In my case, it was my very first boyfriend when I was 17 he encouraged me to hang out with him getting drunk and messing about with cannabis. We got arrested on a Friday night and I spent my entire birthday in a cell all weekend it was horrible. I realise that I need a better boyfriend i’ve been struggling with my drinking and other problems ever since.🫢🤭🤦♀️
Obviously mysogynistic opinions and views. When he keeps dropping hints and crossing boundaries. When he starts acting differently towards you once you get a man and treats you like property. Disrespect.
For me, when they keep trying to “test the waters” to see if you’re receptive to hooking up.
If I have very clearly articulated that I am not interested and I will never be interested and they keep sexualizing our friendship, time to go.
Edit to add: If they start disrespecting their partners in front of you, time to go.
Had a male friend do this months ago. 6 years of friendship down the drain bc this mf said he’d cheat on her with me “without hesitation” – that’s not a fucking compliment. So gross. Blocked so fast. I should’ve cut him off sooner.
My friendship of 25 years is about to end. This man has been spouting Tate-esque crap at me for years. I let it slide bc we’re friends and it wasnt over the top. Im not romantically attracted to him. In my head he knows this.
Well well well…he did not know that. Ive laid it out 3 times in 2 months. The ‘nice guy’ stuff has begun. I am so angry about it. Why would he do this?! Dude.
If you do not feel like this person is safe or trustworthy, I’d recommend reconsidering their friendship. If they don’t respect boundaries and feel pushy, judgmental, controlling, coercive, or manipulative in any way, then stepping away is always safest. If being around a person does not feel safe and comfortable, then their friendship may not be good for you.
When he keeps crossing boundaries. I cut off a male friend because he kept hinting that he wanted a relationship with me after me making it clear MULTIPLE times that it would never happen (One was because he was a convicted felon and had a rap sheet longer than I was tall)
Struggling with this right now.. this guy friend I have is great during phone calls, but not the best at texting. It’s only ever a good morning, how are you, yo or okay. I’m the only one who ever sends silly things or brings up things about my life. It’s tiring but I don’t know if it’s a valid enough reason to end the “friendship.” He also never asks to hang so I really don’t know what his goal is..
When they stare at my boobs even when I’m fully dressed in an oversized hoodie. I get it if I’m showing cleavage because I look at other women as well but why are you staring at them when they’re not even visible?
When they start making sexual jokes about “us” or what they’d “do to me if they could”, there is no US and you’re gross.
Mostly the same signs as when you should end any friendship- you don’t enjoy spending time with them. But with men they often try and make a friendship romantic or sexual and IME you can’t really stay friends once they put that out there. It always comes up again and makes things weird.
Well the guys who pursued me romantically and realized they didn’t stand a chance became “friends.” None of them crossed the line and I’m considered conventionally attractive and am well built and curvy. Always had more male friends and few girl friends when I was younger. Girls can be jealous and catty so when they finally gave me a chance, they found out I am a good friend and listener and don’t think I’m better than everyone else. It was only recently that a 57 year old guy wanted a platonic friendship with me that I saw red flags. I practically ran smack into him at the grocery store last year around election time and we found out we were both voting for same person and a great conversation. I wouldn’t give him my number as he wanted to exchange numbers to meet up for walking, but he didn’t want his gf to know? Hmmmm. He told he I’m pretty, sweet and sexy. So that tells me everything I need to know.
When they’ve ‘fuck-zoned’ you. People never talk about the pain that comes from finding out your friend was just fake and wanting to get into your pants. So much worse than being friend zoned especially because they often then complain like it’s your fault and like you owed to them.
When he starts telling you how awesome you are and how he wishes he had a woman just like you. Then he starts texting you random messages saying “love…” and “wish…” …Not speaking from experience, of course. /s
He wouldn’t even let me camp in his backyard when I was going through a period of homelessness.
This was a man who I had been friends with for over a decade. We went to school together. He had full benefits to hit whenever we were both single.
