I have a super friendly dog who I like to take on walks around my neighborhood. I am introverted and work a very social job so I try to walk my dog and listen to music to decompress, and I’m a woman (24) and get pretty nervous walking alone anyway so I definitely practice stranger danger.
Today I was walking and like my dog frequently does he started wagging his tail as this older man was walking towards us. My dog is on a leash so I pull him back, the older man started walking towards us with his hand out and was asking if I lived nearby, probably innocent but I just did not want the conversation. I just politely said “oh don’t pet him we don’t want him getting overly excited around strangers” the old man got super Offended. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and people also seem super taken aback when O respond this way, so should I just suck it up, make small talk, and let people pet my dog or should I just carry on asking people not to pet him. My husband thinks I’m kind of an A-hole for that.
Also he is on a leash the people usually see him and come up not the other way around.
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I have a super friendly dog who I like to take on walks around my neighborhood. I am introverted and work a very social job so I try to walk my dog and listen to music to decompress, and I’m a woman (24) and get pretty nervous walking alone anyway so I definitely practice stranger danger.
Today I was walking and like my dog frequently does he started wagging his tail as this older man was walking towards us. My dog is on a leash so I pull him back, the older man started walking towards us with his hand out and was asking if I lived nearby, probably innocent but I just did not want the conversation. I just politely said “oh don’t pet him we don’t want him getting overly excited around strangers” the old man got super Offended. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and people also seem super taken aback when O respond this way, so should I just suck it up, make small talk, and let people pet my dog or should I just carry on asking people not to pet him. My husband thinks I’m kind of an A-hole for that.
Also he is on a leash the people usually see him and come up not the other way around.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not letting someone pet my dog even though he’s friendly 2) my dog is friendly and the stranger was probably just being nice
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta for not wanting someone to pat your dog but your logic is dumb which is probably why you get that reaction
NTA but maybe just say something like ‘he’s in training’. You don’t owe an explanation and this is vague enough most people should just back off.
As someone who LOVES interacting with dogs in public, I’d say you’re in a tricky spot. Your friendly dog obviously enjoys the interaction, as do many people who see that cute wagging tail. I understand your introversion makes it uncomfortable for you, but this approach passes the discomfort off to both your dog and the stranger. Totally your right to keep others away, but I feel a little bad for the dog, as well as the strangers who feel shut down for no obvious reason. Looks like either way, somebody’s gonna lose. Sorry about this situation you’re in. I’d still wanna pet your dog, though! 🤣
NTA, but if you’re walking around with a cute dog, people will continue to try to pet it. I’m sure this will get me some hate, but my advice is to suck it up when it’s daytime and you’re in a safe area. Not wanting to encounter strangers at night or in unsafe areas is a valid reaction, but telling everyone off that wants to pet your dog seems like overkill.
You’re prioritizing your comfort and safety, which is essential. It’s fine to set boundaries with strangers, even if they get offended. Trust your instincts; it’s not rude to protect yourself and your dog. Keep doing what feels right for you both without second-guessing.
My dog is tiny and cute and absolutely terrified of anyone reaching toward her. I had a hard time dealing with so many well meaning people who said “Oh, I know all about chihuahuas (while reaching for her head) but my dog’s psychiatrist (yes, she has one) said I need to prevent people from doing that because it leads to more fear and anxiety. I got her a sign that snaps onto her leash that says “I am very shy, please give me space” and it works like a charm. No one has tried it since. Even little kids respect it. So look on Etsy, maybe you could get one that says “I’m in training, please give me space” or something like that. It would probably be going to far to get one that says “My human needs space” but you might consider even that…
I’m old enough to be your mom. I had a guy come up to me and ask to pet my dog. Then he wanted to come over to my house. I had to go up to a couple walking down the street and pretend I knew them to get rid of him.
Had another guy want to pet my dog and then he asked me if I had ever thought of having sex with another woman. I was 30 minutes late for work because that’s how long it took to get rid of him.
Asking if you live nearby is either hitting on you or clueless, but it’s not okay regardless.
There is nothing wrong with crossing the street or doing whatever you need to do to not have to interact with people you don’t want to interact with. You don’t need a reason, and you don’t owe them an explanation.
You don’t owe people your time, your attention, or your dog’s time or attention. Your husband doesn’t get it and is a bit of an AH for not supporting you in this.
NTA
NTA, and this guy was over-stepping. People who like petting dogs know they might be temperamental, and respect a no.
This guy is someone who thinks a 20-something female needs to talk to him.
NTA but if your dog is anything like mine he gets legitimately sad when people pass by without saying hi to him.
No. You aren’t. People are really weird with dogs sometimes. It’s your dog. Not theirs. If they really want to pet a dog, they should pet one they know already/has an owner who is comfortable with it.
One rude or random person that comes up to pet your dog could turn your dog reactive. Imagine if someone hits your dog “playfully” or accidentally steps on its tail, now your dog is traumatized by people and becomes reactive?
