My fiancee and I have been going around for the past 3 years and we live together. She recently went on a 4 week vacation with her 18 year old daughter to Canada. They stayed with her family in Toronto.
From the first day of her vacation she started treating me poorly. There was very little communication and her excuse was that she had not seen her sister for 9 years and she did not have time for me. WTF? Her ex boyfriend from many years ago lives in Toronto and she has been speaking with him quite often prior to her vacation. During her vacation I asked her on a few occasions if she had seen him and she said no. Her calls with me became less frequent and shorter. Many times she called me and said she can’t talk much as she was about to go out with her family or that she was very tired.
She returned from her vacation 3 weeks ago and pretended as though nothing happened. Of course I suspected she was lying about her ex. Last week I went through her phone for the first time while she was sleeping. I am not proud of my actions. Turns out from the pictures and messages on her phone that her ex hung out with her and her family on 9 occasions including an overnight trip to Niagara Falls. Some of those events were so called family events only according to her. So she has lied to me about her ex and their so called family outings.
I tried talking to her calmly about what happened during her vacation and also about the way she disrespected me but she blamed me for her actions. There were no specific reasons given… just that it’s my fault. She’s clearly narcissistic. She wanted to continue with our relationship and also maintain a “friendship” with her ex.
So am I the asshole for breaking up with her?
AITAH for breaking up with my fiancee after I found out that she and her ex hung out multiple times while she was on vacation?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA, she lied and is hanging out with an ex behind your back. Case closed
NTA, count your blessings that you found this out now. A relationship without trust and mutual respect is a relationship worth saying goodbye to. Good luck with your future but it’s not worth your dignity to continue with this relationship.
No you’re not the asshole for breaking up with her she went on holiday and her fun with her EX and wants to come back and pretend like nothing happened. You didn’t even need to go through her phone she was very obvious what she was doing.
Simple, you just need to change your title to say “ex-fiancée”.
Break it off immediately. She will never understand and clearly prioritizes her ex over you. Why would you marry that.
NTA,
Looks like it was a trip to meet with her ex and spend time together.
NTA! Dump her and move on! 🙂
Ask her how she’d feel if you went away for a month, went low contact, and oh by the way you’d be spending a bunch of time with your ex and not telling her about it. You two would be doing God know what and she’d have nothing but her imaginiation to keep her company during that time.
I’m guessing it would be a poor response but she’ll probably say “That’d be fine” because she was boinking this dude (or at best emotionally cheating on you) the whole time.
Sorry OP. I’d bail out before this thing becomes legal.
NTA at all. Dump her immediately. She cheated. Has been for a while if they were in contact prior to her month-long fuck fest with the ex. When she turns up pregnant…it isn’t yours.
NTA, She totally played you. You are the nice, safe guy with a good job. He’s Chad. She doesn’t want to let him go because she wants to continue to hook up with him when she can. It’s over, hasta la vista.
INFO: is the ex her daughters father?
NTA. Not sure what she expected and can’t see how she can blame you. She is obviously still interested in her ex and her family seems to encourage it. Would e or t that they slept together and that sucks, she sucks
No point wasting your time since she does not respect you. Shut her down kick her out ho no contact so she can run back to him
Just be glad you found out now. You dodged a huge bullet!!!!!!
NTA. She lied and ignored you and then failed to even acknowledge her wrongdoing. Run.
NTA. I’m sorry this happened. She obviously arranged the trip with the ex with extra help from her family and they intentionally excluded you. You deserve better.
NTA – She lied so that’s it. I’d end a relationship over the blatant disrespect. Why lie? What else does she lie about? If he’s her daughter’s dad then obviously there would be some contact but tell you beforehand.
Info: is this ex the father of her daughter?
NTA. I don’t care if my partner has friends that are exes, but if they’re talking a lot and then my partner goes MIA on a long visit to their city and then they LIE about seeing their ex? We’re done. I don’t date liars. If it looks bad, it probably is bad. This doesn’t pass the sniff test.
Why do you want to be with someone like that. Are you that desperate for someone your side. I bet they slept together.
End it! She doesn’t give a shit about you because she treats you like shit. She lied to you and is still clearly very much involved with her ex. Run!
Updateme
Her behavior and secrecy mirrors a woman committing adultery.
Unless she can prove otherwise, exit.
Trust doesn’t cover her behavior.
Nta. Infact you’d be an asshole for staying with her. Was there anything in the messages indicating that she actually cheated with him whilst there? What has she said about you breaking up with her?
NTA. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Someone you can trust.
She is none of these things, and she’s aggressively making it “your problem”, probably because she refuses to admit she did anything wrong.
Send that guy a christmas card because he just saved you from making a terrible mistake
They hooked up
You know it
Everyone reading this story knows it
Congrats on not marrying a POS
NTAH
Nope, she is not being honest. Without honest…… Relationship is doomed
You’re NTA. Don’t go back to her, she can’t be trusted. She will continue to lie and hide things if you do. Also, it seems like you can’t trust her family either. They will help her cover up her cheating.
No reason not to break up with her. She lied to you repeatedly and secretly hung out with her ex. There’s no reason to maintain a relationship when she treats you like this.
NTA
You cannot marry this person. I think you know that or you would not have posted. I know it hurts but you need to break the engagement because the trust is gone before you’re even married. You could tell her the reasons but she will continue to argue and deflect blame. So I recommend you simply tell her you cannot trust her anymore.
NTA. Get that ring back!!
“Hung out”= back blown out.
You would be stupid to stay in this relationship. Move out and good thing you didn’t marry her yet. NTA. If its your fault that she lied to you, then you dumping her should fix that problem.
She will tear your heart apart. Get out now and keep her out of your life. Have a happy future
You are brilliant for breaking up with her. You are defending your peace. Good for you. NTA
NTA, Sounds like with their communication before her trip, they made plans. She blatantly lied before, during, and after her vacation. You’ll never know what truly happened with her ex-boyfriend on that trip. She also plans to keep a friendship with this guy whom she betrayed your trust with.
NTA – More than doing it, more than lying about it, she had planned it.
She has no respect for you whatsoever, even if nothing happened which I doubt.
Move on to something far better.
NTA.
NTA. She’s already breaking up with you.
NTA
She showed you what she is. Believe her.
Now, you move forward and build a good life. Hopefully, a life without her in it.
Her ex was bag deep in her ass bro, move on before you get an std
NTA. She’s a liar and trash for the way she’s acting and how she treated you. You’re better off.
NTA She lied and probably cheated.
Updateme!
YTA if you stay with her.
Why you cock blocking her man.
Your totally NTA . It seems that she had already started to disassociate herself from you before her vacation with her family in preparation for hooking up with her ex . Too many coincidences exist for the probability not to be that she cheated with him numerous times on the trip – especially at Niagara . Later either he didn’t want to step up to the plate as a permanent boyfriend (because for him it was just a holiday screw) or she’d gotten the itch out of her system at the end of the vacation. So it was back to you and fiancee duty ! Once back with you and facing your suspicions because of her blanking communication with you so she could concentrate on loverboy , she gaslit you . In that situation you had every right to check through her phone to see if you were right . You were and so you dumped her . If you had done what she did – she would be roasting you above a hot fire !
Obviously NTA. Good on you! She’s a piece of shit.
YWBTA if you stay in a relationship with her. She’s dishonest. She cheats. She lies. She has no respect for you. Her rude treatment was subconsciously designed to make you angry and out to be the jerk.
NTA it sounds like she cheated or wanted to cheat. Either way you dodged a bullet.
Nta. And no way anyone can convince me they didnt fuck at least once.