I’m not a virgin or “vanilla” by any means but I’ll never understand why so many men are obsessed with anal. Maybe I can’t understand why due to my own trauma surrounding anal, but even if I didn’t have trauma, I’d still probably be iffy towards trying it.
Is it because it’s painful for the woman? Or specific types of men want every sense of control over their partners and anal is included within that? Or a combination of both?
There are so many stories out there about men pushing women to try anal when that was something they were never comfortable with, and unfortunately that is what my trauma surrounding anal is. Which is the reason I’ll never understand why men are obsessed with it enough to push women into doing it.
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A question for the ages.
I’ve heard men say it’s a turn on to humiliate a woman that way, even if she fully consents it’s like shes lowering herself for him.
Personal theory: fetishization of female purity and cleanliness, she couldn’t be dirty anywhere
or just the regular “it’s taboo so it’s hot” thinking
I’ve also met men who weren’t interested in it at all.
I’ve also met men who enjoyed having things in their ass.
It’s varied.
Human relationships are complicated as is the interpersonal politics of sex.
There is a difference between wanting to try it and forcing it on the other person. There is a difference between enjoying it and being obsessed with it.
I don’t get it and it grosses me out
When I was a teenager I found this true, but now as a woman in my 30s I find that my thoughts/desires outweigh most men I’ve dated! A lot of my married girlfriends agree lol
I’m not but my gf asked for it, and then stopped asking for it and it did not matter to me. It did not feel any different, somewhat more exotic but mainly just more complicated due to the need for lubrication and a strong desire to thoroughly clean my junk afterwards.
Porn.
When I was a prostitute, long-term clients would start to beg for anal. Porn has conditioned men to not understand that if a woman doesn’t spend an hour on douching beforehand, *there is poop in the butt*.
I would always accept just because it only takes 1 instance of them experiencing the reality of the situation and getting shit on their dick to never pester about it again.
I’ve heard many men say it’s because it’s humiliating/degrading and it makes them feel like a super special boy if a woman is willing to be degraded like that for him
I think the men who are obsessed with anal despite their partners not wanting it are sick in the head and dick.
They want one sided sexual pleasure. They want the power that comes with being able to cause serious and permanent bodily damage and pain to their sex partner. They want that psychological and emotional control over another person where that person is willing to go through excruciating pain for their pleasure. They want their partner to voluntarily give up their personhood to become an object to be used. They want to be able to brag about it too.
Some women like it….. and some men like to see their women fully enjoying themselves. 🤷♀️
My husband personally never pressured me and never acted like he liked it, until he revealed he felt weird asking or pushing for it – meanwhile I’m like, “is there something wrong with me that this feels good?!”
Since that discovery …. We’ve both leveled up 😅
We are in our 40s…
I think the reasons really vary from man to man, but from my own experience (I’m nonbinary AFAB), the sensation is very different compared to vaginal penetration and can sometimes be much tighter and more intense. I personally enjoy a bit of anal play when I feel up to dealing with the necessary cleanup and chances of yuck happening. I don’t indulge often due to the likelihood of a mess, and will only do it when I’m masturbating to spice things up for myself. I
When you pop a tampon in your vagina, or use a toy, you may notice that the muscles generally want to gradually push things out if you take pressure off too soon (like not putting a tampon applicator in quite deep enough for the tampon to sit properly). The vagina is generally designed to push things out, both from a microbial standpoint and from a reproductive standpoint. That provides a feeling of resistance when you’re having vaginal sex with someone with a penis.
When it comes to anal penetration, once the sphincter is penetrated – either because you’re having a good time back there, or if you need to use medical suppositories – and whatever you’re putting in there is past that initial ring of muscle, the body draws those things inward (hence so many “uh oh” situations in hospitals). The anus and colon are designed to only release and let things come out of them when you’re using the bathroom and relaxing/bearing down with your pelvic floor, which is why it’s so common to poo during childbirth. When you’re not consciously bearing down, the anus tightens up and keeps things safely inside of the rectum until it’s time to do your business, and that has a different sensation on a penis if it’s in there.
