeah we should hang out sometimes” and we never do..
I think that by the time you are idk 30 (I’m in a small town so I’m putting the number based on that) you meet your people through school, activities, sports, whatnot. I’ve always had fallouts with my highschool peers, also during college. I’ve always been better with people 3-10 years older than me.. I have a few great friends but none that are actually here for me when I need them or some girls that I can call whenever and talk about whatever. I’ve had a male “made of honor” cause I just don’t know how to make friends with girls and he is my best friend I guess. But girls ..they lie so much and often can’t wait to gossip about you or hurt you in some way..
Because everyone is different. Everyone has their own traumas, brought up and raised differently, different understandings and perceptions. These things shape who you are, and your personality. Which determines how well you interact with others
I have a small group of very good friends. I have AuDHD so my social skills are on par with a carrot, which is probably why. I do try to be a good friend though despite me being a bit off the boil at times.
I feel some people put more effort into friendships and starting them than others do. “can I follow you on insta/get ur number” “we should go out for food/coffee!” + initiating conversations through text etc. I dont personally initiate these things, thus I have absolutely zero friends in the world. other people who I see are more social, and put more effort into staying in contact will have more friends.
I prioritize how I spend my time and with who. I also find a lot of people boring or draining. I never have a bad time alone.
From an astrological perspective, most people that have planets in their 11th house have friends. Or something like they need social ties. I have an empty 11th house but a packed 12th house (house of isolation). Js
A lot of it is circumstance. I’ll give you my advice as an adult who is very lucky to have a lot of friends (many of them close friends, but also many who I’d consider less close but who I can hit up every so often to hang out with).
You need to find activities / a community that forces you to spend a lot of time with a group of people. I really can’t stress this enough. If you ask people who their best friends are, it’s often people they grew up with in school, lived next door to, played on the same sports team together, attended summer camp together, were part of same club / church group, lived on the same floor in their dorm together, joined the same frat/sorority, worked in the same office together, etc. It’s really hard to become close with someone if you only see them for one hour every week. But if you spend many hours at a time with someone, you’re more likely to find things you connect on. So go out and find a club for something you enjoy, join a sports rec league (can be something nearly anyone can play like kickball), get involved/volunteer somewhere in your community. Find any sort of organized activity that forces you to spend lots of time with people.
Be curious and interested in the people you meet. When you’re in situations where you’re meeting new people, ask them questions. Try to understand who they are, what makes them click, what they’re into, and try to relate to them on that. I feel like I do this naturally, where when I meet someone new, I’m curious what they’re all about. Then when they start sharing things about themselves, I’m listening and understanding and reacting to that, and they see I’m making an effort and getting what they’re saying. Even better if you can relate something to what they’re saying, bring something interesting into the convo, insert some humor, just make them feel seen and heard.
This is kind of obvious, but just be kind and chill. Esp when you meet new people, you don’t want to be the person that’s complaining about things or sweating small stuff or making people feel uncomfortable. If you assume the best in others and have a positive attitude and don’t judge people right away, you will be seen as a more likable person. You want people to enjoy being around you. If you can do someone a small favor or help them in some small way, they will remember and appreciate that.
I didn’t expect to write so much, but I hope this helps!
I enjoyed making friends as a young person in school. A few of those friendships last decades later.
My gf grew up in a cult. So she doesn’t have any friends from her youth. She has since grown out of it the best she could and is trying to make friends as an adult but it is very difficult for her.
I’ve always been mighty particular about who I want in the friend category. I’ve always been popular and outgoing but I’m a friend snob. Also I’ll paraphrase Mary K Blidge : I can do disappointment on my own.
I have 3 close friends who i can be real with. I have their backs forever and always, and I know they have mine. Im very selective and would rather have a few real close friends than a bunch of fake friends.
I also have social anxiety so its always been hard for me to make friends.
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Everyone betrays you eventually
Some people make more of an effort than others. I, personally, hate to entertain. So, I’m not a very good adult friend.
Because not everyone needs or wants friends
People make friends with people because they like the way they make them feel.
