AITA for not wanting to attend my mom’s medical appointments anymore?

r/

My mom has been dragging me along to her doctor’s appointments for years. At first I didnt mind I thought I was being supportive plus she asked me to come so she would have someone there in case she forgot details. The problem is that every time I go she gets annoyed if I ask the doctor questions or try to clarify whats being said. She’ll snap at me in front of them and later tell me I was overstepping or making her look dumb. But if I dont ask questions she complains afterward that she didnt understand what the doctor meant and that Im USELESS for just sitting there. Its gotten to the point where I feel like I cant win I either sit in silence and get scolded later or I speak up and get scolded in the office. Damnn its draining and makes me dread going with her. I tried suggesting she record the visits there are apps like eureka health that can summarize or explain things later but she insists she needs me there and refuses alternatives. I dont want to abandon her but I also don’t think its fair that I keep putting myself in a situation where I’ll just get yelled at no matter what I do.

AITA if I tell her I cant come to her appointments anymore?

Comments

  1. calacmack Avatar

    You would not be the AH if you refused to go again. That said, you could give her one more chance – tell her that if there any further criticisms you will no longer attend. Also, she can ask her physicians to provide her notes about her visits and put any treatment instructions in writing, which is the common practice of my doctors. NTA.

  2. Drenchedflannel Avatar

    Nta. You should tslk plainly to her about it and if nothing changes then there’s no reason why you keep attending since she feels triggered by the fact you actually care .

  3. Cali_Holly Avatar

    NTA

    THIS is exactly how my mom acted. And I refuse to be treated like that after I became an adult. I tried to gently talk to my mom too. And she only snapped at me. I told her I am here to help you, but if you’re going to yell and get mad at me for helping because you didn’t like the answer, then I’m not gonna help you anymore. And I absolutely didn’t.

    She’s always stood by my older sister who is actually the middle child. And one of my sister and I argued my mom would yell and scream at me and get in my face. All because my sister started boo-hooing.

    So I told my mom if you’re gonna scream at me and get mad then you can go ask Angel for help she’s your favorite anyway.

    So, try one more time to talk to your mom. Tell her that you are tired of being disrespected. That you are trying to be supportive. But you’re not gonna put up with her snapping at you like that. Remind your mom that she’s an adult. And she’s responsible for her own medical care. As her daughter, you’re happy to help. But you are not a child and you are an adult. And you will not be spoken to disrespectfully.

  4. grayblue_grrl Avatar

    NTA.

    Do you live with her?

  5. New_Part91 Avatar

    How about go to the next few, dont say anything but record them as you are asking her to do. Afterwards, when you are at her home and she is relaxed, you can play back the session to show her how it works. Perhaps that will allow her to accept doing it herself. You will also be able to see if it works as well for her situation as you think it might.

  6. fuzzylulu- Avatar

    NTA. Your mental health and boundaries matter too

  7. WildBlue2525Potato Avatar

    This is a lose-lose situation. Just don’t go any more. Simple as that.

  8. btn3nikki Avatar

    NTA. My mother always did exactly the same thing. And she refused to ever discuss it, any attempt would just lead to another tirade from her.

    This was one of many, many symptoms of what was a terrible relationship. My mother refused to acknowledge any issues or accept any boundaries – I eventually went No Contact in my late 30s.

    I’d strongly recommend considering if this is the only issue with your mom, or if this is one of a myriad of similar behaviors. Sometimes it takes a one-off outlandish situation (like this one) to make us evaluate the whole.

  9. Ginger630 Avatar

    NTA! You lose whether you speak up or not. She’s setting you so she can complain. Tell her to figure out her own health. Don’t go with her anymore.

  10. MzSea Avatar

    I would tell her, “I will only go if I can ask questions.”

    Then she can’t complain if she says no.

  11. Tess408 Avatar

    NTA at all. She’s putting you in a no win situation. She’s probably upset about her medical condition and so she’s taking it out on you.

    I’d tell her plain and simple why I’m no longer going. I’d offer to go again if there was a concerning appointment and if she was willing to talk about her expectations before.

    Hell, get a new camera in the car and make a video of the whole thing, start with her expectations and then show her blowing up at you afterward for doing exactly what you asked. Then you can just forward the video to her and anyone who has anything to say in the future.

  12. IllustratorSlow1614 Avatar

    NTA

    There are chaperones who will sit in on appointments with patients who need it. You don’t have to attend with your mother any more.

  13. winterworld561 Avatar

    NTA. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Tell her straight that you will no longer be going to her appointments with her because of they she treats you when all you try to do is help. Tell her you’re not putting up with it anymore so she will either have to go alone or take someone else.

  14. JoyReader0 Avatar

    Explain to her that she has one more chance to get free transport. Tell her that you will no longer be her punching bag. Then give her that one chance, and when she blows it – she will – simply bow out and let her take a taxi for the rest of her life. You are not abandoning her. She is driving you away by demoting you to a doormat. You don’t have to let her do that, and should stop now.

  15. Wandering_aimlessly9 Avatar

    Tell her something similar to what you’ve told us. “You want me to go to the appts but if I speak you get mad and say I’m overstepping my boundaries. If I don’t speak you tell me I’m a waste of space. Nothing I can do is right so from now on I will not be attending your appointments.

    Nta

  16. kiwimuz Avatar

    NTA. Your mother is an adult who can go by herself. You do not need to go and do not need to put up with her abuse.