So my little sister 12f got braces four months ago for a severe overbite and overjet. She recently got a combination pull headgear that she has to wear for 22 hrs a day she didn’t have a problem with it over the summer but now that she is back in school she refuses to wear it there, cause ppl made fun of her for it and beat her up. The orthodontist says that if she doesn’t start wearing it 24/7 that he will wire it into her mouth so she can’t take it off, my parents think it’s a good idea so they wired it in on Friday now she is crying and is dreading school tomorrow. She is also slightly overweight so she already gets made fun of a lot, and the headgear definitely isn’t helping her socially. I understand that it will help her in the long term but I think it’s just cruel to make her wear it to school. My parents aren’t very sympathetic people and are sorta insensitive any ideas to convince them to only make her wear it outside of school? Money isn’t a problem my very wealthy grandpa payed for the braces before he passed away. Also she could only wear it 14-16 hrs my parents just make her wear it more so that they don’t have to drive her for an extra 3-5 months my mom doesn’t even work so it would be easy, they don’t care though cause she is “already ugly”. – Edit I called my aunt and she talked to my parents and told them about something called a Herbst appliance that her 14f daughter has. My sisters orthodontist says that they can use that instead just that it might hurt more.Tomorrow my sister will have that put in and no longer have to use the combo pull headgear thanks for the advice.
How do I convince my parents to not make my sister’s headgear permanent
r/Advice
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You could bring her school counselor into it to talk to your parents?
Orthodontic work costs thousands and thousands of dollars. Your parents are paying for her to get this work done. It has to be worn correctly. The longer it’s worn incorrectly, the longer the entire process will take. You should encourage your sister to wear it willingly.
She has to wear it because it’s important. It’s like an eyepatch to train your weaker eye. Wearing it only outside of school wouldn’t be sufficient.
Your parents are paying a whole ton of money to get her an important treatment. It’s not cruel, and it has to be worn correctly. You should be encouraging her to wear it.
She has some serious dental issues. The orthodontist needs her to wear it 22 hours a day. It’s important she does this.
The problem isn’t the head gear. It’s that she’s already being teased and bullied all at school. Do your parents understand how bad it actually is? I think that’s the thing to focus on
She’ll regret not wearing this in the future when she’s an adult and has to pay for her own dental work
Your parents are doing the right thing.
Edit: you should be reassuring her that this really is in her best interest.
Tough situation, try and stick up for her and help her find friends that won’t care about her appearance
If she needs to wear it for 22 hours a day she has severe dental issues and your parents are doing the right thing
Honestly, it’s better she get it over with in grade school, before high school. I had to wear headgear, but got it off in the 7th or 8th grade. It really is for the best in the long run.
How long does she need to wear it? Is it possible for her to be taken out of school for “medical issues”, complete her studies online, and return to school next year?
Less socialization is bad, but getting bullied and teased everyday is worse (and uh, is not the socialization we want or need)
Unfortunately she has to wear it 24/7 and there are no exceptions, or her bite won’t get corrected (it’s NOT just cosmetic, it can cause pain and other health problems later)
It’s either her mental health or her physical health. This situation sucks all around.
As someone who is likely on the cusp of an $80,000 jaw surgery, unfortunately addressing it during this stage of life is pretty critical
She only needs to wear 14 to 16 hours a day but your parents think ” she is already ugly” so what is the problem. The problem is she is 12. An extra 3 months to not wear it at school is totally reasonable.
At her age people can be mean she doesnt need it from home too.
Please please watch for signs of unaliving herself. Everyone saying the orthodontist says its critical. Her orthodontics are not worth more then her life which I honestly feel may be the cost.
And this is where you get to be the older sibling and stand up for your sister AT SCHOOL. If other kids are bullying her, then you need to go to the principal with her to report it. The other kids are wrong, not your parents and the dentist. This is for the principal to resolve.
Make sure the other kids know this is YOUR sister, try to run into her in the hallways or lunch to smile and say hi. The fact that you are an “older kid” will intimidate her young peers.
