I’ve been living with my roomie since December. Every day she does makeup in the living room table, which is a common area I frequently use as well. Problem is that there has not been a single day where she picks up all of her stuff and take it into her room, and I’ve been doing it so. I’ve asked her and told her a thousand times to pick everything up, because otherwise I’m going to end up doing it, and I’m afraid of breaking something because I’m really, really clumsy. Today after 9 months it finally happened, I broke a small mirror which doesn’t look that expensive, but still broke something,and I knew it was gonna happen, but I had no choice because I needed to use the table. So I asked her please not to be mad because I’ve asked her and warned her many times before. And she just answered “Just pay it back”. Here comes the conflict, I told her I won’t be paying anything back, because I have asked her and warned her for 9 months in a row, and she has actively decided not to care, so I don’t think it’s fair, she became really angry and told me we are on for big trouble if I didn’t pay it back, and I answered her to bring it on then, because I still don’t think it’s fair. I’ve asked her hundreds of times to leave the table clean because it’s a shared common area
Am I the asshole for not paying back what I broke accidentally?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I’ve been living with my roomie since December. Every day she does makeup in the living room table, which is a common area I frequently use as well. Problem is that there has not been a single day where she picks up all of her stuff and take it into her room, and I’ve been doing it so. I’ve asked her and told her a thousand times to pick everything up, because otherwise I’m going to end up doing it, and I’m afraid of breaking something because I’m really, really clumsy. Today after 9 months it finally happened, I broke a small mirror which doesn’t look that expensive, but still broke something,and I knew it was gonna happen, but I had no choice because I needed to use the table. So I asked her please not to be mad because I’ve asked her and warned her many times before. And she just answered “Just pay it back”. Here comes the conflict, I told her I won’t be paying anything back, because I have asked her and warned her for 9 months in a row, and she has actively decided not to care, so I don’t think it’s fair, she became really angry and told me we are on for big trouble if I didn’t pay it back, and I answered her to bring it on then, because I still don’t think it’s fair. I’ve asked her hundreds of times to leave the table clean because it’s a shared common area
Am I the asshole for not paying back what I broke accidentally?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Declining to pay something I broke
2. Not paying something I did broke
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
One question: who owns the table in the living room?
NTA but I do think this will escalate if you don’t pay her back. What’s more important to you, your peace of mind and maintaining a civil relationship with your roommate or being right, proving your point?
You absolutely should not be cleaning up after her, that’s her job. She sounds a bit spoiled – used to people (possibly family) picking up after her, accomodating her.
In my opinion, the best course of action is to pay right now, then instead of picking up her stuff to clear the table, you ask her firmly whenever you want it cleared to do it herself , that you have already broken something and don’t want to cause more damage.
Consider changing roommates all together if this behaviour continues and she doesn’t improve.
NTA you asked her and warned her about the risk and she choose to accept that risk by leaving her stuff there. It is a shared space and in my mind that limits the expectation of security for items left there. if she bills you for the item send her a bill for cleaning up after her use minimum wage billed at a minimum of 30 min per time that you have to clean up after her.
NTA
If you deliberately leave your crap all over communal areas everyday and ignore reasonable requests to store it elsewhere then you don’t get to complain. If you cared so much about your stuff, you would put it away somewhere safe. Since the mirror breaking wasn’t intentional and she’s been given 9 months of warnings, the OP is NTA for deciding not to replace it. The roommate can consider this a consequence due to her inability to look after her stuff.
NTA but you said “bring it on”? What result do you want from this situation? You will still have to live with her even after this turns into a huge fight.
Can you explain how you “had no choice” to break the mirror “because [you] needed to use the table”?
NTA,
All the labour moving her junk is worth way more valuable than the mirror.
Info: Was her makeup occupying the entire table? Could it have been gently moved to one side of the table instead of you picking it all up and carrying it to her room? (Side note: Do you have her permission to be going into her room, even to place her items there?) Was there a closer safe place to place it so you didn’t risk being clumsy as you moved it into her room?
NTA- Pay the mirror back and hill her for everyday that you’ve had to play maid for her lack of consideration and respect.
Ugh your roommate is the asshole in general. NTA If she leaves her litter all over the place, she shouldn’t be surprised if her dollar store mirror breaks.
I need more context. What was her reaction to you asking her to move her stuff? Is there any possibility she has a serious problem with memory? This wouldn’t mean that it’s your responsibility but it indicates a deeper issue that you should probably talk to her about if she’s willing to have a conversation.
Going the other way, Is there a possibility that she wants you to break something and pay what she tells you it is (and it may be less than what she says) to get extra money?
i also find it strange that her reaction was to say you are “on for big trouble”. Does she do this often? has she shown what she means by this?