So Some Background: my parents are divorced. My mom has a habit of turning people against each other, like if my older brother cancels plans because he needs to take care of his wife, she’ll tell me “he hates you” or “he doesn’t want you around.” On the other hand, my dad is overly nice to everyone to the point of ignoring red flags, but when I was a kid he was barely around. He visited once every couple weeks and always had some excuse about “work.” I’m grateful that he financially supported us, but it still hurt that work seemed more important than me, his 4th oldest son.
I also have half-siblings who are really compassionate, and I love them. But my mom gets upset when I prioritize them and sometimes tries to turn me against them.
Today, about 30 minutes ago, I came back from the store with flatbread (because i was hungry). My mom told me my little brother (let’s call him Yoren) “chose dad over her,” and then she asked me who I like more and who I’d move in with. I honestly don’t like either of their personalities, so I told her, “I’d run away from home, because I don’t like both of you.”
She got mad and called me ungrateful, saying I owe my dad a lot of money for raising me and that without him I’d be on the streets. I clarified that I meant personality-wise, but she doubled down, mocking homeless people, mimicking how they beg for money and making snide remarks about being a beggar.
She also told me she hates me because I “hate her,” and that “hate begets hate.” For context, over the years my mom has trash-talked my dad constantly, been controlling, and at times taken things too far. She’s been filling my head with doubts about people for 8+ years now.
My dad isn’t innocent either. Once he yelled at and insulted me because I didn’t treat some entitled Saudi guy, who came to see him, with enough respect. The guy left after I told him to sit and wait for my dad, and my dad got mad saying I didn’t even offer him water. But here’s the thing: my mom and dad each own their own houses that they rent out, and whenever I’m at my dad’s house, I’m treated like a guest. So why was it suddenly my job to serve his guest?
To make things worse, this all happened on the day of my half-sister’s wedding. I had a speech prepared to tell her how proud I was of her. Instead, my dad sent me to a masjid two hours away, telling me to sit there
and wait until the Saudi guy’s schedule cleared so I could apologize to him. I ended up sitting there for 4 hours, hṳngry and thîrsty. My half-sister was upset I wasn’t at her wedding, and that moment was ruined for me. After that, my dad basically stopped talking to me.
So when I say I don’t like either of them, it’s not out of nowhere, it’s years of hurt on both sides.
TL;DR: Mom asked me to pick between her and my dad. I said I’d rather run away. She called me ungrateful and mocked homeless people. Both parents have hurt me for years, and I don’t feel close to either of them. AITA for being honest?
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So Some Background: my parents are divorced. My mom has a habit of turning people against each other, like if my older brother cancels plans because he needs to take care of his wife, she’ll tell me “he hates you” or “he doesn’t want you around.” On the other hand, my dad is overly nice to everyone to the point of ignoring red flags, but when I was a kid he was barely around. He visited once every couple weeks and always had some excuse about “work.” I’m grateful that he financially supported us, but it still hurt that work seemed more important than me, his 4th oldest son.
I also have half-siblings who are really compassionate, and I love them. But my mom gets upset when I prioritize them and sometimes tries to turn me against them.
Today, about 30 minutes ago, I came back from the store with flatbread (because i was hungry). My mom told me my little brother (let’s call him Yoren) “chose dad over her,” and then she asked me who I like more and who I’d move in with. I honestly don’t like either of their personalities, so I told her, “I’d run away from home, because I don’t like both of you.”
She got mad and called me ungrateful, saying I owe my dad a lot of money for raising me and that without him I’d be on the streets. I clarified that I meant personality-wise, but she doubled down, mocking homeless people, mimicking how they beg for money and making snide remarks about being a beggar.
She also told me she hates me because I “hate her,” and that “hate begets hate.” For context, over the years my mom has trash-talked my dad constantly, been controlling, and at times taken things too far. She’s been filling my head with doubts about people for 8+ years now.
My dad isn’t innocent either. Once he yelled at and insulted me because I didn’t treat some entitled Saudi guy, who came to see him, with enough respect. The guy left after I told him to sit and wait for my dad, and my dad got mad saying I didn’t even offer him water. But here’s the thing: my mom and dad each own their own houses that they rent out, and whenever I’m at my dad’s house, I’m treated like a guest. So why was it suddenly my job to serve his guest?
To make things worse, this all happened on the day of my half-sister’s wedding. I had a speech prepared to tell her how proud I was of her. Instead, my dad sent me to a masjid two hours away, telling me to sit there
and wait until the Saudi guy’s schedule cleared so I could apologize to him. I ended up sitting there for 4 hours, hṳngry and thîrsty. My half-sister was upset I wasn’t at her wedding, and that moment was ruined for me. After that, my dad basically stopped talking to me.
So when I say I don’t like either of them, it’s not out of nowhere, it’s years of hurt on both sides.
TL;DR: Mom asked me to pick between her and my dad. I said I’d rather run away. She called me ungrateful and mocked homeless people. Both parents have hurt me for years, and I don’t feel close to either of them. AITA for being honest?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think i might be the asshole because my dad sends money for rent and groceries and stuff and saying stuff like “i dont like him could be considered rude”
actions i took were not wanting to stay with either of my parents and wanting to run away if i get the chance and money and stability
because it counts as ungrateful meaning in the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
You are not the asshole for being honest about your feelings. Being forced to choose between two parents who have each caused you hurt over the years is an unreasonable and unfair situation. Your response of saying you’d rather run away reflects your desire to avoid being put in an impossible position, and it is a valid expression of your boundaries and autonomy.
Your parents’ reactions, mocking, guilt-tripping, and invoking financial dependency, are manipulative and dismissive of your experiences. It is understandable to feel frustrated and distant given the repeated patterns of emotional harm and control. Moving forward, focusing on maintaining emotional boundaries, seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or a counselor, and finding safe ways to assert your independence can help you navigate these toxic dynamics. Your honesty about your feelings is justified, and it does not make you ungrateful or disloyal.
NTA. You’ve been stuck in a no-win situation: your mom trash-talks your dad, your dad prioritizes random guests over your milestones. It makes sense that you don’t want to choose between them. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it means you’re tired of the cycle
Yes
That sucks, I hope you can find another place to live.
NTA. Both of your parents are the AH.
NTA
Your mother’s question was completely out of line and not something any parent should ever ask any child to do.