In a few years, she is going to be a beautiful swan.
This is kind of all around a shitty situation. Either her braces process takes longer or she gets bullied more.
The side of me that hates the fact that i am doing braces as an adult on private and have to pay for it least 10k€, when it wasn’t done properly when i was still covered for free public dental care as a child, says that your sister should wear it as much as possible.
The side of me that was bullied from elementary first to high school senior says that avoiding extra bullying factors is also important.
And the practical side of me says permanently wiring headgear on sounds like an absolute ridiculous thing and a cleaning nightmare.
Probably the besr solution as you already bring up in the comments is either to get your sister homeschooled for the year, or make it take a bit longer and not wear the braces in school.
If she is coming back home with bruises, that’s no longer bullying, that’s physical assault. If an adult beat up another adult, they would be charged for assault, but when kids beat up kids, everyone turns a blind eye. I would also be concerned for the safety of her braces, if the bullies are hitting her hard enough to cause bruising, the rather delicate braces could also get bent and make backwards progress.
Half the people in this post are as insensitive as your parents. Getting bullied at age 12 is about the worst age for bullying it could possibly be. I really feel for this girl.
Talk to whoever your favorite teacher is–whoever you think is most likely to take you seriously. Focus on the insanity of “well she’s already ugly” comments that your parents keep making, that is HEINOUS.
The headgear is a factor here but in general it doesn’t sound like your parents have your sister’s best interests at heart from an emotional standpoint, and that’s the bigger problem here.
Good luck. This is a lot for you to take on.
Do you have any friends who might be willing to join you in standing up for your sister? Even if you’re all small, there’s strength in numbers.
Your parents and the school need to deal with the bullying. If she has to wear headgear then she has to wear it. That is not the issue. She might benefit from counselling too. Poor kid.
I would see if your parents would be willing to get an opinion from another orthodontist. I had a similar issue & had a Forsus appliance instead of headgear. It was rough, but better than headgear by a long shot!
I would’ve just asked my parents to let me do homeschool online lol. Maybe that’s unrealistic but it seems like the headgear is necessary.
If your parents/family have the means for it, then home school her (or send her to a better school) for the duration she needs this headgear.
If her teeth/jaw is as problematic as it seems, obviously the necessary headgear is going to be better for her in the longrun. My guess is that if she doesn’t do this, her problems will just get worse. I mean.. I get it, it’s awkward and seriously embarassing for a teen to wear headgear… but these 1-2years in her life of tolerating this will make the rest of her life better.
IMO what your parents need to do is to talk with her school/teachers and point out how this bullying/abuse is unacceptable. Or like I mentioned… put her in a better school.
if your parents are so wealthy they should be parents and keep her from being bullied. I get you can’t stop it fully by beating others up is a crime.
No clue how to change their minds, but they are serious AHoles. I had a severe overbite as a kid, my orthodontist only convinced me to wear my head gear by stressing that I never had to wear it to school. No overbite is severe enough to require 24/7 wearing it. And honestly, her ortho offering to wire it in was ethically dubious at best.
Can’t she do school from home, much like many kids did during 2021?
Can they just take her out of school for a semester? (Do home school or cyber school?)
Tell them they would be destroying her self image and confidence. Kids/teens care greatly what their peers think of them even if they try to act like they don’t. While we would love to just say “ forget the haters and do what’s best for you…” that is cruel and will have long lasting effects. I “decided” to have straight teeth with an overbite rather than wear headgear for a single second of school because I told my mom dad and ortho if they tried to mount permanent headgear I would forcibly remove it teeth and all. I was already severely bullied, In band and the marching band, the chess club, wore glasses, frizzy curly hair, short, over weight, braces, off brand clothes, and awkward as a crap (which was asd but that’s a different story) we were not adding fuel to the fire. No one notices the overbite unless I point it out. Teeth are super straight. It doesn’t bother me. Husband thinks it’s endearing.
