My husbands and I politics started dividing around 2020, after we got married and had our first child. Dating him, he was always more left leaning. After becoming a firefighter, he started to vocally become right leaning. I’m a full democrat.
For many years we just don’t talk about hot button politics, but after he voted for Trump I started to get a bad taste in my mouth. Even with calm heads, he seemed to not want to recognize my logical concerns about tariffs.
Even tonight, he started to say how you have to be the most well versed person to speak on a topic or else you’re wrong and that’s crazy. And I’m kinda like (internally), well yeah you need to be knowledgeable on a topic to speak on it. You might be wrong.
I will say he has been supportive of women’s rights. However, it’s hard to say that he really has when he voted trump.
TDLR: did having different politics than your spouse cause issues? Or do you have a perfectly normal marriage?
Comments
I cannot have any quality relationship with a still Trump voter. I have some family I’m still in contact with but we don’t have a very deep emotional one. I definitely would never be able to have a connection enough to be married to one.
I’m a guy. I haven’t been in many relationships, and none recently, but a deciding factor on wanting to be in one would be similar politics and life philosophies. For me, it’s bad enough that some of my close childhood friends are Trumpers, let alone the idea of tying myself to one.
Nope. I couldn’t respect any man who voted for Trump. He either believes in it or he’s politically illiterate, information illiterate, media illiterate, or all three.
My vagina would dry up like a brushfire at Burning Man. Once the respect is gone, I’m done.
If he was willing to vote for Trump, he’s not supportive of women’s rights
It’s very acceptable to question and even part ways with someone when your political views start to diverge in ways that aren’t resolvable.
In 2016 I was dating a long term partner who was more center than than anything else while I’m very liberal. I don’t remember if he voted democrat or something else, but i did say if he ever considered a trump vote we would break up immediately.
I personally find it unfathomable to date, much less marry, a man who endorses what is happening in the United States right now.
I’m male and the Trump ideology is misogynist.
I’d get out before he rapes you and says that a man can’t rape his wife.
Seriously, they believe that. It’s primeval.
Yes it caused issues in my previous long term relationship. Especially because he was a POC and our children would’ve been mixed. He didn’t take the current political state of the US seriously. I had to leave because I realized I need someone by my side.
How does this dynamic work?
If someone had fundamentally different views than mine, I would be scared to be intimate with them … let alone marry them.
I also find that many people I have dated over index on the one thing they feel is innocuous about their stance, but over time they reveal they are bought into the entire political establishment.
How can someone say “you have to be the most well versed person to speak on a topic or else you’re wrong” and then listen to a single thing that comes out of Trump’s mouth?
My mom had a marriage that was headed in this direction, they happened to divorce before Trump became the nominee.
But no, I could never be with a man who supported Trump or seemed like they were right on the edge.
I would not continue to be with my partner if he voted for Trump. It speaks to who he is as a person, his morals and ethics, and his beliefs.
It would absolutely be a deal breaker for me, as anyone who voted for them is inherently unsafe and untrustworthy.
Political opinions are an indicator of personal values. If he votes for trump, and you dislike trump, then your values do not align.
How can you stay in a marriage with someone who’s values are so misaligned from your own?
At some point, is it politics or the common values that we define our lives by
Thankfully, no. But I feel terrible for my friends who do and my sister. They feel so betrayed and alone.
how could i let a man have sex with me, when by saying he voted for trump means that he supports rapists.
There’s “different politics but still a reasonable person” and then there’s voting for Trump, especially after 1/6/21. I’ve cut off multiple family members for that and I don’t regret it.
I think that if it was 1982, I could probably be married to someone whose political beliefs were different than mine. But Republican today isn’t what Republican was before Reagan’s path of destruction began. Republican party membership today is a choice to align with extremism.
At this point, my political beliefs are such that having differing beliefs than mine would mean simply believing I don’t deserve the same level of human rights as a man, or that racism is acceptable, etc and so forth.
No. I could not be married to a man who would vote for Donald Trump because I could not be married to someone evil or who would support evil.
Very hard to see this working out at all, much less be a normal marriage. I’m sad that people can change his much, but apparently, they can and do.
It’s insane to me how many women willing date men who do not give A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT THEM
We can disagree on how taxes are spent, and in general I’d still be mostly ok with you as a friend or partner. But what’s been happening lately is that human rights have been politicized.
I’m not one to tell people what to do, but personally, I don’t think I could stay married to someone who votes against my human rights. Don’t get me wrong, I know people who are staying married in this situation, they seem happy enough, but I’m actually baffled by it.