But again, the motives for anal-obsessed men can also be rooted in the taboo nature of it, porn, and sadly, because it can be so painful/uncomfortable for their partners when done hastily or improperly, or on a partner that just isn’t predisposed toward enjoying it at all. Trust in your partner can also play a major role, too. But there are plenty of people out there that very much enjoy anal sex, too, and so the motivation for it really just depends on the individual situation. Most men in the wild have no idea that porn stars that do anal have to eat a very specific diet day-of filming, have to prep with enemas, and generally do whatever they can to keep the area squeaky clean to avoid an icky mess when their partner(s) pull out on camera. I’ve known straight cismen that absolutely freaked the hell out when their partner consented to anal, only to find a surprise on their penis when they first pull out, as if they completely forgot what that hole is actually designed for -_-
My husband has never been very interested in it. He honestly seems grossed out by it. I brought it up before and we tried it once a long time ago when drunk, we both agreed it’s not our thing lol
Also: Is there something that can be done to make them NOT be so obsessed with it?
I once had a guy I’d never met walk up and tell me he’d been looking at my butt and it was great and he wanted to have sex with it. Not me, it. I told him I don’t do that. He looked sad and asked if I meant never. I said I did. Then he went away. (Weird that guy understood consent better than a lot of other men do.)
I see where someone who worked as a prostitute has said that after a man gets feculence on his penis he’s less interested in anal sex, but I’m kind of hoping for a way of dissuading them that doesn’t involve doing something I don’t want to do, or sending them to a prostitute for them to try it and decide they don’t like it.
What else are you supposed to do after putting your tongue there
My husband said.. umm.. poop comes out of there. No thanks
Could just be as simple as FOMO. They want to experience something they think must be awesome.
Porn…at least in my experience.
Can’t stand anal ugh. For me at least, sex shouldn’t hurt that bad lolol
A lot of the other answers have covered other bases so I’ll throw this one out there for more variety of answer; if it was something they experienced young with earlier partners or some of their best or most compatible sexual partners then it becomes something that they expect, have normalized, and miss when it’s absent from a intimate relationship. This can be true of any act that scratches an itch.
Some sexual relationships can be very varied and explorative, so once something has been on the menu once, they think that it’s served everywhere. It was fairly normalized in my longest relationships but it was never ever about discomfort, pain or taboo. We tried it out, both enjoyed, and so continued. That was really it.
I think the bigger issue that OP experienced and a lot of relationships need to address is pressuring people into something instead of discussing it as a boundary. Anything done to the discomfort and displeasure of one individual is going to mark the experience as reprehensible and set a negative expectation for it from that point forward in stark contrast to my original point.
Personally I really enjoy it, it feels awesome for me. And my bf likes to see me enjoy myself! I’m grateful that he has never pushed me to do it. Guys that constantly push their gf’s to do anything they’re not comfy with are honestly just assholes, they only care about their own pleasure and don’t care about how their partner feels. For me, I’m only able to enjoy it so much bc my bf is a great partner and does anal the right way, and makes me feel safe & cared for.
It took a while for it to take off, but now my wife prefers to regular PIV. Although she demands getting clit stimulation at the same time.
Why? It’s fun, it’s pleasurable, it’s exciting, it’s visually pleasing, it’s taboo yes, it feels tight. It doesn’t mean it’s the only thing. PIV is good. Oral is good. Honestly we might as well go “why do you like seeing a woman/man in certain clothes” or something, like, there isn’t a right or wrong if you just feel good about it, and anal sex is a pretty actionable one as far as kinks go.
No one has to do it. But it’s important that couples have compatible views about it.
I enjoy it (orgasm) and don’t find it degrading for that reason. It’s all about intent. I’ve had partners not at all interested. No one should be pushing it on you though. It’s way too much prep for anyone not super into it tbh. PIV is still king
I’m not into it at all. Why do all that prep work when there is a perfect place to have sex an inch and a half away?
I do agree that for many men, especially straight men, that it comes from a place of domination and control, but I gotta say as a (albeit queer) man, I just have an uzumaki like obsession with Butts. Anal can be safe and fun for all involved, and should be totally de stigmatized for all, at the same time, we really need to get rid of the cultural expectation that men place on women that they need to be willing to do anal. Or anyone to do any sexual act, if someone finds something, painful, icky or whatever their reason, they don’t have an obligation to gratify you in that way
Buy a strapon and make his fantasies come true
My boyfriend asked about it. I told him okay because he’s my forever person.