And he couldn’t even let me stay a week when I needed help.
I know people have touched on the whole “he has feelings for you/wants to hookup or whatever” type stuff already, but I honestly think the reverse can be true too. If YOU have feelings for a guy you’re friends with (whether it developed after a period of time or y’all began with dating and decided to be friends instead).
If you have a crush on a friend? Not bad on its own. Won’t ruin anything much in my experience. But if it develops into stronger feelings or the feelings remain constant instead of fading away? You might have some trouble.
They’re constantly being lewd and you’re not comfortable but feel the need to respond jokingly.
Also if they ever keep touching you unexpectedly or commenting on your body in ways you don’t like.
You don’t respect his actions or beliefs. For me, it’s if he talks about women, strangers, or other people in a negative or derogatory and non-joking way. Cause chances are he’ll shit talk you, too.
I also steer clear of self-deprecating men with low self esteem because they are more likely to become attracted to you, misinterpreting your kindness as an opening for romantic or sexual advances. Just my experience, but this has happened enough times for me to recognize a pattern. The exceptions are confident men who are self-assured and clearly respect you enough to hold boundaries.
when they change how they treat me when we are with other people, specially other men
Edit: I don’t mean they don’t notice me as much or such, I mean referring to me as other things, pretending to forget my name or give me some similar ones to act like I’m not that big of a deal for him, use me as a trophy or just use me for the sake of how others perceive him
and then when we’re alone again it’s all back to normal like nothing happened / is was all a momentarily joke
Clear sign: you leave every hangout feeling smaller. He treats no like a debate and only calls when he needs a ride, money, or an alibi. Your wins make him weirdly competitive, and the jokes are always at your expense. He is cruel to people who cannot push back and pressures you to cheat, fight, or lie. He never apologizes for real, just sorry you feel that way. You dread his texts and edit yourself to keep the peace.
If time with him feels like tech support for his ego, unplug. Good friends are easy: they show up, respect your no, and are happy when you win.
Honestly? I stopped being friends with men. it’s exhausting to keep second guessing yourself, trying to rationalize their behavior by placating yourself into thinking that they don’t have feelings for you even though their actions prove otherwise only for them to come out and say it. They don’t care if you don’t want a relationship, are already in one or are married.
Comments
You don’t want to be friends with him anymore..
When they keep making sexual comments either about you or to you.
When you’re not in a relationship with him.
When, like all friendships, boundaries are crossed or you don’t want to be friends anymore, you don’t have to stay where you don’t want to be.
If they’re constantly objectifying you and comparing body parts to other women. Sadly, that was my experience.
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When they want to make sexually explicit jokes at your expense
In my case, it was my very first boyfriend when I was 17 he encouraged me to hang out with him getting drunk and messing about with cannabis. We got arrested on a Friday night and I spent my entire birthday in a cell all weekend it was horrible. I realise that I need a better boyfriend i’ve been struggling with my drinking and other problems ever since.🫢🤭🤦♀️
When boundaries are crossed and they make you feel uncomfortable…
when he treats you like a man 🚩
Obviously mysogynistic opinions and views. When he keeps dropping hints and crossing boundaries. When he starts acting differently towards you once you get a man and treats you like property. Disrespect.
no apology for their own fault and no expression of thankfulness to your help.
They pass comments or talk about other girls thinking you’ll enjoy or join in
For me, when they keep trying to “test the waters” to see if you’re receptive to hooking up.
If I have very clearly articulated that I am not interested and I will never be interested and they keep sexualizing our friendship, time to go.
Edit to add: If they start disrespecting their partners in front of you, time to go.
Had a male friend do this months ago. 6 years of friendship down the drain bc this mf said he’d cheat on her with me “without hesitation” – that’s not a fucking compliment. So gross. Blocked so fast. I should’ve cut him off sooner.
He wants more than friendship and can’t respect that.