OP, tell your sister everyday that she is beautiful and kind and any other positive affirmation. Be in her corner. If need be you go to the school and tell them what is happening to her while she is there. She needs to know she is loved and you may be the only one who does it. Maybe promise her a special treat when it’s all over so she has something to look forward to.
Be a hero and wear something even worse.
If the dentists says less hours a day = longer wear with same results than 24/7 with less months wearing it, than they are being cruel.
Look up to see if you have a UFC gym in your area. They are inexpensive and have kid classes. Often, people involved with the sport train at them when they aren’t in camp training or run classes.
You can go and observe without being a member. Get the schedule for kickboxing and Brazilian jujitsu. Take her to watch. Then see if your parents will put her in those classes. They teach it for self defense at the early levels, not to fight. You aren’t being trained like you are going into the UFC. And you don’t even have to spar if you don’t want.
Kickboxing will teach good blocking and if it comes to it, striking. BJJ will help with holds and counters. So if a kid goes to hit her, she can counter it and put the kid in a hold, keeping the physical attack from happening.
This is also great for when she grows older and starts dating. Self defense classes are great. And they really push in don’t fight unless if you have to and instead, use holds to control the person until help arrives. Technically, she’s not fighting, she’s stopping the fight from starting at the first sign of it happening.
The exercise will help with the weight and the classes help with self confidence.
If you don’t have one, find martial arts studios or self defense classes.
If your parents made that comment about her looks, they need sone help. Not everyone goes through puberty gracefully. Weight gain, acne, weird things with hair, all sorts of fun stuff.
If the dentist said the option you would like is viable for the best results, they need to reconsider.
Either way, if she has to wear it in school and is already getting beaten, they need to be prepared for a call from school about her getting a serious ass kicking. And if they can prevent it and don’t, whether using your option if it’s viable, or self defense classes if it isn’t, ask them how they are going to feel when they get that call.
My heart breaks for your sister. I got bullied over stupid stuff too (where I was from. Parents moved me for high school to a tiny town), but I had no qualms about defending myself, bc I wasn’t changing for them. Once off campus was all it took. I didn’t even have to throw a punch, the fact that I was like hit me first so I can tear into without getting in trouble at home was enough. The verbal bullying never stopped. The physical did. I had not taken self defense courses since I was little, so that wasn’t what was going to be used. Anything to prevent your sister from being in that situation is worth it.
I mean worst case scenario, is home schooling an option until this comes off? If money isn’t an issue, someone can be hired to come in and do it and your mom doesn’t have to bother.
She’s going to grow out of this awkward stage. She will not grow out of the hurt that was caused.
Sometimes high school counselors can help with bullying or have access to counslers for students to have someone to talk to.
If your parents won’t help- I wonder if anyone at school can.
Tell them its their fault shes “already ugly” and what are they gonna do to help? Tell them they could fix that would counseling and a makeover or clothes or nutritionist and dr checkup or sports and hobbies but they are being lazy.
If they say that you can be like wow I can’t believe you’d say that. Or hey aren’t parents suppose to fix stuff?
Honestly you can’t do much to make your parents do stuff. But do keep speaking up or make a lil fun of them, and maybe something might land.
>”she could only wear it 14-16 hrs, my parents just make her wear it more so that they don’t have to drive her for an extra 3-5 months”
Seems to be a problem because parents do not want to be inconvenienced? Which means that someone needs to intervene to stop the criminal school assaults?
CPS might need to e called, for assaults?
I wore braces at age 12 too and I also wore a headgear. My doctor said to wear it for 16 hours daily. I wore it to school a couple of times but I felt self conscious. I started wearing it from the time I got home to the next morning. It hurt when sleeping on my side unfortunately.
Could she be homeschooled for a while online school.
Is there any way she can do home schooling?
What are your parents doing to adress the bullying and the physical assaults… other than bullying your sister into wearing the headgear to school and making the bullying there worse? Oh, right, they´re also bullying her about her appearance and calling her “already ugly”. Disgusting.
