My mom would say “eat bon bons all day.” It wasn’t until many years later did I learn that a bon bon was a chocolate treat (like what you get in a box of fancy chocolates). That’s a lot of chocolate to just sit there eating it all day.
Oh well , this morning I decided to bite the bullet, hold my horses, and let the cat out of the bag, all while breaking a leg and kicking the bucket. Meanwhile, my grandmother is up to God-knows-what with her finger shoved where the sun doesn’t shine as I’m hoping that spilling the beans wouldn’t rain on my parade or open a can of worms, because you never know when you’ll add fuel to the fire or get cold feet while burning the midnight oil. It might even be raining cats and dogs, and probably small livestock later today. And my brother, the motherfcker, is busy taking a wank with his finger up his arse again.. all while I’m trying to reach out to him. Welp, how was your day?
Did I make it unhinged enough to your liking or have i went overboard with it? 😉
Comments
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”
I’d kill for ____ (taylor swift tickets, a milkshake, insert item)
“I beg your pardon” – as in you plead for mercy from a harsh authority.
“I’m dead”
“Break a Leg”
“Let’s circle back”
I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Butt Fuck Egypt
smoke a fag butt
Cat got your tongue?
Kill two birds with one stone
“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”
… bro why are there so many bridges??
Keep your eyes peeled.
“Put my foot up your ass” like actually please don’t
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Yes, but it’s over
“It’s raining cats and dogs.”
It’s. Fucking. What?!
Jesus fucking Christ
“Congrats on coming out of the closet finally! After being in there your whole life already.”
Kill two birds with one stone sounds like a violent hobby, not multitasking
Saddle your baskets
Kill two birds with one stone
His head is up his ass…
Getting under my skin
Throwing the baby out with the bath water.
“It’s pissing down”
(Raining)
“Fuck my life”
Raw-dogging the _____
“Sometimes you’ve got to take the bull by the horns.”
The fuck I do.
“eat my ass”
Well butter my but and call me a biscuit
My mom would say “eat bon bons all day.” It wasn’t until many years later did I learn that a bon bon was a chocolate treat (like what you get in a box of fancy chocolates). That’s a lot of chocolate to just sit there eating it all day.
“Eat your heart out.”
Shouting Merde! At someone before they take the stage.
Don’t just stand there with your finger up your ass.
Keep your eyes peeled
Fuck it…
Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.
This (blank) is to die for.
Having something stuck in your head… I hope we never meet an alien race that takes everything super literally lol
“You mother f#cker”
When I was a kid I used to take a certain phrase from a certain sitcom.
“You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot’s look’n for a room.”
“How about I vandalize your ass with my foot.”
“When I get over there I’ll put my foot so far up your ass your head will spin.”
“My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass.”
“Let me lay it all out for you. My foot. Your ass. And one swift kick. Yah get what I’m saying?”
Oh well , this morning I decided to bite the bullet, hold my horses, and let the cat out of the bag, all while breaking a leg and kicking the bucket. Meanwhile, my grandmother is up to God-knows-what with her finger shoved where the sun doesn’t shine as I’m hoping that spilling the beans wouldn’t rain on my parade or open a can of worms, because you never know when you’ll add fuel to the fire or get cold feet while burning the midnight oil. It might even be raining cats and dogs, and probably small livestock later today. And my brother, the motherfcker, is busy taking a wank with his finger up his arse again.. all while I’m trying to reach out to him. Welp, how was your day?
Did I make it unhinged enough to your liking or have i went overboard with it? 😉
Threw everything but the kitchen sink
Break a leg!
I’m so hungry I could eat a horse
“It gets under your skin…”
Flogging a dead horse
Keep your eyes peeled.
It’s raining cats and dogs.
“Open Kimono” in business lingo. Skin crawling.
Make me a sandwich and step on it!
I could just eat you up
He’s in a real pickle
Shit just hit the fan.
“Break a leg!”
Brain fart.
Beating a dead horse
“Break a leg” always sounds like a threat to me, and I’m in a performing arts industry.
Screwed the pooch
Eye for an eye. Why are we trading eyeballs chat?