You could do this in like 2008. At least it was common. I grew up in a Fox News household and this is how I changed.
Today though? Fuck no. There’s a reason conservative men are lonely.
I started dating my husband in 2005 and remember thinking we would have to break up if he had voted for George W. I could definitely not be in a relationship with someone now who votes Republican or thinks anything about Trump is good.
Fire and emergency services lean very heavily right wing so seems to me like there is some serious pressure coming from there. I grew up in a very conservative family/community and used to be in fire/EMS. I don’t see how anyone that truly supports women’s or minorities rights can support Trump to any degree.
No. I would honestly leave him if he did.
I have a good marriage BECAUSE we align politically. I’d never have married my husband if he voted for trump and he knows this. Gross.
I did, we divorced. I’m working on keeping my girls full time so they don’t need to see him
Imagine for a second that as a woman, there comes a time where a woman is in power. (Let’s ignore that to an extent women might want a bit of pay back)
She’s running on a platform that says “all men should be subjugated. Your sons should be under your rule, they will work for you and no other. Your husbands can no longer control money, they can no longer control their body. If a woman needs their organs and they are available. We will take them. If they take medication for health conditions YOU get to choose whether they receive them or not”
Would you vote for that person an be like “that seems reasonable, and my husband should respect my difference in opinion”
No. Because it’s crazy. It’s crazy now, and it’s crazy that women think they need to bow down to the scraps that were given and be nice about it.
If your partner truly believes in women’s rights then trump would NEVER have been an option. Never.
I mean, my husband and I have differences, but it’s more like we voted for Bernie in the primaries in different years and I like Elizabeth Warren more than he does.
Do you think his politics changed, or was he just hiding it until you were “locked down”? Is he pro-sciences and vaccines? Where’s his line for standing up against racism?
So after he got a contract and a child out of you and it was no longer necessary to pretend to share values with you?
He was never really left leaning.
No thank god!! He is a northern MN hunter-type, trucker, tattoos up his arms whole 9 yards and he hates Trump with a seething passion that actually surpasses mine. I fucking love it.
Edit to say: they are out there (decent men) but I couldn’t imagine dating in this climate at all. And I disagree with him on all the regular stuff lol but at least our politics and child rearing practices align and that’s half the battle. Good luck OP
I personally couldn’t be married to someone who voted for a pedophile rapist felon bigot. That’s beyond a difference in opinions.
I would never be able to be married to someone that supports a pedophile rapist felon fascist. My grandfather went to war against Nazis so I couldn’t respect myself if I married a fascist.
Honestly after hearing about all of the atrocities committed at Alligator Alcatraz I could never look at a Trump supporter as anything besides being cold hearted and cruel.
My partner and I have the same/very similar political views. I couldn’t be with someone to claimed to be on my side with regards to women’s rights, but then actively voted against me/them.
i barely talk to my family who have different political views than me
Firstly, F*ck Trump.
Now my comment… I’m from South Africa and will not even have friends that are Trump supporters, nevermind my partner/spouse. I wouldn’t be able to build a life with someone that didn’t share my core beliefs when it comes to human rights and human decency. My partner and I don’t share views on everything but when it comes to human rights and human decency we are always aligned.
Let’s dig a little deeper.
Does he watch Fox?
Any mention of Andrew Tate?
Charlie Kirk?
The whole party as it stands constantly belittles woman. It’s hard to imagine he votes for Trump and would validate anyone’s opinion about anything.
It’s maddening.
It’s a cult.
There is a sub devoted to it called I think r/ qanoncasualties where people talk about family members they had to cut off due to insane views and beliefs.
Not that you are in that place but my point being you are not alone.
Your husband voted for a man who raped underage girls. I don’t think he cares much for women’s rights.
Nope! I litmus tested that shit on our first date, and if he pulls a Fetterman I’m divorcing him and he knows it.
Sounds like he’s one of those “my opinion is as valid as your expertise” dudes.
I couldn’t stay married to someone who happily voted to harm so many people.
No. Like most said here, I could not and would not be married to someone who voted for the racist, misogynistic bullshit that is today’s US. I am forever thankful that my husband is secure in his manhood and a firm feminist. We discuss the state of things regularly, and our beliefs align. We also vote very similar.
I would not want to be married to someone who would pass down values to our children that are harmful to them or others.
The reason the right wing is surging is because they pay no social cost for their bigotry and hateful actions. Instead, we dismiss it as “different political views” and say we shouldn’t let politics separate us. Then the right wing picks us off, one group, one freedom at a time.
