For ladies who didn’t want kids in their 20s but now want kids in your 30s, what made you change your mind? And how do you know you are ready for being a mom?
For ladies who didn’t want kids in their 20s but now want kids in your 30s, what made you change your mind? And how do you know you are ready for being a mom?
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It’s the stability I feel in my life. I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with my life in my 20s. And I didn’t want to bring a child into this world until I felt secure that I would be at a job for a long time.
I was married to the wrong person in my 20s. That made me think I didn’t want kids at all. Turns out I just didn’t want kids with him. I have a new partner now and I can’t imagine not having kids now. We aren’t married yet but are on that track and I am very happy.
I was a step mom at 18. It was such a hellish experience because my ex is awful. He lied and said he was snipped and got me pregnant (I ended the pregnancy). I just remember thinking my life would be tied to him forever and how he was such a bad dad to his current child. We broke up a couple years later.
Suddenly I was free to do whatever I pleased not bound by the responsibilities of having a kid at home. I took full advantage of my 20s and decided to be childfree.
I started going to therapy in 2019 and met my now husband in 2020. He wanted kids but I was at that point very on the fence. He made me feel safe and I realized that the kid wasn’t the bad part of my relationship with my ex. But my ex was the bad part. He would be a bad dad, but my husband? I knew he’d take care of me and be a good dad. Therapy helped me realize I was holding onto a lot of trauma from my ex and letting it dictate my life nearly a decade later.
As far as being ready? I never felt fully ready but we decided to just try and I got pregnant a year after we got married. I didn’t feel ready and she’s now 3 months old and I still don’t feel ready. But she’s here and I love her and I don’t regret it.
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Currently cuddling with my newborn.
Combination of realizing me not wanting kids was somewhat due to concerns that I wouldnt be a good mother as I had an incredibly abusive mother. I never want to do or not do something based on fear. So I worked through a lot of my worries and developed better coping mechanisms.
And finally meeting a man who I felt would be a great father. I would have been a married single mother with all my exes.
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I met my husband months after turning 30 and weeks after a bad break up. Everything just kind of clicked into place, we found stability and after we got married (at 34), I found myself missing just one thing. It really became an urge.
I’d never felt that before. Now we have a 7 month old and I truly feel complete.
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As cliche as it sounds, I met someone who I absolutely wanted to have kids with.
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I’m now in my 40s but this was me. Never wanted kids. And then I had two!
I met my partner. He is my equal in all ways. He pulls
His weight in house work, chores, cooking, cleaning, finances. He never felt like a child to me.
He is an amazing dad and continues to my me equal partner and best friend.
I was happily childfree until my Mom died when I was 35.
I had several realizations. Including that I had originally wanted a child but never felt nurturing or responsible enough to have a child.
But, at 35, I realized I was actually responsible.
And that the bond a child has with their mother is like no other. My mother was not a good mother, and I wanted to correct that pain for myself and the next generation of my family.
My son is 5 now. I’m in the middle of divorcing his deadbeat father.
He’s a challenge, and takes more sacrifice than I ever imagined. But it was absolutely the best choice for me.
My life would not be complete without him, and he really enjoys existing. Because we have 50/50 custody and I’m coming out of the burnout of being with a terrible partner, he’s now getting the absolute best of both his parents.
I don’t want to say he’s my reason for existing, but he’s definitely the large part of my continued existence.
I never felt ready to be a mom. I just felt ready enough to give almost everything of myself to a child whose life I could make as happy as possible.
When you can sacrifice yourself, money, sleep, time, effort, and everything else for a person you create, you’re ready.
I am so much more than a mother. I have a happy life outside of him. But being his Mom is the thing that brings me the absolute most joy. It’s my reason.
And absolutely no one would have ever guessed it. I was definitely never the friend anyone expected to have a kid.
This is super common. A lot of childfeee people get mad when older people say to them “you might change your mind when you’re older” but it truly happens all the time. I even have friends who didn’t want kids until they turned 40.
Hormones. I went through a stage of vitamin deficiency induced psychosis where I had the sudden need to have a baby despite never wanting a baby. I was organizing finding a sperm donor. I’m a single woman with 2 corgis, no social support. I asked my mom if she would help and she said no.
I immediately realized id be trapped and that having a baby was not what I really wanted. I went from 150% FULL STEAM AHEAD to my normal “eww that child is loud and obnoxious I’m never having kids.” In like a week.
Hormones be crazy
I was busy pursuing my studies until I was almost 29. My parents always encouraged me to learn, be financially independent and pursue my own career, and I never really thoughts about having children in the meantime (and, tbh, growing up society would always tell you that being a teen/young mom = bad/will ruin your life).
