My daughter has become increasingly fussy around food. I cook regular normal food and we have someone to cook for us due to my health issues. We are on a tight budget and I like high quality ingredients so the food we eat Im grateful I can still provide a high quality diet ie free range lots of good produce and healthy snacks. Anyway tonight things came to a head and I reached my limit when I made mash potato, greens and chicken schnitzel and she came to dinner saw the mash started screaming out of no where that she can’t even look at dinner, it is disgusting looks like vomit. She tasted one tiny bite of chicken schnitzel she has had before and ate fine and said she can’t do it. I absolutely reached my limit I told her todays meal and yesterdays is going to come out of her pocket money and for the next week she is completely responsible for all her meals & I am not cooking a thing for her. Breakfast, lunch and dinner including snacks. She’ll be responsible for cooking, cleaning after herself the lot of it. I got her to spend some time on the supermarket app budgeting and planning her meals for the next week. AITA? I want to teach her life lessons on the value of food, how much it costs and how much effort goes into cooking, prepping and cleaning. She 13 for context and this has been a recent on going issue.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My daughter has become increasingly fussy around food. I cook regular normal food and we have someone to cook for us due to my health issues. We are on a tight budget and I like high quality ingredients so the food we eat Im grateful I can still provide a high quality diet ie free range lots of good produce and healthy snacks. Anyway tonight things came to a head and I reached my limit when I made mash potato, greens and chicken schnitzel and she came to dinner saw the mash started screaming out of no where she can’t even look at dinner, it is disgusting looks like vomit tasted one tiny bite of chicken schnitzel she has had before and ate fine and said she can’t do it. I absolutely reached my limit I told her todays meal and yesterdays is going to come out of her pocket money and for the next week she is completely responsible for all her meals & I am not cooking a thing for her. Breakfast, lunch and dinner including snacks. Cooking them cleaning after herself the lot of it. She spent half an hour in the supermarket app budgeting and planning her meals. AITA? I want to teach her life lessons on the value of food how much it costs and how much effort goes into cooking, prepping and cleaning. She 13 for context and this has been a recent on going issue.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am i the asshole for making my teen be responsible for all her food prep, purchase and clean after continual food refusal and disrespect
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but watch out for eating disorder. The kids mask it in various ways “it is disgusting” is one of them. Just watch how much she is eating and if it regularly sums up as roughly less then 2300-2500 calories a teenage girl should eat, you need to react.
It may end up unsolvable clusterfuck if parents dont notice for too long.
If my 13 year old daughter suddenly had an aversion to food, I would try and talk to her about her emotions. I wouldn’t have such a punitive response.
Being a young teenager is a very emotional experience. Your body is changing and you are being bombarded with images of what a “perfect” body looks like. It’s possible that she’s simply dealing with stress or could be developing an eating disorder.
We may never know because you immediately went to punishing her instead of talking to her.
YTA- this is a pretty extreme approach. A parents job is to provide for their children, that includes food. I understand she’s being picky but forcing her to pay you back for food and then buying her own food for the week is ridiculous and selfish.
There has got to be some steps in between this. You could try to make a grocery list together, take her to the store and have her pick out some snacks, have her cook alongside you. Forcing her to pay you for food, definitely NOT okay.
NTA
I understand the fears of eating disorders at this age and all of that, but it isn’t unfair of you to tell her to cook for herself for a week. Maybe she learns the value of having someone cook for you, maybe you find some new menu/foods that work better for your daughter. As long as you aren’t riding her constantly, it might be a good experiment to see how it goes.
I completely understand where your coming from, you’ve made an amazing meal off of a tight budget and all you want is for your daughter to be happy and grateful. …….
Slightly unreasonable from a teenager given their attitudes and I also worry being a girl in regards to restricting eating.
When your feeling calmer do reflect on what’s going on. Being responsible for their own food isn’t outrageous. Being kind and respectful when dinner isn’t something that they like is reasonable and also being aware of their cutting back on calories is also your job as a mum.
Good luck !
NTA. She must learn to respect her parents and understand the sacrifices they go through!
Okay, damn, two questions: Could your daughter be developing an eating disorder? And has her body started changing due to puberty? Because even if it isn’t an eating disorder, waking up one day and realizing that your favorite pants doesn’t really fit you anymore can throw you off, especially if you haven’t gotten any taller. And depending on what information she has about puberty she might not have put 1+1 and gotten 2, but ended up with 3 instead.
Nta. Its a great plan and learning. She has to learn respect
NTA Sounds like you’re still supporting her by showing her how to plan properly etc. She’s old enough to learn some basic life skills. But please make sure she eats what she buys/cooks because 13 is the perfect age for eating disorders…
NTA. Too many comments from people who’ve never had a 13 year old daughter. Sometimes a reality check is what’s necessary.
Going by your post you have health issues so I can imagine that cooking every night is very hard.
It’s possible that your daughter is feeling embarrassed by your illness and is using your cooking to ‘get back at you’. No, it doesn’t make sense but teenagers often act in ways that seem irrational to adults but make perfect sense to them. Give it a week or ten days then try to talk to her.
YTA because you snapped and lashed out at a child. You’re supposed to be an adult. If you get upset go calm down before you design a life lesson so it doesn’t come out as you just punishing her out of anger. The sitting down part came way too late and you making it about your side of the issue is just wrong. Try finding out her side of things for god’s sake.
The way you’re going about this is going to damage your relationship. You’re not trying to be a supportive person she can talk to about her issues. You’re teaching her that if she has a problem, you will overreact and make it into a giant punishment half-assed dressed up to be a life lesson.
To be honest it sounds like the start of an eating disorder.
She’s about the age when this may start.
Take a breath and see if you can have a nonjudgmental discussion.
NTA at all! It’s actually great parenting, in my opinion. She is not too young to handle this.
NTA. She’s being a brat and it’s time to nip it in the bud.
It will be good for her to learn the work and money that goes into putting food on the table, so a week of meal prep seems like a fitting lesson.