Your husband is okay supporting a rapist. Your husband is okay supporting a likely pedophile. Your husband is okay supporting a racist. Your husband is okay supporting a sexist piece of shit that likes to grab them by the pussy. And you support your husband
“You have to be the most well versed person to speak on a topic or else you’re wrong” proceeds to be the dumbest person in the room
Also if his politics changed after the wedding, he was likely never really left leaning to begin with. Anyways, I’d love to hear his “wElL vErSeD” thoughts on tariffs and or how the admin cuts to programs like NIOSH, a program that literally tries to make sure the folks in his line of work, stay healthy because he’s sooooooo “WeLl VeRsEd”
If he voted for Trump he hasn’t been supportive of women’s right or really anyone else’s. Only the rights of straight white men. That says it all. This will become a bigger issue.
Things my husband and I disagree on: If you should eat onions raw (no.)
Things my husband and I agree on: Fundamental and Moral rights.
I would never be able to be with a partner that doesn’t believe in my rights, my body, or my safety.
Nope. Our politics reflect our values, and I’m too old to be with someone who doesn’t have shared values of compassion and social justice
Once upon a time perhaps, but not now. For me, not since GWB though in reality not really since Carter, and I was born in Carter’s last year.
This is no longer a political question, it’s a moral one. Your husband supports a man who is a racist, a rapist, likely a pedophile, a bully, makes fun of people with disabilities, praises Nazi’s, is a facist, is anti-science, anti DEI, has no moral compass, no empathy, no dignity, is low intelligence, would probably easily be diagnosed as a narcissist and possibly a sociopath.
Women need to take a hard look at who they are sharing their lives and beds with. Trump supporters do not see women as human let alone equals. Cult 45/7 members still are, and always have been, deplorables.
Fuck no. I found out someone I was dating was a Trump voter and we broke up immediately.
He’s a firefighter, in a union most likely, if that’s not a socialistic job, I don’t know what is. He can’t have it both ways. He can’t expect his job pays him well through government funds and job security through his union and be right leaning, complaining about the “socialist” leaning left.
Nope. Believing that housing/food/clean water/healthcare/education/basic utilities are fundamental human rights, being vehemently pro-choice/bodily autonomy and vocally in support of people of different gender identities and sexualities, understanding the impact of systemic oppression of minority groups on our daily lives and the privilege we have and using it to help fight for the rights of others, believing in scientific consensus and trusting experts and peer reviewed evidence, and being open-minded and willing to learn were all HARD non-negotiable requirements for any partner I have ever had. If my husband changed his mind on any of those things (he wouldn’t, just like me he’s gotten even further left as our country has gone further down the shitter) my marriage would end pretty much immediately. We do not share every political opinion, but we DO share the same fundamental values. It is so, so important that you have zero doubts about that when you get into a relationship and solid boundaries, especially if you’re going to have children and the other person in the relationship will have influence over them- and especially in the situation we’re in in the US now. I’m so sorry to anyone who had to learn that lesson the hard way, please don’t if you don’t have to.
I don’t even know if this can really be blamed on the job. My husband was in the military for most his 20’s and a combat vet. Anytime Trump is brought up i can see how much he hates Trump just by his facial expressions.
I could not be married to someone who voted for Dump. Full stop. I know that’s not the question, but it would be a complete dealbreaker.
Politics align with values and therefore, no I cannot live in a misaligned relationship. I’m just too interested in the systems and people governing general society to live my life with someone I disagree with about the core issues. Hard pass on all conservatives for me when it comes to any meaningful level of connection/relationship.
He’s only going to get worse. People do not come back from those brain worms.
How can any parent, regardless of gender, know that their spouse is in support or is morally okay with raping children, esp if they have kids themselves? I’m sorry, we could be married 50 years and that’s a dealbreaker and I’m leaving their pedo ass.
How does your vagina not turn into the Sahara every time you hear his voice? So gross. He chose “grab em by the pussy, I wanna fuck my daughter, “and an adjudicated rapist over you. He supports women’s rights? Fucking HAHA. Wake up.
I’m married to a Republican. I was always a left leaning moderate. My Republican husband never voted for Trump. 2016-Johnson. I make fun of him for that. I think he realizes the stupidity now. 2020- Biden. And 2024-Harris.
He still calls himself a Republican. I now call myself a flaming liberal. I give him some grace since he never voted for Trump. I would have divorced him if he had if I’m being honest.
I dated a Libertarian in college who liked to quote Ayn Rand and have political debates that left me in tears. I dumped his ass. After that, any conservative or “moderate” views were a dealbreaker. I married a liberal man. No regrets.