I did meet my partner halfway through my 20s, we bought a house, and we were just enjoying the couples’ life for a few years. But then I reached a moment where I was done with my studies, we both had a stable job, and it just dawned on me that having a child wouldn’t be a bad choice. I started thinking about it more seriously then.
Another turning point for me was seeing my aging parents. They had me more to the late side, and my dad just became 70 last year. I realized that if I waited too long, my children would never meet or bond with my parents.
I was travelling a lot. I went to dozens of new countries, lived in four, and loved my freedom. Now in my 30s, it’s starting to get old. The constant jet lag is not fun anymore, countries are starting to look the same, and I’m just not finding the same joy in it that I used to. I’ve eaten and drank so much excellent stuff and it’s great, but that too is getting a bit boring.
At the same time, my husband and I have really started to enjoy our home. We just bought our first house a couple of years ago and both of us have started feeling homesick when we’re away from it. We have settled really well in our current city, I bonded well with his parents and he with mine (despite language barriers and country borders between them). We’re feeling cosy and safe.
We were fence sitters for the longest time, but recently, we had really strong urges to become parents. And that’s not gone away for a year now, so if it’s going to last another year, we’re going for it.
Life happened and having kids felt the most natural next steps towards life. Also I felt this need more when I lost my parents. There was a vacuum in my life and having a kid filled that.
Stability. I moved from the US to Sweden and found the right partner. I believe if I had stayed in the US I would never have wanted children due to how the ”system” seems to make it as difficult as possible. In Sweden I feel supported not only as a mother but also as an individual. Before I felt like I was surviving, children didn’t fit into that life. Now I’m living and have space in my life to give to a child.
I met a man who I love more than my desire to not have kids and making him happy mattered more.
Feeling more like an adult. Finding a partner I wanna spend my life with. So I’d love to have a baby with him, see how our kids will look like and experience this together
I decided at 30 to have kids after not wanting them. I was maturing, had been married for 7 years. Felt ready for a new chapter. Definitely just “feeling stable”.
I am 41 now and have 2 and it’s wonderful and I am so so so glad I didn’t have kids in my 20s. Lol
I wanted to be a mum since I was really little actually, always playing with baby dolls as a kid etc. Then I had really bad mental health in my early 20s, and in my mid to late 20s started to feel like I wouldn’t cope with motherhood. I was worried about post natal depression/psychosis or that the stress of being a parent would be too much. I felt like I would be a bad mother or become a burden to my family and I was worried about having kids that suffered due to my mental health. Then I was happy with my relationship and was scared that parenthood would change us or push us apart.
All of those things still worry me and I acknowledge the possibility of becoming ill again due to pregnancy or birth or the sleep deprivation, but it’s now more like conversations to have and things to look out for rather than putting me off. How do I know I’m ready? I dunno, I’m not sure people are ever ‘ready’ even if they think they are. But I have a mortgage, a good career, a happy/healthy/stable/wonderfully boring relationship with a supportive person. Life is boring and predictable in a really comforting way and I don’t seek excitement and thrills anymore I seek reliability and calm. I have that broody ‘oooo babies’ feeling a lot but I also value my adult relationship with my parents and realise that is something I would miss out on if I stay childless.
Short answer is I don’t have one particular thing that changed my mind and it happened slowly over time rather than some kind of lightbulb moment. I feel genuinely very stable in life now and no longer feel consumed or defined by my past or mental illness. I know and trust myself now, which has given me the belief that I can be a good mum which is something I wanted before becoming ill.
I always knew I ultimately wanted kids, but never had baby fever or particularly liked being around babies/kids so I wasn’t sure how I’d be as a mom. My husband and I stopped preventing in our early 30s and I got pregnant the first month. It’s obviously a lot of work but I can’t imagine my life without my son now. Kids bring such a unique joy and love to your life. Now pregnant with baby #2😅
I became a foster parent at 40. Two things changed. I had finally found someone I trusted to share the work with. And as silly as this sounds, eventually doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, became boring and repetitive. After a while it felt like the time was going to pass anyways, may as well do something with purpose. It’s hard and I want to quit often but then I remember I finished Netflix and don’t like to travel lol
What made me change my mind was finally finding someone I would want to share my DNA with, and someone who I could see as a great parent.
I was a fence sitter until I hit ~30. I met the right person, landed a good job, got a house and everything fell into place. I felt good about it. I will say though I’m happily one and done.
To answer that first question, it was when I found a job that I didn’t feel like I needed to change once every couple of years. Once we were able to start saving, both my husband and I were happy to start a family.
As for how I know how I know im ready? Lol, I didn’t know if I was READY to be a mom even up until the drive to the hospital to give birth! It’s all about if you want to be a mom. And if you want to, you’ll be a great one.