Me(29m) and my GF(28f) got into an argument the other day about body anatomy. Sorry on mobile. So two days ago my daughter 12f and I were watching scary movie 2, the one in the haunted house with the guy and his “strong hand” if you remember it you know. A scene came up where the clown scene came up again if you know you know and my daughter asked was that his penis as I was laughing cause I haven’t seen it in a while and I forgot how out there it was. I guess my GF walked in at that moment and yelled at her for saying that word. That cut my laughter off quick and I asked my wife what word? She said “The P word” as if we don’t cuss in our house, so I was like wtf is the “P word” and she said “Penis” as if it was lord Voldemort’s name. To say my ass was tonished would be an understatement. I was like you’re yelling at her for saying penis?!?? Then yell at me, penis, penis,penis! Childish I know but I was like WTF that’s dumb, then she yelled at me that “I’m being a bad example for letting her know what a penis is and looks like before she was ready!!” And before I can say,” it’s just a question she had from the movie.?” she went in the room and locked the door, so AITAH?
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Me(29m) and my GF(28f) got into an argument the other day about body anatomy. Sorry on mobile. So two days ago my daughter 12f and I were watching scary movie 2, the one in the haunted house with the guy and his “strong hand” if you remember it you know. A scene came up where the clown scene came up again if you know you know and my daughter asked was that his penis as I was laughing cause I haven’t seen it in a while and I forgot how out there it was. I guess my GF walked in at that moment and yelled at her for saying that word. That cut my laughter off quick and I asked my wife what word? She said “The P word” as if we don’t cuss in our house, so I was like wtf is the “P word” and she said “Penis” as if it was lord Voldemort’s name. To say my ass was tonished would be an understatement. I was like you’re yelling at her for saying penis?!?? Then yell at me, penis, penis,penis! Childish I know but I was like WTF that’s dumb, then she yelled at me that “I’m being a bad example for letting her know what a penis is and looks like before she was ready!!” And before I can say,” it’s just a question she had from the movie.?” she went in the room and locked the door, so AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m wondering if I’m the IATA cause my wife said I was for letting my daughter say penis while watching a movie parody? And because I was asking the legitimate question of why she can’t say it ? Before she left
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Did she want your daughter to say “dick” instead?
Using the proper anatomical terms for body parts is more than proper. I find it weird that your girlfriend is actively getting in the way of your child building a solid vocabulary while not actually know what is appropriate
It is better that children use correct terms. Helps spot sexual abuse easier. Like a girl saying that someone touched her vagina is going to get much more needed attention that a kid who is taught to refer to her parts as her “kitten.”
Your daughter is 12, if she’s had any similar education to me she’s probably already been taught what a penis is, it does not do anything to stigmatize the word, wife is overreacting, NTA
NTA. It is sooooo important children, including those much younger than your daughter, know and use the correct names for their own and other people’s anatomy.
Your GF would have a point if your daughter was, e.g. yelling “oh penis” when annoyed (a brief but highly weird trend in my primary school a million years ago), but using the word penis to refer to a man’s external genitalia is correct.
Also, your daughter is 12. I know of girls who had sex at 12. Ignorance is not sufficient for preventing consequences of sex!
NTA
Penis is the correct anatomical term and your daughter used it appropriately in the context of asking a genuine question. Shutting her down or treating it like a bad word can create shame around normal body parts and discourage her from asking questions in the future, which is not healthy. You were right to push back because kids need to know the correct names for their anatomy for safety, health, and confidence.
That said, your girlfriend’s reaction likely came from discomfort, embarrassment, or a different upbringing around how these topics are handled. For some people, anything sexual or anatomical feels inappropriate at a certain age, even though professionals generally recommend teaching kids proper terms early. Her feelings are valid in the sense that she was startled and upset, but the approach of yelling and banning the word was not constructive.
The best path forward is a calm conversation with her when no one is angry. Explain why it is important for your daughter to know and be able to use accurate terms without stigma. At the same time, listen to your girlfriend’s concerns and figure out together how you want to handle future questions. That way your daughter gets consistent messaging and both of you feel respected as parents.
NTA – knowing the correct terms is both efficient and protects children. Knowledge of general sex stuff occurs at around year 8 (got a dog? Or ever go to a farm, etc). Your GF has a hangup and needs to work on it. It was childish, rude, and uncalled for to “correct” your daughter about using the word penis. She is at fault and needs to apologize to your daughter and you.
NTA as it’s important we teach kids the proper terms, HOWEVER, you ATA for watching Scary Movie with your toddler… maybe try Moana next time
ESH
Her yelling was an overreaction and you’re wrong for mocking your partner, especially in front of your child.
Evidently she didn’t do biology at school. It’s just anatomy.
NTA.
“He made me touch his ding dong.” “He touched my cookie/cherries/starfish,” etc., do NOT hold up in court, if GOD FORBID something happens to the child. Children should know the anatomically correct words and what they are referring to.
Now, if she was going around saying c*ck (and not talking about a rooster), then yeah, mom is allowed to be upset about that.
Also, if she goes to public school, she already knows this stuff most likely lmao. My friends and I would read dirty words outta the dictionary during school breaks in 2nd grade. And this was BEFORE the internet.
NTA – this is the actual name of the body part, used in both textbooks and on broadcast television.
ESH. She was too judgemental without getting all the relevant information, you were too harsh and disrespectful shutting her down. You may end up having to deal with a breakup, a tough session with Child Welfare, and a mildly traumatized daughter.
It’s best at 12 she understands body parts and actually sex. How , why and how to protect herself should already be open for discussion. Your girlfriend has issues. Something triggered her. Time to talk privately. 12 needs to know. Needs to understand self care and pregnancy too