I (F19) live with my parents. I’ve been obligated since i was 12 to share my location with my parents. They always check where I am at and it feels overwhelming.
Today after having been an adult for a while i decided i want be sharing it anymore for a couple of things that made me lose my trust in my parents.
Once I was having a talk with a working colleague (M47) and i forgot my phone inside his motorcycle coffer because the phone wasn’t an important thing to me in that moment. My father (M63) came in the middle of the night to search me using my location.
Two days ago i came home 2 hours after the official closing shop time and my father got mad at me: he said i should have stopped been a whore and that my colleague had four kids and a wife. We were actually talking about religion. I recently reverted to islam: we were talking about Quran. He was reciting some surah to me and answering some questions about the language. He also talked to me about a private happening to his wife (F??).
My father as soon as I arrived home heard the motorcycle’s motor woke up and got downstairs and said those things to me.
Today I got out of my home because my parents fought and my mother (F62) was drunk yelling at both of us.
I got to the shop were i work to study by myself and before going there i told to my father: “Don’t come after me”.
He came after me. I was mad but i kept it up by smiling due to the fact i finished to study. He told me to remove my hood and show my hair. He doesn’t know i converted. I felt defeated.
I removed my position sharing as soon as he left.
I had to have to work an hour more then my shift due to an internal staff problem. I didn’t want to listen from them and had no time for discussion so i didn’t warn them about my longer work schedule.
My father searched me at my workplace.
As soon as i came home my mother called me and asshole for not leaving the shared position on. I just don’t trust them anymore, I am an adult and I want my own freedom.
AITA for turning off my position sharing after having to deal with the whole situation?
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I (F19) live with my parents. I’ve been obligated since i was 12 to share my location with my parents. They always check where I am at and it feels overwhelming.
Today after having been an adult for a while i decided i want be sharing it anymore for a couple of things that made me lose my trust in my parents.
Once I was having a talk with a working colleague (M47) and i forgot my phone inside his motorcycle coffer because the phone wasn’t an important thing to me in that moment. My father (M63) came in the middle of the night to search me using my location.
Two days ago i came home 2 hours after the official closing shop time and my father got mad at me: he said i should have stopped been a whore and that my colleague had four kids and a wife. We were actually talking about religion. I recently reverted to islam: we were talking about Quran. He was reciting some surah to me and answering some questions about the language. He also talked to me about a private happening to his wife (F??).
My father as soon as I arrived home heard the motorcycle’s motor woke up and got downstairs and said those things to me.
Today I got out of my home because my parents fought and my mother (F62) was drunk yelling at both of us.
I got to the shop were i work to study by myself and before going there i told to my father: “Don’t come after me”.
He came after me. I was mad but i kept it up by smiling due to the fact i finished to study. He told me to remove my hood and show my hair. He doesn’t know i converted. I felt defeated.
I removed my position sharing as soon as he left.
I had to have to work an hour more then my shift due to an internal staff problem. I didn’t want to listen from them and had no time for discussion so i didn’t warn them about my longer work schedule.
My father searched me at my workplace.
As soon as i came home my mother called me and asshole for not leaving the shared position on. I just don’t trust them anymore, I am an adult and I want my own freedom.
AITA for turning off my position sharing after having to deal with the whole situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I’ve been judged by my mother for removing my location sharing
(2) break the trust of my parents
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Move out when you can.
You are not the asshole but I think you need to have a chat with your parents when things calm down. Maybe they have a reason to worry and you can meet them in the middle. Youre still at an age where they view you as a child. You are, however, an adult and they need to see you as one as you are allowed your freedoms too.
NTA
You’re 19, not 9. They don’t need to know where you are every moment of every day. They’re borderline helicopter parents and offensive ones at that. You deserve your privacy and if they don’t like it, I’d suggest finding a new place to stay while schooling if at all possible.
NTA your parents seem extremely controlling and calling your child a “whore” seems quite extreme for talking to a man. I think you need to establish some boundaries with them at some point or else you will live your life with them constantly trying to control every aspect of it.
