My girlfriend (28F) and I (29M) were together for 1.5 years and living together for the past 5 months. I’ve been covering all expenses (rent, utilities, groceries), while she handled her own personal costs. Part of this is because she did a career switch to a lower paying job and was covering her previous apartment’s rent until 2 months ago. I said I was willing to provide and cover until her career situation got more settled.
4 months ago we also started the home-buying process together. My mom always pushed me to purchase a house and I never gave it too much thought, but felt good about my future and my relationship with my girlfriend. I agreed to put her on the title, even though the mortgage was in my name only. My mom was contributing a significant down payment, and my family has always been very supportive of me.
Over the past month, my mom’s financial situation worsened and I also started to feel the strain of covering all living costs. I realized that having my girlfriend on the title, while I carried all the financial burden, wasn’t a fair setup and put my mom’s contribution at risk. Our closing was earlier this month but got delayed to the end of this month due to repairs so the timeline was adding pressure.
When I told my girlfriend this, I gave her two options:
- Do a short-term rental and then buy the condo with just my name on the title. Then when we get married add her name
- Back out of the condo and rent instead for another year
My heart was always in option 2, But when I told her the options, she felt excluded and heartbroken, saying she had put so much love into my family and friends and saw this as us building a family together. We went through a lot of drama with the condo purchase, such as last second damages that needed repairs, and she was with me the whole way. She broke up with me, and she’s still staying with me until the end of the month. I decided to back out of the condo because I didn’t want to go down that road without her.
After some arguing, her point is that it was never about the condo but the idea that my family was willing to pull the rug from her just like that. She feels that we look down on her because of her financial situation, which isn’t the case at all. She asked why did I even bring up the idea of withdrawing her name on the title, she would have been understanding of my moms financial situation if I told her how concerned I was and wanted to rent another year.
I keep replaying it in my head. On my side, I felt like I had to present both options to her and not hide anything. I also felt I was carrying a huge financial burden and was afraid to bring it up earlier. When my mom’s financial situation changed, I recognized that I had to protect my mom. I recognize that there are a lot of serious considerations going into purchasing a house and putting my a gf name on the title that I wasn’t fully aware of early on. On her side, she feels I pulled away just when we were about to take the next step. She poured her heart into our relationship, loving my family and friends, and supported me throughout the house buying process.
Am I being unfair? Should she have more understanding? Is there any way for me to repair this?
Edit: I feel a lot of guilt on my end because this was my first relationship and we went through a lot of arguments early on together and built a solid foundation. She genuinely did have a lot of love for me and I feel a lot of responsibility for not bringing up the financial talks earlier on, and for not clarifying the title situation earlier on because we would not have been in this situation at all. This was a girl I wanted to give the world to. In our closure arguments, she said she brought up times that she was willing to help financially or put her name on the mortgage but I brushed her off. I never took it seriously and I understand that is a fault of mine as well. She said if I had ever clarified with her my financial worries or my moms struggles earlier, instead of just bringing up the title talk, she would have understood and helped pick up the slack. I really feel like I messed up
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>saying she had put so much love into my family and friends and saw this as us building a family together
Love doesn’t pay the mortgage.
Also, you really shouldn’t have started the house buying process until you two were married.
I’m surprised you were ever considering putting her name on the title when you’re the only name on the mortgage. That gives her a lot of power when she doesn’t have to be financially responsible for anything. This level of entitlement that your parent’s financial generosity was a given despite changes in circumstance is also alarming. I understand being excited for next steps, building a future, creating a home but…
You made the correct moves. If she isnt oaying an equal share then her name shouldnt be anywhere near the deed, until your married.
You dodged a bullet. She was about to be entitled to half a condo that she didn’t contribute a dime to, just by her name being on the title. She didn’t get what she wanted (the condo) so she left behind what she didn’t want (you). You deserve a better partner.
when ppl tell you who they really are, believe them.
She is allowing you to pay for her housing, food, entertainment and much more while she is using “Her Money”, not to help but for her use only
You are just her money 💰 bag and not much more. You dodged one hella big red flag.
You did nothing wrong. She may have supported the house buying process, but she wasn’t the one buying. She wasnt even going to sign on for the debt.
