This is just an extended rant of recent events. Currently pregnant, haven’t seen MIL since early this year, she moved 45 min away from us after we got married, use to be 7 hours away, mean to me at ever visit.
I decided earlier this year I was done after 2 years of her living by us to stop seeing her. A few comments to set the tone:
– Tells everyone she is afraid of me
– Poked my boob asking if they were mine
– Upset DH doesn’t want to go on solo trips with her (she is re married, but unhealthy attachment to DH)
– She said she should go above his wife, and that the mom comes first
– She said I am strict because she can’t give our dog, who is allergic to chicken, chicken…
– She asked to hold our dog while having a lit cigarette in her hand, I told her when she put that down/out that I would give her our dog. She turned to DH and said “Is she going to be like this when you have kids?” and I said “I’m going to be worse, put it out if you want to hold her”
– She told me I can’t take a joke and when we were talking about that, Dh and I said “ok, when you tell a joke, say I am joking after If I don’t understand” later she made a comment about being in the delivery room with me (before I was pregnant) and I said “This is where you say I am joking” and she laughed and said “I don’t know if I am” and I said “I am telling you right now that you are because you won’t be in there”
– Doesn’t like having a group chat with me because she feels like she is “running” everything past me
– She said she doesn’t have to follow rules for our (non-existent at the time) baby because she is the grandma, and I told her as a result she would never babysit, she cried, said I couldn’t do that and said “God help your kids, my son, your FIL and SMIL and your parents because they have to deal with you” ok <3
After all the above (+more) after finding out I was pregnant she tried to reach out and said we had to work on our relationship before the “little munchkin” came. Can look at https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1ndfsh2/mil_and_pregnancy_entitlement_to_my_child_already/ for the play by play there.
Now to my current thoughts, this is my first pregnancy and I don’t know if I am hypersensitive to this lady or what. After declining her “offer” to rekindle she has been up DHs ass about seeing him, she also asked for ultrasound photos and I am a private person in general but there was something about giving her the ultrasound photos that made me wanna vomit, so I told DH no. He doesn’t tell MIL no, he just doesn’t respond which honestly is great because she rarely reacts if you don’t say no to her, until you see her in person and she’ll ask why then. So he didn’t respond and she sent another text and said “Well can you at least send me pictures of you, I haven’t gotten any in two years” … we got married two years ago so lol. Also your son is 30….
He didn’t respond to that and she sent ANOTHER text asking if he wanted to go to a concert with her, just him, not her husband either… he responded and said he’d send pics (he didn’t) and that he didn’t know the artist and that he had a party that day.
She then asked if he was seeing her this Sunday and that she can come down to see him so he isn’t wasting time driving…
Back to the ultrasound photos, when he told me she asked for them, I was honestly sick to my stomach because I don’t want this lady to know anything about me or our baby… she keeps saying little munchkin when talking about the baby… we already know the gender and I don’t want her to know because then the names will be gender related and “little munchkin” already makes me uneasy… I also think I am going to go online and get ultrasound photos of the opposite gender and she can have that, and then she can say to DH “Omg the baby looks just like you!!” lol
I was trying to tell DH that I think his mom is evil, which honestly is rude of me but then told him I see her as Cruella De Vil trying to take my baby away from me when the baby hasn’t even exited.
I keep telling myself she could be worse, she doesn’t show up unannounced (hopefully I don’t jinx myself…), that’s honestly her only redeeming quality I can’t think of anything else…
I’ve asked DH before if he could minimize the talk about me to her, what I am doing with my life, how I am doing, etc.. or to keep it short if its about the baby because his baby too.. And he said he doesn’t like seeing his mom now because when she does ask about me he has to do mental gymnastics to make sure he doesn’t talk about me, or give to big of an answer. Is it a crazy ask to say don’t talk about me or keep it short? How is OP? She is good. How is work going for OP? It’s going good. Is that too much?? One time we went to lunch with her and she asked me if I even worked… I am a contractor so as long as my work is done, I am ok… so I don’t think this lady needs the 411 on me
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Other posts from /u/Weary_Literature8962:
MIL and pregnancy; entitlement to my child already, 1 week ago
MIL didn’t text me happy birthday, 2 weeks ago
Telling MIL about pregnancy, or not., 1 month ago
The manipulation is CRAZY, 3 months ago
Passive “notes” to me from JNMIL, 5 months ago
Another Visit from Hell <3, 6 months ago
Another MIL visit prep session, 10 months ago
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Your husband needs to set boundaries with his mom. He should be embarrassed about the way he allows her to talk to you/about you/treat you.
