My brother (25M) lost his job 4 months ago. At first I helped him out because I thought he was trying to find new work. But last week I realized he hasn’t even applied anywhere, he just plays video games all day. Now he’s demanding I cover his rent again “because family helps family.” I told him no. Our parents are calling me selfish and saying he’ll be homeless if I don’t step in. I make decent money but I’m saving for my own future. AITA for putting my foot down?
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My brother (25M) lost his job 4 months ago. At first I helped him out because I thought he was trying to find new work. But last week I realized he hasn’t even applied anywhere, he just plays video games all day. Now he’s demanding I cover his rent again “because family helps family.” I told him no. Our parents are calling me selfish and saying he’ll be homeless if I don’t step in. I make decent money but I’m saving for my own future. AITA for putting my foot down?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I refused to pay my brother’s rent even though I can afford it, and now he could end up homeless. Some people would say family should always help no matter what, and by saying no I might be abandoning him.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, never in the history of AITA has the one saying “family helps family” had the right of it.
NTA. He can get a job if he wants money.
NTA. Let your parents help him if they want.
NTA. “Family helps family”? So your parents can help your deadbeat brother.
Why is this even a question?
Absolutely NTA. You *have* helped family, but your brother is doing nothing to help himself so why should you put more effort into him than he’s doing for himself?
At 25, he’s a fully grown adult with experience in adulting. He needs to stand on his own two feet and take the consequences that are coming his way if he doesn’t stop leaching off his sibling and instead puts effort into finding a job.
NTA and if your parents are so worried he should move back home so they can support him.
It’s not your responsibility and it’ll affect your future, didn’t let dead shits family or not hold you back
Why will he be homeless are his parents really not gonna house their poor sweet child who has fallen on hard times?
NTA
“I have helped you. And while family may help family from time to time, family also doesn’t take advantage of family. And you’ve crossed over from needing help to taking advantage.”
NTA
You HAVE helped him – more than he has helped himself. It’s possible he lost his confidence/is a bit depressed. It’s also possible he just decided he doesn’t give an F. You also don’t say why he lost his job – could have been forces beyond his control or could have been his own poor work ethic.
Your parents are free to ‘help’ (enable) him all they want to and how they want to.
Your form of help can be (1) talk to him to get a sense if he needs some counseling support to help him shake off a negative mindset and (2) ask him what is holding him back from finding and applying for jobs. If you feel he just lost his way and could use a little encouragement, then you can support/facilitate him finding a therapist, offer to help him spruce up his resume/ cover letters. That kind of family support you can offer as your time permits.
If he’s just looking for someone to pay for his vacation from responsibilities, he needs to look elsewhere.
OP, your parents made him, they should be the ones to help him🙄. NTA. Hold firm.
“Family helps family, eh? Sounds familiar.
NTA.
You’ve floated him for months. It’s mom and dad’s turn now. After all, “family helps family.”
NTA
Parents can house him. Not your responsibility.
NTA, but your brother needs help. I was in that situation a long time ago. I made tons of money but worked so much it led to a total mental breakdown, and i ended up not working for over a year. Luckily I had the money to support myself, but it was the depression and sense of feeling lost that kept me from getting back in to the world for so long.
He needs to get some help, see a doctor, go outside, find some hobbies etc. It sounds like he’s in a depressive hole and video games have become his coping mechanism.
Stop falling for the fake posts people smh.
Family helps family They should take their son back into their home
You are an ah for posting it here .. bcos it’s obvious you are not
You are helping him. Giving him the kick in the ass he needs.
NTA
He’s not even looking for a job. Absolutely not!! He can move in with your parents.
NTA. You’re enabling, not helping. Your parents can help him if family helps family.
NTA. An idea: tell brother you won’t help him until he sells all his videogame consoles and games. It sounds like he has an addiction and he’s looking for ways not to have to work to live. Tell the family you’re practicing “tough love”.
No. Period.
NTA. If family helps family, he should pick up the slack.
NTA. If you give him all your money so he can play video games, YOU’LL be homeless.
He had four months and zero effort to show for it. Your parents can pay his bills.
Nope. Your parents can bail him out, but they’d just be enabling him
Well gee if that’s how parents feel they can pay it this month can’t they
If your parents think you are being selfish, ask them to put up his rent?!
Only a selfish AH would demand money from family while doing nothing to help their situation. You are not an ATM, NTA
You are being the opposite of an AH. He IS the AH.
NTA, he’s his own family, he can help himself.
Nta. I could see you potentially helping him if he was trying to find work and couldn’t. (Of course, you’re under no obligation whatsoever to do so). But absolutely not if he’s not even trying to do better. That’s just too much entitlement on him.
Offer to buy all his gaming equipment for the price of rent.
>Our parents are calling me selfish and saying he’ll be homeless if I don’t step in. I make decent money but I’m saving for my own future. AITA for putting my foot down?
He’ll be homeless if HE doesn’t step up. Why you should have greater responsibility for his rent than he does himself? Or perhaps your parents should stop being “selfish” and bail out their grown baby themselves.
Tell him Walmart, Home Depot, car washes, McDs, etc. are hiring.
“Family helps family” is the nose-scratch maneuver of ChatGPT.
NTA for not supporting deadbeats who share your bloodline, ever. Family helping family is a social contract in which both parties engage in mutual aid. Someone who takes without any compunction to balance the books has broken that contract.
NTA
NTA. Maybe your brother should move back in with your parents…if family helps family.
Oh cool your parents just volunteered to pay their deadbeat child’s rent or take him in.
NTA.
Suuuuurrre
>family helps family
Help being the key word here. Do for him is not the same. NTA
NTA. But don’t lose faith the light in the tunnel is here . Your parents shame you for being cruel and shout family help family . So they are primed and ready to help their child
Can we just ban any post that contains the phrase “family helps family”?