You, on the other hand, appear to be the only person who is in your sister´s corner; that´s amazing, really, especially considering who raised you. Do you attend the same school as her? Can you talk to the principal or at least some of her teachers so that they can adress the bullying and assaults?
Or, as a last resort, since you´re the older sibling, do you have some reasonably intimidating-looking friends your age who can help you have a serious talk with the bullies and… ahem… discourage their behavior? I wouldn´t normally suggest that sort of thing, but, you know… desperate times call for desperate measures, and if nothing else works… you seem like the kind of sibling who´d rather get in trouble themself rather than watch their sister go through hell.
Get a second opinion. This was quite a while ago when I was in braces, but the stupid headgear hurt like hell. I was supposed to be wearing it at night but I would a.ways take it off in my sleep. After wasting a YEAR with that doctor, my mom took me to a different orthodontist and they were able to pull an upper tooth on either side and then used rubber bands to slowly move the front teeth back. It was great changing over
The task here is to protect your sister as much as possible whether that means making war with the school and classmates about bullying or whatever . She must wear that headgear. I’m sorry she’s going through this nightmare.
Find a new dentist/orthdontist. My daughter just went through this and it was a device she only wore at home and through the night. Permanent loops were attached to her teeth so rubber bands could be used to keep the device in place against her jaw and forehead to correct the issue. The teeth they attached the loops to also had expanders on them, so bit of a double dip to make room and the correction. After 9 months it’s only worn at bedtime. Shes a few years younger but not much.
I would recommend cross posting in r/dentists to help you understand why it’s so vital to have it done now.
Virtual school. Let her be free of that.
Bullying is not a joke and they need to think about the life of their child.
Removing the headgear isn’t going to help at this point, the bullies have smelled blood and are going to continue regardless of any changes.
A massive change in approach towards the school is needed, preferably she moves to another school and the parents back her up on everything. If they see any insults towards her as insults towards themselves they would act in her defence, and threatening the school has more effect than most people realise.
But as their reasoning is “well, she’s already ugly” then she is getting bullied at home too. And that’s going to be a much bigger problem than anything happening at school.
Can you get her some really nice pretty headscarves she can wear over the headgear to cover it up? (If she’ll also get bullied for a stereotypically Muslim hairstyle it’s probably possible to wear them in a different not-religious-looking way?) Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do in this situation to change your parents’ decisions but you can do your best to mitigate the damage. Also harass them to contact the school about the bullying issue, if she’s being physically assaulted by her classmates the school needs to be doing something.
You say the orthodontist says she has to wear it 24/7 but later say she could only wear it 16 hrs a day but it would mean more apts and your mum doesn’t want to do that because ‘she’s already ugly’.
Did the dentist say she could wear it 16 hours or has he said it needs to be 24/7??
Firstly if she’s been told she needs to wear it 24/7 then there’s a reason for it. Because I’m guessing it keeps the jaw supported and in the correct position it needs to be in whilst her jaw heals or to make the adjustments to her jaw. If she doesnt wear it it could damage the effectiveness of the surgery/ procedure/ or the effects of the braces etc. There is a reason it needs to be worn. And if she doesn’t wear it, she could counteract the benefits that have been made and she wont get the desired outcome, or it will take longer to get her jaw into the correct position.
The comment about your mum saying she can wear it 24/7 because she’s ‘ugly already’ is utterly disgusting and abusive. She may be being bullied at school, but it sounds like she’s getting bullied at home too if family are saying those kind of heartless, horrible, and disrespectful comments to her. You need to try and speak to your dad and get him to talk to your mum about the insensitive hurtful comments she’s making, or call them out yourself. Defend your sister. Give her the love and support she deserves and needs right now. This is a really difficult time for her anyway, as she was being before, but it will be even harder now that her jaw brace is making her more of a target.
She doesnt deserve it, and hurtful comments can really damage her self esteem and self confidence, not just now but long term too.
And if she’s being beaten up at school, your parents need to step up and make the school deal with the bullies, and put things in place to protect her. The school and your parents both have a duty to make sure she’s safe at school.
