Me (19 F) and my partner (18 Nonbinary) started dating when we were around 15/16. They have been one of the best things to happen to me. They mean the world to me. This post is about their best friend, Bryan. They became best friends in middle school and helped eachoter get out of bad mental states. When they were in middle school, Bryan asked them out over text, then said, Never mind, just kidding. My partner pinned for a year. During that year, we became friends. We were 15. A few months after knowing them, Bryan asked them if they still had feelings for him. They said yes, and then he said, “It’s never going to happen, I was projecting, I don’t want to lead you on, but it’s not gonna happen ever.”
They were kida heartbroken for like a week, but then they moved on and their relationship shifted into one more like siblings. After middle school, my parents’ family moved states, which is why we met, and Bryan and they stayed friends long distance.
After my partner moved on from Bryan, and after two years of friendship and 6 months of gay crushes on each other, they asked me out over text, and it’s honestly the cutest text ever. “I have no clue how romance works or even what it feels like. I just know I feel so incredibly safe with you, and I would give you my heart if you asked.” (AWWEEE). So we started dating and we took a week of it just being us and nobody else knowing, so we could figure things out.
After that week, they told Bryan. He was upset that they were nervous to tell him. Then a few days later he asked them out again. Now, while knowing were dating. My partner says no. I say no. he said, “Let me know if you change your mind,
Honestly, what he did was hurtful. I cried all day, feeling unimportant and insignificant, and my partner was hurt that he would pull that again. Both of us were very upset. When we later told him, after a couple of months, that what he did hurt us, he was also upset at us for telling him. We called him and told him that what he did was a horrible thing for a friend to do and that, honestly, it was just a super shit thing to do to your best friend who has found the first healthy relationship of their life. He was upset that we told him because now he had to feel guilty and sad. He is very self-centered and can’t see that what he does hurts people. He didn’t say sorry or acknowledge our feelings. only his own
It’s hard to like him. I honestly, truly hate him because he is just so selfish and egocentric. Am i the asshole for telling him that what he does hurts, and would I be the asshole if I didn’t want him at our wedding? I Am I an asshole for being insecure and jealous when my partner visits him on family trips?
If i could post more than this ther would be a lot mroe detail. But the important things are, my parter loves me and puts me first and is super loyal. And that he is just a guy at the end of the day and he made mistakes, but hes not a bad person. I just dont know if my feelings are justified or not.
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Me (19 F) and my partner (18 Nonbinary) started dating when we were around 15/16. They have been one of the best things to happen to me. They mean the world to me. This post is about their best friend, Bryan. They became best friends in middle school and helped eachoter get out of bad mental states. When they were in middle school, Bryan asked them out over text, then said, Never mind, just kidding. My partner pinned for a year. During that year, we became friends. We were 15. A few months after knowing them, Bryan asked them if they still had feelings for him. They said yes, and then he said, “It’s never going to happen, I was projecting, I don’t want to lead you on, but it’s not gonna happen ever.”
They were kida heartbroken for like a week, but then they moved on and their relationship shifted into one more like siblings. After middle school, my parents’ family moved states, which is why we met, and Bryan and they stayed friends long distance.
After my partner moved on from Bryan, and after two years of friendship and 6 months of gay crushes on each other, they asked me out over text, and it’s honestly the cutest text ever. “I have no clue how romance works or even what it feels like. I just know I feel so incredibly safe with you, and I would give you my heart if you asked.” (AWWEEE). So we started dating and we took a week of it just being us and nobody else knowing, so we could figure things out.
After that week, they told Bryan. He was upset that they were nervous to tell him. Then a few days later he asked them out again. Now, while knowing were dating. My partner says no. I say no. he said, “Let me know if you change your mind,
Honestly, what he did was hurtful. I cried all day, feeling unimportant and insignificant, and my partner was hurt that he would pull that again. Both of us were very upset. When we later told him, after a couple of months, that what he did hurt us, he was also upset at us for telling him. We called him and told him that what he did was a horrible thing for a friend to do and that, honestly, it was just a super shit thing to do to your best friend who has found the first healthy relationship of their life. He was upset that we told him because now he had to feel guilty and sad. He is very self-centered and can’t see that what he does hurts people. He didn’t say sorry or acknowledge our feelings. only his own
It’s hard to like him. I honestly, truly hate him because he is just so selfish and egocentric. Am i the asshole for telling him that what he does hurts, and would I be the asshole if I didn’t want him at our wedding? I Am I an asshole for being insecure and jealous when my partner visits him on family trips?
If i could post more than this ther would be a lot mroe detail. But the important things are, my parter loves me and puts me first and is super loyal. And that he is just a guy at the end of the day and he made mistakes, but hes not a bad person. I just dont know if my feelings are justified or not.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- did i do wrong by telling Bryan what he did a few months ago was hurtful
2- i might be the asshole because i got super upset and he doesn’t seem to care much
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA- He doesn’t have to feel guilty and sad, but he should. He’s upset because you called him out and he’s uncomfortable, which is WILDLY hypocritical considering how hurtful and shady that comment was. Them was fighting words, implying that your partner prefers him and that you are just temporary, and he cares more about getting his way and protecting his feelings than you, your partner, your relationship, or either of your feelings.
I would reevaluate him in your list of priorities, because he’s shown both of you where yall are
I didn’t even need to read more than the first half of that to know that Bryan is a major asshole and nobody’s friend. Look up DARVO. He felt attacked, called out for his shitty behavior, so he made himself into the victim. So many red flags.
Bryan sounds like either a major narcissist or a psychopath. It’s a common tactic to play victim when someone calls them on their BS.
You and your partner should cut contact with Bryan. His behaviour is spiteful and wicked.
NTA.
NTA. He tried to mess up your partner, and tried to mess up your relationship. Then when you told him that was hurtful, he not only didn’t take responsibility — he made himself the victim.
NTA. Bryan is an egotistical jerk, who asks people out either to make fun of them or to coddle his ego. Literally only shitty people do either of those – including asking out someone they know is in a monogamous relationship. He is a shitty person and doesn’t deserve to be in your life together. Anyone who hurts people and then acts like you’re harming them for talking about the harm they did is a toxic person who is best avoided, believe me.