Long story short, when my husband and I weredating, I remember his mom telling me she planned on having him ‘buy’ her a house (mind you, my husband and I still have not gotten our own yet and was staying with her and my parents). At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now that we’re married and have a child with another on the way, I’m not fond of the idea. I brought it up to my husband and he said his mother would be buy it in full, so there’s no chance of his credit being messed up, it would just be in his name, however, It still doesn’t sit right with me. His mother is going through a divorce and mentioned that to be a partial reason why she can’t get a house, because the divorce is not finalized and he would have rights or something like that. Again, I don’t like this idea, especially because my hisband has an older sibling who is unmarried with no kids and no plans on having any that could provide his mother with a home in her name is really necessary. Not only this but his mother has been distateful recently and I feel like I’ve been blind sighted and faked out. She also did not come to our wedding (which is a WHOLE other story). I finally told her how her actions make me feel and she turned it on me and started to bash me. Anyways, I don’t think my husband should put a house for her in his name, I think she made her choices in life and just needs to wait it out, ask her older child, or fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed in order to get a house in her own name, but her son, my husband, is now a father with other responsibilities ie. Insuring our children have a stable home first.
1. Opinions?
2. What negative things could come out of his mom having a home in his name, could it mess us up or mess up the chances of us getting a home for ourselves?
Comments
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Long story short, when my husband and I weredating, I remember his mom telling me she planned on having him ‘buy’ her a house (mind you, my husband and I still have not gotten our own yet and was staying with her and my parents). At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now that we’re married and have a child with another on the way, I’m not fond of the idea. I brought it up to my husband and he said his mother would be buy it in full, so there’s no chance of his credit being messed up, it would just be in his name, however, It still doesn’t sit right with me. His mother is going through a divorce and mentioned that to be a partial reason why she can’t get a house, because the divorce is not finalized and he would have rights or something like that. Again, I don’t like this idea, especially because my hisband has an older sibling who is unmarried with no kids and no plans on having any that could provide his mother with a home in her name is really necessary. Not only this but his mother has been distateful recently and I feel like I’ve been blind sighted and faked out. She also did not come to our wedding (which is a WHOLE other story). I finally told her how her actions make me feel and she turned it on me and started to bash me. Anyways, I don’t think my husband should put a house for her in his name, I think she made her choices in life and just needs to wait it out, ask her older child, or fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed in order to get a house in her own name, but her son, my husband, is now a father with other responsibilities ie. Insuring our children have a stable home first.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH because I won’t allow my husband to “help” his mom, but I also don’t think it’s fair to him as he has t even gotten a home for his own family (me and our children) yet and that his mom is being selfish
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Look at it as a win for the future. If the house is paid off in his name, should anything happen to mother in law and she passes, he will not have to pay an inheritance tax on it.
Info: can you clarify what putting the house in your husband’s name really means? Are you stating that your husband would be a signer on the mortgage loan? Or just that his name would be on the title?
He will not be able to get a mortgage with you if his name is on her mortgage. If she doesn’t pay, he is liable.
NTA. This should be a joint decision between you and him, not him and her. If you are not comfortable with it, the answer should be an automatic no.
NTA.
Even if you had a great relationship, I would strongly advise against buying something in your name with the expectation that someone else will pay you for it. It would destroy a good relationship, and will absolutely fuck up a bad one.
If he wants to help his mom, why not gift money for a down payment? It’s likely because she cannot afford the monthly payment. She wants him on the hook for it because unlike a bank, she thinks (possibly correctly) that he’s enough of a pushover to sacrifice his families financial peace for her comfort.
And this WILL affect your family. His credit will be impacted, and by extension your future finances with him. Idk what your finances are like, but can he afford 2 homes? Even if money is good now, unless y’all are absolutely balling, this is a poor decision. What if he is out of a job, or there is a health issue, or finances tighten for whatever reason?
Poor credit usually indicates that someone is inconsistent with payments or does not have strong finances. If her credit cannot qualify for the house, she should not have the house.
Your husband will end up footing the bills, and by extension, YOU will be working and sacrificing so your Mil and BIL can live easy. I would absolutely make this my line in the sand.
NAH, it’s quite normal to have a house or a car in a family member’s name for whatever reason. It’s also normal to worry that negative things might come out of this for your family. However, you should ask a lawyer what this means for your family, not rely on Reddit for answers.