I can understand it’s difficult for her to wear this brace at school, but is there any way she can cover it in anyway? Like a hat or scarf or something so it’s not as obvious?
Or could she be allowed to be home schooled at home for a period of time whilst she’s wearing the brace? The school could supply the work needed. Maybe they could allow her to listens to the lessons via zoom video or something? Or if your parents can afford it, could she have a home tutor to help her with her school work?
Try to support your sister as much as you can and imagine how youd feel if you were in her situation. Hopefully she has some good friends in school she can also get support from too. But try and be kind and supportive and help her anyway you can as its got to be really hard for her right now.
And nobody should be referring to her as ‘ugly’ at all. In any situation, for any reason. It can seriously damage her self confidence and self esteem and mental health long term.
Wait so her headgear was already wired in on Friday? What are you asking for here?
Hasn’t this ship sailed?
Started braces at 38.
The fixed ones.
Had them tightened to the max all the time.
Short pain – rip the band-aid off – get it over with as soon as possible!
In hindsight I can only advise people to do it as early as possible and as quick as possible.
Being made fun of for a year isn’t that bad compared to having dental issues for the rest of your life…
And trust me, if she’s not committed to wear the braces like the dentist recommends, there will be issues in the future!
Just tank it. She is lucky to be able to get treated and in the future will be a glowup. If it needs to he worn 22 hours a day then wear it 22 hours a day.
Since this is something serious that deals with her long-term outcomes, you likely won’t get the parents to agree to her wearing it less during the day. I’d talk to the parents about letting her do homeschooling until the headgear comes off. That way she is removed from the bullying and it will help her mental health, as well as taking care of the dental issue.
I have empathy for your little sister. I had head & neckgear and couldn’t stand to be seen wearing it. I was bullied for wearing braces and eyeglasses together! One day, I yelled at my bully about my parents caring enough to fix my teeth. The main bully quieted down after that.
I put it on right after school until the next morning. It took longer to correct things but I preferred it that way.
Would your parents allow her shorter hours as I described? Or be prepared to let her be home schooled?
A friend in high school had the headgear wired into her jaw/face. Honestly, when it was first done, we just felt for her like she’d be in pain, but it paid off but she wasn’t outwardly worried about what others thought about it, she just looked at it as a necessity. I’d be focusing on the fact she’s been “beaten up”. If my child was being bullied, let alone beaten up, I would pull them from that school. No child should have to go to an unsafe environment and no parent should make a child try to navigate such situations. Bullying can’t be fixed by keeping the child at the same school. No adult would willingly go to work and be okay walking into a terrifying environment daily. Let yr sister know that this time will pass and no one will ask when you are an adult if you were “popular”, they’ll just be friends with you for you.
You don’t. You should convince your parents to do something about the bullying.
It is clear you love your sister.
The school needs to take a stronger role in protecting your sister from the bullies. And your parents should go to bat for your sister fiercely. It sounds like this isn’t happening.
The whole situation is a complex dynamic where everyone has a role. Yours is twofold. (1) Be unfailingly loving and sympathetic to your sister. Listen to her feelings. Sit with her while she experiences them. This may be really hard, but it’s what she needs most.
(2) Advocate for her with your parents. Your instinct is to do this already, as that’s what this post is about. The pressure they need is not to refrain from getting her treatment she needs, but to advocate fiercely for her safety and, yes, comfort at school. Schools have resources they can employ. Often they need the strong push of an advocate to do that. Your parents are the ones they expect to advocate. If your parents can’t (they lack the skill for whatever reason) or won’t (which is a different kind of problem, likely more suited to family therapy), maybe you could accompany them if you are old enough. I would say you’d have to be at least 15/16 years old, mature and well spoken.
But your first steps are be a comfort to your sister and pressure your parents to do their whole job of parenting their younger child by helping her to be safer in school, and to cope with this severe challenge of having to wear headgear at this time of life.
