So Monday night husband’s aunt emails his entire side of the family an “update” about his grandmother’s condition. Apparently about a week ago she fell, broke a few ribs and ended up in the hospital where they found enough issues to where there’s not much they can do but make her comfortable. So they brought her home and they’re doing hospice at home. Everyone knew already but my husband. His parents called his siblings but not him. No one in his extended family called him because the parents/grandmother’s kids were the ones who were supposed to contact their own kids. He ends up calling the aunt Monday night after he sees the email. Aunt is flabbergasted that MIL did not call him as his siblings went over Sunday to say their goodbyes to the grandmother. So husband ends up going over there Tuesday to visit and does a bunch of stuff for her that no one else could be bothered to do. Sees another aunt. Mentions how grateful he is that first aunt sent out the email because otherwise he wouldn’t have known. Yesterday MIL texts him in the morning to say happy birthday to our kid. The kid she is not allowed to see or talk to, btw. She texts him as she’s coming back from a cruise as well, the one she went on anyway even knowing her mother was dying. Then later Wednesday night, MIL texts him thanking him for visiting his grandmother. So she found out from the aunts that husband knew and visited, found out aunts knew that MIL kept the info from husband, and texted out of… shame? Covering her ass? Who the fuck knows. Husband is acting like this is normal behavior. Then this morning aunt texts husband that grandmother died, and two hours later MIL texts as well. Husband thanks his mother for the info, and when I’m like why are you pretending that everything’s fine… he defends her. I point out the lack of logic in his argument, and he agrees but plans to do nothing. I’m dropping the rope. I’ll support him through his grandmother’s death, but I’m fucking done trying to get him to see his parents are abusive pieces of shit. I know my emotions are high right now, which is why I’m venting to you all so I don’t go off in real life. If you got to the end of this, thanks for reading.
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Other posts from /u/Scout_321:
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Unfortunately some people don’t want to come out of the fog. They’ve been in it so long it’s their normal and they don’t want to change or they are afraid of change. All you can do is protect yourself and your child
OP – I am outraged on your husbands behalf, at the callous disregard they showed.
He‘s ok with what they did and sees it as normal.
What do you want to happen?
I just spent a good 20 minutes with a mug of tea reading your post history.
First, It is sad to read that your SOs grandmother passed away, may her memory be a blessing.
As to his mother….well she is a right difficult one & I am sorry that your SO is still entranced by her.
Please do vent here, grieving is hard.
Kindest regards
Fuck her! If you ever had any doubts about your reactions or keeping her away from your kids… at least you can feel very confident. What a miserable piece of work.
Have y’all done any MC? A lot of therapists can help someone begin to identify these toxic and abnormal behaviors that they were raised to believe is ok. Do you think he’s defending her because he’s embarrassed that she told his siblings but not him? That would be my guess.
It is good you have recognized that you CANNOT control how your husband sees his family.
People see things when they are ready, in their own time. You can’t force, you can’t argue to
Persuade because it’s not logic, it’s emotion.
You are protecting your child. Excellent! Now work on detaching from your husband’s inability to see his family as they are. That is his emotional life to deal with.