Unfortunately you may be an adult but you are living with them. So you probably are going to have to make a choice live with them and share your location or move out. Because doesn’t sound like you will be allowed to live there without sharing location
Info needed. I think you may be omitting some important details.
So there is such a thing as a healthy “location sharing” where someone (your partner or your parents or friend or siblings) want your location on so they know where you are in case you go missing or there’s an emergency.
Then there’s…this. Yeah this isn’t at all healthy like what I was just described. This is about your parents wanting to control you and what you do and who you see. You’re an adult, it’s now up to you make these choices and not them.
NTA.
NTA. Parents should stop tracking their kid’s location when the kid is 16 or 17. Doing it to a 19 year old is beyond the pale. They are clearly abusing access to that info. I don’t even think it is legal to make ‘you need to let us track your location every second’ as a stipulation of housing. The parents here need to back right off before they are asking why their child will have nothing what so ever to do with them.
Edit: before someone tries to make the ‘this is about OP’s safety’ argument. This is nothing to do with safety. This is about power and control – the parents trying to enforce an unreasonable level of power and control over OP.
Info: why is a grown man, who is nearly 50 years old, with a wife and kids talking, alone, with a teen girl? Why are you riding with an old man on his motorcycle? Aren’t there strict rules about how males and females interact in Islam? I’m pretty sure he’s breaking them! If he’s teaching you about Islam, shouldn’t he be inviting you to his mosque to learn from trained leaders there?! This guy sounds like an absolute creep. No wonder your father is upset. That man is preying on you and your father is trying to protect you.
NTA but you need to move out. Living with them is toxic and, without separation, this behavior will not change.
NTA I have adult kids and even as teens I refused to track them. At some point your parents need to understand no matter where you live or what they pay for this is not how you build a healthy adult relationship. I trusted my kids and I’m sure there’s stories that will stay in the “don9tell mom…EVER!” file but that’s part of growing up!
NTA
Your parents are being unreasonable. You are a grown, legal adult. You may share your location, or not, as you see fit. This is going beyond any normal parental concern and well into unhealthy levels of control. You should start planning, if at all possible, to move out from your parents home.
INFO: You wrote:
>Once I was having a talk with a working colleague (M47) and i forgot my phone inside his motorcycle coffer because the phone wasn’t an important thing to me in that moment. My father (M63) came in the middle of the night to search me using my location.
So, you were a 19-year-old woman hanging out with a married 47-year-old man in the middle of the night?
You’re staying out hours past when you’re supposed to be home, keeping company with old men and not telling them where you are, leaving your phone places you aren’t. In a world full of specifically male predators of women your age, you’re going offline. People are going to worry.
There’s obviously a lot more to this story but you’re definitely being TA. Your parents could be TA too but from what I’m reading they’re just concerned for your safety. Just let them know when you’re home, and turn up. Or let them know you’ll be late. In their shoes I’d just want to know you’re alive and not being kidnapped, tortured and killed
NTA
I don’t think this parenting style is healthy, parents should encourage children to depend more on themselves and be responsible for their decisions. We all know that parents wouldn’t be there for us all the time. It’s just how life goes.
On a side note, this reminded me of the Black Mirror episode Arkangle.
NTA. There’s a lot going on here but you’re an adult full stop.
? Since when does a 19 yr old Islamic woman stay alone talking to a 47 yr old man that is no relation to her? TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE???? Girl, he is grooming you. You are too naive to see it. This is so inappropriate!! If you were my daughter hanging with a 47 yo married guy late into the night, I would have issues too. Stay away from this man. The only one he should be confiding in is his WIFE. If she wants to talk to you about something, talk to HER. Do not fall for this.
Sounds like initially it was turned on for safety reasons and after all you did say it was when you were 12 but now he’s trying to use it to control you when you are no longer living home and you are an adult. I would say the time has long since passed that you should have turned it off! Good for you for doing it now. Stand your ground and keep it off.