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Just tell your sister she should tell her parents that she wont cooperate if the headgear isnt removed
You don’t. She needs to wear it.
I hope this doesn’t get lost in the comments OP but there are alternatives to wearing headgear that can accomplish the same thing. When I was younger I refused to wear my headgear, so my orthodontist installed Forsus Springs. They wire from your top jaw to your lower jaw but not so much that you can’t talk or eat. It was a great alternative. I’m not sure if your parents insurance would cover something like that but it’s really worth a look into. It saved my middle school years.
Your parents and school needs to take care of the bullying situation. That is the problem here. If she gets home with black eyes the police should ve involved, this is insane!
I had one of those and only had to use it at night. Do your parents have insurance? Cause she probably is going to need jaw surgery later. I had surgery at 24, it was awful but it’s still the best decision I haver made
Teach her some good quips & insults
I had to wear head gear but only to bed. I feel great sympathy for your sister.
This is not a solution, I just wanted to suggest therapy for you two if you haven’t tried it yet. Your parents sound incapable of providing the emotional support that you both need during this time. Sometimes you have to try out different therapists before you find one that clicks, but it’s worth it if you can stick to it.
Damn, I feel bad for your sister. This type of treatment must be what they mean by ‘character building’. Her parents really think this is ok because she is in their words ‘ugly anway’? Poor child. She’s kind of at the mercy of her parents and it doesn’t sound like you can change their mind so as an older sibling, I would just encourage her to spend time refining a skill or passion that will enable her to be successful in the future and attain independence from her parents as early as possible. If she is missing out on party or hang out invites then try not to dwell on it but spend her on hobbies where she can develop skills that will pay off in future.
I had a headgear for 14 hours a day for 6 months and 8 hours a day the other 8 months. I was aged 10-12.
My mom sat me down and said “if you wear this, it will hopefully work or it might not. If you don’t, you will need jaw surgery when you’re 18.” It worked and I’m so freaking glad.
Homeschool for a year ?
I am so sorry for your sister. She needs to go to the school administrators and file bullying complaints against anyone who says anything. I fully understand why she would not want to wear headgear all day long. That is brutal. But if this is really what is being recommended for her treatment, it sounds like it is necessary. I would find out if she can wear a headgear scarf or hat in school.
Medical neglect isn’t the solution to bullying
If her overbite is that severe, my guess is she getting bullied for her appearance one way or another. At least this way she avoids surgery in the future
might be time to home school for a year. its easier now cos of online school options. she can be comfortable at home while she gets the healthcare she needs without the relentless bullying. her school day might end up being shorter too so she can see friends during the day still ?
The problem is not the headgear. The problem is the kids at school. This is where you should focus your efforts.
I know the headgear is a pain, but it is oh so necessary. If she waits until she is out of highschool, she very well may need extreme surgery to fix the problem the headgear could have fixed now. And by surgery, I mean that her jaw will have to be broken, possibly in many places, stretched and put back together, months of not eating solid foods, lots of pain, pain meds that don’t work 100% and guess what, another but different headgear.
Again, the problem is not the headgear, it’s the kids. You should get all up in arms against that school’s to make sure the bullying stops. Go to war if needed. Put all your protectiveness for your sister into motivation.
If your sister gets physically hurt or cyberbullied, know that it’s illegal. If the school does nothing, or nothing effective in a timely manner, report as much of the bullying as you can to the police. Take pictures of bruises through the week (and yes, do try to take them and an angle or lighting that makes them look worse). Yes police can be useless at times but they will be even more useless without ammunition. Report, report, report. Build a case, bring those reports to school. That will light a fire under their chair. It doesn’t matter if the bullies parents are on the school board if police are involved. They guilt you that you may ruin the bullies lives, but you don’t have to care about them, care about your sister. Ask the school, the parents of the bullies, the bullies themselves, what will happen if you drop the case? What action is the school going to take? What are the parents going to do with their kid? Why should you trust the filthy mouths of bullies when they say they will stop?