She was getting a pretty sweet ride, and instead of being grateful for it, she got offended when it turned out that it wasnt limitless.
If she wants to fix it she can. You cant.
The idea of putting her on the title was already a bad one to begin with. Love doesn’t pay mortgages.
It’s advised that when you aren’t married, you don’t put your partner on the title and you have them sign a lease, even if it’s just for $1 in rent. That way you are both protected. Your partner can’t force a sale if they want to leave and you can’t just evict them without giving them a legally required amount of time.
Imagine if this breakup had happened months after you bought the property. You did the right thing.
It sounds to me like you guys rushed a lot of this process, 1.5 years together is a very fast timeline to take such a big step, especially after only living together a few months. I do think it was unfair to change your mind about such a big decision, but also understandable why you were having doubts. I think you can repair your relationship but you need more time to build trust with each other before making such a massive financial decision. It has nothing to do with her being untrustworthy, just needing more time together. My husband and I went through something very similar early on in our relationship where he had the means to buy a house but not enough to pay the mortgage by himself. It caused a lot of arguments and we just realized we weren’t ready. We ended up not buying until we were engaged a few years later and it made the whole process better.
What is the rush to buy a place, especially when you needed your mother’s help to get it. You would have created a huge legal mess if you had gone through with it. It was way too early for you two to discuss buying a house together when you aren’t even married.
I don’t think either of you have been totally unreasonable here–but it probably would have helped to have a lot more conversations along the way. You have largely been supporting her, but agreed to do so; she made the career switch to lower pay, but presumably only after discussing this with you and getting your okay. I can say only that the two of you are/were definitely not ready to purchase real estate together, because doing so–especially without benefit of marriage, and the accompanying laws regarding property–requires absolute openness regarding finances and expectations, and the two of you failed to accomplish this. It’s tough to talk about money! But if you’re going to co-own a home, this is a thing that has to be done more thoroughly than you guys were doing it. She took you somewhat for granted; you failed to speak your mind; here you are.
It is possible that the relationship might be regained if you’re both able to own up to this fact and try to get on a more open footing. But that’s something you both have to want. Still, your reasoning was understandable–you just have to get better at having the hard money conversations earlier on. My sympathies.
I as a female was in the same situation. I was with him for 2 years. He has kids, I have 2 kids. We as a family would go look at different houses. I finally decided on a house and made an offer. He was upset that I bought the house I did – he wanted a nicer house. I finally told him that if for SOME REASON we split up, I could afford the 4 bedroom, 2 story house on my own.
FFW and almost 8 years later we split up. I still have my house and thankfully didn’t have the stress of changing the title, paying anyone their portion of equity.
If you’re not married, don’t do it.
You did the right and smart thing. If she can’t see that then she is too immature and nearsighted for a relationship with you anyway.
I don’t blame you…
You’re carrying all the financial weight. You and mom are the ones putting the down payment in, no up front investment on her side.
She just shows up and gets a house for free.
The real kicker for me is… She was going to on the title… Meanwhile dodge the risk of being put on the mortgage loan?
So, you are putting in all the cost to have a house, meanwhile taking all the risk for the house. Paying for everything… And she just gets to lick the icing off the cake.
I wouldn’t be buying a home with anyone who cannot contribute to the down payment, contribute to the mortgage payments, meanwhile take the risk along side me for the mortgage loan.
Don’t put anyone on the title unless you’re married!!! Period. Absolutely ridiculous of her and to end it because she wasn’t getting her way. You dodged a bullet dude! Good riddance!
Buying a house with someone you are not married to is generally a bad idea anyways. My partner ran through this with an ex and the process to get the two of them untied was a stressful mess and it cost her a lot of money.
The fact she broke up with you over this means you dodged a huge bullet.
Until you’re married she doesn’t get entitled to half your home, no.
Good
People on Reddit will focus on the finance aspect. You need to focus on what she’s telling you about rug pulling. You basically agreed on a future, then you changed it and dumped her from your plans while expecting her to quietly except. You did this with zero discussion. She told you she’d have been accepting of the situation. You’ll never know as you didn’t give her a chance.