Best of luck to you. I cannot fathom attempting to live with or raise a child with someone who doesn’t share my values. And it is literally impossible for a Trump voter to share my values.
My partner and I have some minor differences of opinion but the same basic values and we’re aligned on the big stuff. I don’t think I could be with him in this current political climate if we differed
Absolutely not. Politics are a reflection of your values. I don’t particularly want to share oxygen with anyone who voted for these fascists, the idea of being in any sort of relationship with one is beyond the pale.
Why would you want to even be around someone who doesn’t think you’re a full, equal human being? No one who voted for Trump respects women (and that includes the women who voted for him!), full stop.
There is not a world where I would consider dating or marrying a man that voted to strip away rights of others. It’s my “are you a good person” Test.
As a general PSA:
Please for the love of Christ, date men that like women.
I don’t mean men that are sexually attracted to women. Men that, at their core, LIKE women and completely independently of his relationships with you, regard women as individuals. Men that have favorite authors that are women, have actual friends that are women, and appreciate female-centered stories and media because those stories have VALUE in their eyes. I promise they exist and talking with them is wildly different than talking to “men that date women” because they have to, i.e. because they’re heterosexual and have no other choice.
I had this same conversation in-depth once with a friend, with relation to her boyfriend. Yet by the end of it, she looks at me dumbstruck and says “This conversation has just made me realize my Dad doesn’t like women.”
Mine waited till after we were married to tell me he went to a trump rally and voted for him in 2016. Before that he was very vague or not very knowledgeable on anything political (that should have been a red flag for me but I come from conservative parents and he never acted like them so I thought he was safe)
This past election he refused to even vote. His passiveness towards anything happening in the news, even things that would affect myself and my family, made me realize he lacked human empathy and could not understand that him not having to worry about what was happening around him came from a place of privilege that his own wife did not have.
We are divorced now, he still doesn’t understand why this was a major breaking point in our marriage.
No, I don’t have totally different political views than my husband and I cannot fathom being attracted to someone romantically or sexually that was on the opposite political spectrum as me. I would not stay with them. I don’t understand the whole “we don’t talk about it” thing. It does not make sense.
A Trump support is not someone you want to be with. Full stop. This is condoning and supporting blatant fascism.
This is not “different” politics. This is something else.
I’m a man, so normally I sit these conversations out and just listen, please let me know if this is contributing, as that’s all I want to do.
Seeing how women experience the world from a front row seat has galvanized ideas I believed into truth.
While I was already “left-ish” when I met my wife, nothing solidified my “leftism” than being married to a woman. It’s wild to hear the stories where men go the other direction when the proof of liberalism is right in front of them. I took things for granted as a single man that I had to confront and embrace as someone who loves and cares for a woman, and the children she bore.
Pregnancy? Fucks sake, women’s health was something I supported, but now prioritize. The right to choose is all the more essential, and no one should be forced to endure that for anything less than… well, anything. Good lord.
Having kids? Universal healthcare was a good idea before, but I can’t imagine doing it without the income I am fortunate to get (knock on wood). “Single Mike” believed in it, but “dad and husband Mike”, understands and wants a world where anybody can be a parent, or a human being for that matter, without being cratered in debt.
Just sending love and support, but also sharing that anyone who loves a woman and goes the opposite direction in politics is not a great person. I understand the pipeline is unforgiving, I’ve had friends who suddenly felt “manhood was under attack” and needed to be macho to combat it, but I cannot fathom that process.
Edit: But of course, I’ve always been for women’s rights, and to even backtrack a single step on any of that would be unthinkable, ever. But it went without saying.
Hell nah. Him voting Trump would have been our divorce decree.
I’d leave my spouse if he voted for Trump. We have a daughter and I’d consider it the biggest betrayal of the two women he should protect. Fortunately for me I’ve not lost any close family to that Antichrist.
There are tens of millions of men in the US who didn’t vote for Trump. You deserve to be with one of them (or happy alone). Dump your husband and let him go find the life of misery he craves so badly.
Your husband, with full knowledge aforehand, voted for an adjudicated rapist, a self-confessed sexual assaulter, a serial adulterer, and an inveterate liar whose favorite, most-used epithet for women who dare challenge him is “NASTY”.
How can he tell you to your face that he’s “supportive of women’s rights” without him bursting out laughing at the sheer absurdity of what he’s saying?
I’m a Democratic Socialist and my husband leans more toward the “blue dog” Democrat side of things, so yeah. We occasionally have disagreements – but what we have deep-down in our souls is the same moral compass.