I know fighting against bullying is a lot of effort, but look at your sister and tell me it’s not worth the fight. Be heartless. Bullies are bullies. They don’t think twice before making fun of your sister and they are old enough to know the pain they are causing. so why should you hold back to “spare them”?
Check your local laws. Where I am from, it is legal to record conversation involving oneself, without the consent of the other person addressing you. In other words, depending on where you live, it could be completely legal for your sister to record her bullies when they are talking to her. It’s not legal to drop a recorder in their backpack to listen to them, but your own conversations, it’s fair game. And being called out by name of nicknames, even if not directly talked to is enough of a grey area to claim “they said my nickname loudly, I thought they were addressing me” . She can record all the nasty things they say to her.
Advice : do not leave her with the recorder overnight. As soon as she comes home from school, take the recorder from her, transfer the data and delete it from the recorder. You don’t want her to get to listen to those nasty things over and over as she sulks alone in her room. I am speaking from experience.
If the ortho wired it into her jaw, it’s not about the inconvenience of driving her there for 3-5 extra months. It’s about her needing to wear it.
Kids are cruel and I’m sorry for that. But your sister needs this.
Can she be moved to another school? Or homeschooled for now?
I had to wear my headgear to school also. I’m sure people laughed but literally nobody ever said a word to my face about it. (Early 2000s) Sorry your sister is going through this – kids these days can be brutal. Just remind her those kids ain’t SHIT, How happy she will be once this is finished, remind her bullies are literally POS who aren’t loved and she IS SO LOVED. middle school/ high school is just a tiny blip in time in the grand scheme of life. I know if doesn’t feel that way now but I truly promise it is.
I’m almost 40 now and I LOVE my smile!! It’s one of my favorite things about my appearance. She will too. This too shall pass.
💕
Fashion and medical equipment usually don’t overlap. Health is more important than fashion. She needs to wear this so, as she naturally grows, everything is stretched/pushed/shaped correctly. I had two options when I was 11: headgear, or an upper palate expander. Her jaw might be too wonky for the expander, I don’t know enough about her specific case. It’s hard to see future benefits at her age and your age, but this is a time when you’re going to have to trust the adults.
just tell her we all said the glow up is going to be incredible and sometimes beauty hurts.
she can do it 🙂 update us in 5 years
Removing the head gear won’t stop bullying. You say she’s overweight and your parents even think she’s homely. That combined with her already being an outcast is enough for the bullying to continue relentlessly regardless of extra metal your sister has on her head.
Your parents need to start coming after the school if they can’t provide a safe environment for their children
She needs to wear the headgear. It’s not cruel. It’s genuinely what’s best for her in the long run.
I didn’t have head gear, but I had several oral surgeries and intense braces for 5-6 years growing up. It’s saved me from my mom’s reality, which was having all of her teeth removed and replaced with permanent dentures.
Head gear isn’t just about straight teeth. I feel for your sister, but your parents are doing the right thing for her health in the long run by listening to the professionals.
Your parents should check in with the school and teachers regarding the bullying, rather than risking your sisters health by not following treatment protocols.
I had springs instead of headgear and while annoying you get used to them and they are far less noticeable/visible
Are you sure its just teeth straightening thats needed? That sounds like there is more to it. Jaw maybe? As someone with jaw issues. Definitely get that sorted now or it will be much worse later. I know about the emotional effects now but there will be emotional effects later if she is restricted or in pain from not acting now.
As for the bullying, I’m ́it unsympathetic. I’m disabled and nerdy so was bullied a lot in school. If this issue can be fixed just as well with a longer time but not wearing in school, then by all means that should be done and the extra effort made by your parents. If they expect her to go through the bullying etc just for their ease then thats completely abominable. However, if it does médically need to be worn in school, then that will have to happen and your Sister will need a lot of love, support and encouragement to get through that period.
Honestly, I hope for her it can be done just as well without her wearing it in school but I refused to wear a brace as a teen and now I have pain. I wouldn’t want that for her either
I worked in an orthodontics office a few years ago.. unfortunately it is better to address things sooner rather than later.
