My dad is getting married next week and the past month I’ve been debating going. I am the best man, the wedding is in Georgia, and the women he is marrying has a relationship to me I do not like. My dad was dating her, got her pregnant and had her get an abortion then left her. He then found my mom a year later and had me. He married my mom for 5 years and during that time it was an abusive relationship. So I resent the woman and whole relationship to a point because it feels like he’s been waiting and ruining his other relationships bc of her. I asked him if he could pay for my plane ticket, to the wedding he invited me to and asked me to be the best man at and he told me “I’ll get back to you”. Yet he paid for my younger sister (20f). For my suit I asked for help paying because it’s a rental that he didn’t tell me had a fee associated with it and again “I’ll get back to you for paying you back”
TLRD: Would I be an asshole for backing out a week away from his wedding. When he’s helped me in no way to pay for the cost, and the woman he’s gettin married to has a complex relationship to me.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My dad is getting married next week and the past month I’ve been debating going. I am the best man, the wedding is in Georgia, and the women he is marrying has a relationship to me I do not like. My dad was dating her, got her pregnant and had her get an abortion then left her. He then found my mom a year later and had me. He married my mom for 5 years and during that time it was an abusive relationship. So I resent the woman and whole relationship to a point because it feels like he’s been waiting and ruining his other relationships bc of her. I asked him if he could pay for my plane ticket, to the wedding he invited me to and asked me to be the best man at and he told me “I’ll get back to you”. Yet he paid for my younger sister (20f). For my suit I asked for help paying because it’s a rental that he didn’t tell me had a fee associated with it and again “I’ll get back to you for paying you back”
TLRD: Would I be an asshole for backing out a week away from his wedding. When he’s helped me in no way to pay for the cost, and the woman he’s gettin married to has a complex relationship to me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I backed out of my dad’s wedding 5 days before it was supposed to happen.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Normally, I side with whoever doesn’t want to go to a wedding, even if – at first – they said “yes.” But dude, one week before someone’s wedding is quite a bit late to back out of being that person’s best man, especially since this resentment has been festering there all along. Do what you think is best, but really?????
Info: when you say you’ve been debating going, what did you tell him? Did you commit to being his best man?
It’s not her fault your dad is the way he is. But that doesn’t matter. I do think you probably should’ve never agreed to be his best man in the first place since you don’t really approve of the wedding, but I also think YWBTA if you dropped out now.
YTA
Have you bought your ticket? If you haven’t then you definitely can’t back out now at this late stage, but you can be unable to go unless he buys you a ticket.
If you have bought a ticket (or if he buys you one), I’d suck it up and go. Your dad is an asshole, but if it’s a week away dropping out now is so much worse than initially rejecting the invite or going. Being shitty to someone, even if they are shitty, still makes you an asshole. We just shouldn’t treat people badly, even when they suck, and dropping out of the wedding this close to it, when you are the best man, and his son, counts as treating someone badly.
So if you can’t blame not going on not being able to afford to buy a ticket, you should go, avoid the bride and groom as much as you can, and use it as an opportunity to catch up with the family who don’t suck.
NAH for this situation but your dad is an asshole overall
YTA- it’s the week of. that’s too late you’ve been contemplating for a while and you still waited. if you’re asking it’s obvious you want people to say you’re not an a hole but it’s just insensitive. let him have a weekend, doesn’t hurt to have fun and take advantage of what it is.
If you never agreed to attending the wedding or being the best man, NTA.
NTA-only because ESH. You don’t even sound like you have any type of good relations with your fam. You sound like you resent your dad but instead of taking it out on him, you’re taking it out on her. Your dad is the AH for only paying for one kid, and looks like he left everything for you to pay last minute, which is absolutely ridiculous knowing that the prices are high af for plane tickets. You’re the AH for not taking it out on the right person. Neither of you sound like you should be in the same room together. You should move on with your life and let him move on with his. So, NTA for not attending last minute, especially if nothing was paid for yet. Plus, his wedding might turn out to be enjoyable for people that actually want to be there. Everyone’s saying YTA for not attending, but from my POV, YTA if you do attend. I’m sure that wedding is gonna be tense af with you there. Go live your life. It’s okay to cut contact with people you don’t get along with. Good luck.