I have a couple but my wife has alot
Of guy friends
Some are more social and therefore are easier to make connections/friendships than others…🤔
Nobody cares about friends. It’s a jungle out there and everyone is out for themselves. The only friends are your parents and siblings.
Had loads of friends 25 years ago, some moved, some vanished, some died and one still remains, my best bro from 1st grade 36 years ago
Because they don’t look for them. They think “can I gel with this person” rather than “omg does this person like me”. Applies to career, dating, basically everything
Autism
No one likes being around me
One of my good friends has a huge group of utter assholes that all hang out together in the city they live in. On the surface they look like a great group of friends, always posting photos of them partying together, adventuring together, etc.
What they don’t tell you is how they all gossip about one another, are constantly being dicks to each other, asking for money without intending to pay it back and just generally being jerks. One of the worst in the group owes everyone individually a minimum of several hundred dollars. I’ve asked my buddy why he hangs out with them and he simply said “they’re always down to hang”. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
I’m much happier with my two best friends, my partner and a few of our really good friends scattered across the country that would do anything for us and vice versa.
I really have very very few friends and I learned to live with that.
Really annoying and bad people have less social inhibitions which probably helps them talk to more people.
It doesn’t matter how nice you are, if you don’t put any effort into making friends you won’t have as many of them!
People come and go all the time its just circumstance
I think it’s willingness to talk more with others and to give your time to friends. If I have a work friend, I see if they are willing to meet outside of work. I have also used bumble BFF and I gained some friendships there too
Never really had but two really solid friends in my lifetime and they both died. I’ve had plenty of people that played the part of a friend very well until there was nothing more they could gain from me before disappearing. Now after moving across the country several times in the last few years I’ve no time or patience to try and wade thru all the fake people that wear great masks to find one or two real ones. My wife is my best friend and I hers and since we are both introverted that’s enough for us on any kind of real level. We both talk to people at work and get along fine if we have to be in a social situation but prefer our own company in our private time.
I have no friends and it’s so peaceful
Some people suck 🤷🏻♂️
You guys have friends?
After work I want to be home with my wife, before I met my wife I was just lonely at home but going to work filled my social need. I enjoy being home on my own or with my wife but work gets in the way for it so I have to take advantage of the time when I’m not at work.
I heard a talk from a team of psychologists and sociologists who were studying popularity. They wanted to answer a seemingly simple question- what makes people popular? They studied thousands (tens of thousands?) of high school kids and friend groups to try to figure out what it was ? They came up with as many possible characteristics as they could to try to find out- was it height? Various physically attractive traits? Was it sportiness, smarts, academics? If I recall correctly, none of these correlated to popularity, (counter-intuitively) . But there was one metric that revealed itself as almost universal among the most popular kids they studied – the kids who were the most popular were the ones who genuinely liked the most other kids. It was that simple.
People like other people who like them.
Some people possess a higher degree of charisma than others. So they have significantly larger social circles, and many more friends. They don’t really do anything on the conscious level, they just have more charisma which makes many more people want to reach out and go out with them or befriend them. Yet it doesn’t really matter, that level of charisma still can’t build a true strong friendship, just basically attracts others around a person, yet the moment a person needs help, or falters see them all disappear.
One of my friends is like that. He got literally hundreds of friends, his phone never stop ringing, he can get invited to 10-20 events every single day. Like some kind of celebrity basically. But in the end of the day, when he wants to travel or confide in someone or anything important I’m always at that top of the list. If I ask him why don’t you wanna go out with the others or why you keep ignoring them all.
He’ll say, “Dude these people they’re noise, if something happens, they’ll bounce in a heart beat.”
So the key is not really making friends, what you’re looking for are genuine friendships with authentic people. And that’s very rare, where you know a person has your back 100%. That’s just priceless, even if you got just one, that’s worth more than a 1,000 people.
Some people put more effort into it than others, some are just naturally more sociable or socially capable than others, some people who have no friends don’t actually go looking for ones, some people are introverted AF whereas others are very outgoing… there’s many, many different answers to this and not the ONE answer to it all.
