I’m a 34-year-old female who lives in a roommate split apartment with my mom. This arrangement started shortly after the COVID because my friend group lacked responsible roommate candidates. They were constantly job-hopping and bickering over petty things. Initially, it was a good situation because my mom treats me like an adult, respects my boundaries, and acted as a roommate in every sense.
However, this year, my brother fell on hard times and had to move in with us, along with his girlfriend and several young children. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, but it’s now been six months. The living space is cramped, but for the most part, everyone respects my personal space, except for his girlfriend.
She regularly uses my products and leaves them empty without replacing them. She also leaves a mess in my bathroom and lets their kids play in my bathroom unsupervised. The one thing that drives me the most crazy is that she uses the last of the toilet paper and instead of replacing the roll, she uses non-flushable wipes in my toilet. This has caused the toilet to overflow at least four times since they’ve been here.
To make matters worse, the trash is never taken out, even when she constantly put sanitary products in it. I’ve tried being nice and asking for my space to be respected, but she doesn’t listen. I’ve tried being less nice, but that hasn’t worked either. I’ve even tried removing products from the bathroom, but I don’t have enough space and I don’t think it’s fair to have to operate like I’m living in a dorm in a space I’m splitting the bills for, especially since someone who’s offered no contribution is still causing problems.
Is it wrong that I now want to put a lock on my bathroom door? The original reason I tried to avoid this situation was the number of people in my house, but it’s getting to a point where every time I go into my bathroom, another product is empty, another mess is left, and multiple limited-edition makeup pallets have been ruined. Not once has there been an offer to replace anything.
I work two jobs and regularly come back to my bathroom to find it destroyed. Would I be the asshole if I got a lock?
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I’m a 34-year-old female who lives in a roommate split apartment with my mom. This arrangement started shortly after the COVID because my friend group lacked responsible roommate candidates. They were constantly job-hopping and bickering over petty things. Initially, it was a good situation because my mom treats me like an adult, respects my boundaries, and acted as a roommate in every sense.
However, this year, my brother fell on hard times and had to move in with us, along with his girlfriend and several young children. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, but it’s now been six months. The living space is cramped, but for the most part, everyone respects my personal space, except for his girlfriend.
She regularly uses my products and leaves them empty without replacing them. She also leaves a mess in my bathroom and lets their kids play in my bathroom unsupervised. The one thing that drives me the most crazy is that she uses the last of the toilet paper and instead of replacing the roll, she uses non-flushable wipes in my toilet. This has caused the toilet to overflow at least four times since they’ve been here.
To make matters worse, the trash is never taken out, even when she constantly put sanitary products in it. I’ve tried being nice and asking for my space to be respected, but she doesn’t listen. I’ve tried being less nice, but that hasn’t worked either. I’ve even tried removing products from the bathroom, but I don’t have enough space and I don’t think it’s fair to have to operate like I’m living in a dorm in a space I’m splitting the bills for, especially since someone who’s offered no contribution is still causing problems.
Is it wrong that I now want to put a lock on my bathroom door? The original reason I tried to avoid this situation was the number of people in my house, but it’s getting to a point where every time I go into my bathroom, another product is empty, another mess is left, and multiple limited-edition makeup pallets have been ruined. Not once has there been an offer to replace anything.
I work two jobs and regularly come back to my bathroom to find it destroyed. Would I be the asshole if I got a lock?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My living space is a two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms and I am making one of them a private bathroom due to how it basically is in a constant state of chaos lately.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No absolutely not! You’re paying your rent and it is ridiculous for her to steal your products !
NTA. Honestly, I think you’re being incredibly generous and forbearing to not throw them out when this is how they treat your home and your things.
NTA
Clarification: how many bathrooms in the appartment ?
if more than 1, then not a second thought, lock it down.
If just 1, then guerilla warfare and enforced boundaries: switch products they agreed not to use from one bottle to the other, put a locked bin for you and an unlocked bin for them, when you notice something out of line, bring it up in public or wake them up in the middle of the night about it.
NTA
Are you in a position to evict them or do you need your mums agreement as well?
If they can’t respect your space then they can’t use your space.
If they can’t leave your things alone then they are denied access to your things.
Get the lock.
NTA and sounds like they’ve overstayed their welcome. What does your brother say about it?
Firstly I’d be asking at what point do they have a plan to leave.
Andy secondly. Hell yes put a lock on your bathroom especially if you’re the only one who should be using it.
If she has an issue with this then you can politely ask her why she’s using your bathroom anyway?
OMG. NTA. In fact, you’re a saint. I could never put up with what you are experiencing. When people are thoughtless and don’t respect other’s things, it really pushes my buttons. No advice, but still really sorry for your situation OP
Does your landlord know you allowed all these people to move in?
NTA. Get the a real lock on that door. Give brother hard deadline to move out.
NTA
You are paying bills and contributing equally to the household so you have the right to expect your personal space and property to be respected. You already tried addressing the issues directly and in multiple ways but your brother’s girlfriend continues to ignore boundaries, use your products, leave messes, and cause damage. That is not just inconsiderate behavior but financially unfair since you are losing money and time cleaning up after her.
Locking your bathroom is not extreme in this context. It is a reasonable step to protect your belongings and ensure you have a clean and functional space. The ethical responsibility lies with your brother and his girlfriend to respect the home they were allowed to move into. They are guests who are not contributing financially, yet they are actively making your living situation worse.
The constructive approach is to explain clearly to your mom and brother why you are putting a lock on your bathroom and emphasize that it is the result of repeated boundary violations. This way you remain transparent and reduce the chance of conflict later. You are not wrong for setting this boundary and it may even be necessary for your well-being.
You need to move out. Your family do not respect you or they would have put a stop to this user messing with you. This is clearly intentional nastiness, nobody is that dumb and your family are just letting this slide.
When does your lease end?
In the meantime, lock your bathroom, but expect pushback from your family.
NTA. Who owns the apartment? That sounds like hell and she sounds like trash. They aren’t going anywhere, it sounds like. If you can’t kick them out, lock your bathroom door.
NTA! Get a lock and give them a time frame to move out.