December 2024 my big sister was murdered. As I (26) was grieving and taking her things out of her apartment, my best friend (24) at the time asked me to search for her 8 month olds social security card in my storage. I was moving at the time and she thought we packed it away in my storage. I said no because I was busy as I had just put my sisters stuff in the same storage unit. Where we live it is very easy to get a brand new social security card so I told her to call the office and get a new one. She didn’t want to do that she told me I had to go with her to search through everything to find the card she thinks is in there. I again told her no and that she should go to the office and get a new one. A few days later we go to lunch so that I can get out of the house a little bit. She tells me she is “so excited to go to the funeral so that she can see pictures of her baby on the wall with my sister” I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I gave her a nervous laugh and that was the end of lunch. I went home and told my mom what she had said she was very upset by it saying it wasn’t right and “you need to stay away from that girl” I ended up texting her and telling her she was uninvited from the funeral she said my sister “was her friend too” and that she was “coming anyways” I said “we will have security at the door if you decide to show up” luckily everything was fine she didn’t show up. She sent me a long text about how I wasn’t there for her after MY sister passed away because she was “depressed too”. I went off on her telling her grief and depression are 2 very different things and I officially ended our friendship. She still texts me asking for advice and for help but I ignore her texts. I wanna know am I the asshole for ending a friendship over this? Should I have helped her with her daughters social security? Should I have been there for her even though I was grieving?
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December 2024 my big sister was murdered. As I (26) was grieving and taking her things out of her apartment, my best friend (24) at the time asked me to search for her 8 month olds social security card in my storage. I was moving at the time and she thought we packed it away in my storage. I said no because I was busy as I had just put my sisters stuff in the same storage unit. Where we live it is very easy to get a brand new social security card so I told her to call the office and get a new one. She didn’t want to do that she told me I had to go with her to search through everything to find the card she thinks is in there. I again told her no and that she should go to the office and get a new one. A few days later we go to lunch so that I can get out of the house a little bit. She tells me she is “so excited to go to the funeral so that she can see pictures of her baby on the wall with my sister” I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I gave her a nervous laugh and that was the end of lunch. I went home and told my mom what she had said she was very upset by it saying it wasn’t right and “you need to stay away from that girl” I ended up texting her and telling her she was uninvited from the funeral she said my sister “was her friend too” and that she was “coming anyways” I said “we will have security at the door if you decide to show up” luckily everything was fine she didn’t show up. She sent me a long text about how I wasn’t there for her after MY sister passed away because she was “depressed too”. I went off on her telling her grief and depression are 2 very different things and I officially ended our friendship. She still texts me asking for advice and for help but I ignore her texts. I wanna know am I the asshole for ending a friendship over this? Should I have helped her with her daughters social security? Should I have been there for her even though I was grieving?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) ignoring my friend when she needed help 2.) friends should be there through everything especially the hard times and I wasn’t there when she neeeded me to be
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. First of all, I’m so very sorry about your sister. Your mother is absolutely right: stay away from that girl. She has signs of NPD and main character syndrome. She’s incapable of thinking of anyone but herself. Her behavior during your family’s tragedy is horrible.
The funeral stuff is really weird, so NTA for that.
The social security card thing though is another matter. If she has reason to believe her card is with your stuff, YTA for not letting her look for it. That’s legally her identification which she needs, and given that you were completely indifferent about it, what would you do with it if you found it later? Throw it away?
Give her her card back and go your separate ways.
I’m so sorry for your loss. NTA because this reads like she’s treating it like a party and acting like it’s all about her feelings and desires.
NTA. your former friend sounds like she has some issues, and those issues are hers, not yours. at the very least, it eas extremely odd for her to say that. it was rude AND weird! I think your mom had the right idea about her, please do not contact this weirdo
NTA what the fuck. No, what a selfish person to make that all about her. YOUR sister is gone and she gets mad because you won’t bend over backwards to help her.
YOUR SISTER is gone, and she’s mad at you for not supporting her through her depression? She can absolutely be sad and grieve your sister as well, but that is no excuse to treat you like that and pull the “I’m sad too” card to make you do stuff for her.
Im with your mom on this, stay away from that girl. She’s just gonna cause more stress than anything else. Block her number, don’t waste space in your head to even think about her.
I hope you’re doing okay op, but I know if my sister were gone, I wouldn’t be. My sincerest condolences.