Don’t know if anyone feels the same way here?
After the way she has treated me, my DFH, my FBIL/SIL, nibling and her own family over the past decade I have know her, she doesn’t deserve that title. In my mind, that title should be reserved for those who are good people through their words/actions that have earned that respect. Not demanded it.
She treats my DFH like he’s still one of her “little boys”, has never really gotten to know me deeper than surface level even when I have tried (then complains about how we aren’t close), tries to boundary stomp, and has even attempted to weaponize my nibling against FBIL/SIL.
Thankfully we all have shiny spines and complain about her behind her back to de-stress, but she never learns from her mistakes.
After my wedding this year, I will only ever refer to her by name or “my husband’s mom”. No matter what anyone says or does, I will not acknowledge her as my real family until she changes herself permanently to actually earn her place there. I have done so much to be kind to her and battle through all of her bs to not make myself the problem, and I’ve only been met with polite nods, passive aggression and indifference in return. Not real love.
A mother-in-law is someone who respects boundaries, and understands what her place should be. A mother-in-law cares and loves her DIL gently without trying to replace her own mother. I could go on and on but you get the picture. She is none of these things. Therefore she doesn’t get the title nor respect to go with it. Only cold and indifferent civility. Because that’s what she has earned. Why should I give my heart to someone like that?
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I refer to mine one of two ways:
1-that bitch Jane Doe (using her real first and last names)
2-demon from the back side of hell
100% in support of you referring to her that way, because you are completely correct: she has done nothing to earn that title.
after a decade of abuse i finally was strong enough to stop referring to my dad’s (now ex) wife as “stepmother” and started referring to her simply as “my dad’s wife.” i mean the results weren’t great because she was a raging thundercunt who emotionally and verbally abused me for every little thing, but the descriptor was completely accurate! she was pissed off that she could not control me in every way but it’s not like i was WRONG in how i was referring to her.
you will be calling your husband’s mom by what she is to you. your husband’s mom. it is accurate and reflects how she has treated you… and honestly probably better than what she deserves.
Yep! I called mine by her first name (when I was in contact). When speaking to my friends about her I call her the monster in law.
Because we weren’t close and because my FIL viewed it as respectful I always called my stepmother in law Ma’am. It drove her batty but if she complained my FIL pointed out I was raised with old fashioned manners and was being polite.
I feel exactly the same! We’re getting married next summer but there’s no way I’m gonna call her MIL because she doesn’t act like one. She’s been nothing but jealous of my relationship with fiancé and therefore treated me very poorly. Now that we booked our wedding she’s suddenly trying to rekindle things with me but there’s no way.
I felt the same. I used her first name, referred to her as DH’’s mom, Mrs. Last Name, if I had to make an introduction. What was hilarious was when she tried to pretend she knew me in front of my dad & friends.
This woman hasn’t earned a trusting relationship with you and that’s on her.