It’s not worth the risk!!!!!
Not the asshole that’s a good thing you’re doing that you don’t want you’re dog to get to friendly to the wrong person
NTA. Your dog being friendly doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your social comfort.
Asking before petting someone’s dog is a matter of basic courtesy and, as with every request, “no” is an acceptable answer. And a complete one, you don’t have to explain it.
Just say he got exposed to fleas and you’re on the way to get him treated. That should cause people to step back.
I would probably just say before the people got close, come on Jasper or whatever and start to jog away. Especially since you have headphones on too. But, I guess if it’s really crowded you’d end up jogging the whole time! 😂
NTA, you don’t owe anyone your time nor explanation for not wanting to interact, and your dog is not public property. People are not entitled to him just because he’s friendly.
NTA. Sometimes I wonder why people feel so entitled to your time and energy. I use “resting bitch face” and my eyes straight ahead determined walking pace to discourage unwanted encounters. Another thing I’ve noticed: if your dog wears a muzzle, people assume it’s a biter and don’t approach it. A good one doesn’t bother the dog, and it might help deter people from believing they’re friendly/approachable.
NTA
You’re not responsible for catering to the entitlement of others.
Ask your husband why he thinks a woman walking alone should permit a rude man she doesn’t know cozy up to her dog…
I would say ‘oh he seems friendly , but he is a biter!’
NTA. There is literally no good reason for a person to get offended when you don’t want to let them pet your dog. It is completely fine to not want to interact with a stranger in public for whatever reason – you’re tired, you’re in a rush, you don’t like the cut of their jib, whatever. It’s fine.
Assuming you decline politely – which you did here – if someone gets offended that’s on them. Maybe they think they’re entitled to your attention, maybe they’re having their own bad day, maybe they were up to no good, who knows – but that’s not a you problem.
NTA. I have a very anxious dog who WANTS to interact with a lot of people, but once they get close she’s like “omg, nope. I changed my mind!” and she starts backing away and tries to hide behind me. Sometimes it is hard explaining to people that yes, she DOES want you to come up and say hi and to pet her…she’s just not able to actually allow you to.
NTA. No one pets my dogs unless they are inside my house as guests or family.
NTA. “He doesn’t like strangers” is what I always use. Never have gotten push back on this. Whether it’s true or not it’s the quickest way to get away which is my priority with strangers that make me uncomfortable. I’m very wary of anyone asking where I live. There were a few years where dognapping was a big deal where I live. If your husband wants to let strangers pet him he can do so when he walks him.
You shouldn’t have to lie, but maybe saying she’s a support animal in training would sound less rude. Or maybe getting her one of those vests that say please don’t touch support animal in training could make it easier to avoid talking to people. Just an idea but definitely NTA
NTA- I’m a dog walker. When we encounter anyone, I pull all the slack in the leash so the dog’s body is touching my leg, we cross the street or I stand several feet back from the sidewalk, and repeatedly tell the dog, “Leeeave it, leave it” and either look straight ahead or down at the dog. What’s so funny is that on the flipside, there are dog owners that get offended when people don’t want to interact with their dog. People are never satisfied. Edit: you are also keeping your dog safe. I am always trying to prevent freak accidents. The last thing I want is for my dog to get spooked, accidentally hurt someone, and then my dog has to suffer the consequences.
NTA
People get really entitled about dogs. They think all dogs should be available to them and get huffy when they’re not, as if the dog isn’t performing its function correctly. Anyone who gets upset for not being able tk pet your dog isn’t the kind of person you wanna talk to anyways
NTA. You don’t owe anybody access to you or your dog.
NTA I get where you’re coming from. All the dogs by my parents are friendly and my nieces have gotten used to running up on them. Our area has a lot of rescues and I would never run up on them. We’ve had to pull my nieces back several times and remind them they need to ask from a distance. I mean the one wanted to go over an knock on a person’s door and ask to per the dog even after the neighbor said that it was aggressive. Most recently we had to pull her back from what looked like a friendly but young dog. Reminded her she had to ask first. Guy was ok with it but he squatted down to keep his dog from bouncing too much and only let the interaction last a few minutes. He told my niece that the dog was still a puppy (1 yrish) and that he got too excited sometimes so she could only say high for a little bit. We were understanding of that little bit of contact but unfortunately most people get offended if you say yes to contact and then end it before they’re done with the interaction.
NTA. My GSD believes every person, animal, and object in the world wants to be his friend.
I am an introvert and hate people stopping me to ask about him or if they can pet him.
Ended up training him on a subtle hand signal to bark his head off and any time I see people making a line for me to ask about him, I give him the signal, he LOOKS and sounds terrifying, they veer off, and he thinks we just played a very fun game because I’m pleased with the outcome.