But I told him that we needed a lot of lube and we would get poop on the bed. He changed his mind.
because it’s degrading and it turns them on to degrade women
Okay I have a genuine answer here from my bisexual friend… He basically describes it as such (this was a conversation we had a couple yrs ago lol):
>Vagina is like a warm hug and you feel a similar pressure all over, while anal is like trying to roll an elastic band over your dick but it’s about 5 sizes too small…..
So the verdict is it just compresses completely differently, some dudes just prefer the feeling. Ironically it’s not always shared.
I also learned calves are the gay man’s boobs, from this same conversation.
They consume a lot of porn. Also, for some of them, the fact that the woman doesn’t want to do it is more of a draw.
Honestly, from the jokes in TV shows and everything, it REALLY seems like it being painful/uncomfortable is a part of it for some of them.
There is no man involved in my relationship so I don’t think it’s only men who are obsessed. I’ve been with other women, my wife has been with other women, and neither of us really had any interest when we met. One night we were using tongues, then fingers, then toys, and now it’s a whole new world and I can say we are both obsessed. Nothing dominating as far as I can tell, there’s just something that feels great about her using toys and fingers in both at the same time. Just a “filled” feeling that is hard to describe but great?
Edit: I’m sure taboo is part of it, we both like erotica that bends the rules.
Porn has normalized it
Porn, selfishness and yeah, I do fear a lot of these men want to cause women pain and like pushing their boundaries. They do see it as degrading and humiliating. So there is an element of sadism and control to it. There’s other lighter reasons people will bring up, sure. But men so obsessed with it that they will be pushy about aren’t really worth giving the benefit of a doubt to.
Like let’s be real, if they respected you even a little bit, they would not push you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
So on that note, the second a man starts pushing your boundaries or pressure you to do something uncomfortable, dump him in the trash where he belongs. I promise you, no man that’s worth it would ever be pushy about your boundaries.
My husband says it’s just another hole; different but not necessarily more pleasurable for him. It’s the taboo for him.
So sick of “vanilla” being a thing too, for that matter. Incredibly patriarchal.
I’ll only ever let a man penetrate my ass if he lets me penetrate his.
Any guy who is uncomfortable and weird having something up his ass has no business asking other people to let him do the same to them.
That being said, this only applies to guys who have never tried it. If you’ve tried it and it’s not to your preference, then fair. I just hate men who get all fucking weird about it but then want others to do it for him.
I only tried Anal last year for the first time and it was, ok. Nothing special in my opinion. The person I tried it with loved anal and she said that when she mentioned it to guys, she felt that they were less enthusiastic about it. She suspected it was because she wanted it, and it was not something they had to convince her to do.
have we all had a shitty ex who begged for anal? i always said no, and then one time he did it anyways. it was horrible.
Honestly everytime a man ask me about it when we r dating, ill just ask if i can peg them first and they stop fantasising about it. Ig it doesnt help that im like petite and asking to peg em…..
I can say: my partner likes it partly because it’s taboo, partly because he’s an “ass man” and I’m sure there are other reasons we haven’t discussed. It is absolutely not because of pain or subjugation in any way. The man wants to lick my butthole, which does nothing for me sexually, and would stay down there however long I’d allow him to.
I like it because it feels different and allows better/different toy use. It’s always been fully consensual and never happened not on my terms. So it’s not a control thing. It’s just an option on the sexual smorgasbord we both enjoy, so occasionally we do.
I’ve met a lot of men who aren’t into anal sex at all just to put that out there.
Tbh I think a lot of guys think girls would like it bc they would like it themselves. Maybe not full on sex but definitely something up there . That is where their prostate is.
Pushing to something someone doesn’t want is never okay though. Only experienced that once. Most men have never pushed me to do something I don’t want to. But that is my theory on why some men are so obsessed
Going to throw in another bit of perspective as a bit of a self-identified slut who enjoys anal… I’ve found there’s a decent percentage of men who are into anal who aren’t really into anal. Like, guys I’ve talked to about hooking up and who asked and seemed excited when I said yes, and then when we were actually together… they didn’t end up trying it. And it’s totally fine for things to be just a fantasy, and maybe you don’t realize something is a fantasy until you actually have the opportunity to play it out. For these men, I’d say it’s probably the taboo/curiosity that draws them in. I’m curious how it’d feel to do a number of things with a dick, and I don’t even have one. But it also might be the fantasy of causing pain or humiliation, but then realize that’s not what they actually want to do.
