I need to vent. I have nanny cams in my home to keep an eye on my baby while im at work and the babysitter is there. He is 8 months. So today my partner didn’t call me at all or update me on how our baby was doing. I checked the nanny cam and he was talking to his mother. Our son was crying as if they were killing him and once my partner was able to calm him down, she told him the primary care giver was to be blamed for his crying. I was so mad at this. Everyday I take care of him he doesn’t cry with me, he also doesn’t cry with the babysitter. He only cries with his dad. So the audacity of her to blame me. She is mad because I dont trust or allow her to take care of him or be alone with him if my partner or I aren’t present. She doesn’t understand boundaries and always has rude comments to say. To him and his family I am the bad guy but I can’t stand her at all when she says comments like that. Are there any tips or anything to help my partner soothe or baby so he doesn’t cry his lungs out?
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If your husband is firmly on his mother’s side and believes it’s not his job to care for your baby, he isn’t going to do the job well. I think your issues aren’t that he can’t figure out how to care for your baby, I think the issue is that he would rather weaponize incompetence and let his mom fulfill her needs by helping like a good little son instead of focusing on being a parent to his own child.
Your husband could ask for help, talk to other dad friends, look up anything on Google, but instead he sat on the phone with his mom while the baby had an unmet need. He is validating his mom and she is taking out her crap parenting and inability to raise a man who can care for his family on you.
Your tips aren’t going to help if he’s not trying. You can’t control him or make him want to be better for your child.
Why are you with someone who is against you? Get a divorce. It’s better to be a single mom of 1 than to be a married single doing all the work for 2 babies.
Oh, this is a partner problem. I’ve actually had that happen, I had to be away for 2 nights for a family emergency and my husband, instead of manning up and parenting his own kid, called in mommy dearest. She flew in feeling all self-important and needed, then, in the evening, they put my panicky weeping kid on Skype with me, you calm him down, we cannot. MIL kept interrupting my conversation with my child in shrill shrieks “Don’t cry, don’t cry!”
This forced me to have a come to Jesus talk with my husband, I made such a big stink about it when I got back and started to a huge dramatic fight, the biggest we’ve ever had. He has since then learned his lesson and knows to do his own parenting not call mommy when things get complicated.
You need to put your foot down. When a child is crying, there is no calling other people, YOU figure out a way to calm YOUR own child. Period.
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If your husband can’t take care of his own child, that’s on him. Babies do best when they feel safe. I’d have questions about why baby doesn’t feel safe when they’re alone.
Why is she over when you aren’t there?
Maybe if he focussed on the baby rather than double tasking on a call with his mother, he might have a chance of soothing the baby. Just saying. 🤷