We care about the same things. Neither of us are practicing Christians, but Matthew 25:35-40 plays a large part of informing our viewpoints and our political choices. We vary a bit (okay, sometimes more than a little bit) on how to fulfill those commandments, but it’s not a big deal.
I could not stay with someone who voted for trump. Not for a damned second. He is antithetical to my soul.
It would have been over for me when he voted for Trump. What are you still doing with this guy?
I was married to a left leaning fireman once. Shortly after the marriage (together for 5 years before we married) he started to lean more right. He still supported me and women’s rights; or so I thought. A couple years in, his mask started to slip. I wasn’t allowed to talk to my friends, because they were “liberal witch bitches.” He would get irrationally angry at all sorts of things- like the fact that that women’s sports even existed, or if I opened a window without his permission. A year or so later I wasn’t allowed to talk to my family (mostly women) and “women are the root of all evil.” Then he started to become violent- put his head through a closed door face first- screaming at me about how I’m “the demon lilith” and he threatened to kill me. I woke up one night and he was standing over me with a raised baseball bat. I was able to talk him down from literally murdering me. Couldn’t call the cops, as he knew them. I decided to leave. I lawyered up, took the dog, and left his ass while he was at work.
My opinion? Divorce your republican husband. Do it before you’ve wasted more of your time on someone that votes against your fundamental rights as a human. He can SAY he supports women’s rights- but if he’s voting republican, in this current political climate, he doesn’t.
“I will say he has been supportive of women’s rights” — are you fucking nuts?? He voted for Trump!
This is not a difference of politics, but of values. He lied to you for years to get you to marry him and have his kids, and now that you’re “trapped”, the mask is finally slipping. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP, but you need to get out of this relationship.
He’s been lying to you about what he really thinks this entire time.
I would rather be alone forever than date, let alone marry, a man who doesn’t care deeply for the rights of women and minorities. My husband’s politics being aligned with mine is one of the big things that attracted me to him. I could never imagine having to tiptoe around such major subjects as human rights because I don’t agree with the person living in my own home. It’s just unfathomable to me how many women are out here married to men like that.
My 15 year marriage ended because of this exact situation. It started with minor differences then eventually, everything ended up back to politics.
His politics are who he is. The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be. No, I cannot imagine my spouse not loudly denouncing all of the evil currently in progress.
No, I couldn’t be with someone who cares so little for my and my friend’s rights.
The only political view I’m aware of that’s incompatible with mine is that I’m not a person. I’d have no patience for that.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the firefighter thing. It’s baffling to me how many firefighters are right wing. These are people who do one of the most dangerous jobs that is all about helping other people, have a strong union, and are in a position that is the definition of socialism. But they vote for the party that is against all of those things? I’ll never understand it.
Also if he voted for Trump, he isn’t supportive of women’s rights. He’s totally fine with your rights being taken away.
I’m sorry but it’s so different now. It’s one thing to have a different opinion on policy and be different from one another, but look at what’s been going on the last few years. It’s terrifying. If anybody, I’m talking conservative, liberal or whoever isn’t disgusted by what’s going on these days then that’s a complete dealbreaker. Friends, family, relationships and whatever. A person with no empathy, who embraces hate, fear and anger, then that’s not a person I want in my life. I wouldn’t be friends with a person like that, so why should I have a more intimate relationship with them too?
I don’t care if a person is like me and has different opinions I disagree with, this goes miles beyond that. If you’re down with oppressing people and supporting actual sex predators and criminals then you’re just not a good person. There’s zero excuses a person could give that would justify supporting an extreme belief and supporting horrible humans. It’s just harming those you disagree with and supporting one’s hateful ideals. Also I really wouldn’t somebody in my life that can’t identify horrible people, and embraces them, especially when it’s incredibly obvious. That’s a safety issue all its own.
Most people would break up with a person if they cheated, lied or harmed them. How is this any different? You’re seeing their real side, the toxic/hateful side. Life is too short, don’t waste it on terrible people, doesn’t matter how long they’ve been in your life. This goes beyond simple opinions, beliefs and ideals, this is showing you how good or evil a person is.
Repeat after me: women with self respect don’t fuck Trump supporters. Full stop, no exceptions.
Have you tried not being married to a fascist bigot
He was never left-leaning to begin with. Probably faked it until he had you locked down.
He pretended to be left leaning to woo you
It’s ok to disagree on some things in a marriage, but disagreeing on basic human rights (which, let’s be honest, the current administration is working to take away)? Absolutely not. He is complicit in 2025 USA.
if I were married to this asshole I’d have left him a long time ago.