There is a 0% chance I would ever add a boyfriend or girlfriend to the deed to my house. Honestly, after dealing with an ex with addiction issues, I’m not even sure I’d ever add a spouse either. You did the right thing.
It’s not a good idea to buy property with another person unless you are in a fully committed relationship.The grant deed etc. can become embroiled in multiple law suits. If you want to share it with another title should be carefully considered. JTWROS ( joint tenants with rights of survivorship ) or JTIC( joint tenants in common) etc. I suggest you wait and seek guidance. State laws can vary as well.
Tbh you’re wrong for telling her the FULL reason. There was no reason for you to tell her that her financial part was the concern, should’ve just led only with the fact your family going through hard time and you dont want to do a big purchase right now.
For future reference, don’t put someone name on the title who has no financial obligation to it. That’s stupid AF. They should share the risk too. You do that only when married.
You made the right decision by pulling her out.
You should have never suggested it in the first place. Later you didn’t communicate earlier.
So she feel entitled. But like she said. Her name should have never gone on title.
Putting her on the title and not the mortgage was a mistake. Never give someone an ownership stake of something without the obligation to support it.
For a lot of people getting put on things like titles is about giving them a sense of security. It’s a commitment. It’s got nothing to do with the financial reality of the situation. So putting her on the title and then taking it away is viewed as taking away her security. A reasonable human would break up in this scenario. That doesn’t mean it was a wrong or incorrect decision from you, it just means that you set up the entire situation poorly.
Your edit indicates that you don’t really consider her opinion seriously in financial decisions, which ultimately lead to you presenting an ultimatum to her and backing her into a corner, instead of discussing her concerns with her and coming to a decision together. As it turns out when you back someone into a corner and take away their security they’ll leave. The only way to repair this would be to take ownership of your side of the issue and apologize.
Ultimately you made poor financial decisions and then poor emotional decisions and this is the result.
Don’t buy a condo. Never buy or put Someone’s name on the title of a home until you’re married.
Good riddance. She was using you.
girlfriends do not go on titles. she’s shown you she’s in it for the security, not the partnership. buy your house. let her be an ex.
It’s a lot of drama and crying, in order to enforce you giving her a huge huge financial gift, in return for nothing. You should be very disappointed with this behavior and take good notice of it. She should live within her means, like everyone.
When you’re somebody’s sugar daddy or sugar mama, you need to do some introspective thinking. You just feathering her nest for when she moves on. Really poor thinking.
That level of entitlement is disgusting and would be a deal breaker for me. Why would her name go on the title if she hasn’t contributed financially or with manual labor?
She’s a user – never put her on title
You are buying the house with some help from your mom. The only person who deserves to have her name on the tile is your mom and she isn’t making any such demands. Your gf is already staying in your condo rent free and also would like her name on the title of a house she plans to put no money down on and never help with mortgage? And then when you said hey maybe let’s hold off on putting your name on a house you will never contribute to till we get married she dumped you? And still wants to stay for free in your house?
Dude do you hear yourself? You have the biggest gold digger ever. She is with you cuz she knows she gets a free ride for life and when she saw it slipping away she broke up with you but is staying with you because she knows you are torn and are weak and she can change your mind. Ask her to leave as you guys are broken up and see how she changes her mind about option 1&2. I would stay away from her and if she tries to say she’s fine with everything say you want a prenup. She will never sign it and will leave you for the next sucker she can free load off of.
If I were contributing a large chunk of money for a down payment for my son’s first house and they weren’t married, NO WAY would I allow him to put his girlfriend on the title.
She broke up with you because you didn’t pay her (in equity). You should be thankful that gold digger is out of your life
There are only a couple of things that are worth mentioning, but don’t be too hard on yourself young man. The first one is minor, but it is probably the reason she left; you absolutely should have kept her in the loop on everything (I’m not saying you did the wrong thing on keeping her off the title). If this was “the girl you wanted to give the world to” a condo is a lot less than The World. So if you felt that strongly about her you might want to fix it (it’s not too late); If you don’t feel like that about her then it’s a good lesson to have learned. The second issue is MAJOR: A condo!? Are you out of your mind? That’s a vertical HOA! Don’t do it!.
Don’t let her guilt trip you with those reasons she gave. She has zero respect for everything you did and how you supported her.