Edit: But also that’s legit what a trainer would tell you to say, you want your dog to be NEUTRAL toward strangers and allowing them to be excited can lead to frustration triggered reactivity when they get denied that access to “say hello” if they’re used to being able to go say hi and get all excited about it.
NTA. My parents taught me at a young age that there is absolutely NO REASON for a girl or woman to tell people her dog is friendly. No matter how friendly my dog may be, if a man approaches me on the street and asks if my dog is friendly, the answer is NO. Period.
A self aware, good and decent man would know that AND would not approach a woman by herself in the first place. (Much less ask her if she lives nearby! Wtf?) Keep your distance, dude. Now you’ve got an offended and potentially angry dude coming at you in public? Good men know better.
But, frankly, the reason you have or that I have does not/should not matter. You said no. You’re not comfortable. That’s the end of it. Your HUSBAND, of all frigging people, should be backing you up that 1) you want to decompress and not interact and 2) THAT YOU DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE. He should be your #1 advocate on this. But men don’t always think of that because their daily lives don’t usually involve the same kind of potential threats, the daily harassment, the walking with your keys between your knuckles, etc.
NTA people are entitled
“Sorry, no, I’m in a hurry.”
That’s in a hurry to get away from nosy people who don’t take no as an answer.
So of course NTA, however, I love dogs and ir they’re really close by I would definitely attempt to pet them but would never start talking to people because I really don’t want to talk to people and I know how it sometimes annoys me when people want to talk with me when I’m walking my dog.
Yes you are the asshole 100% if you know your dog is that friendly then walk on hours when less ppl around. U can be introverted but that doest mean u are not asshole in that case. Acting that way describing you in not the best way.
NTA.
Your dog might be friendly, but that does not mean you owe anyone access to him. A pet is your responsibility, not public property. People often feel entitled to touch dogs without asking, but it is perfectly reasonable for you to set boundaries, especially if you are uncomfortable with strangers approaching you.
You gave a polite excuse and did not insult the man. If he got offended, that is his problem. You are under no obligation to make small talk or let strangers interact with your dog just to keep the peace.
Your walks are for your decompression and your dog’s exercise, not for entertaining random neighbors. Stick to what makes you comfortable.
NTA. My dog loves pets and I don’t mind people petting her, but if I ask if I may pet someone’s dog and they say “better not” or “no thank you”, That Is That.
Next time just say “Please don’t pet my dog, Thanks!” and leave it at that – don’t go into “oh we don’t want him getting excited
Your husband is wrong. If you don’t want people petting your dog on walks, you’re not an asshole.
NTA. I struggle with this too! Sometimes you just wanna do the freaking walk.
Sometimes I say he’s got a sore spot so he’s been snapping at people and that always works.
Sometimes I point to my ear buds and keep walking at a brisk pace.
You could also try one of those “do not pet me” leashes!
NTA but maybe put a vest on him or something that says something like “working dog. Do not pet.” to ward off most people.
yta to the dog since as you say he enjoys having a fuss and meeting people
Nta and this has been my whole weekend. I am dog sitting a friends dog who went out of town then had some home emergency so the dog couldn’t be in his yard. I have to walk this dog since I don’t have a yard either and the amount of people who won’t take no for an answer, follow you around or get offended is crazy. Dog nutters are the worst. So many people letting their dog run up or walking up to us themselves. I have to tell them “it’s not my dog he might bite” and him start barking before they will back off. one dog almost go eaten! He was lucky he was quick and I held on tight. I even told the lady the “it’s not my dog” and she just said “well the (breed of dog) are so gentle” and kept walking her dog toward me even though I was walking away. And it’s never the kids. Always old people who love their dog and assume everyone else will love their dog too!
You are NTA. I would never touch another person’s dog without permission. Even if the dog is friendly, i would never presume that. You never know how a dog will react.
NTA & I adore when I get to meet dogs when I’m out & about. No matter how much I may wanna do the meet & greet, if I glance at the owner & they either don’t seem interested or say no, I nod & go on my way. It’s your dog & if you aren’t interested, it’s a no. You don’t owe anyone else the ability to pet your dog or another thought after you said no.
NTA. OP I’m an old lady who really like dogs. I go for a walk most days, to our local park. And yes, I’m chatty, BUT if I see someone walking their dog, if they make eye contact I ask if I can pet their dog. I would NEVER push.
YTA
NTA. My response is spicy and final, “Don’t touch him, he bites.” Don’t slow down at all, keep moving, don’t wait for or acknowledge any response.
Practice makes perfect.
NTA. I wish more dog owners were like you.
NTA, random old man asking if you live nearby is creepy.
Sounds like your dog enjoys meeting people, sounds like you don’t. Can’t say you’re an asshole. That’s just personalities for you, but I’d do anything to make my doggos happy, even if it made me a bit uncomfortable.
But you do you. If you love your dog, and they do you, they’ll be ok with it. This isn’t really an AITA situation…
Why not say he is unpredictable