4 months ago, my (27m) brother (31) went to jail. My dad called me and I didn’t answer the phone because before that, me and my him hadn’t spoke in like 2 weeks, which is usual for us. We can go months without speaking because he was in and out of my life as a child. My mom raised me with help from her family. About 2 hours after he called me, I got a call from a jail. They said the person’s name and I recognized it as my brother and didn’t answer. He immediately called again and I felt compelled to answer. He was in jail and needed 2k to bond out. I said no and hung up. I make a lot of money so it wasn’t the amount, it was the fact that we don’t have a close relationship. Yes, we both have the same father (and I have two other older brothers from my father) but I didn’t even know of my brother’s names until I was a teenager. He randomly told me I had brothers when I was a child to begin with.
My brother didn’t call back and neither did my dad so I thought the situation was done. Last weekend, my father invited me to lunch so I went. Why not? My daughter was with me and it’d been a while since they saw each other. I wasn’t even there for 15 minutes before he started scolding me about not bonding my brother out. I told him what I’m saying now; I don’t know his son that much. I saw him in person when I played football in high school and he was playing for the opposite team. But we didn’t even speak there. He told me that it doesn’t matter because he’s still my blood relative. I said “I’m not bailing no strangers out of jail. The money I make is for things I see as important.” Then I left afterwards because it was getting heated.
Last night, I was at my aunt’s house (my mother’s sister) and she told me that he told her about the situation and that he was hurt by it. I barely felt bad tbh, just mostly confused. Either way, she ended up echoing his words but with more context, saying “Your father’s absence wasn’t his fault. He’s still your brother and you should’ve helped him out.”
So now I’m second guessing myself like damn.. should I have bailed him out? I had the money. Still, my dad lives and is with the mother of his other sons. He was even with her when my mom was pregnant and he’s consistent in their life so bailing his son out was his responsibility in my opinion. His other 2 sons, I haven’t even met. I’ve been through shit in life as we all have but my point is that none of his sons sought me out to comfort or help me. He didn’t either. I don’t mind apologizing if I’m the asshole.
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4 months ago, my (27m) brother (31) went to jail. My dad called me and I didn’t answer the phone because before that, me and my him hadn’t spoke in like 2 weeks, which is usual for us. We can go months without speaking because he was in and out of my life as a child. My mom raised me with help from her family. About 2 hours after he called me, I got a call from a jail. They said the person’s name and I recognized it as my brother and didn’t answer. He immediately called again and I felt compelled to answer. He was in jail and needed 2k to bond out. I said no and hung up. I make a lot of money so it wasn’t the amount, it was the fact that we don’t have a close relationship. Yes, we both have the same father (and I have two other older brothers from my father) but I didn’t even know of my brother’s names until I was a teenager. He randomly told me I had brothers when I was a child to begin with.
My brother didn’t call back and neither did my dad so I thought the situation was done. Last weekend, my father invited me to lunch so I went. Why not? My daughter was with me and it’d been a while since they saw each other. I wasn’t even there for 15 minutes before he started scolding me about not bonding my brother out. I told him what I’m saying now; I don’t know his son that much. I saw him in person when I played football in high school and he was playing for the opposite team. But we didn’t even speak there. He told me that it doesn’t matter because he’s still my blood relative. I said “I’m not bailing no strangers out of jail. The money I make is for things I see as important.” Then I left afterwards because it was getting heated.
Last night, I was at my aunt’s house (my mother’s sister) and she told me that he told her about the situation and that he was hurt by it. I barely felt bad tbh, just mostly confused. Either way, she ended up echoing his words but with more context, saying “Your father’s absence wasn’t his fault. He’s still your brother and you should’ve helped him out.”
So now I’m second guessing myself like damn.. should I have bailed him out? I had the money. Still, my dad lives and is with the mother of his other sons. He was even with her when my mom was pregnant and he’s consistent in their life so bailing his son out was his responsibility in my opinion. His other 2 sons, I haven’t even met. I’ve been through shit in life as we all have but my point is that none of his sons sought me out to comfort or help me. He didn’t either. I don’t mind apologizing if I’m the asshole.
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> I didn’t bond my brother out of jail and that might make me the asshole because he’s still my family and he was in need of help.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Not your problem. Your brother wouldn’t be in jail if he didn’t do what he did to get him there.
NTA. Honestly, people need to stop with the whole ”but you’re/we’re family” bs. You have no relationship with this dude and you’re supposed to cough up $2k for him? Nope.
NTA. You owe nothing to either of these people.