I hate this question.
I find my people sometimes but some people like dinner parties. Fuck that.
I lost most of them as I moved a lot… left italy at 19, moved to Portugal and then Ireland and then Netherlands… And then back to Italy again. This did not give me much opportunity to maintain stable relationships with others.. I am in touch with some of them on WhatsApp though.
Only positive thing is that all the experiences I made abroad gave me a good paying job here in my native country, which is not bad at all… And I am only 27 btw
Some people are alone by choice. For years, I was, but I’m starting to get back out there again, slowly.
I don’t know man I am too busy minding my own business Instead of meddling or questioning with what people have or don’t have. Life is much simpler this way.
Some people (me) got sick of being used by their “friends,” and once I stopped reaching out, I realized I was always the one initiating. I was always the one making plans. It seemed like those friends never made an effort. I’ve also been told my expectations are too high 🤷♀️
Lowkey? Social stamina. Some people just have the energy to keep texting, hanging out, remembering birthdays. Others (like me lol) disappear for weeks and wonder why no one’s around.
The simple answer really is – social skills. The more complex one I can tell you as a psychologist but it’d be too long of a comment.
As I get older my circle of friends is much smaller. I’ve even lost people I thought were my best friends. I really only have 2 friends I believe will be lifelong. I think I’m good at socializing and getting to know people but I just think it’s too much of an effort to actually build strong, new friendships at my age now. It just doesn’t interest me.
I’m very introverted. I’m in an industry that continues to shrink and as a result I’ve had to move a lot.
Between the two, I just don’t have many friends. The ones I do have are forever friends.
Depends if you get energy from being around people or not. Some people energy gets zapped
My neighbors are extroverts. They always have people over or they’re at the local bar watching sports.
We are introverts. Perfectly happy quietly sitting in my house with a coffee or playing ESO
Making friends is: 90% going out, making effort, proximity, spending time with people regularly. 10% your actual personality.
Trust me, if you find people you have an excuse to talk to or meet up every week, you have a friend group. That’s it. That’s the secret. No one believes me “Nooooo it can’t be that easy, must be some secret technique I don’t get” but it’s just it.
Had the same group of friends from around 10-18- then as soon as my mum passed they all stopped bothering with me. Now I have 2 friends I see once every couple months. Adult life is both boring and lonely
Some of us don’t want friends
Because some of us realize that there’s so many fake fuckers out there, why waste time trying to be friends with someone like that?
I used to think it was very unfair and was bitter about not having many friends. But I slowly learned that some people put in the effort. They ask about you, they remember stuff about you, know your birthday, were there when you needed them, don’t make you come up with all the plans but also don’t dominate and demand if you see them it has to be on their terms. They know the right balance of talking about themselves and talking about you. They never blow up at their friends. These are skills any motivated person can learn.
It’s easier if you’re rich and good looking, sure, and if your partner is also charming and socially adept and willing to put in the work. But everyone can make themselves a better friend.
Likeability
Some people are more giving than others
I dont want any?!
‘PAA
Try the Reddit sub for your town. I’ve seen questions in mine asking how to find friends when you’re new, people were helpful & some had great ideas.
F 28, I don’t tolerate liars and rude people, and Lord knows and I can’t hide on my face how much I hate fake people. And I think I’m the problem I don’t have that many friends.
But idk y when I try to be nice (like naturally not going overboard or anything..) and find someone I think I’d get along with and we share mutual interest, it always ends on “yeah we should hang out sometimes” and we never do..
I think that by the time you are idk 30 (I’m in a small town so I’m putting the number based on that) you meet your people through school, activities, sports, whatnot. I’ve always had fallouts with my highschool peers, also during college. I’ve always been better with people 3-10 years older than me.. I have a few great friends but none that are actually here for me when I need them or some girls that I can call whenever and talk about whatever. I’ve had a male “made of honor” cause I just don’t know how to make friends with girls and he is my best friend I guess. But girls ..they lie so much and often can’t wait to gossip about you or hurt you in some way..