There are guys who feel it’s extra intimate– because it’s engaging with someone in a more taboo activity, because it’s an experience they’ve had with other people, because they feel there’s additional trust in trying something new, especially when it may hurt– not because it may hurt, but because their partner is willing to navigate it with them to see if it can be enjoyable and doesn’t see them as someone who would personally want to hurt them.
I mostly have casual sex, so these are more perspectives I’ve heard from others, but I have had some experiences within this. Also a guy who didn’t want to do anal because he explained that it was more emotionally meaningful to him and that’s…not what we were about.
Then there are guys who use it for degradation within a consensual BDSM context. Like a guy I was with recently had plenty of degrading things to say during, and then afterward was talking about how he had a recent play partner who was exploring it with him, and he stopped because she was struggling to relax, and– especially as the more experienced one with that kind of sex– he knew it was just going to hurt her if he kept going, and it’s fun because it can feel good to both people.
And yeah, there are guys who are really jerks about it– misogynistic and otherwise. And I have found that my preferred way to avoid actually doing it with people into it for those reasons is to limit my interest to those who have also been anally penetrated themselves. (I’ll consider it in anyway but prefer the experience they had was “by a dick,” because it is different and because I love queer men.)
And porn. (And media in general, honestly; it’s not a rare joke for a sitcom for a guy to imply something about it.) Things that are heavily normalized in porn can make people think not even that those are things they’d like to do, but things they should like or should be doing. And this can fucking suck to be on the receiving end of; I’ve been really annoyed with guys who think it’s okay to just put their hands on my neck when there hasn’t been any conversation around that– I’m not into breath play, light choking, any of that, at all, and it can be really dangerous, so don’t just fucking assume– but that’s my own rant.
Honestly, anal isn’t supposed to hurt. I don’t know about men (I am a lesbian), but anal in general is very pleasurable, if done right. Most people don’t know how to do it right. Just wanted to clear up some info.
At the risk of going off on a tangent, what’s wrong with being “vanilla”? When did sex become competitive?
As a woman, and I get i might be in the minority here, but if done right, meaning with full consent, proper hygiene etiquette and some straight talk (pm me if you want to know what i mean) and with someone who ACTUALLY knows how to do anal, it is really effing awesome.
It’s a different sensation and feels good. But before that it was absolutely a taboo thing.
The stories of people doing it regardless of their partners wishes is disgusting. That’s a sure fire way of ensuring they don’t enjoy it plus who the fuck doesn’t get consent for things?!
Not obsessed. Sometimes my wife suggests it, sometimes I ask. We always use lots of lube to prep. It’s fun and different once in a great while.
Porn. Mostly porn. They see it in porn and want it.
everyone here is super right with what they’ve said but haven’t seen this mentioned yet, it was true in the case of an ex of mine: he had a horrendous porn addiction (1TB+ of porn downloaded) and death grip syndrome to the point that he could barely feel any sexual act that wasn’t anal. i hated it and he would try and coerce me into it constantly.
Because that is where THEIR pleasure center is
Porn Rot
Because of porn x taboo.
Porn puts anal in most scenes nowadays, and it creates a bias in mens head making them believe that it’s a common way to have sex, that everyone does and enjoy it.
Then they start thinking “why not me?!”
Too much porn consumption mix that with their out of touch with reality = recipe for disasster
All men are secretly gay
It’s porn.
I used to work in the industry.
Anal in porn is nothing like anal in real life. Performers will fast 24hours before a shoot to avoid mess (not from a dirty anus, but from the release causes by the act itself which is common);
They enema on set multiple times so their lower digestive tract is completely empty.
Then they stretch off camera to make penetration easier. Then we cut out the farts, pauses and accidents.
Net result a generation who knows nothing about anal sex but thinks they do and are into it. There’s a reason it’s okay to lick an asshole on a porn set and not okay after a meal on Valentine’s Day.
As people have often pointed out, sex on camera is stunt work. It’s as real as the fights in action movies are.