NTA You’re second guessing yourself because you are a good human being with a conscious. You have legitimate reasons for not helping. Could you have? Sure you could have anyway, since you say you have the means, but who’s to say that doesn’t open a whole pandoras box of never ending requests for money. Did you ever find out WHY he was in jail? If it were for drugs or a DUI thats a no go for me. They can pay for a bail bondsmen to get their drunk &*# out of jail. Still its sounds like you’re mad at your brother when really, you are mad at your father. Maybe next time they need help, do it. You can always say no for the time after.
Nta. You dint even know him.
NTA, your dad could have bonded him out if it had been important. Or other brothers he was raised with. You’re just a potential bank sharing DNA.
Your father needs to bail his son out, not you. Take care of your daughter, not your father’s kids.
Nta So 31 years ago your dad had sex and now all this time later you are supposed to be responsible for the his grown son who is older than you that he produced. Nope. His son has 2 parents and at least 3 full brothers. Not your responsibility to bail anyone out after they have willing committed a crime that put them in jail. Especially if this person is a practical stranger. Why didn’t the family that criticized you pay his bail. You did not work hard and get a good job so other people could use the money you earned. Ignore these idiots.
NTA. he’s basically a stranger to you. stand your ground and don’t do it. if your dad wants to he could do it himself
NTA. Your aunt is ridiculous.
Once you start giving relatives money the begging will never end. Do not step foot on that slippery slope.
I’m kinda curious about this “”Your father’s absence wasn’t his fault. He’s still your brother and you should’ve helped him out.””
Why was your father absent? Was he in jail or just at his other families house? This just seems odd to me.
NTA. Your dad and that side of the family can pay his bail. It’s not your responsibility.
And he’s in jail presumably for something he did. It’s not like he needed $2,000 to save his life and no one could pay it but you.
NTA. Even if you had a relationship with your brother, you are not obligated to bail him out of jail. He’s in jail for a reason & your father or 2 other brothers could have bailed him out. Personally, I wouldn’t consider either of your father’s sons a brother. Simply because there has never been a relationship between you and them. You’re teaching your daughter what healthy boundaries look like. Let your aunt know you don’t appreciate her inserting herself in any situation that involves your father & his sons.
NTA: If dad couldn’t bail out his own son he is a loser that raised a loser. Run away from this and distance yourself to protect yourself and family from these train wrecks.
Biology does not make “family”
You are a convenient ATM to them under the guise of “family.” NTA
NTA
You’re not responsible to bail him out of his own toxic and destructive consequences
Your parents have failed to raise him properly. It’s their mess to fix
NTA. Yes it was your father’s responsibility to bail him out but it was your brother’s responsibility not to get arrested
What was he in jail for? Do you think he deserved to be there? Even if I was close to someone, and I knew without a doubt they were guilty, I sure as heck wouldn’t post bond
Blood doesn’t mean shlt. Your family are the people who are there for you in your hard moments. The people who really care. People use blood relation as an excuse to extort all kinds of things from ppl and it’s disgusting. Save your money and tell your dad to stop roping random relatives into the argument because he’s petty.
Honestly, I would have done it so as just to avoid the blowback. If you have the money and it won’t make or break you, it’s a good deed. And then you draw the line there. One and done. You’re not your brother’s keeper – but you sound very down to earth despite having an absentee father. Not everyone turns out that way.
I get why you did it, but as someone whose very limited small family is fractured by a stupid tiff, I wish things had gone differently. That some people could just suck it up so that we could move on. But noooo. They’ve chosen to die on that very stupid hill. We weren’t super close with them either, but they were all we had.
Why is it your responsibility to bail your brother out and not his father’s?
Blood makes you a relative, love makes you a family. Yes, that guy is your “brother”, but you don’t even know him and you are right, it was your father’s responsibility to bond out HIS son
You see, your “brother” reached an age where no matter how your father behaved, he could have reach out and have a relationship with you. So it seems to me you’re not good enough for him, but your money is?
NTA
Probably reading into this but it sounds like your parents had an affair? And your 3 half brothers are from his wife? So your dad, who isn’t a consistent presence in your life is upset that you didn’t put up $2000 for your half brother, who you only know by sight and have never spoken to?
NTA. That’s like paying bond for a stranger. Why would you do that just because you share some DNA with this guy? Who even knows if he’d show up in court & you’d get your money back? Sounds like he had a dad, mom and 2 other brothers he could borrow from. Not your responsibility at all.
NTA not your responsibility, not your problem, not really your brother in any way that matters. I would never answer a call from my father again after he wanted to use me to bail out his other kid that he always was part of his life. I would not donate a kidney either lol.
It’s not like you know him well enough to know if he would skip bail or not.
20 day old account. One post, hmmmm
NTA, not your circus and not your show. Tell them all to leave you out of the nonsense.