I know it feels painful now but you definitely dodged a bullet, she showed her true colours.
You did the right thing. Buying a house together when you’re not married is a big mistake.
Putting your GF’s name on the title when she’s not paying for everything wouldn’t just be a big mistake, it would be insane.
You absolutely did the right thing by not putting her name on it and you dodged a bullet when she left you.
You did nothing wrong financially but also messed up emotionally. This conversation should have been had at the very beginning. Leaving it until the end after she had been involved in the whole process was kind of pulling the rig out emotionally
You dodged a bullet my guy. She only saw material investment in you.
Stop promising women you’ve only been dating for 1.5yrs that you’ll give them half your assets. WTF?
She contributed…..”Love”?
Holy LOL!
Putting her on the deed would have been very bad. She wanted a house without any financial contributions. Hell no. She wasn’t even your fiancee. She is entitled to nothing. Be glad she dumped you.
ETA: of course after the fact she claims she would have helped financially. BS! She was happy you didn’t want her money.
I think you’re ignoring your gut, which says there is something off about the entire way she has gone about this, and the way that she has made this a blame-worthy situation for you and your family, rather than understanding what is fair.
Don’t feel guilt, don’t feel bad, you are very young, and this is how very young things go -be glad you have gotten out of a situation that was not going to work long term, and could have caused significant damage to everyone involved.
Make sure you acknowledge all the lessons you’ve learned in this situation, get therapy if you want to, but realize that relationships often go in this confusing way, and having some lingering doubts is normal.
My boyfriend paid off his house I live with him but I never once suggested he put my name on the house.. I never spent a dollar on it. Brother you dodged a bullet
Ha. There’s no chance i would put anyone on my house titles. Not only that, I wouldn’t move someone in without a lease and declaring it on taxes like any other rental.
Only a fool will purchase a major asset, like a home, with someone they are not married to. There are many horror stories from people who have found out the hard way why doing so was bad idea.
You are fortunate that your ex showed you who she was and broke up with you before you made a major mistake.
No, you’re not being unfair. She’s your GF, not your wife. She’s not putting any money into the down payment. You do need to protect your mother’s investment as well as your own. At 28 she should be able to understand this. In my case, my husband bought his/our home 2 years before I met him. He added me to the title a few years after we married. I’m sure he was waiting to see how our marriage progressed before he added me on.
This is sad, but honestly you should NEVER have offered this to begin with. First, because you aren’t married and she contributed nothing to the purchase, putting her on the title is like handing her hundreds of thousands of dollars for nothing. No liability. She could leave you, stay living there, make your lives miserable and refuse to sell. There are a LOT of things that could happen and it just makes no sense to gift half the value of a home to someone you are not legally connected to. You should never have offered that, no matter how good you “felt” about it. And on top of that, your mother was putting a significant amount towards this house and you would be putting her at risk by adding your gf.
But her reaction is manipulative AF. You think she’s heartbroken? I doubt it. I think she broke up with you because she’s hoping you’ll question yourself, change your mind, and hand her a huge financial gift for absolutely nothing. That’s what this is. Because if she truly loved you, renting for another year and buying together would not be a big deal. Waiting until you’re married to put her name on the title wouldn’t be a big deal. If she’s SO SURE she was going to build a family with you, why would it matter to her if the name is on there now or after the wedding? It’s a technicality. It’s not “pulling the rug out.” The ONLY reason she has to be upset, is that now she can’t take advantage of you. She’s either being manipulative, or she’s not intelligent enough to realize that in the end it would have all ended up the same anyway.
Now she gets nothing, and you dodged a bullet IMO.
I doubt there is a way to repair this.
What might you have done differently? Had the conversation at the front end — and never simply volunteered to add her to the title. Then she knows the score going in and doesn’t feel like the rules were changed on her. If there is anything to be sorry for, it is that. If you feel like you should apologize, it is for not having the conversation earlier. But please don’t assume that would necessarily fix everything— she very likely would have pushed to add her name to the title.
And I get how that is hard for her. She likely was asked by family and friends if she was going to be on the title and said yes. But I would never buy a house with a partner unless we are married and I am never adding someone to the deed that isn’t on the mortgage.
