I was at a tourist attraction last month, and I keep thinking about this interaction and wondering if I did something wrong without realizing it.
The scene: a busy ladies bathroom in a fully air-conditioned building (one of the buildings you can get ice cream and such at this tourist attraction). The line for the bathroom is out the door, into the main part of the building. Ladies were standing in the doorway, actively holding the door open. (It’s not like there was a door stop holding it open.)
The problem: I needed to change my disabled 4 year old’s diaper, and the only changing table was right in line of the bathroom door. I realized this entire building (dozens, maybe even 100 people) could see straight into the bathroom where I was changing my daughter. I asked the women standing by the door to close it for my daughter’s privacy. She’s 4! Yes she’s still wearing diapers, and yes she might look like a baby to some people because she’s small, but cognitively, she’s 4! It’s bad enough that we have to change diapers out in the open of bathrooms at all but I understand a diaper change can take up a stall for the time 2 or 3 people could pee. So it makes sense to put them outside of a stall when space is limited.
But these women were upset about me asking them to close the door? It was a fully air conditioned building, and there was space to move fine if someone needed to come in or out…
Am I missing something here? Why would a group of women want so badly to hold a public bathroom door open? Why were they in a huff when I said “I’m about to change my child’s diaper, and the changing table is right here in sight of the door – can we just not stand with it wide open for a few minutes?”
Maybe they thought I was asking them to not let anyone IN until I was done. I feel like that would have been a crazy request though! That’s absolutely not what I meant.
So was I TA to ask for the door to just not be held open?
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I was at a tourist attraction last month, and I keep thinking about this interaction and wondering if I did something wrong without realizing it.
The scene: a busy ladies bathroom in a fully air-conditioned building (one of the buildings you can get ice cream and such at this tourist attraction). The line for the bathroom is out the door, into the main part of the building. Ladies were standing in the doorway, actively holding the door open. (It’s not like there was a door stop holding it open.)
The problem: I needed to change my disabled 4 year old’s diaper, and the only changing table was right in line of the bathroom door. I realized this entire building (dozens, maybe even 100 people) could see straight into the bathroom where I was changing my daughter. I asked the women standing by the door to close it for my daughter’s privacy. She’s 4! Yes she’s still wearing diapers, and yes she might look like a baby to some people because she’s small, but cognitively, she’s 4! It’s bad enough that we have to change diapers out in the open of bathrooms at all but I understand a diaper change can take up a stall for the time 2 or 3 people could pee. So it makes sense to put them outside of a stall when space is limited.
But these women were upset about me asking them to close the door? It was a fully air conditioned building, and there was space to move fine if someone needed to come in or out…
Am I missing something here? Why would a group of women want so badly to hold a public bathroom door open? Why were they in a huff when I said “I’m about to change my child’s diaper, and the changing table is right here in sight of the door – can we just not stand with it wide open for a few minutes?”
Maybe they thought I was asking them to not let anyone IN until I was done. I feel like that would have been a crazy request though! That’s absolutely not what I meant.
So was I TA to ask for the door to just not be held open?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked for the door to be closed. I guess maybe they thought I was asking for them to not let anyone in while I changed my daughter’s diaper? I’m not sure. From their reaction, it sure seemed like they thought it was an AH move.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, these people are giving the same energy as not letting people off the bus before they get on. Some people think that standing on top of others gets them seen to sooner. Your child’s dignity trumps their attitude.
NTA. I think if a public toilet has an external door in addition to the stall doors, that external door should be kept shut.
You are asking something of strangers. There is a difference between:
Your “can we just not stand with it wide open for a few minutes?”
And an alternative “Excuse me, I need to change my daughter here. (Pointing) would you mind if I close the door for a few minutes so she can have some privacy. (Pointing to the common area) thank you so much.”
Your tone from the get go is “are you stupid?!” And that won’t result in strangers complying with a request.
YTA. Not because you wanted the door closed, but how you treated others in your attempt to get your goal met.
This is an example of the breakdown of civility in our culture these days. We observe something we believe should be common sense for others, and instead of approaching people with politeness, we start off in a biting tone which just stirs up people’s defensiveness. Then, when we complain about it, everyone ignores the rude behavior and goes directly to judging wether the ask was reasonable. In this case, obviously it was. But that’s not an excuse for not just approaching people in friendly ways with requests.
NTA. No matter the purpose of the external door or the air conditioning level, you asked for a moment of privacy, which would have cost them nothing.
NAH. Your request was reasonable but as another commentor pointed out, your wording was accusatory instead of polite.
NTA. Asking for the door to be shut so your 4yo isn’t on display isn’t outrageous. People act like closing a door for two minutes is some massive inconvenience, but you were just asking for basic privacy
ESH there’s a saying “it is what it is” . For whatever reason, the door was going to be open. I’m not sure why the door was open. You had a special need , you reasonably didn’t want to risk your child being seen by perverts walking by the restroom. the 100 women didn’t think that was a worry (my guess maybe because there’s 100 of them helping you watch the kid)
Why would people be upset? Because many (most?) people are unreasonable AHs.
Sounds like miscommunication, they didn’t know exactly what you meant (like you said yourself) and you probably then got a little angry for them not complying or understanding. This could probably have gone better if communicated better.
YTA. The request doesn’t really make sense. The line is going to keep moving, and unless you’re going to ask every single new person at the front of the line, it’s just not going to happen. Stalls also open up all the time and then people wash their hands, check their hair, fix their makeup. So now you have a bunch of empty stalls and no moving line because people can’t see whats happening inside.
It was a bad setup and I fully understand why you’re upset about that, but it’s not really a reasonable ask in a public space
NTA. I’ve run into a similar situation at festivals where bathrooms were in a large hall or separate outbuildings.
Nobody has ever had a problem closing the main door for a bit. Kids and babies deserve privacy and respect too.
YTA its not their responsibility to accommodate you. It was a busy public bathroom. Stay home next time if you cant handle your daughter. Potty train them
I’m leaning a bit ESH because holding the door open for the line is common practice and, honestly, nobody is all that interested in what’s going on in a crowded bathroom beyond getting to pee before having an accident.
NTA. Those women were weird.