This is going to be somewhat long post, so I hope y’all have your snacks sorted. I am using fake names for privacy, and the ages are current ages. Not their ages when the story starts.
Two years ago:
I (22M) met this girl (24F) in college. Let’s call her Maria. When she found out we both really liked the same sports team, she told me how she had a fan club that she made with her friends. A couple days after meeting her, I asked her to add me, and she did. The group had around 7-8 people in it, and I hit it off with almost everyone. Especially Sophie (24F), who I ended up having a crush on. Long story short, it didn’t really work out. She wasn’t into me. She was in love with Maria and was hung up on her. It’s all fine now, and we’re really good friends.
After a year.
At this point, I became really close with three other members. Diana (24F), Melanie (24F), and Denise (24F), who were all VERY close to Maria. After Maria started dating this dude from her university, she started to throw tantrums about how the other three wouldn’t spend time with her. And this was after they had expressed that her new partner had made them extremely uncomfortable multiple times. There was one instance of Maria and her boyfriend smoking in an enclosed space with Melanie in the room, even though Melanie explicitly told them she had severe breathing issues, and that she wasn’t comfortable with it.
Over the next year or so, things started to break down because of other incidents like this.
One month ago:
It was Diana’s birthday, and we were all on video call at 11:55 PM the night before, to wish her at midnight. Maria joined the call, and left without wishing Diana properly, and it made us all feel very awkward, and sad. However, we chalked it up to something being wrong with her connection, or perhaps she was having a bad day.
Yesterday, Maria sent a bunch of paragraphs in the group chat that she has with Melanie, Diana, and Denise, and told them all that they are horrible friends to her for judging her for her relationship. She said something about how their friendship with me, ruined her friendship with them. Diana showed me these messages, and I felt very hurt. Firstly, it hurt to see three of my close friends be treated so cruelly. Secondly, I had always viewed Maria as a friend to me too, and I have kept letters she has written to me for my birthdays. I felt strange to be on the group with her there, so I sent a message along these lines:
“Hello all. I have been a part of this group for a while now, and I have made many friends in this group. Due to various reasons, I don’t feel very comfortable staying in the group, and I will be leaving.”
My friend Sophie thinks that I am saying too much in the group, and that I am an asshole for airing dirty laundry. What do you guys think?
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This is going to be somewhat long post, so I hope y’all have your snacks sorted. I am using fake names for privacy, and the ages are current ages. Not their ages when the story starts.
Two years ago:
I (22M) met this girl (24F) in college. Let’s call her Maria. When she found out we both really liked the same sports team, she told me how she had a fan club that she made with her friends. A couple days after meeting her, I asked her to add me, and she did. The group had around 7-8 people in it, and I hit it off with almost everyone. Especially Sophie (24F), who I ended up having a crush on. Long story short, it didn’t really work out. She wasn’t into me. She was in love with Maria and was hung up on her. It’s all fine now, and we’re really good friends.
After a year.
At this point, I became really close with three other members. Diana (24F), Melanie (24F), and Denise (24F), who were all VERY close to Maria. After Maria started dating this dude from her university, she started to throw tantrums about how the other three wouldn’t spend time with her. And this was after they had expressed that her new partner had made them extremely uncomfortable multiple times. There was one instance of Maria and her boyfriend smoking in an enclosed space with Melanie in the room, even though Melanie explicitly told them she had severe breathing issues, and that she wasn’t comfortable with it.
Over the next year or so, things started to break down because of other incidents like this.
One month ago:
It was Diana’s birthday, and we were all on video call at 11:55 PM the night before, to wish her at midnight. Maria joined the call, and left without wishing Diana properly, and it made us all feel very awkward, and sad. However, we chalked it up to something being wrong with her connection, or perhaps she was having a bad day.
Yesterday, Maria sent a bunch of paragraphs in the group chat that she has with Melanie, Diana, and Denise, and told them all that they are horrible friends to her for judging her for her relationship. She said something about how their friendship with me, ruined her friendship with them. Diana showed me these messages, and I felt very hurt. Firstly, it hurt to see three of my close friends be treated so cruelly. Secondly, I had always viewed Maria as a friend to me too, and I have kept letters she has written to me for my birthdays. I felt strange to be on the group with her there, so I sent a message along these lines:
“Hello all. I have been a part of this group for a while now, and I have made many friends in this group. Due to various reasons, I don’t feel very comfortable staying in the group, and I will be leaving.”
My friend Sophie thinks that I am saying too much in the group, and that I am an asshole for airing dirty laundry. What do you guys think?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Texting on the group chat, where a private message may have sufficed.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This sounds like a gossip girl episode. You seem a bit too old to have this kind of middle school fight/drama.
NAH. Friendships end sometimes.
People gotta understand that it ain’t cool to just ghost somebody, especially after making plans.
You handled it well. Your message was polite, neutral, and didn’t air anyone’s dirty laundry. You simply stepped away from an uncomfortable situation. Leaving a group to protect your well-being is completely reasonable. Sophie’s take is just a different perspective; you prioritized your mental health, which is mature.