If you can get couples therapy, I recommend it. You are going to need to learn to set your own boundaries with your husband, stop being reactive towards her, and focus on your needs rather than her actions. Yes, she is a problem, but there is no reason she needs to be your problem. Your husband needs to deal with this.
Well so long as you aren’t birthing a litter of Dalmatians, while MIL is simultaneously sourcing fur trenchcoat sewing patterns, you might be OK here…
I do like the funny trap idea for the online opposite sex sonogram photo, knowing she’ll go on about how “HER munchkin” looks so much like HER son. That would be ideal comic relief.
I have no better input. Just promise to tell us how long she goes on about that familial similarity in a generic sonogram of you do in fact send one!
She wanted to hold your dog while smoking. This tells me enough to not want this woman anywhere near my child as she has no concept of safety or health issues. My late mom was a smoker but she never handled her grandchildren when smoking or even her own dogs.
You and your husband need couples therapy asap and eventually he needs individual therapy to deal with is mother related trauma and learn to stand up to his mother.
Husband just needs to be direct. One uncomfortable conversation now could save him a lifetime of continued struggle. He can just say, “Mom, you know the status of your relationship with OP and why. I’m not going to talk about her with you. The impact of this on your relationship with future grandchild(ren) has also been explained, so I’m not discussing that either.”
You need to sit DH down and tell him that you don’t want him to let her know you’re in labor until after LO is born and you’re comfortable with her knowing.
You also need to decide if you’re going to let her see the baby and when/where etc. if you don’t want her at the hospital you should let the staff know so they can keep her out.
Of course it is not too much to ask for your husband not to talk to her about you. He needs to grow a spine
He’s doing mental gymnastics because he’s coddling her. He needs to tell her straight up that they won’t be discussing you and stick to it.
first, I applaud you for standing your ground to your vile MIL.
Second, your husband needs to shut MIL down with these requests. No answer doesn’t work – tell her no.
third, and what I don’t understand, is why you and your husband have not gone NC, or at least, VLC with MIL. MIL comment about not following rules and then insulting you would had been enough for me to toss her ass out and go NC.
I believe you recognize MIL is going to be an absolute nightmare when the baby arrives. Don’t let MIL ruin your new baby experience. Establish boundaries and consequences with no second chance – because MIL will ruin your new born experience if you let her.
If someone at work asks him an overly personal question is it stressful for him? How does this man work if he can’t handle the stress of deciding how to answer questions??? You are only asking that you be in control of your own information and that he respects your privacy. Is it hard for him to keep work secrets? His best friends’ secrets? Good thing he isn’t in charge of national security because he’d be a nervous wreck all the time trying to figure out what not to say to not spill a national secret, right?
I mean…c’mon. Don’t let him get away with that crap. Call HIM on it. It’s not that hard to respect another person’s privacy.
DH needs to say Mom, stop asking or worrying about OP. You know you have never like her so what did you expect was going to happen? You can’t mistreat people and then when it’s convenient you want to repair the damage. NOPE. Let MIL know that she created this situation. If she would have respected you and your boundaries in the beginning she would be enjoying this pregnancy with you all. She wants to be the captain of the ship when she isn’t even on the boat. Let her know that once a man marries, he and his wife become one. So now you and DH are one. She is not a part of that situation in any shape, form, or fashion.
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Send a dolphin sonogram.
If she asks about gender, “we don’t know! We are going to be surprised at birth!”
MIL: “What about names??”
You: “We will decide once we look into the baby’s face!”
I don’t have an answer for you about DH not sharing your information. I have the same problem. I don’t like my MIL and I don’t want her getting details of my life from my DH, but somehow saying “she’s good” “just busy” isn’t enough.
Ugh so frustrating! Sorry you are dealing with it too?