If your heart was truly with option 2, I would have never offered option 1 — what would have been your reaction if she said yes.
But. Your GF comes across here as being both entitled and having a chip on her shoulder. She switched to a lower paying career, has you paying essentially all living expenses, you solely financing a house, you giving her half the equity (including a contribution from your mom). All to someone you aren’t married (or even engaged to).
While she did volunteer to be added to the mortgage, that only goes so far. Let’s say you break up in three months — and she forces a sale. And you have $100k in equity (as your mom gifted you $100k). She gets $50k of your mom’s money.
Funny how all the love was gone the moment the house was snatched away, huh?
When a person shows you who they truly are, believe them….
A cohabitation agreement to spell out what happens during and after the relationship should have been an option.
It’s for situations like this to spell out who takes care of what while together and what happens upon a split or sale:
But given how fast she was to leave, you dodged a bullet.
She showed her true colors.
Don’t feel guilty for keeping yourself safe. If she was in any way understanding, she wouldn’t be acting like this. People can get really sour in break-ups, so it’s best to play it safe. You’re not married etc
Poor thing felt heartbroken… Who tf cares.
Proves she just wanted you for money.
Purchasing a property with someone that is not your spouse would be a terrible mistake. It begs the question: Why didn’t you marry her? The title and mortgage would have been a joint responsibility. It would never work until you two become a team playing on the same side.
Never add someone to the deed, that isn’t also responsible for the mortgage.
Also, never add a GF/BF to a deed, especially, if they aren’t paying anything!
LMFAO let her stay broken up with you. Of course she’s upset and feels left out – she was getting A FREE CONDO! Not only do you already completely support her, but you and your mom were basically buying her a house. This is utterly ridiculous!!
She stuck with you during the buying process bc she thought she had a stake in it.
She was leaving either way. Fortunately, you didn’t lose half of your equity in the process.
Would you give your girlfriend $100.000 – $400.000 in cash with no commitment to be paid back? No? Then don’t do it in form of equity either.
It’s been 18 months. Getting half of a house for 18 months of commitment is wild.
The damage is done.
You should just save up with your next wife to be for the down payment of the next condo.
Your mom should keep her money for her retirement.
Anyway, you’re not in a hurry to get married or buy a condo right now.
Take your time.
So, in general, I feel that once a couple is married, the primary residence should be in both names unless agreed otherwise. If both of you had your own homes, I would recommend renting out or selling those so you can come together in one you both mutually choose. Otherwise, keep your name on it only.
In this situation, was the initial assumption or agreement that she would be on the title? You mention that you don’t want to risk your mother’s money so was also the understanding that your gf would contribute to the condo and fixing it up or could you not afford it on your own?
Well done
>she felt excluded and heartbroken, saying she had put so much love into my family and friends and saw this as us building a family together.
Wtf? LOL
Putting in love does not equal putting in capital. She’s already getting a free ride and now she wants half of your biggest asset with no risk. Then she dumped you because you finally saw how flawed the original agreement was?
As for your part in it, think things through before entering a binding financial agreement with anyone. Especially someone you are not married to. Be clear on your stance and expectations early, and voice them.
You 100% made the right decision. She wanted to take advantage of you.
NEVER put someone on the deed if they aren’t on the mortgage!
I have no idea where the people going “She’s so entitled!!” get off. Did y’all miss the part where she’s been having to finish out paying rent at her old place while also taking on a lower paying job when she moved in with OP?? AND that she offered to help pay the mortgage, but he was the one who insisted that wouldn’t be necessary?
She SPECIFICALLY told you that she would have been perfectly fine discussing the finances with you and waiting until such a time where you as a couple were in a better place to be able to afford the house.
She was upset because rather than having this conversation and treating her like a partner, you decided on your own it HAD to be one way or the other before you even bothered talking to her about it. Worse yet, it sounds like you spoke to your family about this, but not her until you presented the options.
“Entitled” nothing, she’s getting out of there by the end of the month instead of relying on you any longer than she has to, and I don’t blame her. Try actually communicating with your partner next time.
I know you say you don’t want to buy the condo without her but that’s exactly when you should do it. That way you can avoid this situation in the future and start building your own equity.
