So my friend and I were talking about celebrity gossip and she told me how Cardi B is pregnant. I mentioned that I’m happy for her and she has the resources to give a child a good life , but I wouldn’t advise the average Joe to have a baby with a man she’s been with less than a year. It’s one thing if she was on birth control and it failed but I wouldn’t advise a woman to have unprotected sex with no contraceptives with a man she’s been with less than year because you don’t know someone and you don’t want to tie yourself to someone for life that you don’t know. My friend told me that I sound judge-mental and I’m not a girls girl and she said I’m a misogynist…?
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How is protecting yourself misogynistic?
The term “girls girl” is a mean girl dogwhistle at this point. Dump her and tell her you’re on a mission to eradicate babies from the planet or something. Idk.
Ah yes, relationship role models from people who have more dollars than sense.
Telling a woman to make sure she has stability in her relationship before reproducing with someone is being a girl’s girl. Like don’t screw up your life for a guy you barely know.
In my mind, being a girls’ girl means supporting your ladies, which in no way equates to agreeing with them on everything and supporting everything they do.
My best friends will give it to me straight. That’s support of the highest order.
So could it be that your friend got pregnant with a guy she’s with less than a year and didn’t tell you and now she’s getting defensive? Cuz maybe she doesn’t know what she’s talking about with girl’s girl, and misogynistic cuz that’s far from it
Your friend “isn’t like the other girls”, which we know isn’t a compliment. There’s nothing wrong with not falling in line with someone whose opinions are motivated by the desire for male attention.
Might need to double check that friends list….. oof. WTF?
It is not being a misogynist to say that taking on a huge responsibility should be done responsibly.
The Book of Common Prayer (I’m Episcopalian) says that marriage “is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately,” and it seems to me that parenthood is an even bigger deal than getting married.
Cardi B is probably well positioned to raise kids alone without much trouble (if she has to leave, it won’t be that hard). It’s not as easy for, in your words, the average joe.
I think your friend lacks nuance.
Call me judgmental.
No, you are correct and have the right approach. The problem is that sane responses are not welcomed in an insane world. Don’t worry, you are on the right side, the minority usually is. 🙂
You are totally correct, but I guess I just wouldn’t bring it up that way in that conversation. Like, it does sound a little judgmental only because you insert discussion of random women getting pregnant without resources into a conversation about a celebrity pregnancy. It is awfully heavy and not really in the spirit of where she was coming from.
I feel like that’s actually like a great example of a “girls girl” ??
No that’s the definition of a girl’s girl. You’re here to say “watch who you get chained to for life”
That’s just giving smart life advice. Like yes guys should pay their child support and be good partners, but they don’t and it can be expensive to get them to do their part.
I tell girls to never take an open beverage at a frat – not because I don’t believe in punishing offenders, but because it’s a hard fucking process to prosecute and it’s better to take preventative steps in a painful broken world.
Your friend is a dope.
Oof, do you think it’s something she herself is contemplating? It would explain her reaction if she feels judged.
Your advice is good advice. Cardi B can easily care for a child even if the dad isn’t able to be included or just doesn’t want to be. And many women can’t afford it. If they wind up tied to the guy for 18 years which sucks if he’s not a good person.
How is that misogynistic? Death by an intimate partner is still the #1 cause of death in pregnancy (in the USA). You don’t even know what they are like once the honeymoon phase is over, because your in it 6 months-18 months
It is absolutely being a girl’s girl to caution a woman from stepping in front a train. FWIW, I was an unmarried mom 30 years ago. Finances were tough then. I can’t imagine doing it now. I also did it without a nitwit ex trying to control me through my kid. I’ve known many single moms who were not so lucky.
I don’t think your friend knows what misogyny is.
Your friend doesn’t sound very practical.
Does she understand what a misogynist is? 🤔
Just like often on this sub, sometimes auto supportive is expected otherwise emotional backlash is given. It’s one of the most toxic traits that we exhibit to each other. Support should be given with wisdom, and not with default deterrence to the supportee’s decisions.
Seems very girls girl to me – don’t fuck up your life & your kids life over some loser you don’t really know
Like the other person who got downvoted and intentionally misinterpreted, I also wonder if your friend had a problem not with the content of what you said but how you said it.
I’d compare it to someone who’s into the health benefits of vegetables. Good, common sense belief. But if they only bring it up when they see a fat person, and suddenly they’re monologueing about a vegetables, that matters. They’re both correct about vegetables and they’re being judgemental and phobic.
If you’re only announcing your beliefs about what women should do when you see a woman minding her own business who’s ‘done it wrong,’ then your friend is a good friend to point this out to you. It’s an easy enough habit to change.
I notice that your friend didn’t actually argue against what you said– that’s probably because their problem is how you said it.
Op how much experience does this person have with living?
Sounds like about as much as a pinky fingernail. I wouldn’t worry about her at all.
Misogynism is a word that is used way too often. You are reasonable. Thank you for that. More and more people let their emotions speak and don’t use their brain to have reasonable thoughts to evaluate something properly.
You are right and wanting to become pregnant is a decision for a lifetime you never make just like that.
You have common sense. She doesn’t.
You are the definition of a girl’s girl
I was talking to a little pro-life B on instagram earlier this year who was arguing a bunch of stupid points about her child and how grateful she is , + her own mother “almost” had an abortion, yada yada.
Once she said that I wasn’t a “girls girl” I fucking annihilated her and I believed we stopped speaking to each other after that.
Also, I’m sorry, your friend sounds kind of dull or like she isn’t following the conversation/ making secure life choices. Don’t feel bad for what you said. Don’t over-explain yourself either. #wtf
This seems like BEING a girl’s girl. Making sure your girls don’t make poor decisions like that will save them from a lifetime of struggle and heartbreak not just for them but for their child.
Yeah being a girls girl does mean supporting other women – but good support isn’t blind.
I find my best friend to be very supportive and one of the most important things about our friendship is that I trust her to tell me when I’m making a bad decision.
Nothing you said was unreasonable. Most people do not have the same resources as a celebrity.
People are free to do as they please. But you are also allowed to have an opinion. It seems like your friend struggles with nuance.
‘Not a girls girl’ has NOTHING to do with having a different opinion on what’s a smart move.
It’s about sabotaging other women, either with specific actions (like going after her partner, spreading rumours or setting her up to fail an interview), or by making her question her worth or sanity.
I don’t think it’s likely that anyone born in the USA 2015 and later will have a good life. I am not counting being a successful happy Nazi as being a good life.