Loaded question. Lots of nice people also have lots of friends. Just depends what circle you’re in.
Growing up poor and going to rich kid schools for 12 years ruined any possiblity of making friends.
I think some people just click easier with others, it’s not always about being nice or not.
Some don’t want friends.
Because everyone is different. Everyone has their own traumas, brought up and raised differently, different understandings and perceptions. These things shape who you are, and your personality. Which determines how well you interact with others
I have a small group of very good friends. I have AuDHD so my social skills are on par with a carrot, which is probably why. I do try to be a good friend though despite me being a bit off the boil at times.
some people dont really want friends and prefer to be alone
I feel some people put more effort into friendships and starting them than others do. “can I follow you on insta/get ur number” “we should go out for food/coffee!” + initiating conversations through text etc. I dont personally initiate these things, thus I have absolutely zero friends in the world. other people who I see are more social, and put more effort into staying in contact will have more friends.
I prioritize how I spend my time and with who. I also find a lot of people boring or draining. I never have a bad time alone.
From an astrological perspective, most people that have planets in their 11th house have friends. Or something like they need social ties. I have an empty 11th house but a packed 12th house (house of isolation). Js
Those with friends choose to. It is not easy to go along with many friends.
A lot of it is circumstance. I’ll give you my advice as an adult who is very lucky to have a lot of friends (many of them close friends, but also many who I’d consider less close but who I can hit up every so often to hang out with).
You need to find activities / a community that forces you to spend a lot of time with a group of people. I really can’t stress this enough. If you ask people who their best friends are, it’s often people they grew up with in school, lived next door to, played on the same sports team together, attended summer camp together, were part of same club / church group, lived on the same floor in their dorm together, joined the same frat/sorority, worked in the same office together, etc. It’s really hard to become close with someone if you only see them for one hour every week. But if you spend many hours at a time with someone, you’re more likely to find things you connect on. So go out and find a club for something you enjoy, join a sports rec league (can be something nearly anyone can play like kickball), get involved/volunteer somewhere in your community. Find any sort of organized activity that forces you to spend lots of time with people.
Be curious and interested in the people you meet. When you’re in situations where you’re meeting new people, ask them questions. Try to understand who they are, what makes them click, what they’re into, and try to relate to them on that. I feel like I do this naturally, where when I meet someone new, I’m curious what they’re all about. Then when they start sharing things about themselves, I’m listening and understanding and reacting to that, and they see I’m making an effort and getting what they’re saying. Even better if you can relate something to what they’re saying, bring something interesting into the convo, insert some humor, just make them feel seen and heard.
This is kind of obvious, but just be kind and chill. Esp when you meet new people, you don’t want to be the person that’s complaining about things or sweating small stuff or making people feel uncomfortable. If you assume the best in others and have a positive attitude and don’t judge people right away, you will be seen as a more likable person. You want people to enjoy being around you. If you can do someone a small favor or help them in some small way, they will remember and appreciate that.
I didn’t expect to write so much, but I hope this helps!
I enjoyed making friends as a young person in school. A few of those friendships last decades later.
My gf grew up in a cult. So she doesn’t have any friends from her youth. She has since grown out of it the best she could and is trying to make friends as an adult but it is very difficult for her.
Because friends sooner or later leave
Nice people will never end up alone if they want friends
Because i dont want them. People are drama, they all have issues and problems and want help.
Fuck that. Been there done that. Life is much better just having work buddies
I’ve always been mighty particular about who I want in the friend category. I’ve always been popular and outgoing but I’m a friend snob. Also I’ll paraphrase Mary K Blidge : I can do disappointment on my own.
Some people find solace in themselves. Others need peers for their peace
Everyone I knows goes away in the end.
Define nice and bad people
I have 3 close friends who i can be real with. I have their backs forever and always, and I know they have mine. Im very selective and would rather have a few real close friends than a bunch of fake friends.
I also have social anxiety so its always been hard for me to make friends.
Friends come friends go