He blurs boundaries, even if it’s subtle.
He disrespects you in other ways.
You’ve simply grown apart.
They make you feel uncomfortable in any form
When he wants credit for “being nice.” That’s a preschool level skill
I’d say if you’re asking a subreddit it’s probably time lol
Not wanting to be friends with him? That’s a pretty good sign.
More seriously, if you don’t feel safer with him than you do alone, you better be alone
When you feel like your boundaries have been crossed
My friendship of 25 years is about to end. This man has been spouting Tate-esque crap at me for years. I let it slide bc we’re friends and it wasnt over the top. Im not romantically attracted to him. In my head he knows this.
Well well well…he did not know that. Ive laid it out 3 times in 2 months. The ‘nice guy’ stuff has begun. I am so angry about it. Why would he do this?! Dude.
If you do not feel like this person is safe or trustworthy, I’d recommend reconsidering their friendship. If they don’t respect boundaries and feel pushy, judgmental, controlling, coercive, or manipulative in any way, then stepping away is always safest. If being around a person does not feel safe and comfortable, then their friendship may not be good for you.
When he keeps crossing boundaries. I cut off a male friend because he kept hinting that he wanted a relationship with me after me making it clear MULTIPLE times that it would never happen (One was because he was a convicted felon and had a rap sheet longer than I was tall)
Struggling with this right now.. this guy friend I have is great during phone calls, but not the best at texting. It’s only ever a good morning, how are you, yo or okay. I’m the only one who ever sends silly things or brings up things about my life. It’s tiring but I don’t know if it’s a valid enough reason to end the “friendship.” He also never asks to hang so I really don’t know what his goal is..
when he always finds a reason to touch you. may it be a pat on the head or a weird hug or something.
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They don’t show up for you
When they start saying disrespectful shit about women in front of you
When he starts making fun of things you like. Even if it’s “just a joke.” He’s trying to see how much you’ll put up with.
It’s a man.
Misogynistic remarks. Sexual interest that is not mutual.
When they stare at my boobs even when I’m fully dressed in an oversized hoodie. I get it if I’m showing cleavage because I look at other women as well but why are you staring at them when they’re not even visible?
When they start making sexual jokes about “us” or what they’d “do to me if they could”, there is no US and you’re gross.
You ask him for a simple favor, he does it and expects sex as a repayment
I stopped being friend with him because he saw me as a competitor
He is awake.
Doesn’t respect women. It’s possible for men to have female friends and blah blah yet still NOT respect women on a deeper level.
When he hits you with the “There’s this girl I like… You know her very well.”
When he disrespects you—like saying inappropriate things or constantly making fun of you in a way that puts you down.
Mostly the same signs as when you should end any friendship- you don’t enjoy spending time with them. But with men they often try and make a friendship romantic or sexual and IME you can’t really stay friends once they put that out there. It always comes up again and makes things weird.
Disrespect, specifically disrespect in the form of a joke.
Proceeds very swiftly into telling you you’re sensitive/ insecure/ jealous/ not funny.
Ultimately culminating in getting mad at you for getting mad at him (see aforementioned disrespect).
Well the guys who pursued me romantically and realized they didn’t stand a chance became “friends.” None of them crossed the line and I’m considered conventionally attractive and am well built and curvy. Always had more male friends and few girl friends when I was younger. Girls can be jealous and catty so when they finally gave me a chance, they found out I am a good friend and listener and don’t think I’m better than everyone else. It was only recently that a 57 year old guy wanted a platonic friendship with me that I saw red flags. I practically ran smack into him at the grocery store last year around election time and we found out we were both voting for same person and a great conversation. I wouldn’t give him my number as he wanted to exchange numbers to meet up for walking, but he didn’t want his gf to know? Hmmmm. He told he I’m pretty, sweet and sexy. So that tells me everything I need to know.