Doing it how you were going to, she would have gotten half your house and been responsible for none of the debt.
Your family didn’t do anything to her and neither did you. The fact is, you don’t make a financial commitment for a 30 year term and just add a girlfriend because she “put so much love” into your family and friends – that’s neither reasonable or responsible in the financial sense. She’s not entitled to your (and your mother’s) investment.
If she truly loved you she wouldn’t have bailed over not being given entitlement. Period.
You made the right choice. The fact that she broke up with you over this, is a huge red flag. You were going to put her name on the title of a condo where she made no financial contribution. If you had purchased the condo with both of your names on it, and then broke up, getting the title back into your name only would cost you money (including attorney fees). Depending where you live, she could have ended up with half of the value of the house.
Pouring so much love into the family and friends ain’t gonna pay the mortgage!
You miscommunicated, yes. However, you eventually explained everything and instead of forgiving you, she chose to break up. Had she really lived you, she would have forgiven.
You 100% did the right thing here. There are so many stories that I’ve had friends and family go through who put their boyfriend/girlfriends on their title. They ended up losing thousands and thousands of dollars when their relationships ended. I never recommend people who are not married buying property together, especially if one is not contributing financially. At least when you’re married, you have some protection.
> In our closure arguments, she said she brought up times that she was willing to help financially or put her name on the mortgage but I brushed her off. I never took it seriously and I understand that is a fault of mine as well. She said if I had ever clarified with her my financial worries or my moms struggles earlier, instead of just bringing up the title talk, she would have understood and helped pick up the slack. I really feel like I messed up
Classic over-giver behavior. You want to provide everything to show your love, but that’s not how love works. Building a life together means sharing the load. If you refuse to let your partner share the load, a healthy partner will be uncomfortable and eventually break up. The more common outcome is you attract a taker who will take everything you have to give and complain it’s not enough.
You need to learn to let your partner give to you. You know the joy you get from providing for your partner? She wants to feel that too. If you can’t accept support as well as give it, you’ll never build a healthy relationship. Talk to a therapist to learn better communication skills and relationship dynamics. It will transform your life.
Doing the right thing hurts sometimes. You have my condolences on the break up.
But big congratulations for making the right choice.
Never have a partner’s or friend’s name on property unless you are married. It’s never a safe idea and usually a bad idea.
If they’re not on the mortgage they’re not on the deed/title period end of story…. Personally I will never buy a house, car, or anything of significant value with someone I’m not married to. BUT if I did they would have to be financially responsible for it too if they want ownership
I’m not giving ownership to someone who didn’t pay for it. If she’s putting zero funds in it, it’s not hers, and she’s not entitled to a single thing. This girl is living off of you and now wants a house. I do not think so.
You are not financially compatible. Stay broken up. She’s greedy as hell.
You made the right decision about the title. You’d have been a fool to effectively gift her half a condo using your mother’s money.
Assuming that she is a genuinely good person who wasn’t trying to scam you, I’d argue she made the right decision, too. You should’ve discussed all of this with her at the outset instead of brushing her off and then pulling the rug out at the last minute. You admit you were too afraid to talk about these things; so what other big issues would you avoid until it was too late? She was wise to leave.
Y’all are weird. He clearly stated he kept his financial worries secret Waldo stated that she was willing to contribute but he didn’t engage her but she’s the problem not the person that’s scared to communicate with their partner lml ok
You made the right decision, stand by that. She’s shown her true colors in the process too!
You’ll be better off because of it OP😊you deserve more understanding from a partner! Also 1.5 years is NO time at all
I’m concerned that this being a first relationship that OP doesn’t realize that all of the “support” that his girlfriend provided is just normal behavior of people who care about each other. And not some magical anomaly that should be rewarded with half of a condo!
The girlfriend can say whatever she wants, and can break up with OP using any logic she feels is appropriate, but the reality is he probably dodged a bullet here.
Mom is putting a significant amount of money down on a property that may or may not put her in a financial bind. It does not sound like Mom‘s name was going to be on the title with OP and girlfriend, so Mom would legally have no claim to the home at all-but girlfriend would? How does that make any sense for Mom financially?
