Backstory-
I was engaged a couple years ago, now I am not. I am seeing someone and he’s amazing.
Anyway, my engagement ring was my grandmas old wedding ring. It’s a beautiful marquise diamond with a gold band. She passed several years ago & it was handed down to me.
I recently was cleaning and found the ring box with the engagement band (grandmas ring) and my wedding band I was going to use. I just stared at it.
Her ring was is so so beautiful and she is no longer alive. I don’t want it to sit forever in a box, it deserves to be seen. But is it also weird to wear it because it WAS used as an engagement ring? I don’t want to be disrespectful of my current partner either.
What i be an asshole if I wore it? Obviously not on my ring finger.
Comments
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Backstory-
I was engaged a couple years ago, now I am not. I am seeing someone and he’s amazing.
Anyway, my engagement ring was my grandmas old wedding ring. It’s a beautiful marquise diamond with a gold band. She passed several years ago & it was handed down to me.
I recently was cleaning and found the ring box with the engagement band (grandmas ring) and my wedding band I was going to use. I just stared at it.
Her ring was is so so beautiful and she is no longer alive. I don’t want it to sit forever in a box, it deserves to be seen. But is it also weird to wear it because it WAS used as an engagement ring? I don’t want to be disrespectful of my current partner either.
What i be an asshole if I wore it? Obviously not on my ring finger.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be disrespectful wearing an old engagement ring while with a new partner. The ring was grandmas though? So it makes it complicated.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – it was your grandmothers. Just explain to your partner you love it and want to wear ir
NAH
But, I will say:
-you should talk to your partner about it before you show up wearing it, and
-you shouldn’t wear it on your left ring finger.
I feel like doing either of those things would be disrespectful to your current relationship. But wearing it just as a ring is fine.
Just wear it on your right hand. I wear plenty of times diamond rings on my right hand. Just be clear with your partner that they’re your late grandma’s rings.
NTA it makes sense you want to wear a ring of grandmas, especially since she has passed. I recommend explaining this to your current partner and explain that it has everything to do with your grandma and nothing to do with the past relationship. Maybe save it for special occasions and not everyday too, since engagement rings are something people tend to wear everyday it will separate it from being an engagement ring to just a beautiful ring even more.
Not necessarily. But it would have a strong potential to open some cans of worms. I’d rather give it to him, explain the sentimental value and meaning due to it being inherited and get it back whenever the r time is right without “tainting” it for a lack of a better word.
Nta Wear on opposite hand. It should be ok
NAH, I think the issue is that people will assume you are engaged again, even if it’s not on your ring finger. Your current partner might also feel pressured by it. Waut until you are engaged again to wear it.
I think that wanting to wear a lovely and sentimental piece of jewelry is normal. Definitely tell your partner about your grandmother’s ring. You may, however, also consider making it into a different piece of jewelry; perhaps a pendant. Or select another setting for the ring that makes it look less “bridal”. NTA
It belonged to you already, so go ahead and wear it. It was a gift from your grandmother. What are you gonna do, never wear it again because some guy you once knew was too cheap to buy you a new ring?
Absolutely wear it. NTA. It is a family heirloom. If anyone says anything explain that your ex didn’t buy you this ring and that you already owned it. No one will say a thing.
NTA, its a family piece not from an ex fiance or marriage. enjoy the memories.
Nta
It’s a family ring first, engagement ring second.
Just wear it on your right hand. I am glad you have her beautiful ring.
NTA. This is a family heirloom and should be worn.
NTA, jewelry is jewelry. At the end of the day it’s what it represents that makes it different. And to you it represents your grandma.
It will make his proposal unique when he removes it from your right hand and slips it on your left.
INFO What did he say when you asked him about it?
I think it’s fine to wear on your right hand to honor your grandmother
NTA your ex didn’t buy it or give it to you. It was your grandmothers. It is a gift from her, not your ex.
I’d find a way to make it your own again. It sounds like the sentiment comes from your family and not the marriage. That’s worth more in the end. I’d talk to him about it, potentially having it slightly altered or even just cleaned up might make it special and detached from the marriage while still respecting the memories with your grandmother. I have chosen to keep mine to pass onto my daughter rather than wearing it for myself.
NTA if you have a conversation about it with your partner. It is your grandmother’s ring but the fact it was also used as your engagement ring adds a little extra context to it that needs to be discussed.
What you could do is have it remodelled into something a bit different.
NTA it was your grandmother’s ring before it was your engagement ring. Just wear it on a different finger.
YWNBTA, Two options: 1) wear it on special occasions, or 2) You could reserve it and if he asks you to marry him, share that it’s your grandmothers ring she gave you and is very special to you, but would he feel comfortable with you wearing it as an engagement ring, knowing that
Inform your partner of the history and sentimental value. Then wear however you want because it’s still just a piece of jewellery. NTA.
I inherited my grandmother’s jewelry. When I got engaged, we used the center stone from her 1930s wedding ring and put it in a new setting that I loved. We were engaged for a long time for financial reasons but ended up never getting married and eventually broke up. I didn’t wear the ring for years because we were still living together and I didn’t want to cause any hurt feelings during that time. But once I was living on my own again… I wanted to wear it.
I love that ring, it’s beautiful, and it’s a part of my family history. So I’m wearing it now. For me and no one else. I don’t really even associate it with my old engagement anymore, I associate it with my grandmother and it being a setting that I chose and still think is gorgeous. I do wear it on my left ring finger because it feels best there, but if I was in a relationship I might choose a different finger. But regardless of anything else, it’s my ring and I want to wear it not just store it in a box. I say go for it. 🙂
NTA. I wore my mom’s wedding set for a long time on my right hand. Just because it was an engagement ring at one point, doesn’t mean someone else can’t wear it as a right hand ring.
Bonus, is that if you are out and don’t want to be bothered, you can move it to your left hand and say you are engaged!
Just wear the ring. If he asks about it tell him it was your grandmother’s ring she left to you.
NAH I love rings over pretty much any othet kind of jewelry. Wear it on whatever finger/hand you want but wear it occasionally. Maybe rotate it out with a few other pieces if you have other rings you like. Ultimately it only has whatever significance you put on it. Not engaged? Then its just a pretty ring.
NTA. Talk to your partner about it and obviously don’t wear it on your left ring finger. It has sentimental meaning unrelated to your engagement and that failed engagement shouldn’t tarnish it for life.
You don’t have to tell anyone it was your previous engagement ring, which would make things awkward. Tell people it’s your grandmother’s ring.