When they’ve ‘fuck-zoned’ you. People never talk about the pain that comes from finding out your friend was just fake and wanting to get into your pants. So much worse than being friend zoned especially because they often then complain like it’s your fault and like you owed to them.
When he’s a completely different person around his male friends.
When he starts telling you how awesome you are and how he wishes he had a woman just like you. Then he starts texting you random messages saying “love…” and “wish…” …Not speaking from experience, of course. /s
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He wouldn’t even let me camp in his backyard when I was going through a period of homelessness.
This was a man who I had been friends with for over a decade. We went to school together. He had full benefits to hit whenever we were both single.
And he couldn’t even let me stay a week when I needed help.
Him being a man.
some signs i ignored with a male friend that were glaring red flags in hindsight….
– he calls the woman he’s dating inferior to you
– he says women are to blame for male loneliness
– he makes comments that feel flirty when you’ve established that you’re just friends
– he makes bizarre jokes like “come sit with us!” when you’re talking about a date he has planned
– he can’t take accountability
– he uses the fact that he’s struggling with dating as an excuse to make misogynistic comments
– he asks if he needs to start treating women terribly in order to get a girlfriend
– you tell him you don’t like being touched, but he started hugging you when he leaves
and so on and so forth.
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When one likes the other more than a friend or when…it’s actually not a friend.
they make you feel uncomfortable
Realizing he always steers the conversation to himself and tries to get free therapy for himself.
He milks me for Labour: free therapy, free Airbnb, asks me too cook or clean for him, etc
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He doesn’t listen to you or you feel drained after hanging out with him.
I know people have touched on the whole “he has feelings for you/wants to hookup or whatever” type stuff already, but I honestly think the reverse can be true too. If YOU have feelings for a guy you’re friends with (whether it developed after a period of time or y’all began with dating and decided to be friends instead).
If you have a crush on a friend? Not bad on its own. Won’t ruin anything much in my experience. But if it develops into stronger feelings or the feelings remain constant instead of fading away? You might have some trouble.
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They’re constantly being lewd and you’re not comfortable but feel the need to respond jokingly.
Also if they ever keep touching you unexpectedly or commenting on your body in ways you don’t like.
You don’t respect his actions or beliefs. For me, it’s if he talks about women, strangers, or other people in a negative or derogatory and non-joking way. Cause chances are he’ll shit talk you, too.
I also steer clear of self-deprecating men with low self esteem because they are more likely to become attracted to you, misinterpreting your kindness as an opening for romantic or sexual advances. Just my experience, but this has happened enough times for me to recognize a pattern. The exceptions are confident men who are self-assured and clearly respect you enough to hold boundaries.
when they change how they treat me when we are with other people, specially other men
Edit: I don’t mean they don’t notice me as much or such, I mean referring to me as other things, pretending to forget my name or give me some similar ones to act like I’m not that big of a deal for him, use me as a trophy or just use me for the sake of how others perceive him
and then when we’re alone again it’s all back to normal like nothing happened / is was all a momentarily joke
When he’s too clingy.
Clear sign: you leave every hangout feeling smaller. He treats no like a debate and only calls when he needs a ride, money, or an alibi. Your wins make him weirdly competitive, and the jokes are always at your expense. He is cruel to people who cannot push back and pressures you to cheat, fight, or lie. He never apologizes for real, just sorry you feel that way. You dread his texts and edit yourself to keep the peace.
If time with him feels like tech support for his ego, unplug. Good friends are easy: they show up, respect your no, and are happy when you win.
Doesnt respect women. Deeply misogonyst and unaware of it. Sees women as objects instead of people.
when they hit on you or jokingly call you good girl
Honestly? I stopped being friends with men. it’s exhausting to keep second guessing yourself, trying to rationalize their behavior by placating yourself into thinking that they don’t have feelings for you even though their actions prove otherwise only for them to come out and say it. They don’t care if you don’t want a relationship, are already in one or are married.
He makes a second pass at you after you clearly said you weren’t interested.