It could interfere with your eligibility for a first-time home buyer’s credit if you’re in the U.S. and neither of you has ever owned a home before. But unless she’s paying up front in cash, then it sounds like your husband’s name is going to be on the mortgage so that she can get better rates or something, but that means if she doesn’t pay sometime, he’s on the hook. If he had to let the house get foreclosed on because of it, that would be on his credit for 7 years, and it would interfere with any loan that he needed to get during that time. Yes, if she passed then the house would belong fully to your spouse, but that doesn’t help you in the meantime if you need to buy a house for yourselves to live in. NTA
If your MIL is paying for the house in full but wants it titled in your husband’s name, congratulations! she’s basically handing him a windfall. That also means you, as his wife, should be on that title too. If the place is bought outright, you can use the equity later as leverage when it’s time to buy your own home. But you both need a lawyer to draw up a lease or occupancy agreement spelling out your rights, how long she can live there, and the conditions under which anyone can be evicted.
Your post says she is paying for the house-which is very different from a mortgage situation. If a loan is involved, don’t touch this with a ten-foot pole. A bank note in his name for someone else’s home is a disaster waiting to happen.
Even if there’s no mortgage, make sure there are clear boundaries in writing, and protect yourselves before signing anything. Otherwise you’re one argument away from living in a house you technically own but can’t use, while she’s picking out curtains and telling you to stay off “her” couch.
Why can’t she just buy the house after her divorce goes through?
There are two things at play here, the deed and mortgage. For the deed, having your husband’s name on it gives him rights to the house and keeps it from being involved as an asset in MIL’s divorce. It also is easy when your MIL dies since it’s already in his name. The only potential downside here is he would be liable for property taxes if MIL doesn’t pay. All-in-all, pretty low risk.
However, having his name on the mortgage should be a hard no, non-negotiable item. If MIL doesn’t pay, it would negatively affect your husband’s credit and would also be considered your debt too. As someone else said, it would also count towards calculations in what you could afford for your own house mortgage. There is no benefit for you/your husband to take on this debt.
NTA. She’s trying to hide assets in the divorce. That is shady.
NTA You and your husband need to consult with a financial advisor who knows about these issues. And your husband needs to think about this as a joint decision between you and him. There’s too much at stake.
Unless you’d be losing first time homebuyer benefits, I see no issue with this. In fact it would benefit him. I think you’re clouded by your negative opinion of you MIL. YTA.
Having your child’s name on the deed is a great way to pass on your home to your kid if you live in a state with joint tenancy and rights of survivorship.
If MIL were to leave him the house in a will, it would go through the probate process. Court and lawyer expenses often eat up a person’s entire estate, and his inheritance would be greatly diminished. Putting his name on the deed might be a great way to avoid all that.
Disclaimer: im not a lawyer and didn’t stay at a holiday inn last night. Don’t take legal advice from random dudes on the net. Ask an actual lawyer in your state.
So to me it sounds like she is trying to hide $$ while going through a divorce which is fraud. Also if she puts it in your husband’s name there goes your opportunity for a first time home buyers mortgage. Don’t allow her poor choices to ruin your marriage like it has ruined hers. NTA at all.
There goes any chance on you two getting one unless he’s filthy rich!
INFO: Is there something else wrong with this deal that you’re not explaining??
I don’t understand why you’d object to your MIL effectively writing your husband a several hundred thousand dollar check. If there’s no mortgage on it and it’s solely in his name, the only negative consequence to him would be if she didn’t pay the property taxes, at which point he could just sell it and the cash is his free and clear. If it turns out to have unacceptable strings attached, he can, again, just sell it. If it’s bought in cash there’s no chance of it being underwater/unsellable. From what you describe she’s not asking him to “provide her a home”, she’s asking him to accept a very large gift and trusting him not to take advantage of it. This has no consequence to you except that it has a decent chance of meaning you get a lot of money (since if he sold the profit would be marital funds).
A lot of people are freaking out in the comments because they’re assuming you mean putting your husband’s name on a mortgage, which is obviously unacceptable, but you specifically said that’s not the case, so I don’t see what the problem is.
Can you call Dave Ramsey and ask him?
If she is paying outright cash for it, he wouldn’t be financially responsible for a mortgage, so there’s no problem with credit.
It would be counted as one of his assets, however, in any other future business transactions where you have to claim your assets.
Property tax would also be in his name, so ultimately he would be responsible for that
Re MIL’s divorce isn’t this like money.laundering?
If it is a Paid Off House with your husband name on it, I see no issues. Maybe your amIL found your husband to be more financially mature, reliable and stable, so she trusted him to put his name on her deed.
I think, it is a good thing.
If she is to have him pull a whole mortgage loan for her house, then it is entirely a different story.
If her excuse for not putting it in her name is because she’s not yet divorced, then why isn’t she renting a place until the divorce is finalized? That’s what most people do. They wait until they know for sure their assets and responsibilities. And then they put a new house in their own name. So what’s her real reason? You must be concerned she won’t or can’t pay the monthly amount. Then you’ll be stuck with a mortgage payment for a house you can’t unload because your husband won’t evict her. She told you before she was counting on him buying her a house and it looks like it’s still her plan.