OP and Mom should be on the title of the home until OP can pay mom back for her contribution of the down payment. That way, if Oki ever sells his home or passes unexpectedly without a will, Mom can recover her financial investment first.
The bank holds the title until you pay them back the money you borrowed for the mortgage so it only makes sense that mom would do the same. Girlfriend has no skin/money in the game and her name should be nowhere near that title/asset.
Girlfriend has been loving/supportive for the last year probably not because she loved OP and his family… But rather because she had a valuable free asset about to come into her greedy hands. She just had to be the perfect girlfriend until the ink was dry and her name was on it.
Now that she has realized that OP is getting more financially aware, and realizing that his mom and her contribution need to be protected first and foremost, girlfriend probably realized that if she broke up with OP and forced a sale of the condo that mom would get her money back first and then if there was anything left, she would have to split it with OP. Girlfriend’s golden ticket was getting smaller and smaller.
You did the right thing. When my boyfriend and I were looking to buy, the majority of the down payment would be from him and his parents. It wasn’t even a discussion. I wouldn’t have ever put my name on the title.
We broke up a year and a half later lol.
I feel you did the right thing. While it may not sound romantic, get a solid cohabitation agreement or prenup. You have your lawyers, she has hers. The truth is, if it’s not about the money like she says, then she should have no problem with it. Keep in mind, marriage is the leading cause of divorce! 😃😆😝
Sounds like she was trying to scam you. Was she not grateful you had carried her for years? Is she a child or an adult?
Never put someone on the deed that isn’t contributing to the mortgage in some way. Honestly I wouldn’t even buy a house with someone without marriage. My husband is currently covering ours but when we first purchased I paid the down payment and the closing costs. If she’s not contributing anything financially it’s best to keep her off the deed. Save yourself the headache, she has proven why you shouldn’t since she threw a fit and walked away.
You made a smart financial decision for your future. 1.5 years together isn’t enough time to be considering property ownership together, in my optinion.
Head on over to the real estate, legal advice, and homeowner subs to see why you don’t property with someone you’re not married to.
Love don’t pay the rent
Disclaimer: I only got maybe a quarter of the way through but it was enough to know you did the right/safe thing. Just go find the many post asking if gf/bf should be on the title. The answer is almost always no.
Slow down the next relationship. You had barely been dating a year and a half, and that is not enough time to commit such a huge financial responsibility together. To be honest, she’s been taking financial advantage of you. Even her “offering” to contribute holds no weight, because she never actually took steps to contributing.
Don’t feel guilty. She very quickly had a change of heart about your future when she saw she couldn’t take advantage of you as easily.
You’re good idc how deep yall love each other somebody trying to get out on the house title after a year in a half is a deal , not even gonna mention hwr situation
Keep the money separate always until she contribute her half.
You made a safe financial decision.
The relationship may be over, but you are left whole financially.
You will have numerous other GF’s throughout your young life.
This is her loss.
Dodged a bullet, be glad to know she was only it it for the title.
Brother! save the heart ache – you avoided a bad person. Equal partnership at home and work but not ponying up is a no go.
You did NOT mess up. You are better prepared for the future.
You saw her true colors, and it’s for the best.
She said “she had put so much love into my family and friends and saw this as us building a family together.”
I’m sure you are both aware – you don’t have to buy her a house and cover all her expenses to be a family, right? She can still love you and your family without you all having to buy her a house…
“I don’t know how I can love you and be part of your family, unless you buy me a house” is a pretty shallow, selfish stance.
Also – a side not, IMHO, no one should ever put someone else on a title if they aren’t married. It’s absolutely wild to me to think “I’m not sure yet if we want to spend our lives together, but… I’m going to give this person a MASSIVE amount of money and lock myself into sharing a home with them.” That makes absolutely no sense.
I would be very hurt that you backed out.
But I completely understand and I don’t think unmarried people should be on each others titles for cars and houses. It would be unfair for her to get all the equity in a sale, when it was you and your mother’s sweat and cash that went into it.
I agree, with marriage you are (usually) combining finances and property and adding a spouse to a title is fine- they are committing to a life with you.
Don’t do it when you’re not married and also immediately leaving over this is weird to me
Now you know what was important to her….