So one night after putting our kids to bed I looked in my email and I happened to see one of my husbands (Male49) fake Facebook accounts had sent me a notification that a Textnow account has been linked to it. So of course me (Female 32) mind starts to spiral. So I hack into his Facebook account and then download the text now app on my phone and hack into that which was easy long as I was longed into his facebook well what I find is text to 2 phone numbers. One has a lot of text from this female Ashley asking him what times he’s coming if he can bring her beer and how much he sounds sexy on the phone but no response from him that I could see…. The other number was just prices bye hour and what that entailed after some research I find out both are escorts. This had me balling at this point but for some reason I couldn’t see his text to them only their response to him. Which to me I find very odd. So of course I look and see if he has the app downloaded and of course he does but it was deleted from the phone so it was in resent downloads So now I’m freaking out but I can’t wake him and talk about it because both our kids are sleeping in our room son 7 months and daughter 8 years old both are both our kids we have been together for 14 almost 15 years. He wakes up and I show him and ask him why he starts flipping out and blaming me at this point I’m crying and confused. He said his account must be hacked and it’s not him. So of course I believe him but it still hurts. So I go on and investigate guess there is an app where u can get escorts that live near you and that is how they got in-touch with each other. So of course I call this number and she said they never did meet up but that to me didn’t matter at this point. So she said they only talked on the phone never texted she only texted him her rates and to bring beer when he comes and confirmed he wanted everything….. so I again start crying while at work and send him everything she said and all the proof he’s now yelling at me telling me I’m stupid and dumb and a female dog he Fing hates me I’m scum So now I’m completely confused all I care about is why he did it but he’s swearing up and down he didn’t. Now he’s saying I did it and set him up which confused the hell out of me I didn’t know what to say. He accused me of just doing this to get him in trouble at work because we was both at work while texting. I said no I wanna know what’s going on I feel like shit my heart hurts and he said I’m a loser piece of poop that don’t trust him and if I did I wouldn’t be doing this to him. Mind you I do trust him but all the facts were there right in my face am I wrong for asking him about this and investigating this…..
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So one night after putting our kids to bed I looked in my email and I happened to see one of my husbands (Male49) fake Facebook accounts had sent me a notification that a Textnow account has been linked to it. So of course me (Female 32) mind starts to spiral. So I hack into his Facebook account and then download the text now app on my phone and hack into that which was easy long as I was longed into his facebook well what I find is text to 2 phone numbers. One has a lot of text from this female Ashley asking him what times he’s coming if he can bring her beer and how much he sounds sexy on the phone but no response from him that I could see…. The other number was just prices bye hour and what that entailed after some research I find out both are escorts. This had me balling at this point but for some reason I couldn’t see his text to them only their response to him. Which to me I find very odd. So of course I look and see if he has the app downloaded and of course he does but it was deleted from the phone so it was in resent downloads So now I’m freaking out but I can’t wake him and talk about it because both our kids are sleeping in our room son 7 months and daughter 8 years old both are both our kids we have been together for 14 almost 15 years. He wakes up and I show him and ask him why he starts flipping out and blaming me at this point I’m crying and confused. He said his account must be hacked and it’s not him. So of course I believe him but it still hurts. So I go on and investigate guess there is an app where u can get escorts that live near you and that is how they got in-touch with each other. So of course I call this number and she said they never did meet up but that to me didn’t matter at this point. So she said they only talked on the phone never texted she only texted him her rates and to bring beer when he comes and confirmed he wanted everything….. so I again start crying while at work and send him everything she said and all the proof he’s now yelling at me telling me I’m stupid and dumb and a female dog he Fing hates me I’m scum So now I’m completely confused all I care about is why he did it but he’s swearing up and down he didn’t. Now he’s saying I did it and set him up which confused the hell out of me I didn’t know what to say. He accused me of just doing this to get him in trouble at work because we was both at work while texting. I said no I wanna know what’s going on I feel like shit my heart hurts and he said I’m a loser piece of poop that don’t trust him and if I did I wouldn’t be doing this to him. Mind you I do trust him but all the facts were there right in my face am I wrong for asking him about this and investigating this…..
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Why do I feel like I should have just ignored it all and just not said anything. So the next day we both go to work he will not text me all day I’m trying to keep a straight face while hurting and crying inside I love this man with everything he’s the father of both my kids. So fast forward to that night we both get home and it’s awkward but we are making it look good for the kids. So I get both kids to bed and we both get very very drunk and talked it out I cried a lot and he just really said you are stupid if u think I did that and you have no trust for me. He said I love you guys with all my heart I wouldn’t do this. So I gave up and said I believe you didn’t do anything. It is still in my head though. Was I wrong for being concerned about this? Should I never of brought it up I’m so confused.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I investigated the email I got from my husband’s account saying he added a text now account to it . AITAH for investigation it and not just believing him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
quite obviously nta but you suck for the atrocious grammar/rambling lmao
you are not the asshole, this sounds like super gaslighting and textbook cheater getting caught. Even if he isn’t cheating he really isn’t making it sound like he is a good person either way. Maybe some marriage counseling or something? Hacking in is a little extra but that doesn’t mean you didnt catch them in a lie.,
Considering how badly he lashed out at you when you found him contacting escorts, I gotta say the problem is entirely him. You’re entirely justified in your reaction. He is not. NTA
Also, and I hate to be the one to point this out, but I would strongly doubt that any escort who is cold called by a client’s spouse is going to up and say they met…
You are 32 and been together for 15 years? A 17 year old being groomed by a 32 year old. Red flag, ting ting.
NTA for following up on your husband’s clumsy crumb-dropping leading to the reveal that he’s been cheating on you with escorts. You should really contact a lawyer (in secret, of course, unlike how your husband has been cheating on you with escorts) to develop a portfolio of evidence that will stand up in court. Because unless you’re OK with being married to a guy who cheats on you with escorts, he’s going to keep cheating on you with escorts and gaslighting you when you get the nerve to bring it up.
Just to clarify, your husband has been cheating on you with escorts.
NTA.
You’re not wrong. His insults and denial sound like gaslighting. You had proof, wanting answers doesn’t make you the bad guy.
NTA
Sometime you have to go with you guy. As I learned in my support group, that is a big difference between blind trust and wise trust.
Similar situation where after a couple odd things, hubby saying he was places that he wasn’t and seeing an odd text pop up, I thought he was having an affair. Couldn’t take it anymore and did a deep dive, turned out he’d been visiting sex workers for 6 years!!! I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Betrayal Trauma until then.
So I can tell you that I know more than I ever wanted to know about the industry including sex workers will never cold call anyone out of safety, if you have found messages from escorts to him, he reached out to them first at some point. You may not be able to know if he has done anything or not yet, but he has definitely thought about it.
NTA. He’s gaslighting the fuck out of you. Take your babies and run. He is not a good man.
NTA but the first sentence alone… a 49yr old with a fake Facebook account was already a 🚩— not to mention only “one of his”! 🤔