Your sister is a bit on the older side for some other ways to correct these issues, that is probably why this is the treatment recommended by the specialist.
Now if she would have seen this specialist at 7-8 years old, she might have been able to only have expansion done or something less “dramatic” look-wise.
The reason she needs to wear it as much as possible, is to avoid it not working and her needing a jaw surgery when she is done growing.
I’ve seen patients have these surgeries and it is alot! Mouth wired shut for months with liquid diet, then lots of physio and more braces and adjustments.
Usually what a professional recommends is what is needed for the desired end results.
Your parents asking him to tie it in, will make sure your sister actually goes through this treatment properly.
Also, when I was in 3rd grade (many many years ago) my friend had to wear a head gear. Some boys made fun for a week and then it was just the normal. People wont tease her for long.
Look, I get it. I had to wear some pretty brutal headgear in middle school. My own father called me “The Monorail”. But I promise you, it’d be far worse $-wise, and most likely for my mental health, if I had to do it as an adult.
That being said the bullying must be addressed; maybe a change of school districts? Could she do an Alternative Learning Environment for a year or so?
It really sucks, but I promise as an adult it’ll be worth it.
Your mother needs to understand that her refusal to consider your sister’s mental health in addition to her orthodontic issues is going to have some serious consequences for her. Driving your sister to the orthodontist for an extra three to five months so she doesn’t get bullied at school is a small price to pay.
Tell your sister to inform your parents about all the names she is called, and that she would never wish her deformity on anyone given how horrible it is having to wear the gear to school. Even better if she records it and forces your mother to listen to it. Then have her announce that she has decided she will not be having children to make sure she doesn’t pass this on. You should 100% agree with her and say that you also don’t want to risk passing their defective genes onto innocent children.
Next have your sister look into home schooling options and present that to your parents. Along with asking your mother to check on the insurance copay for the years of therapy she is going to need during high school to overcome the trauma. You can chime in about the cost of legal fees after offering to beat up the bullies for your sister. The goal is to make sure your parents understand that this situation could easily escalate and spiral way out of control if they don’t think about the consequences of their choices.
Do you drive yourself? Are you able to volunteer to do the extra driving if she doesn’t wear the headgear 24/7?
I would advocate for the longer treatment that allows her to leave the headgear off at school. It probably hurts and makes it hard to concentrate too.
Everyone saying that this may prevent lifelong dental issues is correct – but the bullying can lead to lifelong mental health issues that can be even harder to treat and be even more serious. With your parents attitude, I can’t recommend home schooling either.
I’m sorry OP, could you volunteer to drive her to appointments, or find a sympathetic family member or adult who could?
It is medically necessary for her to wear the headgear 22 hours a day. A severe overbite isn’t just a cosmetic issue, it can cause pain, further dental issues, and breathing trouble. The orthodontist isn’t giving her this treatment plan for no reason, this is what she needs to do for her health.
Can she home school?
She needs to wear it. It’s a medical device. Would you expect her not to wear a cast on a broken arm because she gets made fun of?
They need to lean in on the bullying & get the school to stop that. Leave her headgear alone, she needs it.
Too bad. She has to wear it, or else she literally won’t be able to function her jaw normally.
I’m so sorry that her face is in that state and that kids suck. Your parents are absolutely doing the right thing by her to get this all corrected. I needed facial headgear like she has and now I’m almost 40 and it’s nearly impossible to find a provider who agrees with me and will provide me this treatment.
You’re the older sibling and you need to start acting like it, go to school with her and beat the tar out of her bullies.
I had a headgear as a teen and also refused to wear it to school. My orthodontist tried to convince me to wear it 22h/d but couldn’t and in the end we agreed on me only wearing it at home and overnight which was probably around 14h/d. I think I had to wear it a few months longer because of it but it was manageable this way.
Maybe this is a compromise that could work?
Uh this parent said she’s “already ugly”?? That’s terrible.